11 - En Passent (Rarity Quest Part 2)
Lyra Heartstrings - 19th of Megan, 17 EoH
Ancient Ruins, Mount Spur - Equestria
I’d once written a pretty long list of adventures I’d hoped to have in my life. It had all the of the standards of course, rescue princess/prince, slay a dragon (or cuddle with, if friendly), free village from evil overlord. It had some of the more fun stuff too, like fight a mummy over ancient artifact of power while in a collapsing ancient temple.
The list did not include ‘get kidnapped by my own truck’.
That’s the one I got. It wasn’t very fun.
Four fucking hours of the damn truck driving of it’s own accord, not one controll doing a goddamn thing. Just me, Rarity, and Pinkie, crammed into the one bench seat, bouncing around the cabin as we took the goddamn motherfucking cobbled road only barely wide enough for a truck to wherever the fuck the truck wanted to go.
Cobbled streets. Fuck. Them.
I didn’t used to hate them, but apparently driving over them at high speeds is a fucking hell that will bounce your ass all over the damn seat. It’s like driving over a million potholes. I had good suspension in this truck, I could scarcely imagine what it would be like in a low rider.
Pinkie of course, loved it. Trapping Rarity and I in a cabin with a hyperactive girl treating the whole thing like a carnival ride presumably for the sake of her own sanity. If she had any. I’d never been too sure of that.
I’d gotten to see Canterlot for a little while. So at least there was that plus. Hell, seeing a city built atop a bowl stuck to the side of a mind bogglingly huge mountain is fucking awesome. It’s like the architects watched Return of the King, and went ‘Pfff, amateurs. Let’s put that on the side of a cliff and cover it with gold.’
Despite the terror of being trapped in a vehicle I couldn’t control, I’d been excited to go there. It looked perfect! The very definition of a fantasy city. I could almost taste all of the cool shops selling neat little magic trinkets and the exotic food, and drinks, and all of the wonderful other things awaiting us at the end of the trip. The kidnapping had been all but forgiven!
And then we’d turned off the road onto an old disused mountain trail. Canterlot vanished behind the mountainside. ]The mysterious force animating my truck had other plans for us.
Other plans which involved this cave in the mountainside. Well, no, this ruin, probably. As a park ranger I’ve been in a LOT of caves. This one seemed more like a place that had been carved out of the mountain fucking ages ago and then worn down by time and weather.
The floor was very flat, the passageway a bit too straight, the walls and ceiling were rounded and organic looking but still oddly square and regularly made…
Yeah, this granite ‘cave’ was in fact a ruin. Which begged the question, ‘Why is the truck taking us to this eroding ruin?’
“Soooo…” Rarity said with a slow nervous breath as she peered out the windshield. “I think we can all see that this is an ancient abandoned ruin. I think we all know what happens next. The only real question is what this old place is. Torture dungeon or hidden temple?”
I gave her a smile. I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood. Problem was, she had a valid point.
“Eh, temple to the King in Yellow,” I replied with a shrug.
“Why can’t it be a sexy dungon? That wouldn’t be so bad and Lyra would like it,” Pinkie said oddly happily.
I sputtered slightly, completely embarrassed by Pinkie just shoving that out there. “I- um, well, yes, but-”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Lyra, darling, we’re in a living or possessed truck, slowly driving down a long tunnel into a mountain,” she said sitting back in the seat in a slump. “Do you really want to spend what might be your last moments embarrassed over your own hobbies?”
“Not really… And I’m only embarrassed to talk about them infront of my friends. I mean, you know I’ma perv but, well… My friends don’t need to know the details. Especially when they know that I think they are cute,” I admitted bashfully. “Not that I can’t control myself around you girls, or anything. Just, well… I don’t want to burden my friends with unnecessary information. You know?”
“Well, since we’re probably going to be sacrificed to raise a mummy or something, why not? I’ve always been curious,” Rarity asked with a naughty giggle.
Pinkie giggled and twisted in her seat to give us both an amused look. “Oh you sillies! We’re fine! If this were something bad I’d have a bad feeling about it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Pinkie, you’re not Hon Solo,” I objected. “Can you not see the… That’s a skull!”
I exclaimed pointing to a deformed lump of rock which had once been carved into a pony’s skull which hung from the ceiling, looking down on all who entered into the tunnel.
“Uh… Big, creepy, skull-thing aside… Pinkie’s right,” Rarity said as she took her eyes off the massive stone skull. “She can sense danger. I saw her do it all the time in highschool.”
“That’s all well and good,” I began only to trail off mid sentence as the truck pulled into a large chamber.
The chamber was as rotted and worn down as the tunnel, but you could see that it had once been beautiful. The ceiling was supported by a circle of pillars, the base of each pillar having a small hole carved into them which probably had been some kind of shrine. Because this was a temple.
The raised dais in the center of the room helped tell me what this ancient place had been, but the statutes gave it away.
There were two statues, both perfectly preserved. The most prominent statue stood on an altar in the center of the dais, and looked like a hooded and cloaked mare, looking down at a spot on the dais with a kind, understanding smile, a lit cigarette clamped between her teeth, and her left foreleg extended out as if to help you up.
The other statue...
The other statue looked like what you’d come up with for a character concept if you had taken several bottles of cold medicine and left the TV on during a documentary on greek mythology. A chimera with an eastern dragon style body, the tail of a normal snake, mismatched bird and bat wing, mismatched hind legs, mismatched front legs, the head and face of a goat, and mismatched antlers.
That sounds like it should be horrific to be hold, and while it was unsettling as a children’s TV character designed by HP Lovecraft at gunpoint… It seemed more silly than scary.
The pose helped. Legs at a different angle to the rest of the long body, stooped over with one talon pressed against the side of the altar, the other one extended a slight ways away. Like something you’d get if you were trying to write a letter while you were being petrified.
Oh.
Before I could puzzle out whether or not touching the central statue petrified you, two things happened. First, I noticed there was a living pony here, sitting at the base of the statue, her white fur having camouflaged her against the marble for a few seconds. Second, the truck stopped, honked twice, then died.
The horn’s twin blasts echoed around the room, creating a terrifying roar, like the truck was challenging others for its territory.
I felt my years standup in terror at the sound, and at the same time I noticed the mystery mare’s ears flick up as well. But not in terror, in curiosity.
She stood up, showing herself to be rather tall and exceptionally slender. Not in a gross way, she looked like what you might think of if you thought about a fashion model for exceptionally tall women. The odd thing was, despite the body type, she had simple straight trimmed bangs for her long flowing reddish brown mane, and a matching cut for her tail. They didn’t look fashionable, sure that style can look great, but she looked as if she just cut her hair in a straight line when it grew to an irritating length.
Combined with the mare having a modern pencil, a quill pen, and a paintbrush tucked in her mane next to one ear and the quill and inkpot cutiemark, gave her haircut the look of an artist more focused on their own project then the world around them. I liked those kind of people. I really did. But this mare was unnerving to the maximum possible degree.
Because I couldn’t tell what kind of pony she was. Pegasi, earth pony, unicorn, everytime I blinked she seemed to randomly change. Sometimes appearing as a combination of all three at once.
Turning to look over her shoulder, the mare looked at the three of us through the windshield and then glanced back down at a piece of parchment in her right hoof. Despite the distance between us, the echoey chamber carried her words clearly as she spoke to herself.
“‘I’m fetching some mortals to show you she was right,’ And these are the ones you chose, Discord? Hardly typical examples,” she said sadly before turning towards us.
She walked over towards us, her unnerving presence making my heart beat rapidly in my chest. What the hell was going on!?
The mare kept walking until she stopped just in front of the truck. She nodded politely, the gesture being something like the Asian mini-bow but without breaking eye contact.
“Hello,” she said looking me in the eyes with a neutral expression that hid deep sadness. “I’ve never spoken to mortals directly before. Can you see me? Am I a pony? Oh dear, can you hear me? Am I warping the atmosphere correctly?”
“T-talking,” Rarity said with an unnerved wince. “It’s called talking. You are. W-what are you?”
I nodded. “Yeah… I mean, eldritch abomination is obvious but um.. What kind?” I added.
The mare recoiled, face twisting into a disgusted grimace. “I can’t possibly look THAT bad! I may not have designed ponies but I use your design elements all the time in my work. I know what you look like,” she objected, sounding honestly hurt.
Pinkie held up her left hand.
“Yes?” The creature that looked like a mare asked.
“You’re constantly shifting between different kinds of pony and it’s VERY creepy,” she informed politely. In the same tone and with the same expression you’d use for ‘your fly is down’.
“Oh. Well I don’t want to do that,” she said closing her eyes tightly for a moment.
The constant shifting stopped, replaced by a sort of unicorn/pegasi duality. Not like an alicorn, but rather sometimes a unicorn sometimes an alicorn. Unlike her previous ‘random jump cutting’ the transition was almost invisible. Making it like you simply couldn’t tell which she was, or if she was both.
“Is this better?” She asked with a curious frown.
“Somehow, that’s worse,” I said without thinking and instantly eeped, covering my mouth in fear.
“Darn…” She pouted, closing her eyes again. “Let me try using a dragon’s shape. I made them, I certainly can get that perfect.”
