I like the idea, and I don't mind it pressing the sexual content, but the prose seriously hampers the prose seriously hampers the story. There's very little detail to go around and things just kind of... happen. The shortness isn't too bad, but if not enough happens in those few words allotted to each chapter, it makes the short length stick out even more. They want to be merged in order to make better parties/formal wear. Okay, that's a reasonable premise, but chapter one doesn't really do anything with the idea other than have her flash Twilight. The second chapter just has her make a dress and that's it. The problem I have with this can be summed up in this exchange:
"Because it makes sense!" she said. "The Dainty part is because of Rarity's fancy-ness, and the Pleasure is because of Pinkie's desire to throw good parties! I know that it is a bit inappropriate, but it makes sense!"
"Ok, it does make sense, but this is going to be a little wired," Sweetie Belle said.
Sweetie just accepts it without a word. So much wasted potential here upon Sweetie seeing Rarity for the first time here. These chapters need to be considerably more dense. Not necessarily longer, but it needs a lot more detail for it to just not be boring.
7894196 What i do for my stories is about 7 to ten pages a chapter. like I said the conceopt for this soudns very interestign the chapters are just too short.
Concept is fantastic, but you're clearly very new to writing. Try finding an editor, and at least one, maybe two experienced writers to give you pointers while you're writing each chapter. With time and guidance you could be doing some very interesting things.
Writing is best considered as an art rather than anything too technical. You get better at it by doing it. Shortcuts through getting some assistance from someone who's been there. Keep it up, and you'll be doing just fine.
7899315 not unless you live in Tennessee, go to Chattanooga State College, have conversed with an interesting individual with a blatant disregard for the laws of physics (and a severe addiction to caffeine and chocolate milk), and had several discussions on chaos theory and the multiverse at large. Ringing any Belle's?
But... yes. Don't play practical jokes on him. Or pretty pony princesses. Or polychromatic pegasi. Or, for that matter, the element of laughter. The backlash when they discover who started the prank war makes it almost not worth it... almost.
sounds interesting but the chapters are just too short
damn it any this seem like a good story
Interesting idea. Wonder what combos the others would have
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7893969 Yeah, I've been trying to work on my writing skills.
7894074 Thank you! I'm guessing you would've liked sex in this?
7894122 I have another fusion story on this cite, if you want to see.
7894186 That is cool.
7894196 Sounds fun. What's it called?
7894219 Rainbow Pie.
I like the idea, and I don't mind it pressing the sexual content, but the prose seriously hampers the prose seriously hampers the story. There's very little detail to go around and things just kind of... happen. The shortness isn't too bad, but if not enough happens in those few words allotted to each chapter, it makes the short length stick out even more. They want to be merged in order to make better parties/formal wear. Okay, that's a reasonable premise, but chapter one doesn't really do anything with the idea other than have her flash Twilight. The second chapter just has her make a dress and that's it. The problem I have with this can be summed up in this exchange:
Sweetie just accepts it without a word. So much wasted potential here upon Sweetie seeing Rarity for the first time here. These chapters need to be considerably more dense. Not necessarily longer, but it needs a lot more detail for it to just not be boring.
7894529 Ok, thanks!
7894196 What i do for my stories is about 7 to ten pages a chapter. like I said the conceopt for this soudns very interestign the chapters are just too short.
Concept is fantastic, but you're clearly very new to writing. Try finding an editor, and at least one, maybe two experienced writers to give you pointers while you're writing each chapter. With time and guidance you could be doing some very interesting things.
7896502 Yeah, I know, my writing isn't very good. I've been trying to improve it, and it actually has sense my first story on this cite.
7896517
Writing is best considered as an art rather than anything too technical. You get better at it by doing it. Shortcuts through getting some assistance from someone who's been there. Keep it up, and you'll be doing just fine.
7896517
... kinda? Uh oh.
7897181 What?
7897218 Exactly! Finally, a being that gets It!
7897247 ....I'm not sure what's going on.
7898279 are you confused?
7898997 Yes. Do I know you?
7899315 not unless you live in Tennessee, go to Chattanooga State College, have conversed with an interesting individual with a blatant disregard for the laws of physics (and a severe addiction to caffeine and chocolate milk), and had several discussions on chaos theory and the multiverse at large. Ringing any Belle's?
7899403 First of all, good pun. Second of all, the only thing of those that I do is the multiverse thing.
7899778 it takes more than one to cover all of the multiverse. It takes its toll. Hints to my mental state.
7900643 (crosses eyes) The multiverse always takes its toll.
7900670 Yes. Yes, it does. But, it gives gifts in return. The ability to disregard the "laws" of physics being one of them.
7900748 Yes. Just like Pinkie. So, do I know you in a parallel universe, or something?
7900979 ah, that has a simple answer (and I use it often). Because, yes.
7901531 (gasp) But how?
7901619 Simple! Instantaneous long range subatomic matter transference. Or, if you prefer, interuniversal teleporting.
7901749 That sounds awesome.
7902837 it can be. Although, some folks complain about it. Should have been more careful about making wishes.
7903888 But how, master? How are you able to harness such power?
7903959 I tried to make a cold fusion reactor. Congrats to me, magic is cold fusion! Also painful when it goes 'BOOM'.
7903976 Boom boom boom boom (crazed laughter in background).
7903988 You have no idea. I'm surprised I still have a face.
7904354 I suppose in a parallel universe, you have.
7904364 Details, details! Also, for your personal knowledge, Draconqui do not take jokes well.
7905737 Like Discord?
7906608 Sshhhhh! He'll read that!
But... yes. Don't play practical jokes on him. Or pretty pony princesses. Or polychromatic pegasi. Or, for that matter, the element of laughter. The backlash when they discover who started the prank war makes it almost not worth it... almost.
7906678 Oh, pranking the pony how pranks the best? And the Spirt of Chaos? (manical laughter) We shall see about this. We shall indeed.
7906730 go for it. They won't expect twice in a week. And I have plausible deniability.
7906818 Ok, twice a day it is!
7906841 haha! Also, if you see the Joe of Doughnuts, tell him the Mechanical Monster sends his thanks.
7906860 Yes sir!
I like where this story is going. Hope to see more soon!
7912941 Thank you!
7913804
I can see why someone would think it is a little fast but sometimes people just want fun goofy stories.