Pictures for Sad Ponies

by Hooves Like Jagger

Paul Trains Applejack

Paul Trains Applejack

“So… you’re Applejack?” Paul asked the orange mare, not looking up from his clipboard.

“Yessir. I didn’t know anypony else worked ‘ere already.” Paul looked up from his clipboard.

“What?”

“I said I didn’t know any other ponies worked at this ‘ere place. If’n y’all don’t mind me askin’, what is it exactly y’all do here?” Applejack questioned. Paul didn’t respond. He looked back down at his clipboard and jotted down a few things. He’d gotten used to having hooves pretty quickly. He didn’t know how they worked, but he didn’t question it.

“I’m Paul.” Paul continued to write.

“Well, it’s ni-“

“Just so you know, I’m dead.” After he finished scrawling, he answered Applejack’s first query before she could ask questions about something else that was now plaguing her. “This is a call center. We receive call overflow from Indian companies.”

“Uh… okay. So, how do we do that?” Back in Equestria there were no phones. Paul had been informed earlier that ponies had never seen a phone, let alone answered one, so they were going to need a lot of help. Paul retorted, saying knowledge of how phones worked wasn’t necessary for the job.

“You see that there?” Paul indicated the phone on the desk before Applejack. “When it rings, the name of a company will appear right here. You press this button and pretend you work at that company.” Paul pointed to the speakerphone button. He decided he wasn’t going to hassle explaining how to use the receiver.

“Why?”

“Because they need help.”

“But if I don’t actually work fer that company, I cain’t actually help ‘em,” Applejack pointed out.

“I see that you’re in need of a demonstration.” Paul set down his clipboard on Applejack’s desk. She glanced down at it momentarily to see what he’d been writing, but all she saw was a drawing of a human being trampled by ponies. “We just need to wait for the phone to ring.”

“When does that ‘appen?”

“It’ll happen. There is a way to help it along.”

“What’s that?”

“Tell me why you applied for this position.”

“Well, back on the fa-“

*ringringring*

Applejack jumped a bit when the phone emitted a noise.

“Stay quiet.” Paul pushed down the speakerphone button. “Trumpet Plumbing, this is Tyler speaking.”

“Hello? I called about an emergency earlier. You said someone would be here in an hour, but no one has showed up yet. The basement is completely submerged and we are getting very concerned.”

“One minute sir.” Paul began loudly typing on the keyboard on Applejack’s desk. Applejack, who didn’t know what a computer was either, was becoming more and more confused. “There appears to be some traffic between our dispatch center and your position sir. Our guys should be out there momentarily.”

“Please hurry up. Dale dove down there earlier and he has not come back. Are your plumbers trained in search and rescue?”

“Trumpet Plumbing prides itself on hiring only the most skilled plumbers in the industry. Please wait for their arrival.” Paul pushed the speakerphone button once more, ending the call. “Alright, do you have any questions?” Applejack nodded.

*ringringring*

“Okay, you’re up. Remember, don’t use your real name. I’ll take over if things don’t go well.” Before Applejack could protest or ask any of her numerous questions, Paul pushed the speakerphone button.

“Uh… Perfect Tragedies Funeral Parlor?! Uh, ah mean- this is Apple… Fritter speakin’?” The line was completely silent for a few seconds.

“Your name is Apple Fritter?”

“… Yessir.”

“Uh… anyway, I was wondering what the biggest size of coffin your carry is.”

“Biggest… coffin?”

“Yes, I have to bury my claustrophobic father and I don’t want him to be cramped.”

“Ah don’t think… the dead git… cramped, sir.”

“My father isn’t dead.” Applejack looked over at Paul, pleading for an out. Paul sighed and took control of the situation.

“Sir, I would recommend finding a piano box for your living father. Perfect Tragedies won't insure that nothing will befall your father while he is using one of our coffins. In the event he does suffer a fatal accident in the near future, please feel free to call us again.” Paul hung up, ending the call. Applejack heaved a sigh of relief.

“Thanks. Ah learned a while back that sometimes ya cain’t do things on yer own, ya gotta-“

*ringringring*

“Let’s try again. This time use a real name,” Paul instructed Applejack, pushing the speakerphone button before she could say anything. Applejack quickly read the caller ID.

“Larimer County Pest Control, this is… Jackie.”

“Hi, I was wondering… are koalas considered pest animals?” Applejack blinked. “Because there are a whole lot of koalas in my home.”

“Are they… pesterin’ you?”

“… Well… no.”

“Then ah cain’t help you.” Applejack quickly hung up.

“Excellent. You’ll get the hang of it eventually.” Applejack couldn’t help but feel a little strange about lying, but she was proud she’d handled a call all on her own. “Don’t be so hasty to hang up though. We charge callers based on how long they’re on the line.”

“Alright then…”

“If you have no other questions, that’s all I need to show you.” Paul hoped there were no more questions, not that he was going to answer if she did have any.

“Just one: about you bein’ dea-“

*ringringring*

“Good luck Apple…whatever,” Paul concluded the training, leaving Applejack to stare at the ringing phone.

Comments

[Rabuiods]

This is fantastic! Keep 'em coming!

[williamcll]

I don't understand what excatly is going on, but I like where this is going.