Her entire form changed, the same jump cutting from early, only now I was looking at a quadrupedal white dragoness with small graceful horns colored the same as her mane had been. Large leathery wings, a sleek body, dainty but powerful looking talons, and a slight reddish brown hue to her scale’s edges.
“That’s a dragon!?!” Rarity gasped, her face pulling into the single biggest smile I had ever seen her make. “I didn’t know they were so gorgeous! Why didn’t Lily show us what a dragon looked like!? I’d have asked him to turn me into one instead.”
As interested as I was in Rarity sudden squee over dragons, I had a more pressing matter to attend to. Namely…
“What are you?” I asked the shape changing creature nervously.
“My name is Faust, I am an Elder God, Creativity to be specific,” Faust informed factually. “I’ll speak with you in a moment. You, in the middle. Is that not your natural body?”
Rarity shook her head. “No, um, we all had transformation spells done so we could fit in here better. K-kind of like what you’re doing I guess. Are you actually a god?” She asked.
Faust nodded. “Yes I am. I can tell you also love beauty, miss. Please, allow me,” she said causally.
I was suddenly squashed between my car door and something hard and smooth on the other side. Not painfully so but uncomfortably so. What the flying fu-
“Oh… I see, size is an issue. Sorry, I thought that vehicle's interior would expand accordingly,” Faust said with a frown, the pressure suddenly leaving and-
And holy shit Rarity was a dragon!
Her colors were the same, smoky pale blue, and lighter icy blue, and her general facial features remained the same, I could tell that she was Rarity, but everything else… The sleek feminine reptilian body plan, five fingered talons, the cute way her long sinewy tail curled up between her legs in what looked like a painful but adorable posis-
“OW! My tail,” Rarity whispered, her elongated snout amazingly expressive and she twisted to change her position before slipping as she looked down to see smooth scales instead of the fur she had. “Ahhhh!”
“Hey! Don’t shapechange people like that!” Pinkie scolded, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’ll give someone a heart attack”
Faust tilted her head, raising an eyebrow. “She’s been transformed before. I don’t see the problem.”
“I was PREPARED last time, darling,” Rarity objected, gritting her teeth in anger. An expression which the fangs made SUPER effective at conveying anger. “Also, last time, I wanted to be changed, and gave permission!”
“But you expressed a desire to be a dragon just now,” Faust asid with a genuinely confused frown. “I- I don’t understand. Why tell me that if you don’t want my help?”
“Aren't you a god? How the hell don’t you know that you’ll terrify someone half to death just changing them like that!?” I added for good measure.
God or not, I was too scared to pay attention to that voice in my head telling me to shut up and hide.
“You’re lucky I’m still getting used to this- To the other body,” Rarity exclaimed, her wings twitching angrily. “If I hadn’t been transformed recently I would probably be panicking. As it is I’m extremely angry you didn’t ask me if I wanted you to transform me!”
“Um… But you did want me to, and you’re not unhappy with that body. You like what you can see of it, and especially admire the way the scales shine,” Faust said raising one talon up in objection.
“Are, are you reading my mind?” Rarity demanded half shocked half livid.
“No? Maybe?” Faust admitted with a shrug. “I don’t know. I’m just observing the electrical activity within the organ located between your eyes. That’s body language, right?”
“That’s mindreading!” I snapped. “And it’s NOT okay to do to someone.”
“Yikes!” Faust said, recoiling slightly. “Yes, I can see that subject is extremely taboo amongst mortals. I’m sorry. I’ll not look at that part of you.”
“Good!” Pinkie, Rarity and I exclaimed together.
“Well… This went better than expected,” Faust admitted with a smile.
“Are you going to put Rarity back?” Pinkie asked giving the goddess a look of ‘come on. Do the right thing’. “It’s one thing to apologize but you also need to make things right.”
“But she likes that body,” Faust protested.
Rarity blushed, her cheek scales turning the most adorable shade of purple. “Well, yes… I do. Assuming I look like she does, but with a nice pale blue,” Rarity admitted with a bashful smile.
“See? I’m not putting her back. Not unless she specifically asks me to. We established that is not culturally acceptable for mortals,” Faust said as she sat down.
I frowned and looked over at the pony sized dragoness next to me. Fucking christ… And I thought it was hard to not see her as hot while she was a pony… “W-well… If you like it I guess that’s fine?” I ask-said, looking away to hide my blush.
It was the cute little nose! That had to be it. Just don’t look at her nose…
“Hummm… We’ll have further conflict if I remain a dragon now, assuming your new brain’s instincts effect you,” Faust said thoughtfully. “Let me return to the pony form.”
She jumpcut again, returning to the ‘cant tell if pegasi or unicorn’ body again and making me wince in the process. The lack of any kind of transition made my brain hurt. A flash of light, flesh flowing like water… Anything! Anything other than making reality look insubstantial and transmutable. Please…
Faust frowned, the her white furred muzzle crinkling slightly as she looked at me. “You’re afraid of me. You can stop that. I’m not going to hurt you,” she informed with a swish of her tail.
“Yeah, um, we can’t just shut off emotions… Especially fear,” I replied nervously. “Can you stop just making yourself change? Please?”
“Yes, I’ve settled on this form for my quest,” Faust promised with a reassuring smile. “And are you speaking truthfully? You can’t just ignore an emotion?”
“Nope, w-well some. But not fear. Or love. Or the other big emotions,” Pinkie chimed in.
Faust frowned, and pulled the letter she had looked at before out of thin air, reading over it again.
“I see…” She murmured. “Excuse me, I’m going to go confirm that you don’t have the option to ignore an emotion. I’ll be right back.”
Her body flickered briefly, like if a old school film projector had missed a single frame. Before I could even think about what that might mean Faust gave the three of us an extremely apologetic frown.
“I’m back, jumped back a day and asked somepony else. She confirmed it. Poor thing’s mate is missing,” Faust babbled. “I’m so sorry! I had no idea you couldn’t push emotion aside. It’s so far out of my life experience to be unable to just not think about loving something, or choosing to be courageous instead of fearful.”
Wait she just casually time traveled!? AWESOME! How do?
Rarity shook her head incredulously, staring at Faust with her lips scrunched into a small ‘o’ shape. “How could you not know that? You’re a god, of creation. Don’t you make species, or people?”
Fause shook her head. “No. I sometimes design mortal lifeforms but my son Dawn is in charge of determining how they actually live and operate, and he makes most of the created life forms. Mortals are not important to the universe, we largely ignore you.”
“W-wait… We're not… Then, why do we exist?” I asked in shock, my eyes opening wide.
“Mortal life is an unforeseen byproduct of planetary formation. I suppose in that sense I did create mortal life, but I didn’t mean to. I wanted to decorate stars with little balls of rock and gas trailing behind them as they glide about the universe,” Faust replied matter of factly before ear ears drooped slightly. “Oh. That’s rude of me to say, isn’t it? Well, if it helps, I do love lots of things you have created! I may not have intended to create your ‘kind’ but I’m glad I did. You’re a wonderful source of inspiration.”
I didn’t know how to feel about that. The universe wasn’t for us? But-
No, no Lyra. You’re being dumb. You come from another world entirely. That may be how THIS world works, but it’s not necessarily how your own works.
“If we aren't supposed to exist, why did you not like… Get rid of us?” Pinkie asked curiously, giving Faust a questioning look.
“Because you don’t harm anything by existing and when I noticed primitive lifeforms making little statues um… Well, you’re cute!” Faust giggled, blushing lightly. “And more modern mortals are impressive in what they have been able to achieve while having to do everything with three dimensional limitations.”
I blinked, then smiled, finally understanding what was going on here.
“OH! I get it,” I exclaimed eagerly. “You like mortals but haven't’ really interacted with us before and want to see what we are like!”
“Oh!” Rarity exclaimed as well, also smiling. “Yes, that makes perfect sense! It would certainly explain why you just transformed me like that…”
Faust nodded and cleared her throat. “Um, well, yes and no,” she admitted with a feeble grin. “See… To my kind, mortals are sort of like well, animals. Most of us do not consider you to be people. I’m sorry if that’s rude.”
“That’s EXCEPTIONALLY rude,” I said flatly.
Faust nodded with an apologetic grimace. “Yes, well, we… Oh! You aren't exactly concerned about the emotions of a cat, right?”
“Everyone I have ever known cares immensely about their kitty,” Pinkie said with such iron clad force that Faust took a step back.
I nodded in agreement. “I know three people who might actually kill you if you hurt their cat,” I informed factually.
“Uh… Bad example then,” Faust admitted, clearing her throat. “Should I have used dogs? I like dogs, but if you don’t like dogs-”
“We like dogs too,” I grunted angrily, giving her a glare. “Wait a second! How can you not know about mortals if you know about AND LIKE dogs!?”
Faust blushed lightly. “We’re not the only creatures native to the fifth dimensional part of the universe. I have a pet dog. The dogs you know I made by creating a three dimensional version of my dog so that you could all have dogs. Every sapient species bearing world has dogs. They are a gift. Dogs are wonderful creatures, even the versions you know. I have three.”
Well… That did seem plausible. After all, I’d seen dogs in magical pony universe and in my own home universe. And a god of creation could definitely do that.
