Star Wars: The Snuggle Protocol

by Barrobroadcaster

Chapter 1: The Raid

Twilight Sparkle focused on the enormous building in with her binoculars. From this distance, it looked like a gigantic, black pyramid rising up out of the center of the green valley it was situated in. The top of this pyramid was flat except for four spike-like pillars on the corners, one of which was topped in a satellite dish. White-armored guards, stormtroopers patrolled both the roof and the perimeter of the building so Twilight and her friends observed from a good distance so they wouldn't be spotted.

"Well... it definitely looks out of place," Twilight said.

"Creepy," Applejack added. "Did they build that thing here or just drop it?"

"Maybe they dug it up," Pinkie said, looking through a kaleidoscope. "Maybe it's the ancient tomb of an evil pony emperor and they're trying to resurrect them to takeover Equestria again!"

They all stopped for a moment, lowering their binoculars to turn to Pinkie. "What?" she asked her accusers, "It could be possible, couldn't it?"

Twilight shrugged. "Maybe. It certainly wasn't here a week ago but we don't know what it is. Or what they're doing inside of it."

"Probly up to no good," Applejack said. "Why else would they be so sneaky about settin' it up here, in the middle of the Everfree Forest?"

Rarity nodded, swatting a bug on her neck. "I agree wholeheartedly. Whoever would come to such an uncivilized place simply cannot be here with good intentions."

"We're not sure of anything yet. Until Rainbow Dash gets back, we don't have any evidence of anything they're doing or why," Twilight reminded them. She looked at the Imperial building through her binoculars again. "They definitely don't have permission to be here though, and the Rebel Alliance said it's evil... so I guess we'll find out soon," she said, uncertainty heavy in her voice.

Behind them, the only one of them who wasn't looking at the building was the one who felt most unsettled about it. Fluttershy didn't have to see the ominous structure to understand its presence there; it was visible all around them. She petted a squirrel on her foreleg, comforting the creature as it shivered. "The animals are scared," she said. "They're frightened by something, something that wasn't here before."

"Ya can tell 'em it won't be here for much longer," AJ said, looking back through her binoculars at the base. "Cavalry's coming soon."

High above them, just outside of Equestria's gravity well, their backup approached the planet. The Y-Wings of yet another of the Rebel Alliance's Gold Squadrons soared through space towards the planet, just barely cresting the edge of the moon as they did so. Their pilots flew in three diamond-shaped formations of three, angling towards their destination like arrowheads.

"Still not seeing your friend," Grex Corsa, Gold Seven. "You sure about this intel, Rena?"

"Positive," his wingman's voice came back over his headset. "She'll be there and the intel will be good." Her voice was ice cold, as it always was on a mission.

"Great. Is she waiting to the last minute to set up the beacon?"

"It'll be ready when we need it. In the meantime, looks like we have some company headed our way. TIEs, incoming." As the planet grew larger, a group of dark shapes eclipsed the colorful world beyond. As a group, they turned towards the squadron in one precise maneuver.

"Did they get tipped off or something? You think they know about us?"

Grex smiled. "They're about to. Almost thought I'd have to go the whole day without shooting something." Gold Seven's Y-Wing shot forward, breaking formation to engage the oncoming TIE Fighters. At twelve-to-one, the odds would be against him but thankfully, they wouldn't be for very long. As the first TIEs came closer, Grex fired his laser cannons before the oncoming craft were even ready. The lead TIE was vaporized in an instant and before the formation could adjust, he cut his angle downward and blasted the wing of the one flying at its angle. Just as the second TIE exploded, the others lit up the space between them with green laser fire.

But Grex's Y-Wing was already out of their line of fire, flying under their formation through the hole he'd made and circling around them. He banked left, circling back around the formation and saw a third TIE banking towards him in the opposite direction. For a split second, the two faced each other, turning inward before Grex's lasers blasted the TIE to pieces.

"YES! Yes, did you see that? Rena?"

