Star Wars: The Snuggle Protocol

by Barrobroadcaster

Chapter 8: The Snuggle Protocol

They arrived in the Crystal Empire in the middle of a rainstorm. They would've used it to mask their approach if there were air patrols, but there weren't any. No TIEs or Star Destroyers or any other presence of Imperial activity in the Crystal Empire. In fact, oddly enough, there weren't even ponies in the Crystal Empire.

"Strange," Grex said. "I'm not picking up any signals. No life readings, no contacts on sensors, nothing on scanners."

"It is strange. There's supposed to be millions of ponies here," Reena said, checking her own sensor readings. "Where could they be?"

They flew around the Crystal Palace, longtime symbol of the Empire's power and unity. "I guess that's one thing they have in common with the Galactic Empire."

"What's that?"

"They both like those huge towers. I remember seeing pictures of the ones on Coruscant," Grex said.

Reena looked at the tower. It was a massive crystal pillar, so tall it seemed to challenge the sky itself. Indeed, it was very similar to the buildings the Empire favored. And there were other similarities, too. The Empire prided loyalty, unity, strength through discipline and common purpose. But those weren't necessarily bad things. They were strong concepts, character that was so strong, it shone through to the surface. Sometimes, it was all you could see, that one trait a person exemplified. What was different was underneath, just like this tower.

"I'm still not getting anything on sensors. Where could the ponies have gone?" Reena asked.

And that was when Grex saw something. Not on his scanners, but out the window. "Uh, Reena?"

"There's no signs they were enslaved or abducted, no signs of uprising or-"

"Reena?"

"What is it?"

"Look."

And she looked up. Behind the the Crystal Palace, towards the far edge of the city, was another black temple-shaped building. Just like the one they had destroyed in their raid. Except, there were no stormtroopers near this one.

"So... when we blow that one up, what kind of cute, innocent animals do you think they'll say we slaughtered this time?" Grex asked.

"That... structure might contain the only evidence that we didn't slaughter innocent animals," Reena said.

"Alright, so I guess we can't shoot our way in." He did a flyby of the structure. "I'll set down on the north side."

"No," she said. "Drop me off on the roof."

"Do what?!" Grex turned around as much as he could to try and look at her. "Reena, you're going to need me in there!"

"No, I need you out here. If anything happens to me in there, it'll be up to you to get help. You're the only one who can fly the ship."

"That's not true. Grill can get it back to base."

"*Vreet-wrooo-vreee.*"

"See? He agrees with me."

She shook her head. "Grill can't access the weapons if TIEs try to intercept him. Look," she turned back as far as she could to look at him. They were able to look in each other's eyes from the side, good enough. "We're here. We're doing things your way. But please, we need to do this part my way, okay?"

"I do trust you," he said. "And I know. We're taking a huge risk. With the Rebellion, with Equestria, with everything. Okay, this part, your way."

"Thank you," she said, patting him on the shoulder. "You know why we work so well together?" she asked.

He smiled and answered, "Because we know how we work."

They circled the building one more time. The structure's material prevented deeper scans, a clear sign that someone didn't want anyone to know what was going on in there. Grex dropped Reena off on the roof and took off again, rain still lightly pattering down. He engaged the floodlights on the Y-Wing and the spot lamp on the lower turret, keeping an eye on her from the air. Rifle held tightly, she made her way to the center of the structure.

Rainbow Dash's infiltration of the structure had provided them with at least some intel of how to get in and out, if in fact they were the same. There was a door on the side to access the roof, Reena entered using it just as Rainbow Dash had the last one.

The outside of the building was jet-black and the inside was more of the same. The door closed behind her, muffling the sound of the rain. She was on a catwalk of some kind, overlooking the bowels of the complex below. There were conveyor belts around the walls of the building but none of them were running. The catwalk led to stairs that reached the floor. Reena followed them.

There were no computers or control consoles that she could see, unless they were somewhere else. The air did smell like soap, so that may have been an indication she was on the right track. As she neared the floor, she recognized a familiar sight on a platform in the center of the room: a pink TIE. It looked just like the one that had attacked her, except undamaged. It must've been some kind of prototype they were testing.

"Grex? Grex, can you hear me?" She tried her commlink. Only static answered her. "Grex, if you can hear me, I think I found another of those TIEs like the one that attacked us. Looks to be same model." Again, only static answered her. It must've been the building's walls again- blocked scans and communications. Definitely a bad sign. Everything about this yelled TRAP at her, but still she pressed onward. She finally saw soap bars like those from the first building, in bins close to the platform.

She hopped onto the platform to get a closer look at the TIE. On closer inspection, its solar panel wings weren't solar panels but some kind of crystal. There was a single display screen hooked up to the wings by a pair of wires. It read: TIE Romancer X2. She had to assume that was the name.