“Alright, fair enough,” I decided with a nod. “Most of us actually like and care for other animals, even though they aren't people.”
Rarity nodded sharply. “That’s right. It’s especially true if they are cute,” she added.
“Um… Microbes?” Faust asked, blushing with embarrassment.
I paused for a moment, then sighed and nodded. “Okay, yeah. We don’t really think about microbes much. Unless we’re sick or something looks dirty then we… Oh. Oh okay. I think I get your point.”
Fuck. That hurt! We we really that far beneath the notice of higher powers?
“Again, I’m sorry,” Faust sighed. “That’s how most of us think of you. It’s not our job to care for you, we care for and maintain the universe. Stars, galaxies, fundamental forces. We are here to keep things working as they were deigned. Mortals were not part of this design, so well… Most of us don’t care. I’ve recently come to see this as wrong. I care about your kind now.”
“Why now? Why not from the beginning of time?” Pinkie asked sounding and looking just a little upset.
“Because mortals are not my job, and I do admit that I’m… Easily absorbed by my projects. I need to pay more attention. That’s one reason why I am here now. I’m trying to change, to improve. I owe it to Dusk,” Faust said, her head hanging sadly as she continued. “My daughter Dusk always insisted that mortals were people too. She was Death, and as such knew every mortal intimately so as to judge them and sort their souls properly. We- We never paid her much attention. Death is not an important job within our community. She was a Customer Service Representative, basically.
“I regret not being more involved with her now that she- she’s dead. I didn’t think that could happen. I thought I could take a Graham’s number of years for myself to work on a project and still have infinite more time with her… I was a fool.
“I’m here because this is one of her old temples, I thought this would be a good place to start seeing your world as she did. While we never directly interacted with mortal kind before, many years ago Dawn convinced us it might be fun to indirectly try and get mortals to share our personal philosophies. I began to suspect that Dusk was right about you back then and now I know that she was correct.
“We have a lot to make up for. All of us. I WILL be convincing them to help you all when I return home. I am truly sorry for failing you.”
“Why now?” Rarity asked uncertainly. “There feels like there’s a reason for that.”
“Oh yes, there is,” Faust agreed.
I blinked. “Um, and that reason is… What?”
“Why do you need to know?” Faust asked honestly tilting her head to one side.
Like, not in that rude ‘none of your buisness’ way. She honestly had no idea why we would want to know.
“Because sitting here in a truck that you animated to kidnap us to talk to is a very very unusual experience for anyone and we would REALLY like to know exactly WHY,” I informed, hoping I emphasized the importance properly.
Faust ear’s perked. “Oh! Well, I didn’t fetch you. Discord did, he’s my father. He’s also that petrified statue over there… I have no idea how that mortal spell actually contains him. It’s so odd,” Faust said looking over her shoulder at the statue curiously.
“Okay, why did HE kidnap us and bring us here, to you?” Pinkie asked with an exacerbated sigh.
“Because I’m investigating my daughter’s death,” Faust replied darkly. “I believe she was murdered, as no simple accident could have mangled her essence as badly as it was. A mortal killed her, but the method used and the power required… One of my kind armed that mortal.
“I have my… Suspicions,” Faust said looking to one side with an odd glare. “I will keep quiet about the details as any of my peers could be listening. However, by learning about mortals, I can come to understand my daughter more, as I should have done while she was alive. Discord told me he knew the perfect mortals to teach me about harmony and friendship among your kind, and that they would help me find Dusk’s killer…
“I know you are not them, Discord probably took the first mortals he could sense when the petrification began to kick in. However, according to his letter, he knows that you three can help me achieve the same effect. As such, I would like to ask for your help. Not only in my investigation, but in understanding your… Personage. Please understand that to me, your kind is extremely alien. I don’t mean to be rude but… This is like talking to a-”
“God?” Rarity asked with a smirk. “I think you’ll find that you’re just as alien to us as we are to you.”
Faust blinked then grinned. “I like you! Well… Will you help me?” She asked hopefully giving the three of us a suspiciously cute smile.
“Not if it involves sacrificing a goat…” I mumbled, eeping as I realized I’d said that aloud.
“Oh no! not at all, I just need to get to the Crystal Empire. I have NO IDEA where it is. But I do know that an artifact of mine is there and I can use it to spy on my suspect through the shields he’s erected around his actions. I know he’s manifested in the mortal realm right now, but I can't find him or see what he’s doing,” Faust explained. “I’d also like to make friends. I want to know what you are like, what you want, and how you work so I can find a proper replacement for a certain employee, should they be terminated.”
Holy fucking shit! THIS WAS ON THE LIST! Have a road trip with a friendly supernatural being! SCORE!
“Hell yeah! We can totally let you join our road trip,” I said eagerly. “We’re actually going to the Crystal Empire to visit a friend of ours!”
Rarity raised an eyebrow turning her head to look at me. “Do you really think that’s the best idea?”
“Yeah, how will she fit in the truck? The cabin’s full,” Pinkie mused, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.
Rarity shook her head, “No that’s not what I meant. I meant that we have no way of knowing if this is the truth, or some kind of trap. Um, no offense meant, Faust. We also don’t know if she’s going to be safe to be around. Sure she may not be hostile but she still transformed me simply because she sensed I would like it.”
“I’m sorry,” Faust sighed in irritation. “I knew you were statically formed and I enjoy varying my own appearance from time to time. I thought I was doing you a favor.”
“You would have if you had asked me, because I honestly would have taken this from the get go if I knew dragons were graceful looking. I expected harsh angled, ugly thick scaly hide, and huge horns,” Rarity explained with a sigh. “I wouldn’t mind helping you so long as you promise to ask with words before using any of your magic on us.”
“Oh! It’s not thaumaturgy, I actually use the underlying mechanism which is responsible for regulating thaumaturgy itself,” Faust exclaimed eagerly cracking the biggest grin ever. “It’s a similar force, but with higher dimensional matrices and a-”
Her ears drooped backwards as she noticed the deadpan stare that all three of us gave her. Not a one of us would understand a fucking WORD of that.
“-Do… Oh yes. I see. You don’t know the technical details of magic. Humm… Well I suppose magic will have to be the word for it,” she lamented with a sad sigh. “Regardless of technical details, I promise to ask before modifying, augmenting, or directly affecting you in the future. Does that suffice?”
“Well, Rarity has a point. Even if I do hate to admit it,” I sighed. “While I think it would be cool to go on a road trip with a supernatural creature, how do we know you’re trustworthy?”
“I think it’s pretty clear that if I wanted you dead, puppeted, altered, or otherwise harmed, you would be,” Faust said plainly. “I honestly and sincerely want to understand mortals through first hand experience, and I truly do not know what location on this planet is called the Crystal Empire, nor do I know who I could ask. We don’t really keep track of mortals in detail… Though we do notice when you go extinct overnight.”
I raised an eyebrow, ears perking in alarm.
Faust rolled her eyes. “I’m here to PREVENT that. Mortals may exist by accident, but you’re here and you have a right to exist. Whatever force keeps destroying your civilizations needs to stop. It’s not a part of the intended function of the universe. The Big Man would be pissed if something went wrong with the habitability of the universe.
“I also need to stop it to prevent any more of us from dying. A thing I can not do without the Crystal Heart, an artifact I made back in the ‘indirect manipulation game’ days,” she explained with an exacerbated sigh. “You know the way to where I need to go, and are already traveling there. It’s in my own interest to not harm you.
“Would a boon help? Something to show my good intentions? Name a desire and I’ll fulfill it.”
I blinked in surprise. “What, like, a small favor, a dijinn wish, or what?”
Pinkie nodded quickly. “Yeah, what’s the limit here? Can we ask for anything anything?”
Faust nodded. “Well, yes. Assuming you want something possible under normal physics and affecting an area of less than ten cubic kilometers. That’s not a limit of my power, naturally. That’s simply what I dare use with this threat against my kind in play while in the third dimension. Our power acts like a beacon to each other,” she admitted with a nervous blush.
Oh shit. That made sense. I mean, of course a god could detect another’s power in use nearby. Which meant her doing something would put her in danger. I couldn’t know for sure if her kid had died. Sure I believed that, but I couldn’t prove it. But that ‘statue’ over there? Yeah that looked like nothing that would evolve or exist without magic and it clearly had been petrified.
“The only thing I want is to be sure this truck can reach the Crystal Empire… Because I don’t know if there’s a gas station here,” I said with a polite nod.
Faust nodded back and looked at my truck before cocking her head and then giggling. “Oh Discord, you’re so silly. That won’t be a problem. This vehicle is already able to make the journey,” she answered. “Do you want anything else?”
“Well, I already am an anthro and I can shapechange into a pony or my normal self… I’ll have more fun learning magic on my own… I think I’m good,” I decided with a nod and a smile.
“Lyra’s already in her personal fantasy,” Rarity laughed. “She’s been wanting to live in a place like this for her whole life I imagine.”
“Are you certain you desire nothing?” Fause asked once more.
I nodded, then paused, frowned and shook my head. “Actually, Lily didn’t really show me how to shapechange. Could you give me the knowledge and skill to do it when I please?”
“Done,” Faust answered as I instantly just well, knew.
