• Published 15th Sep 2018
  • 692 Views, 21 Comments

High School Teaching Misadventures - Even Evil Has Standards

A history teacher slash soul can unwittingly takes a job at an all female high school.

  • ...

Meetings the students without knowing it

Author's Note:

Before we begin, I'd like to point out that if you're wondering why there were students at the school when the semester hasn't even started, it was early orientation.

Also here are pictures of Walter Boggis, Nathan Bunce, and Franklin Bean, the inspiration for the figures of three characters.

Louis awoke the next morning to feel a pair of arms around him. He turned his head to find Emerald snuggled close to him with a content smile on her face. Louis shifted his body and Emerald tightened her grip around him, giggling while she did so. "Good thing I gave the pony something to muffle her ears with, eh Master?"

"Yeah," agreed Louis. He turned his head again, but Emerald anticipated this and raised her head so that their lips met. She moaned as their tongues began curling and entwining, fighting for dominance. When they pulled apart, saliva was trailing down her naked chest while Louis started to get up. "I have to go untie your sister."

Emerald pouted, "Do you have to, Master?"

"Well yes, I can't leave her bound and gagged forever, and only I...can...free...her," Louis started to trail off as he remembered something. "Uh oh." He then made to get out of bed much quicker.

"I was going to promise a shower after releasing Peridot, but yesterday the assistant dean touched the piece and I forgot to untie her." explained Louis as quick as he could while trying to get dressed as quick as he could.

Emerald's eyes widened and she bolted out of the bed, out of the room, and into the guest room, which was right next to the master bedroom. There was a shriek as she evicted Brass from it and slammed the door. When Louis was fully dressed, he bolted out of the room and made for the nightstand, just missing an extremely red faced Beauty Brass, and grabbed the Lego piece. After tying the string behind his neck, he clapped his hands and Peridot's bonds and gag vanished, leaving her free to get up and stretch. When she finished, she noticed her boss pacing, but before she could ask, Emerald was out of the guest room, and the two were out of sight in an instant. Peridot looked at the door they went through with a confused look, then turned to Brass with a smirk. "So, did you like what you saw?"

Louis ran down the steps and, without looking, pushed a white button on the wall, opening one of the garage doors. Emerald dove into the car to start it up, while Louis bolted out out into the driveway...and something snagged his shirt. He found himself being hoisted off the ground and face to face with a very big, very fat dragoness.

This was Jasper, 300 pounds in both fat and muscle, scales that combined the colors of red, yellow, and brown, wielding a sickle like a hook and a golden knuckle duster, and a black crop top that covered her J cups and black sweat shorts. She was glaring at Louis, the hem of his shirt entangled on the tip of her sickle, his feet flailing in the air, only faltering when he met her piercing glare. "Hey J-J-Jasper."

"Human," growled she, "I was looking outside my window when I saw one of your whores tussling with what looked like a pony." She brought the knuckle duster up to his throat, causing Louis to raise his head to avoid the sting, all the while sinking into his shirt. "Was it a pony?"

"N-No it wasn't, Emerald t-took care of it," stuttered Louis. Jasper studied him for a moment. Then with a flick of her wrist, whipped Louis' shirt off, sending him on to the ground, his upper body bare for all to see. Suddenly, he found the links of a chain biting his neck.

"He's lying of course!" cackled a voice that Louis knew all too well: Emerald and Peridot's older cousin Malachite. Her scales were the lightest shade of green of the three, she was skinny as a pencil, and wore a black tank top that almost covered her C cup chest, which was currently pressed into Louis' back. The tank top was so showy that Louis often wondered if she was a former dominatrix. He didn't want to ask her that, for she had her eye on him for sometime, voicing her desire to have him put her, making him the dominant one in her fantasies. She also made it clear that, if she had her way, he wouldn't be wearing any shirts at all. Louis did NOT want to see how long that expectation would last until she raised it to "no shirt and too small shorts."

"I...I," it was hard for Louis to talk because the front of his neck was in Malachite's Nunchaku, while she was licking the back. Suddenly she felt a sharp prick in her tail. Yelping, she got off of Louis, letting go of his neck. Likewise, Jasper felt some weight on her back and something stab her exposed midriff. She shook off her assailant and brandished her sickle and knuckle duster threateningly. Malachite stood by her side, clutching her nunchucks. They were face to face with Emerald who had her cutlass and machete in her hands, and Peridot brandishing her guandao, both standing protectively in front of Louis.

"Well, the whores come out to defend their namby pamby toy," sneered Jasper.

"Oh, like you're any better, slut?" retorted Emerald.