She tried her comms one more time. "Grex? The TIE that attacked us is definitely here. I think it's a-"

"You shouldn't be here," a voice told her. She turned around... and came face-to-face with another pony princess. Cadence.

"Princess Cadence?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm the one asking that question," Cadence replied. Reena suddenly felt her start to tingle. Her extremities felt weightless. "What are you doing here?"

"Your majesty, I'm investigating this building. This ship, the soap, what's going on here?"

"I'm protecting my Empire," she answered. She lifted Reena up with her magic. "I'm protecting the Crystal Empire."

Reena couldn't control her legs or arms. She was pulled into the air like a giant hand had grabbed her. "We're not... we're not trying to fight the Crystal Empire! We're... fighting the Galactic Empire!"

"The Galactic Empire is the Crystal Empire," Cadence said. "They are joined now. They are one and the same."

"That's... that's not true!" Reena groaned, protesting. She tried to kick her legs but the magic held her in place. She couldn't even try her commlink or raise her rifle. Her hands wouldn't budge. "Equestria is helping us! Princess Luna, she supports the Rebel Alliance!"

Cadence's expression didn't even change. "An amusing deception. But now, I think it's time you stopped lying to me." Her horn glowed.

Reena activated her jump pack by twitching her heels, the only part of her she still had some amount of control over. The pack spouted fire from its jets and broke her free of Cadence's grasp. The pack launched her up onto the catwalk, landing her on her stomach.

"Your boyfriend won't be around to save you this time!" Cadence said. "Now I'll finish off what I started in orbit!" She flew up to the catwalk.

But Reena already had her rifle ready. She shot Cadence, point-blank range with a stun bolt.

"Ah!" The princess shrieked and fell over. The stun setting had worked, thankfully.

Reena grabbed the railing, pulling herself up. She walked over to Cadence and checked her, making sure she was alright. The pony was stunned, but otherwise unharmed. She checked Cadence's pockets and strangely enough, found another bar of soap. Suddenly, someone behind her started clapping.

"Assaulting a superior officer. Assaulting royalty, that's a new one. You definitely don't disappoint. Of course, you never did."

She turned around to see a familiar face. Her commanding officer. One of them, at least. "Commander?"

Commander Reknaw stood at the other end of the catwalk. He held a blaster pistol aimed at her. "Hello, Captain. Or should I say, Bold Leader, now? But then, for how much longer?"

"Commander Reknaw... you're behind this?" she asked, backing away.

"This and many other things. Drop the gun. Lose the pack and anything else you're carrying," he ordered. She complied.

She raised her hands and put them behind her head. "Commander... why? You defected. Like me. We're part of the Rebel Alliance now! We should be trying to liberate Equestria from-"

He smiled. "But Reena, I'm still part of the Rebel Alliance. I'm doing everything I can for Equestria, to help them stop the Empire."

"What?"

"The Galactic Empire was trying something new on Equestria," Reknaw explained. "I knew about it, I informed Princess Luna about it. This part of the Empire, under Grand Moff Dinkleberg and Grand Moff Regulus were trying to actually win over the population by being nice. So I had to stop them."

"They were... what the hell are you talking about? The Empire actually WAS trying to be nice and helpful for once?! WHAT WAS IN THAT ICE CREAM?!"

He laughed. "Hahaha, Reena, it's just like you and Grex. You both have so many differences, you forget you also have similarities. It's quite touching. But you're the leader because of your commitment. It's why I did this, Reena- I have a commitment to the Rebellion. Not officially, but what Alliance command doesn't know will absolve them."

"You lying asshole." Reena felt her fists ball up. "You have a commitment to help people. To help ponies, to free their world from tyranny! Not impose your own version of it. The Empire was actually trying to do some good here, we should've left them alone!"

"And lose a planet? I think not," Reknaw fired back. "Kindness... love... affection. It's just another ploy, Captain. Look at this Empire, this Crystal Empire, does the exact same thing. These ponies use love to galvanize their workforce, to enforce order and unity. No Empire can ever truly be a good thing. You know this, Reena. What they did to your home. So, I did what was necessary. To keep you on the right track. I taught you the Snuggle Protocol."

"You made us fire on the innocent," she said through gritted teeth. "Were those newsreels right? Did we actually bomb puppies?"

"Ahahahaha," he laughed again. "Don't be ridiculous. That was a little bit of propaganda. That, along with the soap as a bit of 'encouragement' was enough to keep the course. When I found out the Empire planned on being nice, I hijacked most of their operations, had them impose the standard curfew and take control of air traffic, then I took control of their broadcasting stations. Even the Grand Moff and Kimmel were affected. Because, this isn't actually soap," he said, holding up a bar for her. "It's Crystal Empire crystals. Charged with negative emotions from this reconstructed Sith Temple."