As if I always had. Like I’d learned to do it since I was three, and learned just before I learned how to ride a bike.
Fuck! That’s a powerful entity right there… Yeah we can trust her. She’d have killed us EASILY if she wanted to. Literally effortlessly.
“I just realized I don’t know your names… Um, well… You haven’t told me them I mean. Sorry about that mind reading thing again,” Faust admitted with a blush. “We’ll need to go over what else is not okay to do with you soon.”
“Lyra, Rarity, Pinkie,” I introduced, pointing to each of us in turn.
Faust nodded, seemingly pleased. “Is that sufficient, Lyra?”
“Yep!” I said focusing for a moment and morphing back into my old human body.
It felt weird to not have fur… Having had it now I felt… Wrong. Bad wrong. I frowned and looked at my skin inspecting it for a few moments. At least I had control. And at least Lemon could explore a real human all she wanted to.
“Rarity? Do you desire anything?” Faust asked politely.
“You know, I think I do… But I don’t want to ask aloud. Can you read my mind, please?” She asked.
I raised a curious eyebrow. Pinkie blinked and looked at Rarity suspiciously.
Faust’s eyes widened in honest shock. “You feel SHAME over that sort of thing?” She asked incredulously.
Rarity shook her head. “Yes… Can you do that for me?”
“Not the second half. I promised, remember?” Fsut asked.
Rarity smiled slyly. “I do remember. That was a test, and you passed.”
The goddess laughed. “Well, I’m glad to have earned your trust. As for the other part, it is done. The rest will have to rely on you. I am profoundly sorry for that… That’s a limitation of your self identity. I will ask Dawn about this. It seems needlessly cruel,” Faust said firmly before looking over to Pinkie. “And now you, what’s your desire?”
Wait… What did Rarity ask for? It hadn’t solely involved her, so-
“I’m kinda hungry… Can I have a big bag of tacos?” Pinkie asked hopefully, her eyes wide with hope.
My eyes widened in terror. “PINKIE, NO! She might make a ten cubic kilometer bag of tacos!” I hissed in warning.
“Good catch. I was about to do that,” Faust laughed shaking her head happily. “Perhaps we should define a sense of scale. When I say something is big, I mean it is no smaller than a galactic supercluster.”
OH! Oh, um, okay. Yeah if she was used to dealing with things on THAT sort of scale… No wonder her kind thought about us as well, microbes. Fuck. I couldn’t even imagine looking at a galaxy in its entirety and going ‘that’s kinda small’.
Pinkie’s eyes widened hungrily. “I could eat that many tacos…” She said in what I swore was a practiced version of the TV show ‘girl says crush’s name’ voice.
“I see…” Fause mused rubbing her chin with one hoof as a small cloth bag jumpcut into existence in Pinkie’s lap. “Here, one hopefully properly sized bag containing presumably more tacos then you can ever eat.”
Pinkie grinned reached in the bag roughly the size of her head, and pulled out a taco, inspecting the rather good looking sample for a few minutes before eating half the damn thing in one loud crunching bite.
“Challenge accepted,” Pinkie declared between chewing.
“Well… I guess you’re coming with us now,” I said looking over at Faust with a frown. “It’s not beneath a goddess to ride in the bed of a pickup, is it?”
“Oh don’t worry, I have a plan! I’ll simply become one of the smaller varieties of pony and sit atop the dashboard,” Faust said proudly.
I blinked. In that blink she’d vanished, and had reappeared as a young unicorn filly laying like a cat on the dash above the glove compartment. I bit my lip to keep from squeezing at the adorable fluffiness of her belly fur.
I didn’t want to get smited.
“Um, Faust,” Rarity said in a diplomatic voice. “That’s not another species of pony. That’s a child.”
She blinked cocking her head to one side. “Juvenile mortals have a different physical form to adults?” She asked in surprise.
“Yepperoni! Usually a cuter form too,” Pinkie giggled.
“That’s so weird… Why would that be a thing?” Faust mused to herself before her eyes lit up. “Oh! Yes, so they are smaller to be more easily passed through the vaginal opening after the biomass has finished compiling! That makes sense. I suppose that could only be so stretchy… Unless… Ooo! Yes that could work.”
I looked at Rarity and Pinkie, hoping they understood my stare as ‘say something before I bust a gun laughing!’
Faust rolled over onto her belly and created a pen and paper from thin air, ignoring the pencil still tucked behind her ear. “I could easily rework the makeup of organic tissue to accommodate heightened elasticity! This could solve the problem with my latest pet project. Um, do you mind if I draft plans while we travel? I can still talk. This sort of thing is a thing I literally do in my sleep,” Faust admitted with a proud smile.
“Uh, sure thing,” I said reaching for the truck’s ignition.
Before I even touched the key, the engine turned over with a happy but proud roar.
“Ah. You’re still alive, I see,” I said looking at the steering wheel.
“Yes. Discord enchanted this vehicle to take us where we need to go. Just let her do her job. We can relax and talk,” Faust said happily as the truck started to back out of the tunnel.
Whelp, let's take a minute to take stock of my situation so far. I fled city under attack by an evil druid (that or the eldritch forest finally snapped), then encountered friendly but socially inept goddess who wanted to go on a roadtrip. This adventure was shaping up to be something from the ‘Weird Fiction’ section of my possible adventures list.
Fuck the hell yes!
Rarity - 23rd of Megan, 17 EoH
Medious Beach, Cobalt Reef - Shorefall
You know you’ve traveled a long ways in a short time when mid afternoon becomes night in only three hours. I’d experienced that on airships and when teleporting very long distances before, and it always made me feel a bit odd.
I don’t know why, I understood how the phenomenon worked. Celestia’s sun revolves around Equis, which is round, and well, everypony knows how flashlights work when you shing them on a ball. Still… It wasn’t night in Equestria. Perhaps that’s what did it. Luna had yet to raise the moon, so while it was night where I was, her enchantments to the night sky weren't there.
Oh. Yes, that’s why. I’m sad that not everypony in the world gets to see the same night sky I do.
“Miss Rarity? Are you alright?” Righteous asked, his hologram flickering slightly.
“Yes! Sorry, I just noticed the time,” I replied pointing with one hoof out of the ‘window’ that was the display screen.
“Oh… Are you tired? There isn’t a bed in here yet but the benches in the transport section can be slept on in a pinch,” he said with a sympathetic frown.
“Oh, no, not at all. It's just going from bright day to the dark of the knight in three hours is unusual for me,” I giggled. “It’s fine, darling we can continue our conversation.”
“I completely understand I’m used to one sunrise every week or so. This whole one per ninety minutes deal is odd. As is the orbiting star. I never had time to get used to that. I was only three years old when the end came,” Righteous remarked casually.
I tilted my head to one side, confused beyond reason. “Excuse me, but what do you mean ‘new’? How did your people live without a sun? Did you make it? How? I know Celestia didn’t she only moves it.”
“We had a star. A proper one, big old G type main sequence beauty named Sol. She’s still there, she’s just dead now, nearly invisible in the vacuum of space,” he said with a wistful sigh. “No visible light output, just a big lump of mass. Don’t ask me how, I have no idea how the weapon works even in concept, but an alien collision we were fighting at the time managed to stop its fusion sequence via a torpedo. The current sun is a replacement created while Sol died. I think it’s a specialized self sustaining Dark Energy reactor, could be something else, I never saw the tech specs. It should be perfectly functional for, um… Time. All of it.”
“And… Humans just… Built it?” I asked incredulously, more than a little taken aback.
“Yeah. Pretty big project mind you, but we did a lot of big projects before. It’s nothing you can’t manage to do if you’ve built Dyson Swarms before. Also you know, everyone on the homeworld needed the not-die. Not-die is an excellent motivator,” he chuckled. “Anywho, back to you. I’m actually interested in your story.”
“Y-you are?” I asked, almost as surprised as to learn that you could just make a star.
I mean my friends would listen to my stories about my business and would help with problems, but the way Righteous looked and sounded… He was genuinely invested in learning about my small business. I’d been talking about supply problems and other mundane little details no one outside a business cared about and he liked that?
“Yes, I am. I enjoy solving problems and as an AGI, data is like a narrative. I can appreciate stories too, mind you. But the story of your little shop is filling in so many other details about your species and culture. It’s fascinating!” He said with a Twilight-like grin. “Now, your issue with acquiring sufficient quantities of muga silk, how did you solve that?”
I sighed and leaned back slightly. “Well… I was a bit of a fool for working with that fabric. Don’t get me wrong it’s simply fabulous material, and I could make such splendidly unique outfits from it. But unfortunately, as I mentioned before, it’s quite unique and rare since the silkworms for it only live in the one vally within Saddle Arabia. I’m lucky they export any at all…”
“But you still feel foolish since you can only purchase one or two meters a month, which is hardly enough for your needs and you already have three dresses using the material as a base in order,” Righteous mused. “Would it be possible to purchase more locally?”
“Yes, it would. But unfortunately I’m too busy to leave as I’m both the sales clerk and the seamstress for my business. I had hoped Sweetie Belle would take up an interest in sewing so she could help, but alas, she did not,” I sighed, thinking of what could have been. “Oh well, we all must choose our own paths in life.”
