Thank you! This story took over a year to make! A lot of thought and help came into this first chapter, but it will not take as long as that. I plan to keep the story as consistent as possible, ya know?
8151755 Awesome! There are to little stories with proper spirits or 'ghosts' as it is (The none evil spirit kind). It's good too see you put your heart, soul and perhaps some blood into it. As long as you keep the story alive most will be happy.
I wish there were additional stories that had 'not-evil' or 'less-evil' or 'normal-person' type ghosts around. Most places I read stories with spirits in them have that character be unnaturally antagonistic.
You should look for an editor. Also, space out your paragraphs, when they get too long like that, people tend to just skim read or skip them entirely. You don't want either of those.
Edit: I see this is quite the old story, so I don't know if you're actually working on it or not. Carry on I guess.
Thank you for the feed back! I´ll try my best to find an editor, and fix the paragraphs. This may be an older story, but it´s been in my mind for some time. And since people don´t really make stories like these, I figured I might as well give it a shot.
By the way, I received an email notification about a new chapter of this story, but when I go to read the new chapter it is not listed. I was all excited to read it... I hope you know about this already, but if not I just wanted to bring it up since I've never seen something like this before!
I'm glad to hear back from you! I really appreciate you responding to me!
Oh, sorry about that! I accidentally pressed Publish when I was trying to save the story. Sorry to get your hopes up. But, keep them up because it will be coming out soon~!
For those who are interested in the filly ghost, and don´t mind spoilers.. her name is Lilly Cottonflower! Her bio is in the, well.. bio! I also have quite the few OCs and such in there as well. So, if you want to know more about here or about others i´ve written about, then go to the blog. It´s in another comment. BEWARE! THERE ARE SPOILERS IN IT! I WILL TRY TO HIDE THESE SPOILERS, THO!
Ok so constructive criticism time, I like the story, its unique among the ones on site. But the current pacing and formatting is really jarring, it makes it hard to get into. This is especially important for 2nd person stories, first of all I'd suggest breaking the text up more following syntax. In example if someone new is talking or someone hasn't talked in awhile start a new paragraph, that alone should help tons. Secondly try to be more descriptive with what's going on around anon and what he's doing physically and a little less about internal monologue. Internal monologue can be really great in 2nd person but it needs to come with a lot of descriptive text. 2nd person is all about showing not telling, while that is true with all writing it is even more so important with 2nd person narrative. Look forward to reading more. :)
8175249 Oh! I am extremely sorry for that! I accidently pressed Publish instead of save! I am so sorry for that. And yes, the chapter will be coming out soon!
I like it. I wanna see how this all plays out for our Anon. You have my like and fav!
8151483
Thank you! This story took over a year to make! A lot of thought and help came into this first chapter, but it will not take as long as that. I plan to keep the story as consistent as possible, ya know?
8151755
Awesome! There are to little stories with proper spirits or 'ghosts' as it is (The none evil spirit kind). It's good too see you put your heart, soul and perhaps some blood into it.
As long as you keep the story alive most will be happy.
8151878 I agree with you man. This 'ghostly tail' is gonna be good!
Very nice job here!
I can't wait to see more of this.
I wish there were additional stories that had 'not-evil' or 'less-evil' or 'normal-person' type ghosts around. Most places I read stories with spirits in them have that character be unnaturally antagonistic.
I love 'cute ghost' type stories!
8152711 Thanks~! This story has been floating around in my head for quite some time.. I´m glad you like it, and there sure is going to be more!
Cool idea, poorly executed.
You should look for an editor. Also, space out your paragraphs, when they get too long like that, people tend to just skim read or skip them entirely. You don't want either of those.
Edit: I see this is quite the old story, so I don't know if you're actually working on it or not. Carry on I guess.
8153669
Thank you for the feed back! I´ll try my best to find an editor, and fix the paragraphs. This may be an older story, but it´s been in my mind for some time. And since people don´t really make stories like these, I figured I might as well give it a shot.
For those who want a full view on the characters, find them in this Blog I created with ALL of my OCs and other existing characters i´ve read/created:
WARNING!! THERE MIGHT BE SLIGHT SPOILERS IN THESE! READ THE BIOS AT YOUR OWN RISK!!
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/597901/list-of-characters-in-stories-i-like-making-and-ocs
8152800
You're welcome!
By the way, I received an email notification about a new chapter of this story, but when I go to read the new chapter it is not listed. I was all excited to read it...
I hope you know about this already, but if not I just wanted to bring it up since I've never seen something like this before!
I'm glad to hear back from you! I really appreciate you responding to me!
lh5.googleusercontent.com/73NgI3gji9zQofPkTjslUfPFrm7noTkQPCROAxiYHisJtoXUUwAh0wr0-ThWLN_CDaxPPxQcNTxsyo4=w1280-h956-rw
Explain this >:'v
why :'v
Disappointment
8174128
Oh, sorry about that! I accidentally pressed Publish when I was trying to save the story. Sorry to get your hopes up. But, keep them up because it will be coming out soon~!
Waiting for next chapter be like:
media.giphy.com/media/3a1P9ikraSUHC/giphy.gif
8174225
Sorry, on the device i´m using (A Shitty Chromebook) I can´t see the image.. Describe to me your disappointment.
For those who are interested in the filly ghost, and don´t mind spoilers.. her name is Lilly Cottonflower! Her bio is in the, well.. bio! I also have quite the few OCs and such in there as well. So, if you want to know more about here or about others i´ve written about, then go to the blog. It´s in another comment. BEWARE! THERE ARE SPOILERS IN IT! I WILL TRY TO HIDE THESE SPOILERS, THO!
Ok so constructive criticism time, I like the story, its unique among the ones on site. But the current pacing and formatting is really jarring, it makes it hard to get into. This is especially important for 2nd person stories, first of all I'd suggest breaking the text up more following syntax. In example if someone new is talking or someone hasn't talked in awhile start a new paragraph, that alone should help tons. Secondly try to be more descriptive with what's going on around anon and what he's doing physically and a little less about internal monologue. Internal monologue can be really great in 2nd person but it needs to come with a lot of descriptive text. 2nd person is all about showing not telling, while that is true with all writing it is even more so important with 2nd person narrative. Look forward to reading more. :)
8174399
Thanks!
I truly appreciate you getting back to me so quickly.
I figured it may have been something like that. At least it wasn't FimFiction losing a story or chapter, like I had feared.
Soon? Yes, excellent!
8174401 s7.postimg.org/5dfxzbg57/disapointament.png
I just received the notification of a new chapter in my mail, and when it arrived there was nothing;
My heart breaks
PD: the error in the imagen was me not the chromebook...
8174987
Thank you so much for the feedback! I will try my best to fix the mistakes, and possibly hire an editor! I can't thank you enough!
8175249
Oh! I am extremely sorry for that! I accidently pressed Publish instead of save! I am so sorry for that. And yes, the chapter will be coming out soon!