"I did. As well as the four that are on your tail."

"Oh crap!" he dove his ship just as a stream of green blasted the space where he'd been. His wingmen racing behind them, they each vaporized the pursuing craft. In less than a minute, the enemy TIE squadron had been destroyed.

"Ha, thanks, Rena," Grex said, catching his breath.

"Not a problem, Seven. And Grex?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Gold Leader while we're on a mission."

"Oh, yeah. Gotcha, boss- err, Gold Leader," he said, saluting even though he was in a cockpit. Gold Squadron formed up again and turned back towards the planet.

On the roof of the building, Rainbow Dash was fulfilling her part of the mission. She snuck around the stormtroopers and hid in spots where she could to evade being spotted, crawling along her belly. She was wearing her sneaking suit which helped blend her into the color the building but the troopers still would notice her if they saw her moving or were close enough. It wasn't easy, but eventually she made her way to the center of the roof where she was supposed to plant the targeting beacon.

She pulled it out of her backpack. "Twilight? Twilight, I'm in position," she whispered into her headset.

"Okay. Just set it up and get out of there, quickly!"

"Right, umm..."

"What is it?! What's wrong?!"

"How do I turn it on again?"

The sounds of her friends' groans filled her earpieces. Rainbow winced, feeling a bit guilty that she hadn't paid close enough attention to her instructions. "Set it so the dish is pointing towards the sky and then press the red button on the base."

"Oh yeah, thanks," she said, hastily complying with her instructions. "I got it!"

"Great, now get off the building! Get away from there now!"

"I'm on my way!"

"Hey! You there, stop!"

"Ulgh!" Rainbow swallowed hard and froze in place. She could feel the troopers' weapons trained on her spine.

"Turn around, now!"

She turned to face them, slowly. Four stormtroopers aimed their blasters at her. But behind them, she saw the targeting beacon she'd set up still broadcasting. They must've mistaken it for something else or not noticed it was there. That meant the rebels' attack was still coming and she had seconds to get off of the building before it became a smoldering crater!

"Hands up! Err, hooves up, now!"

"I... can't," she said. She raised her wings, preparing to fly and braced her hind legs against the roof. Her teeth were gritted; even though she was the fastest pegasus in Equestria, was she fast enough to get away from these troopers before they fired at her? She knew she had to try because if she didn't, she'd be destroyed along with the building.

"I said get your hooves up! Now!" the stormtrooper repeated. But again, she didn't comply. "This is your last warning, get your hooves up now or we'll-" An acorn hit him in the side of the helmet mid-sentence. "What?"

"Where's that coming from?!"

"We're under attack!" Acorns pelted the stormtroopers by the dozens. The nuts rained down on the guards, even causing one to trip on them as they landed on the roof around them.

Rainbow Dash grinned. She didn't know exactly who or what was causing the distraction but she had an idea. And she was thankful it was there. Not wasting the opportunity, she spun around and dove off the building and used the momentum to get wind under her wings and take flight. And not a moment too soon; just as she took off from the rooftop, the sky burned as the rebels' bombs descended on the factory. One of the stormtroopers, covered in a pile of acorns, had enough time to look up before the bombs penetrated the roof right in front of him.

Explosions destroyed the roof of the building. Rainbow Dash raced down the side as the structure erupted into flames, cascading debris and fire down after her. Just before she hit the ground, she pulled up from her dive as the Imperial pyramid exploded in a massive fireball of smoke and twisted metal.

Rainbow cheered as she saw her friends waiting for her on the hill at the edge of the Everfree. "WOOOHOOO!!"

"Rainbow!!"

Near Twilight and the others, an army of squirrels were manning catapults that launched acorns. Fluttershy was directing them. Rainbow landed near her friends and immediately was embraced by a group hug.

"You guys! Did you see that?! Did you see how awesome that was?!"

"It was! The building was all BLAM BLAM and you were all REEEEERRRR WOOOOOSH!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"I'm just glad you're okay," Twilight said.