“Why not hire her on as a sales associate?” Righteous mused. “Or does she have a certification in a given field? At any rate you should hire someone, when a business is having difficulty expanding and their products are in high demand, it’s time to hire more labor.”
“She’s currently training to be a teacher,” I replied with a proud smile. “I won't take her from that dream. Though you do make a good point. Perhaps it is time to expand my business somewhat. At the very least I could try and work out better supply chain management.”
Yes, I could certainly afford to hire somepony to travel to exotic locations to pick up materials locally. That may even save some money on resources, depending on what was available.
“You know, I’m not the best with face to face communication, and I understand preferences for handmade items over flash forged goods,” Righteous mused. “But I think people would find it unique if you could work with materials no one else could possibly access and I do have several-”
A loud low pitched buzzer sounded twice in rapid succession, making my tail stand on end.
Oh thank goodness! It still responded to emotions. I had been worried about-
“-Oh shit!” Righteous exclaimed half eagerly half surprised. “Check it out, sea monster attacking the shore.”
I turned to look at the viewscreen as the image on it zoomed in to reveal the dimly lit shoreline. The moonlight was not especially bright tonight, but I could see the waves lapping smoothly against the shore, the cliff behind the sandy beach, atop which sat a large city with buildings carved from coral and marble.
A picturesque city and beach which currently had an absolutely enormous squid-like monstrosity slamming its many tentacled arms against the cliffside, pulling a skyscraper down from its lofty heights to smash on the beach. Each of the bulbous, formless, fleshy creatures’ tentacles ended in a sharp hooked beak, and as I watched, two of the beaks opened up, discharging thick crackling bolts of blue-white lightning into the ground atop the cliffside.
I swore my heart should have skipped a beat, instead my eyes merely widened with fear as I beheld the monstrous thing. It was a creature of terror, and six other large building slay smashed on the beach. While too far to see anything especially small, I knew that people were fleeing the monster in terror, and occasionally I could make out a spec in the sky and a flash of light as flying individuals peppered the monster with weapons fire in an attempt to drive it away.
The horror… So many poor ponies had to be laying injured or dead in those ruined buildings. And why? What for? Did this creature have a purpose?
“This is a problem,” Righteous muttered to himself, his avatar frowning thoughtfully.
Yes. Righteous. He was a tank at the moment. A tank which I was in. And a large tank at that.
“Righteous, we need to help those people,” I said as adamantly as I could. “You’re a tank, we can fire on that monster, and with that cliff face we won't hit anyone if we miss. Can you shoot on your own or does a person inside need to operate the cannon? Which button is it?”
I stood up, moving over to the control console quickly to look over the buttons, searching for anything which looked like controls for the turret. Every wasted moment allowed somepony else to be hurt by that, that thing!
A thing which we had the power to stop. Which meant we HAD to.
Righteous’ draconic avatar looked at me with honest shock in his eyes. Shock which was immediately followed by a big grin. “My Lady, the honor is yours. You shoot, I drive.”
“I shoot?” I asked with a determined nod, but also an uncertain frown. “Where are the controls? How do you use this thing?”
“Don’t worry, you have it easy,” Righteous informed pointing behind me as something metallic hissed open.
I turned around in time to see a ladder slide down from a hatch which had opened in the ceiling. Uncertain if I could climb up the ladder, I tentatively stepped on it with one hoof, then deciding to play it safe, I hooked my forelegs over the top rung and managed to awkwardly shimmy up into the very small seat above me.
“It’s so small! How is this so small when the turret is so big?” I asked incredulously as I squeezed between a console and the chair positioned in the center of the tiny room.
“Because the magazines, power regulators, and so on take up a lot of space,” Righteous called up the hatch. “There aren't any speakers up there either. Space reasons. But that's fine. Sit in the seat and pick up the thick black cable. The end is magnetic. Stick it to your cyberware and I’ll link you to the firing controls.”
“Link?” I asked uncertainly, finally managing to squeeze into the comfortably shaped seat.
“The gun is controlled just like your cybernetics,” he explained as the tank lurched slightly. “Right, we’ve reconfigured from cruise mode to all range mode. Ready to begin the attack run once you’ve manned your position, Miss Rarity.”
If it was just like my cybernetic parts, that meant I would be treating the tank’s gun like a leg. This would be an… Interesting, situation.
Seizing the cable, I pressed it against the strap running across my barrel. I’d expected some sort of transition. There was none. The moment the cable clicked against the metal I was no longer in the turret. Or even in the tank. I could see the entirety of the tank as if I were flying along behind it.
“How is this even possible!?” I exclaimed in a mixture of fear and awe.
Righteous appeared within my field of view, stepping out of a suddenly appearing flash of lavender fire. “You’re linked up to Sophia's computer. All of the sensor data is being fed to you. This is what I see while driving it. Neat huh? Now the turret is at your full command. Think, do. But be carefull. I sent a pod of supplies to the beach as we left since this is the closest point of land to us. If you hit that it will be another ninety minutes before I have food for you. I’m on the other side of the planet at the moment.”
Right. He was a ship. In orbit. I was having a hard time not thinking of him as a flickering ghost dragon.
“Okay, so I should aim higher up…” I noted, frowning slightly. “Fluttershy would want me to scare it off rather than kill it.”
“It’s literally toppling buildings, it’s a bit late to try driving the thing away,” Righteous scoffed. “I’d be all for it if the thing was still at sea, but people are in danger.”
“I know, I was just wondering if we had other options. Options are good,” I said honestly while looking at the monster.
From what I could see linked to the tank, it was trying to clear a path to get up into the city! It would destroy so much more than it had already. It had to be stopped, quickly. There wasn’t time to think of another option.
But there was a problem. “There are a LOT of pegasi in the air over there,” I warned. “If this is anything like one of Sky’s cannons, they are in danger of being hit and with that monster’s toppling buildings and scratching up the cliff they won't hear us coming. We need to warn them.”
Righteous’ avatar nodded. “Wise decision, miss Rarity. I’ll launch a flare and fire up some music. That should get them to see us coming,” he decided. “GIve it a few moments after the flare to fire, go ahead and line up your shot. These are twin linked ninety millimeter mass drivers. Don't think about firing for long, you’ll damage the cliffside too much. Just give her one good volley.”
“Okay,” I said concentrating on the guns themselves.
Controlling the turret was a very odd sensation. My cybernetics felt like natural body parts, and worked just like them. But this? This was a completely alien… Thing! I could move it, but it felt weird. Wrong.
“God dammit! The only audio file in this tank’s storage system is the old Marines' Hymn,” Righteous grumbled irritably. “And I’m too far to stream something…”
“But you can drive it?” I asked suspiciously.
“Yes. Music sharing is done via my own custom network, it’s banned on control lines,” he grumbled. “Ah well. Beggars can't be choosers. I hate it, but it’s attention getting. Ready for that flare?”
I bit my lip and checked how I had everything aimed. It looked like I could hit the monster squarely in the back of it’s… Head? Body? Blob? Thing?
“Yes. Let’s do this before the squid monster notices us,” I said with a worried frown.
“Hokay, deploying flare!” Righteous announced.
I immediately saw a small slot on the turret open and fire a blazing white rocket in an arc overhead. The flare burst with a tiny pop, hovering in the air by some means lighting up the shoreline nearly as brightly as day.
“POOF!” Righteous giggled as the flare popped, grinning like a filly in a candystore. “Such a cute little explosion, don’t you think?”
“And the music, darling?” I asked.
“It’s playing. I muted it on the internal systems. Because I HATE it,” he grumbled. “Fire at will Miss Rarity.”
I looked back at the shore, the light of the flare illuminating everything nearly as brightly as day, but with a shocking purple light. The kraken-like beast had noticed us, and was lumbering in a half circle, it’s slimy, fishy bulk undulating and pulsating as it slid around to face us.
“AHHHH! MOUTH EYES!” I shrieked as the monster's face slid around it’s bulk.
The thing had huge red, jiggling gelatinous eyes which opened and closed, with huge slits in the middle that had fangs protruding from the-
“Why?! Why? Why? Why? Why? Why…!? So many times I ask this question... Why? Why?!!” Rightious babbled in equil terror.
I fired the cannon. The tank lurched backwards, a sensation I felt with both my body and the entire tank. Twin white-purple lines blasted forwards from the barrels with a sound like a metallic thunderclap, their shockwave creating a wake across the sea. The twin rounds connected with the monster almost instantly, and simply punched through it making tiny little holes, hitting the cliff face behind the creature and exploding with enough force to make the buildings atop the cliff shake.
“Oh god! It’s too soft,” Righteous eeped, grimacing in disbelief. “It must be a big bag of air.”
I looked at the cliff face. Large cracks ran up and along its surface, moving away from a large crater blasted into the side.
“Um, I don’t think we should fire again,” I warned.
“I thought that thing would take some energy out of the rounds, it did not. Uh… Plan B!” The dragon declared as the tank’s tracks shifted, the blades forming the paddles which let us move across the water extending outwards slightly further.
“What are you doing?” I asked unsure of what I should do.
“Just stay in the turret. The turret has artificial gravity to compensate for recoil,” he warned. “Ranged isn’t an option, please excuse the unconventional tactic.”
