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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Would this story is getting very interesting to read it has my full attention now keep up the good work update more soon it is very interesting to read.
7571803 The (^.^) and sorry for not working on the other one.
7572012 Share Gif: http://media4.giphy.com/media/sTxvoh6FaU1y0/200w.gif
I like it please continue
This is good man. Keep it up.
The pacing of the story feels a bit rushed to me , but the story idea is interesting
7572420
Hopefully with better writing.
"The Protector" feels too much like a grade schooler's "everything goes exactly as planned for the main character, everything always works out, and things that are going to happen are clearly announced before any action is taken" kind of gary stu story.
It's a good first effort, but it'll take some SERIOUS strides in bettering his writing abilities to make it comfortably enjoyable as a story in it's own right.
You need a proofreader, nothing too bad just some errors like "nonle" or "hinter". Anyways for me it's too rushed and simple: "Hey Applejack," I called out her name catching her attention." Do you want to join me on a search for 'The Hunter'?" She makes it sound like it's a walk to the mall, also without a main reason. I will try this story in another moment, for a second try.
7574160 I thought I fix those errors *sigh* I'll be fixing them. And sorry for the rush didn't have the right mind of writing. Won't do that again.
you just need a proofreader to fix the grammer and spelling mistakes. i read through this getting the suspicion English isn't a language you are really familiar with, some of the story fell like it came from Google translate. the dialogue reads stiff and forced.
i'll keep this in my favorites .
Here a little tip to help proof reading. After you finish a chapter let it sit for a week or so. Don't look at it and don't think about, just move onto something else. Then after the time ends look at the story again; this will let you look at it with fresh eyes.
7578611
... Wish there was a memory eraser machine so I can proofread mine then send it for a proofreader.
while interesting my inner Luna fan hop this does not go like a metrod fic i read once that made luna a asshole who cant see two feet past there nose and cause 90% of the main problems or blames them for every thing
The story idea has meret but the writing it not fluid. It hampers the exoeruance. I would suggest findind a privet place and read the writing out loud. If it is hard to speak or sounds bad ti tge ear then it likely needs yo be changed.
First paragraph and already I see problems.
The first sentence is hard to grasp, i think it needs to be reworded. Also, 'an' before words starting with a vowel. 'An injured one'.
Second sentence, 'a thorn in the rulers'. It's not as bad, but it'd read better if it was 'A thorn in the rulers side', as the expression usually goes. Also, the sentence needs restructuring. Commas in the right places.
Third sentence.
Contradiction, 'in the same first month after the first event'. The way this is worded, it requires multiple readings before it is understood. Initially, it looks like a contradiction, but looking at it now I see that it isn't. So, yeah, rewording.Second half of the sentence doesn't make sense, 'for an unknown reason on why the Hunter was there is still a mystery'. Also requires rewording.
Last sentence could use some work, though it's not as bad.
I'm discouraged from reading any further, I'm sorry.
love it.😊
8656426
Glad you like it
Cringey grammar.... but the premise is soooo interesting!
8716472
Yeah, I know the Grammer that my past self had done was cringey, but when the story is finish I'll be writing it.
You really need an editor. Like, desperately.
8840879
I know, but this part is going to be rewritten in the near future. My past self should have learn to write better than winging it. Don't worry after this part been rewritten I'll try to find an editor for this story, if any wishes to go through the torture.
Sadly I have to agree with the others. This really needs editing. I had to stop reading it because of it. If from what I understood of the description, tags, and the first couple of paragraphs was indeed correct, this looks to be a very interesting story. If this was cleaned up, I would love to read it, but for know I will put it on a check back later shelf.