Twilight and Fluttershy were killed, that they knew. They were falling it seemed, but nothing around them was moving, they were in darkness, but somehow could see each other. They could move around, but it was endless black, Twilight felt around for the spell that Celestia had given her, she felt it, and pulled the piece of paper up, the text on the paper was slowly reappearing.
"Fluttershy, look," Twilight said loudly, shoving the piece of paper in Fluttershy's face.
"What's happening?" Fluttershy asked, looking around their dark space, a world was appearing.
"I don't, I don't know." Twilight said, she looked around, ponies were forming, they were dissolving, but in reverse, it seemed at particles of matter were forming solid, somewhat living ponies.
"Look!" Fluttershy said, pointing to a University, it was the magical institute that Twilight used to work at.
The world finally completed materialization, the world seemed exactly as their own, except, happier somehow, the two walked up the steps to the main hall. They walked up the stairs, and they arrived at the sixth floor, all of Twilight's students were there, she couldn't look at them, every so often, she would see a flash of their wounds.
"Don't worry, only I can see you, and they can't see me," a blue and black stallion waled up to Twilight and Fluttershy.
"Why can't they see us, and why can you?" Fluttershy asked, inspecting the stallion.
"I am the keeper, I was the first one killed, and I'm guessing you two are here to rescue them?" the stallion said, putting a hoof inches from Twilight.
"Why, how did you know?" Twilight asked, she was wanting to hurry, she didn't like seeing her dead students.
"Celestia told me, she can send messages to me." the stallion said.
"Why couldn't you save them then?" Fluttershy asked, annoyed.
"I'm dead, HELLO!"the stallion raised his hooves above his head.
"Oh yeah, sorry, so can we take them?" Twilight asked, looking towards the ponies.
"I'm sorry, but you must first complete a challenge," the stallion said.
"Are you serious, we killed Nightmare, Blueblood, and brought Celestia back, and we still have to complete a challenge, this is stupid," Twilight said, her nostrils flaring.
"Those are Luna's rules," the stallion said, shrugging.
"Fine, what is it?" Fluttershy asked.
"The key to their souls, is always related to their death, and always will be, for any souls, what you need is a knife, a bottle of vodka, a rag, and a lighter," the stallion said, handing Twilight a list.
"And what do we do with these?"
"You fight the guards with these, then you will be able to get their souls." the stallion said.
Twilight nodded, "What's your name?''
"Damion," Damion said, disappearing into the crowd of students.
"Alright, we'll go to the downtown district, and get these items," Twilight gestured to the vodka, rag, and lighter.
"And the knife?" Fluttershy asked.
"We'll go to the weapons shop on Frye street and Galaxy corner." Twilight said.
The two walked out of the university, and down the street, they passed one street, two streets, ten streets, and they kept going. They finally reached the weapons shop about twenty blocks away, and they entered.
"Hello ladies, I think you're in the wrong side of Canterlot," a grey pony behind the counter said, watchint the two.
"We need a knife," Fluttershy said coldly.
"Why, why would two little ponies like you need a knife?" the owner asked, leaning on the counter, towards the two.
"Do you have a knife?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yeah, let me get them," the owner walked off.
"Gees, Fluttershy, can you believe him?" twilight asked, looking at Fluttershy,
"Yeah, most dealers are like that," Fluttershy said, wiping her hair out of her face.
The pony returned, with about ten knives in his hooves, he laid them out on the counter.
"Any machetes?" Fluttershy asked.
"You need a license for that." the stallion said.
Fluttershy whipped out her license, adn the stallion examined it.
"Looks official, here," the owner reached under the counter and pulled out a new, shiny machete.
"Thank you," Fluttershy said, taking the machete, swaying with it.
"Wait, that's two hundred bits," the owner said, holding Fluttershy.
"Oh, we, we," Twilight started, but Fluttershy had already figured out what to do, she flung around, slicing the blade through his foreleg, it fell to the ground, spurts of blood coming from his stump.
"AHHHHHHHHH" the owner gripped his non existent foreleg, and fell back against the wall, and knocked his head on a concrete slab, killing him.
"Fluttershy! You killed him!" Twilight said, rushing over to him.
"He was already dead." Fluttershy said, sheathing the machete.
Twilight, who realized this in the exact moment that Fluttershy said it, rose up sheepishly.
"Let's see if he has a lighter, i saw some cigars." Twilight said.
"FOUND IT!" Fluttershy yelled, holding a lighter up triumphantly.
"Good, let's check the mini fridge for some liquor," Twilight said, walking to the mini fridge under the counter.
Twilight walked over to the fridge and she looked inside, SUCCESS, there was a bottle of vodka, completely untouched, right there, smack dab in the middle of the otherwise empty fridge.
"Twilight, I found a rag!" Fluttershy threw a rag at Twilight.
"Alright, that's everything." Twilight said, checking the rag, and the vodka off the list.
"Good, we can get them back," Fluttershy said, sighing.
"Time to go find Damion again." Twilight said, putting the rag, lighter in vodka in her bag.
"Yep," Fluttershy said, hiding the machete in her bag.
The two had found every item on the list, now all they needed to do was find the guards, and the stallion, I mean Damion, again....
Read the first book, if you haven't this story will make no sense
This somehow seems somewhat based off of Sucker Punch. Is it?
Interesting story idea, though.
46207 Nope, not really, but have you read book one?
"She finally took them all out... But for what worth?" - Sgt. Allan K. Johnson..
Yeah.. what is the worth of killing her friends though... I wonder...
What is this I don't even. I think I just accidentally all over the computer.
omg..omg..omg and i thought the first book would be all action, and this would be adventure, but no......
I DEMAND MOAR
WHOO fluttershy has still got her badassery! Awesome!
Fluttershy you killed him!
Silly twilight you cant kill whats already dead.. ^_^
Rule #2 of fiction writing:
SHOW, DON'T TELL the story!
What's rule #1...not sure really, probably has to do with Mary Sue/Gary Stu fics...you used canon characters so that probably doesn't apply here...
If you want to improve, add more descriptions. Don't tell the reader what happens, show them! Describe it!
Nope. Not having it. Denied.
Show, not tell, bro. Show not tell. Also- come on, THEY JUST DIED. How did they know where to go? Twilight's just like, "Alright kay guys we need to go downtown district I just died but it's obvious death has districts derp"
Sorry for the hate bro (I'm suffering from sleep insomnia) but the story has some flaws that could be revised: Explain things in detail more- that being, LEAD the reader to an obvious conclusion, do not state that conclusion... BUT MAKE THE CONCLUSION THEY EARN REALISTIC, AND ONE THAT EXPLAINS THE PLOTPOINT.
For example:
OBVIOUS: The trek uphill would be difficult.
CONCLUSION: That's not to say he wanted to go uphill. Various, jagged rocks littered the steep slope- one slip could send a pony tumbling to their deaths!
This would explain why the protagonist wouldn't be going uphill, but instead around the hill.