Unconventional-
The tank lurched forward, accelerating at a breakneck pace, twin plumes of water thrown sky high by the treads.
“Alright you slimy, wannabe cthulhu motherfucker,” Righteous bellowed as we raced straight for the lumbering monster.
Two of it’s tentacles twisted around, the beaks opening to unleash bolts of lightning which blasted directly into the hull, blackening the paint but doing little else.
“You can take a pair of bolts like a champ, but you got on the wrong side of this Templar-class warship the second you decided eating sapients was a good idea!” He continued.
The monster rushed ever closer, it’s blubbery body washing out to sea to meet us.
“Are you going to ram it!?” I yelped, nearly jumping out of my seat in fight.
“No,” Righteous answered with a laugh. “I don’t have elbows in this thing, so this will have to do…”
A jolt of fear ran down my spine as the monster lashed at us with a tentacle. The tank lurched upwards with a sudden jolt as the rockets beneath it ignited, sending us into the sky as the tentacle sliced the air below where we had been before we fall back towards the sea, heading straight for the top of the monster’s bulbous body-head!
“DEUS VULT!” Righteous yelled, his avatar mimicking what had to be a wrestling move while the tank slammed into the monster’s flesh, the treads immediately roaring as they spun at top speed, digging into the monster’s flesh in a way I really wished I couldn’t see, but the sensors I was connected to made all too clear.
The sea monster screamed, thrashing severely enough to throw us off it’s body, the tank slamming into the shallow waters like a cannon ball, sinking only a couple of meters before reaching the sand below.
I watched as the monster sank down into the shallows, bleeding profusely from a wound I could only describe in terms of a chainsaw accident. I had just enough time to grimace before the beast squished its body down, compressing itself to vanish beneath the waves, swimming away from the shore at top speed.
“Yeah you better run!” Righteous yelled, shaking a fist in the monster’s direction. “You’re lucky a knight doesn't kill fleeing opponents! Oh yes, Rarity, if it comes back for us while I’m picking up the supplies please shoot it in the everything.”
CELESTIA’S MANE! I WAS DRIPPING WITH MONSTER GORE!
I shuddered, sitting back in the chair and pulling the cable off my chest with one swift move.
“Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!” I exclaimed clenching my teeth in disgust.
“Are you alright, Miss Rarity?” Righteous called up the hatch.
“NO! I’m absolutely covered in filth! Where’s the shower! Please tell me there's a… Shower?” I exclaimed trailing off as I realized I was clean. It had been the tank that was covered in filth. Oh…
Righteous giggled, and I could sense the grin on his lips as he called “It’s okay, Miss Rarity. I had the same thing happen to me on my first sensory link. You’re fine. Don't worry, we’ll stick to the shore for the rest of the journey. Just let me pick up the supplies and we’ll get moving.”
It took me a long time to figure out a way to safely descend the ladder. It wasn’t designed at all like a pony ladder. Our ladders always slanted slightly, and had flat bars, like really really steep steps. This thing was completely vertical and had round rungs. Going up had been one thing but down…
Well I’m not ashamed to say that I fell down the last step. Especially since Righteous didn't notice.
The back hatch of the tank had been opened, the rear of the tank squarely aligned with an angular, roughly teardrop shaped pod buried halfway in the wet sand. To my surprise, a bipedal feature was unloading large crates from the pod into the tank. A bipedal figure which was most certainly a dragon, a younger one based on his slightly larger than a pony’s size. He was clad from snout to tail in silver and black plate armor.
Black and silver armor, over which they wore a large white tabard with a red cross had been secured at the waist with a thick leather belt.
“Um, thank you for helping, sir. What’s your name?” I asked, assuming the figure was a stranger.
The figure froze, stopping dead the large crate in its hands suspended almost effortlessly. Righteous avatar flickered into existence next to the armored dragon, grinning at me.
“It’s me you silly! I um, I can only control one craft at a time. That includes power armor. I thought you might need protection on hoof later, in a place the tank can’t go. I drive this thing like an android sometimes,” he explained, vanishing as the armor began to move again, setting the crate on the floor and returning to the pod.
“Oh! That’s pretty cool… Is that tabard supposed to be your old military's emblem or is it a sort of personal crest?” I asked, looking at the well made garment.
I waited for a minute and a half while he loaded six more boxes into the tank before stopping to speak again, this time simply allowing his voice to come over the tank’s speakers.
“It’s the crest of an ancient order of knights known as the knight’s templar. My ship class is named for them. It’s a joke. Get it?” He asked hopefully.
“I think I would if I knew the history. It’s amusing at the least,” I replied diplomatically.
Righteous made the armor nod and returned to unloading, removing a large kite shield and a longsword from the pod which he quickly buckled onto the armor. Reaching back into the pod one more time he took out a bundle of purple and white shimmering fabric, walked into the tank, closed the hatch, handed me the bundle gently, made the armor sit, and then manifested his avatar once more.
“Alright! Three days of food, armor, diving equipment, my ‘body’ to make sure you’re safe when outside my hull, and one extra comfy bed, specially fabricated while we drove over!” He said happily giving me a proud smile.
“Bed?” I asked, inspecting the bundle and unrolling it.
The second the bed was unrolled it thickened with a hiss of air, growing to a good two decimeters of plush thickness. A pillow colored the same as my mane, and stamped with my cutiemark had been rolled up in the center of the sleeping bag-like matress blanket combination.
I picked up the pillow, giving it a light squeeze, immediately gasping in surprise.
“It’s warm!” I exclaimed, looking up at Righteous for an explanation.
“Mhm! Self heating nanosilk pillow. Or self cooling, if you press the little button on the seam to change it to cool. I designed it to mimic the warmth of a pony, based on your own body heat. That way it feels like you have someone to snuggle with while you sleep. I recall organics loving to do that,” he said as he drifted over to the crates.
“Um, well yes, we do. But that’s more of a romantic thing,” I explained with a blush covering my cheeks.
“Also a comfort thing if I remember right,” Righteous said matter of factly. “And with all you have been through in the last few days… I’d need something soft to snuggle with.”
I blinked. “You like to cuddle things? How? Do you park atop something soft?” I asked, giggling at the image.
“No. I get out of my computer core and envelope a plushie,” he replied matter of factly without a hint of embarrassment, the tank lurching slightly as we began moving again. “I’ll need to use my armor again in a minute, I want to cook you lunch. Is that alright? Are you hungry?”
“Well, yes. A little,” I agreed. “Do you really snuggle plush toys? At your age?”
“Yeah. What? We all like what we like and sometimes you just need to hug something,” Righteous objected with a confused frown.
“But how?” I asked with a curious head tilt. “You’re a computer.”
“I’m a self-mobile, polymorphic, gel encased nanite cluster computer,” Righteous corrected. “I’m installed inside a warship as its pilot at the moment, but I am as mobile as you are with a semi-solid ‘body’ of sorts. I can leave my ‘pilot’s chair’ if I like and do other things with my actual physical self, to a limited degree. I’m only mobile enough to escape a ship if needed. And to be poured into any compatible machine and operate it.”
I triple blinked. “That's so… Weird,” I said with a frown, wondering what such a thing would even look like.
“Yeah, it is. Humans were weird. They designed wierd things. But that's good! I like weird things, and hopefully you like something in the rations packed,” he said as he nodded towards the crated.
“What does your um, gel look like?” I asked. Unable to hold the question back for now.
“This,” Righteous answered, his holographic avatar replaced for a moment by a still image of a slightly shiny, somewhat translucent dragon shaped light blue colored ‘sculpture’.
“You really like dragons don’t you?” I giggled, hiding my mouth behind my hoof as I tried to hold back the giggle.
Reforming his animated avatar Righteous gave me an embarrassed and bashful smile as a reply, then vanished to use his suit of armor to pop open one of the crates.
“Do ponies like potatoes?” He asked curiously.
“We do. Can you make a potato soup with a Panzanella salad?” I asked hopefully.
“Soup yes, that specific salad no, as I don't know what the heck it is. But I can make you a nice salad. I presume no meat is allowed?” He asked.
I nodded. “No meat. Though for the record we can eat meat, and pegasi have to. I personally prefer not to eat it. It’s… Stringy,” I explained with a polite smile.
“Stringy? Someone served you terribly prepared meat then. If you’re ever open to trying the good stuff, let me know,” Rightious said as he vanished once more, starting to unpack food items along with a small camp stove from the crate.
“Do you want any help?” I asked politely.
He shook his helmet and continued to prepare a small cooking station atop one of the other crates.
“Alright. Thank you, this is very nice of you,” I said politely as I sat down on the mattress since the floor was just so hard and honestly cold and now I had-
“This is the most comfortable thing aside from a cloud bed!” I exclaimed reflexively as my plot sank into the heavenly soft pad. “You had to have put so much effort into this. Thank you, I appreciate it very much.”
Righteous turned twisted his talon to give me a gesture which looked happy, and then began to chop up some exceptionally large, rusty red skinned potatoes.
I curled up happily on the mattress around the pillow I was most definitely going to be keeping for the rest of my life. This was so relaxing! Almost as nice as a trip to the spa. But despite the extreme comfort, I had one pressing question.
Where exactly does one find a potato in space?
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I hurt my back. So it took me a while to edit this...