"Why do all of this?" Reena asked, exasperated. "Why go to all of this trouble? To get the Alliance to fight... love?"

"Yes," he said flatly. "The most dangerous weapon of all... love. Given at the right place, the right moment to the right person, coming from the right heart... a single gesture of unconditional love can do damage to the strongest campaigns. It can end them. It can end wars. And this war... MUST continue."

She shook her head. "Not here. Not where innocent people, innocent ponies could get hurt. The Rebel Alliance doesn't target innocents or civilians!"

He smirked again. "Now who's been listening to propaganda? The war's already here, Reena. We brought it with us, you brought it with you. What do you think your boyfriend's going to do when he finds out you were shot by an Imperial for trespassing?"

Reena swallowed again. This time, she didn't think Grex would be coming to save her. She didn't think anyone would be coming to save her.

The Commander tripped. "Aargh!"

"Run!" Cadence yelled, grabbing hold of his leg. "Run, now!"

"Get off!" He fired wildly. The pony princess was fighting, her body still half-stunned but her alicorn strength struggled to shake it off. Reena ducked as a shot hit above her head, she turned and ran.

The commander stunned Cadence again. "I still may need more of your 'soap', so don't make me regret that!" He chased after her, weapon still drawn.

Reena bust out the door to the roof again. "Grex! Grex, where are you?! Dammit!" The storm was starting to slack up but she saw no sign of Grex's Y-Wing.

"Yes, call Grex in to airstrike this place! It'll only give me a chance to issue more headlines!" Reknaw said, exiting the building behind her. "If only you could get through this, to see what this meant to the Rebellion!"

She didn't raise her hands. "This is more than just the Rebellion! The Rebellion stands for something, don't you understand that?"

"Wrong, Reena! The Rebellion's just about opposing the Empire, about hatred! That's all it's ever stood for- people like you and me that hate the Empire made this Rebellion!" Reknaw yelled. He raised his pistol. And an acorn hit him in the cheek. "What?" Another one pelted him, and another. "Where the hell is this coming from?"

Reena felt her heart soar a bit. "Grex... it has to be."

"This changes nothing! Die, traitor!" He aimed at her and fired.

And the bolt was deflected. Twilight Sparkle appeared between Reena and Reknaw just in time to summon an energy shield... and reflect the blast.

"Nooooo!" it hit Reknaw in the shoulder. He fell to the ground and was quickly covered in a pile of acorns. The barrage covered him completely, until not a part of him was uncovered. He was buried in a pile of nuts.

Twilight turned around. "Reena! Thank goodness we got here in time. Are you o-"

She grabbed the purple pony. "Thank you. Thank you, so much. I'm sorry... involving you in all of this."

Twilight's friends gathered around her in that instant. They were all holding bushels of acorns. And they all came in to hug her.

"It's okay," Twilight said. "I know you'd do the same for us. Because we're friends."

She nodded happily, either crying or eyes-drenched from the rain, no one knew. "We're friends. No matter what side we're on. We fight for each other."

"Speaking of," Twilight looked over her shoulder. "We also have Grex to thank. He told us you might need backup."

"Did he now?" Reena asked, looking up at her boyfriend's Y-Wing as it landed. "You're sure he wasn't planning on blowing up the place instead?"

"I heard that!" Grex said over the Y-Wing's loudspeaker. The canopy opened. "There's just one problem with that," he said, running over to her.

"What's that?" Reena asked, grinning.

And he grinned right back. "My superior officer hadn't ordered it yet." They kissed one more time in the rain, surrounded by all their friends.

"Well, let's get everybody out of here so we can blow up this creepy building!" Reena said.

"We'll take care of Commander Reknaw. I think he'll need to spend some time with some soap... different not-evil soap, though," Rainbow Dash said, lifting him up.

They all prepared to leave. The ponies left the building premise with their prisoner in tow and Grex and Reena boarded their Y-Wing and took off. Just before Grex and Reena were about to blow the structure, a new contact appeared on their sensors. They both knew who it was immediately.

"You guys didn't forget about me, did you?" Cadence asked, flying her TIE Romancer.

"Heheh, nah, we were waiting for you to get started!" Grex said.

"You want to do the honors, your majesty?" Reena asked.

"With pleasure." The two ships opened fire on the structure. Grex banked the Y-Wing, allowing Reena to aim both the laser turret on the top and the laser turret underneath at the dark building. Cadence in her TIE Romancer flew up and then dove down, hammering the facility's roof. Their combined firepower blew the black temple to pieces, reducing it to burning rubble. The sinister soap, the Sith metal, all of it was gone. They then flew back to Ponyville together.