The Science Fiction Story:MLP

by Glen Gorewood

An Incredibley Boring Minor History Lesson about Ruminia

Author's Note:

This is a chapter devoted to the history and current status of Ruminia home of the Billy Goats, consider this a break chapter of sorts.

Now that that’s covered, if you've read it in full or just really don't want to because it is incredibly boring, let’s get back to the story that actually matters. That of the terrifying anomalous incidents still occurring in Equestria and the intrepid reporter Applejack’s investigations and other things related to this rather silly story.

Expect next chapter tomorrow afternoon.

Edited run on sentences and a few errors, August 17, 2016

Glen Gorewood

Before we carry on I think it is important you know what Ruminia is.

A land of great lush hills, stunning lowlands with rivers arching from one end to the other, with ancient castles and fortresses dotting the landscape. Great mounds of stone and lochs stretch across this former nation, that is surrounded on one side by the deep blue and somewhat briny sea. Trees growing in great highland forests and meadows coated with flowers, some of which are so bright the eye can't stand to look on them for fear of going blind. In these great hills dwell the Goats, in their villages and cities the latter of which are distinctly smaller than those elsewhere in the world.

Ruminia formerly the home of Bovines before the Great Horned Conqueror came, is currently the homeland of the Billy Goats. It is also a territory belonging to Equestria, by right of the defeat of aforementioned Great Horned Conqueror's Descendants by the Princesses of Equestria.

Before this they were effectively organized groups of semi wandering clans. Going about their business in a usual fashion for groups of ancient warring clans of goats trying not to off themselves too quickly. They were united under the Great Horned Conqueror, who decades later ceded the throne to one Billy. So he could go on a quest to find ancient knowledge ,and presumably turn evil and conquer and pillage other areas. His true name is long forgotten but he had a rather peculiar fondness for bells, and would often dance and sing with bells upon bells coating his figure.

Billy, also known as Billy the Boastful, is why most goats are called Billy Goats if they originate from Ruminia itself. He is also the origin of the classic goat insult “Don’t be such a Billy” often told to someone who is rather full of themselves or maybe just smells really bad. This is because he was a very vain, very snobby, very loud goat. Who would always make a big fuss over every single accomplishment no matter how small. There is a rather old tale of how he once cut the cheese and had to declare how glorious it was. Despite the fact he was actually a fairly good ruler and did accomplish many great feats, he is far more remembered for his boastful nature and unfortunate habit of forgetting to wash himself for days on end.

Though it is thanks to him that the goats would eventually create a feudal semi warring civilization, and some of the best plaid clothing in the world. In fact they invented plaid, and a dish known as fraggus, a local delicacy that nobody besides the goats can actually stomach. Made from long fermented insects, vegetables, and other questionable items it is a true test of ones stomach and willpower.

It is a known fact they used fraggus to aid in negotiation, and win wagers with other countries. They were a proud people, they built very large castles and towers, loved to sail the waters.. The Goats created wonderful myths, and had a tendency to invade villages of other countries especially their next door neighbor; and acquire civilians to take home as prizes. This would not have been such a problem if they hadn't also sent yearly gifts to the families of said citizens. These gifts consisted of fresh fraggus, loads of plaid cloth, terrifying tales, and exactly one round of stinky cheese to celebrate their marital union to said former Equestrian. The citizens rightfully complained often to their rulers, Luna and Celestia the Princesses of Equestria.

Unfortunately the Princesses of the still young Equestria were not exactly pleased with a bunch of horned marauders randomly invading their country, and taking their citizens. To top it off they were very sick of having to eat fraggus during diplomatic visits, and really tired of bad goat jokes. This habit, nay horribly designed tradition, was the very last straw in a long line of problems related to the Billy Goats and their constant bad taste and actions. In retaliation they promptly beat the Great Horned Conqueror or GHC’s Descendants in the only game that Billy Goats really are horrible at.

That game is now known as Tennis, and after their defeat the Princesses annexed Ruminia as a territory of the sovereign crown of Equestria. But unfortunately for the billy goats fraggus was outlawed as an export. And to top it off most of the Billy Goats preferred traditions were only useful to attract tourists, including the Hilland Games. They were thus forced to almost solely rely on a few exports. These were mostly plaid materials, for the equestrian farmers loved it and the Billy Goats made the best plaid in the world. Other things were music, scary stories, good dancers, great drink, as well as the occasional military service goat.

As a result they quickly became the laughingstock of Equestria and all of it’s territories, especially since they are truly terrible at Tennis the unofficial national sport.
Actually it's because out of all the Equestrian territories they are the worst at Tennis. And the only ones whom were legitimately conquered by that game so badly it's used in comedy skits and goofy songs to this day. And to make it better they have never won a single match in the History of Equestria and it's Territories.

This has been An Incredibly Boring Minor History Lesson about Ruminia.