I don't have a clever comment.
This story is so much fun really liked faust. I am now psyched for the faust v. dawn showdown. Also any update on if your going to write that story about how the forest met and fell in love with our favorite agoraphobic bat pony.
Dogs have now been upgraded from mans best friend to Gods/Goddess best friend.
Here is the music im listening to when Faust and Dawn finally meet
7868299
I only do one story at a time. If I do multiple stories, quality suffers, speed of new chapters suffers. Everfree and Pattern? That is a story for another day.
7868303
Well trust the process
He did. He had full sensors, after all. He politely pretended not to.
7868374 Just cause he has the sensors, doesn't mean he was paying attention to them. But even if he was, you're right, hes way to much of a gentlegon.
7868374 Manners, not just for
meatbagsorganics.7868385
A pony trying to climb down a human ladder?
She was obviously going to have trouble, and essentially certain to fall. He'd be obligated to keep an eye on her to make sure she was Ok.
Politeness would dictate he not assist her unless she either fell and became injured or requested assistance - she has pride and dignity, after all.
7868388
Also, romanticized knight behavior.
7868427 As well as actual chivalry. That could make for an awkward conversation.
"Miss Rarity, would it be alright if I rode you into battle? I found a lance and using one properly is a bucket list item, and I notice you do make saddles implying you allow others to-"
"Righteous, those saddles are NOT for use in public. Well, not unless you live in the Crystal Empire."
"My apologies I- Oh. OH!"
Bwahahahahahhaa. The part with Faust!! It's just like my old D&D games. We form a party hoping to kill some goblins and end up inadvertently helping an elder god.
I sooo want to play a rolepolaying game with you as the GM Meep.
So sexy bat pony Rarity replaced with sexy dragon Rarity? Should provide some fun interactions.
if the armor suit golem dude is going to important to the story at all, he should be silent, with a sarcastic personality :D
I know he's controlled by our robo friend, but opportunity for comedy gold! ^.^
and can't wait to see what happens with the girls and elder god chick
7868299 That song is not appropriate as they are both immortal.
7868790 Well technically they are both functionally immortal. Meaning they can die, as Dusk proved. They are just extraordinarily hard to kill.
YAY new chapter!
Wow Lyra, that is quite the abitious dream to do!
Hmmm that does make sense, Discord totally could be designed by HP Lovecraft, in a beserk way?
Sounds like me, until I decided I hated bangs and wanted to just get rid of them. Then no more awkward haircuts! And Sweet Celestia, that sounds like Faust!
Ooooo I love the sound of the dragon form you gave her! So majestic! *sighs*
Hah! I knew it! (But then that was pretty much confirmed when you mentioned her cutie mark so....0
oooo more pretty dragons. hehe
Woah, woah woah
so, was it FAUST who met Rainbow when she wentto get the starstone? 
Is it bad I want this story? ALL the details?
DAWWWWW I just want to hold her, and hug her, and give her lots of love!
oooOOoo we sure get powerful if we can make a sun!
Welp, guess we know Rarity's 'final boss' now. ooooo sounds awesome!
Hmmm sensing another Animorphs reference here?
Exactly! There's nothing wrong with someling my age still cuddling a plush of her special somepony. Nope, not at all. *hugs him close.*
Pillow and this bed/mattress/pad, I want them both. o.o
The astroid belt. Why? Because they can sometimes look like potatoes. Yep, that's all.
Another great chapter! :D
Cobbled streets are pretty terrible for driving. Every once in a while you see them used new for decorative purposes, and all it really accomplishes is a terrible driving experience and not something that much better to walk on.
Oooo, a temple of the old religion, seemingly one for Dusk. Oooo x2, it has Discord and Faust.
Ahh, so that trip back was the conversation with Dash at the mountain?
Yep.
Interesting. So if Faust doesn't understand the petrification spell, I assume that means she can't trivially reverse it.
Dawn, needlessly cruel, it's kind of part of the package.
Effectively infinite bag of tacos? That'll be useful on a road trip. And speaking of which, a road trip with Faust should be interesting. I'm glad to see that she is actively looking into what happened to Dusk.
Poor Sol.
Unexpected kaiju battle is unexpected. And here I thought Fluttershy was the one who visited Neighpon.
Ooo, neat. I assume that's gotta be Righteous.
Ahh, so his core works exactly like Phee's does, only without any sadistic settings on his sense of touch.
Awesome.
7868798 when the song plays replace mortal with immortal.
Faust is the Social inept goddess of Creativity, I now share this head cannon!
I have a feeling Faust is suspecting the wrong person, and when she finds out the same person both killed [indirectly] Dusk and has been wiping out civilizations, shit will hit the fans.
So wait, Faust made the Crystal heart? Now I'm interested, what else can it do and what is she going to do with it? [also side note, I thought this was pony Lyra at first]
Reactions when the team is all back together, and finding out Faust was among them all like, 'I like the cute pons', that will be entertaining. Ya if someone saw the entire universe and was like 'aww looks it it, its so cute and tiny', I really wouldn't be offended being compared to a microbe, its literally the same scale
I think our new battleship like somepony =3 I fully support this shipping of ships! and what on Equess what that thing??? and can it be dead please?!?
"Righious uses Tank Smash, it's super effective"
That is a really important question, where do you get potatoes in space? assuming you don't have either replicator tech, or hydropnics Also what is a "Dyson Swarm", I know what a Dyson Sphere is, so whats a Swarm?
As somebody who got to preview this chapter, I can't wait until Faust figures it out!
7869098
Thank you. Meep had asked me what she should be like, character wise. I came up with socially awkward know-it-all. I think she came out well.
Synthesized. Apparently they are Martian Red Potatos. Found growing near a 21st century mission site.
A Dyson Swarm is a far more feasible version of a Dyson Sphere. Here, SUPAHLINK!
7869497 Erm..... I think that was a bad link, its a game trailer
7869504 I fixed it. I'm bed ridden with a cellphone. Shit happens...
7868798 Well, no. They are immortal. They are just not immortal and indestructible. I've always seen the two concepts as mutually exclusive. Just because you can live forever doesn't mean you can't be killed.
7869098
It's never good when the person who ensured that the galactic superclusters are shaped they way they are so they form a self portrait when viewed from the angle of her bedroom window is mad at you...
The Crystal Heart is an infinite energy source created as a reward for her church back in the day (Faust won the 'how many can you influence' game, (pissing off Discord and leading to him deciding to take over Equestria). It works by taking the 5th dimensional energies the gods use and filtering them down into 3D space. It's a 'translator' of sorts.
To her credit, this is like if we found out that individual ants are in fact sapient lifeforms. (Though to be fair, that has been seriously argued with Honey Pot ants. because they build tools, fortify their nets, plan ahead, and are exceptionally smart in groups.)
THat was a neighponese Kaiju which swam a bit further north than normal. They are native to a massive underground sea beneath the sea floor near Neighpone (It's a huge 'bubble' in the sea bed). There's over thirty known species of kaiju. Several attempts have been made to extinct them, as they routinely come ashore (but never far inland), but they are exceptionally hard to kill.
RIghtious replicated basic food rations from onboard energy reserves. These are unappealing nutrient bricks. He then used his molecular printers for fabricating warmachines to take the nutrient bricks and use them as raw materials to print out basic food items, because as a warship he doesn't have the permissions to replicate "luxury food", but his old Captain pirated the software for printing food via the molecular printer system back in the day. (They use both technologies because while the energy cost for replicating a small item is achievable with their powerplants, replicating an entire tank is not. Thus, to build warmachines on demand, large tanks of stored materials are used to 3d print larger objects from the atomic level upwards.)
If he had the time, he could also have ran to Mars and picked up a fuckton. Martian Reds grow there almost like a weed due to how popular they became throughout the Empire as they taste like somone poured steak jusices over a potato. The potato variety was originally discovered growing in the middle of fucking nowhere near some 21st century wreckage. No documentation of any mission to that location was found as the 21st century records are incomplete.
A Dyson Swarm is something we could actually build today if we realy wanted too, and all our space programs coperated, and we were okay with mining the planet Murcury to nothing for the materials (Not joking, a serious proposal was written for this). Rather than a solid shell around a star, a Dyson Swarm is a series of millions of small satellites in orbit around a star that capture a large percentage of its energy. Sure, a Dyson Sphere collects all of it, but may not even be possible to actually build, and its' better than a Dyson Belt which would just be one ring and collect very little power and yet cost a lot to make.
7868844
She basicaly wants to live every adventure movie she's ever seen :P
He could. Right kind of mind breaking unknowable powerful entity... But kid friendly.
Rarity is fortunite that Faust didn't pick a species of dragon other than the one her mirrior human body had DNA for. Many Equestrian dragon species are rather 'ugly', while others are sleek and graceful, or magestic looking. There's 5 varieties.
Mhm ^^ Non-liniar time is a fun thing to live with.
... I'll consider it.
No, but now that you mention it those eyes are somewhat like a Taxxon's and I DO use little things like that so, good call.
Nothing wrong with a person liking what they like, and dont let anyone tell ya different.
7869068
You're telling me! I had the misfortune of living in an old German village for a while and needing to drive. I Swear that actually damaged the car after the month I was there.