"That was very dangerous indeed, Rainbow," Rarity added.

Applejack just batted the notion away. "Aw, shucks, nothin' our girl here couldn't handle!"

Rainbow blushed at the praise. "Well, I did have a lot of help," she said, looking over to Fluttershy and her special artillery brigade. The yellow pegasus simply smiled, happy to have helped out her friend. "We really took it to them! Those bomber guys totally leveled the place!"

"Whatever they were doin' down there, we put a stop to it."

Twilight nodded. "We certainly did. But we still have to investigate to make sure there's nothing else going on."

"Right! I'll get right back there!" Rainbow said, about to dart off again.

AJ grabbed her by the wing before she could. "Hold up there, Rainbow. Let's wait till that fire dies down a bit, shall we?"

"Hehh, that might be a good idea."

---

It wasn't long before the building's wreckage was safe enough to get near. Rainbow was he first to arrive on the scene, quickly followed by her friends. They still kept their distance from the structure, just in case it was still dangerous but there wasn't much of it left. The pyramidal structure had been mostly reduced to a crater with large chunks of burnt and twisted metal scattered around it. The center was just a smoldering dent in the ground with no signs of anything left.

But there was something else, scattered amongst the debris, something they weren't expecting.

"Um, guys?" Rainbow said, hovering above one on the ground. "Is that... what I think it is?"

Scattered around the crater and amidst the refuse were brightly-colored objects. Twilight and company approached the one Rainbow Dash singled out, examining it.

"What is it?"

"Some kind'a super weapon?"

"It could be a biological weapon," Rarity said. "It could be something they were planning on contaminating Ponyville with."

Twilight levitated up the object with her magic. She rotated it and looked at it, finally noticing an indentation on the side.

"What is it, Twi?" AJ asked.

"It's... soap."

Comments

[Xzrea]

Somehow any Empire is evil. But British Empire cannot be evil(for Great Britain's aristocracy which means for everybody) so why not to make an Empire - good?
Well, even if the Empire is good somebody will think it's bad(works with any government, really) and will check it.
Interesting idea.

P.S. I wonder, is the Empire bad here?

[Barrobroadcaster]

7827608 We'll have to wait and see. But organizations, even people have both the potential for great good and great evil. Often times, both organizations and people commit both good and evil, even at the same time. When the bad starts to outweigh the good, that's when an organization starts to become evil itself. But who is to judge? How do you way things that cannot be seen on a scale?

Society will judge them by the weight of their impact, only to be known over time. Myself, I try not to judge unless I really have to.

[darkangel_31314]

I can see Imperial propaganda making use of this;

"Rebellion Bombs Soap Factory! The Rebel Alliance seeks to deny primitive societies the benefits of improved health brought by the Empire, as they bomb a factory producing soap for local consumption! Hundred are killed in the attack by a squadron of dreaded Y-Wing Terror Bombers! Several brave Fighter pilots attempted to thwart the bombers but were mercilessly fired upon without warning and shot down! Local ruler Princess Celestia promises to purge these evil Rebels from her peaceful world with the gracious assistance of the Empire's elite Stormtrooper Corps!"

[howard035]

Kind of harsh. The Empire sets up a base in a remote, unused part of Equestria and begins taking mysterious but not overtly hostile actions. Equestria doesn't directly have contact with the Empire, but they do know the Rebel Alliance, who tells Equestria that the Empire is evil.

So does Equestria initiate first contact and demand the Empire leave at once or else, as they have every right to?

No, they just sneak a bomb on the base to murder everyone by surprise.

[Barrobroadcaster]

7828315 Indeed, attacking a building like that without evidence that anything illegal was taking place? That's not right at all. No probable cause, not even a search warrant, how could they do such a thing?

How indeed...

[howard035]

7828333 Ohhoho, sneaky author is up to something sneaky!

[Orkus]

Sn... snuggle? Bart not snuggle no one. Snuggle... boom like?