Yep. It's her one and only temple. She would hang out with her priests and drink beer.
Full equestrian. Though not very large as Rarity has no hoard and the show establishes that a dragon's size scales with their hoard.
Correct
The elements utilize Dream Magic. the gods and dream magic don't mix. It's like trying to stic two soulth poll magnets togeather. It can be done but it takes a LOT of force, exponentially more force the more power is at play. Which is why the Elements can't zap Discord good, they can only petrify him for a time.
Shorefall and Neighpone are only seperated by about... 500 km Sometimes one or two get lost and swim up that ways.
Yeah. THey are not really a body per say. He couldn't use it to life more than three pounds or so, or move very fast. It's basicaly just a 'incase of emergency expensive AI can leave the ship under its own power' method which also allows you to install the same AI into almost any platform as needed. (Though they don't like to do things they were not designed for. As a pilot, Rightious would be unhappy staying in a R&D lab for long.)
7869505
7869658 Yes a Dyson swarm is much more feasible to build around a natural star.
How ever I am going to point to the Halo [extended] franchise, in where forerunners build Dyson Spheres, these were only slightly larger than an average planet and had an artificial star inside them, far more feasible.
I'll have too look up honey pot ants, but if they can make tools then they are at least semi-sentiant.
7869747 Honeypot ants will make mud, and use a little stick in the mud to make a hinged door. They will then use that door to make a little 'cubby' in the wall of their nest. A soldier ant will wait in the cubby, and will attack non-colony ants and other things that move past by jumping out of the hidden compartment.
They have also been observed to have created boobytraps.
Epic chapter; I really need to update my music library for this stuff. Here's what I got:
7870021 I wrote it too this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoRFFEzWzwI
Because this: https://youtu.be/bdOwFh7PMuo?t=18s
7870073
I remember I use to love that game
7869681
I don't blame her, that would be a ton of fun! (and scary and all that too... but yeah!)
*nods* Heh the kid friendly part just being the part of him that Lovecraft wouldn't have added. ;P
True, we have seen some of the others, and they are not as cute and cuddly as Spike. Ooooh what are the other varieties according to your AU?
*nods* that it is, crazy maybe, but that just makes things more fun. Like Pinkie Level fun!
Yay! *claps hooves together, crossing them in hope.*
hehe indeed they are, first thing I thought of when you mentioned the eyes. (Animorphs was a large part of my childhood of course, so heh would make sense.
) Thanks, I call em when I see them! Or well read them...
Oh I don't heh... even ordering a plush made of his sister, so he won't be lonely when I am gone. ;) I loooooove me plushies! Just wish I had more room to store/display them.
7871046
I'm still working on developing them :)
Well, it SHOULD be alien to us :P That's the point.
Mine too ^.^ I even watched the terrabad TV show :D
You will one day ^^
Ooo well I look forward to seeing the others in future works then!
*nods* And I've never had a Pinkie Level fun party heh so alien enough?
I remember that. Little me loved it, but I think that was more along the 'I get to see my favorite books as a tv show' rather than the 'oh this is good!' kind of thing. Though I did also kind of have a thing for the Actor who played Jake back then... so.... that might have helped too.
Yep, when I make my monies from writing and have a house of my own. Or at least one where the owners I rent from don't go all
at seeing my collection/s.
7874315 Sky will neither confirm nor deny any accusations or assertions against him, as he really doesn't care to much and would rather leave people clueless because it's funny to him. Besides, the glass is pretty boring, and anything worth engineering is worth over engineering to make it more awesome. That is why the glass should at the very least be composed of transparent titanium, and preferably utilize a nano-material coating to transfer heat away from the liquid at all times without power required.
7874315 "
To Sky, the glass is pretty boring and should at least contain a small g-defuser which prevents the glass from tipping over unless warmth is detected on the outside of the glass which is within the range of body temperature.
Yes, cuddle the dragon. If at all possible, always. Cuddle. The dragon. Hugs are good. Everyone needs hugs, it's an important part of a balanced breakfast.
Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!
It's-
...actually, that first one was pretty accurate.
Anyway! I return, with many chapters to get caught up on. BEGIN THE RECAP!
Stranded Deep
I feel like most of this chapter was an excuse to use this picture...
Interesting, I’ve never played this game, but this tune sounds terribly familiar…may have been used in a GDQ stream
Fact Checking
Hey, you did the thing! Now to address Celestia’s cake problem...
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Pawn Promotion
Huh, that explains that, then. Dawn: Proving to be more of a dick every time we learn more about him.
This all seems pretty overt so far, anyway, but ok...
This whole explanation feels really weak. He’s already doing a bunch of overt stuff, just what does someone have to do to get their damned attention? All his scheming seems unnecessarily complex if he can just do whatever anyway without anyone noticing.
(ノ ゜Д゜)ノ ︵ ┻━┻
Sounds like someone should be talking to Celestia and Friends.
I mean, you could probably tamper with a foil-sealed package, if you really wanted to.
Ice Ice Pinkie
Sky gets introduced like James Bond?
Careful, Pinkie, you’re expanding further into the higher dimensions.
Heh, Sky curses like a human
SHENANIGANS!
Or perhaps it’s Yog-sothoth?
HAH! I was just joking
. What are you doing here, Yoggy? Silly outer god...
Sure, keep telling yourself that.
En Passent
Eh, given the previous chapter...
Oh hey, it’s Momma again!
Wait, how did she know to go there?
…
*magic*
Inner versus Outer voice, Jil-er, I mean Lyra
A bag of infinite tacos, maybe? I wouldn’t put it past Pinkie to save the day with strategic application of tacos.
I'm sure there's a bunch more to comment on, but I just zerged through the chapters and now everything's sorta mushed together
. There was a moment while I was reading, when Rarity is linked to the tank, where I realized "How the fuck did we get here?"
...
Then I thought back and realized there was a bunch of lead-up to explain most of it. And Raritank is not the most absurd thing happening.
7876323
>> Shhhhhhhh..... (I may have gotten premission to use pictures as illustrations from that guy then found that one >>)
"WHy did you invent a spell to summon tables?"
"Sometimes, you just need to flip a table."
If you pay attention to what he says's there's a fourth wall joke there. He's responsible for all the retcons.
He did last time too.
I wonder why that might be...
At least he's the harmless one. Just you know, don't look at him.
She didn't. She jumped to a random point in spacetime on Equis untill she encountered a pony on their own.
7876441
I find I am quite often in need of a table to flip; such a spell would be rather useful. Unfortunately the ones I have are either too heavy or too fragile to survive the ordeal, and I doubt my neighbors would appreciate the noise.
Sure, but this time I noticed
I tend to gloss over the headers 
Eh, she seemed to have a whole zen thing going on at the time though, like she understood how to get the reaction she was looking for out of Dash. Rather unlike how she was in the scene in this chapter.
7876323
Admittedly that is my fault. It was more like I show pictures a while back to Meep cause they're cool. We collab a Tale that takes place in the future. Meep gets idea to incept Rarara's mind, and chapter is born.
That's the abridged version.
Yeah he does, doesn't he? At least in his head and when he's angry/panicking/extremely agitated. I wonder why that is?
Or, as did ye olde bard, lay it!
)
(Bonus points for whomever gets this one.
So, I'd have a lot more to comment on, but working out right now, so the mind is not all here.
Oh, but I did like dusk's temple. It is so her...
Ah, that does remind me, is the new Dusk enough Dusk to still be Faust's daughter? Or is she another now?
7878070 Do you define familial relation as blood relation or as an emotional connection? Keep in mind, that Dusk and Dawn were created by The Big Guy like every other Armenelli, and were made to be Faust's children. Technically they were never blood related to begin with. So you decide, do you think Dusk is still her daughter?
7878304 that's the thing, we were shown very little of her after her death, so we don't know how deep she might have changed. The flame did allude to her not being dusk anymore. So, I don't know? Her soul - if they have one - might be a new one. Somewhat changed, maybe close enough.
That and they are alien entities of three more dimensions. Hell if I know for sure how they think
It would be cute & nice if they still considered each other family, though
7878070
THis is how I imagine it while in its glory days.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bu_Fi5dP0RQ
7878636 OK, that's hilarious
7880027 I miss genuinely funny old commercials :) Like this one ^^
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hf0s2clGVN4
7880028 just... Wat
OK, those should REALLY be back
On that, did Dusk'Cause temple randomly kidnap ponies and made then priests by the powers of hanging out and beer? That's a hell of a recruiting campaign, if a little random
7880032
No. But it did recruit depressed loners to hang out and have a good time in between short missions to try and unfuck things her brother fucked. Such as find a cure for a filly's bone cancer that just won't go away. While Dusk's priests and priestesses no longer live within her temple, their descendants founded the modern Equestrian medical system.
7880038 so modern medical care was born by loners seeking company and purpose in a beer cave with the goddess of death. That's a new I've, I've got to give you that. Also, cool
On that note, it's a sad world when worshippers of Life are the crazy terrorist ones who try to end yours
Faust is adorable. She definitely needs to meet Twilight(s).
Ew ew ew ew kill it kill it KILL IT
Uh-oh, space potatoes. They're probably creepy and covered with eyes...
Years should be ears
Knight should be night