"Dear cousin," cooed Malachite, "I'm the only whore for darling Louis."

"Please cuz," retorted Peridot, "the Boss wouldn't take you in unless he had no choice."

If you thought a "no holds barred" fight was about to occur, well you'd be given this answer:

The combatants had a little Eastwood-Van Cleef-Wallach stare-down (it's not apt, but it is awesome) when two of them were covered in what was apparently seaweed. The other three (or four since Brass was looking out the window) turned to see a dwarf sized blue dragoness called Lapis Lazuli.

She was small enough to have water in the shallow end of a pool come up to her chin...then again she was a good swimmer, so it could come up to her chin in the deep end too. Her scales were that dark shade of blue that would remind you of water. A rangers uniform covered her A cup chest and instead of a gun, a katana dagger was in a holster. The uniform came from her being the somewhat self anointed law official of this district. I say "somewhat" because she claimed the title for herself, but no dragoness objected, due to the unique hunting rifle that she fired her own brand of seaweed from, a sticky kind of seaweed, the kind that would stick to whoever she fired it at.

Naturally, if anyone objected, they'd find themselves all wrapped up. So she got the job. Anyway, she looked at her two prisoners, then picked up Louis' shirt and marched up to the human. "Your shirt, sexy."

Louis wasn't the least bit embarrassed by this, as Lapis' flirting was playful and light hearted, no innuendos that insinuated that she wanted to be taken to bed, unlike Malachite's. "Thanks, Lapis." He found a large rip in it from Jasper's sickle and sighed. "This'll have to be repaired. I'll go change into another one."

The sound of Brass clearing her throat reached their ears and they turned and saw the red faced mare even redder still as she held out a new shirt, her face averted from having to look at his bare chest. Flustered, (he wasn't fond of showing off his skin in the presence of strangers, or creatures he knew but just met for that matter) Louis snatched it away from her and yanked it on, arms flailing about as he did so. When he had it on completely, he was extremely red faced and he began talking rather quickly, "You two get in the car," he indicated to Emerald and Brass, "and you stay here on guard," he indicated to Peridot, "right, let's go." He took off rather fast, only to find Lapis' rifle at his throat.

"Hold on there, handsome," said Lapis, "there's also the matter of Sardonyx. She's been yelling about how someone named Delores left her for an albatross."

Louis mentally groaned. Sardonyx was a delusional black and white dragoness that had a habit of breaking into his house and stealing some of his movies. When Louis first met her, she was dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, and after her response, ("Sorry I scared you, I must look like a yeti in this get up.") Louis would describe her as a feminine Robin Williams, especially when she thought she was a radio personality. ("GOOD MORNING VIETNAM! This isn't a drill, this is rock and roll!") It's actually where she got the nickname for Jasper (*cough* Dickerson *cough*). But there was one thing about him that scared the cuss out of her. "Just tell her that you'll sic Walter Finch on her," he whispered, "she'll know who you are talking about."

Lapis lowered her weapon. "Walter Finch, huh? Well it better work," she raised the barrel to Louis chest, "or you to will be cellmates."

"Itllworkitllwork," said Louis hastily, not altogether eager to spend a night with Sardonyx in Lapis' jailhouse that doubled as her home.

Muffled noise came from Jasper and Malachite, and the others turned to see seaweed covering their muzzles; apparently Lapis' seaweed made a good gag too. The ranger dragoness marched over to them. "Alright you mugs, you have a choice of coming with me by the way of a rabbit or by a worm. Make it now."

Jasper squirmed, trying to get up, but failed. Malachite, on the other hand, got up like she took lessons from a cartoon, but hopped towards Louis, mumbling loudly, "Mssssm! Mssssm!"

By the way, I am aware that is an oxymoron, so don't bother pointing it out.

"Oh no ya don't!" Lapis cut off the yandere dragoness. "You're coming with me, so get hopping!" Growling, Malachite began hopping away from him and towards Jasper. Louis, his dragonesses, and Brass watched as the two were humiliatingly escorted away. Then Louis said, "Alright, let's get going."

As he, Emerald, and Brass clambered into the car, Peridot approached his seat. "Wait a minute Boss. Take these with you." She presented him two small boxes. Louis took them, opened them, and grunted in understanding when he saw that each contained a shard, one emerald, the other peridot. With that, she gave him a peck on the cheek. "G'bye Boss."

"We'll have to make a stop by the school first, then we'll drop you off at your place," Louis told Brass.

"Why do you have to stop there?" asked she.

"Something happened there that only I can undo," he mumbled.

Brass didn't push it as she was interested in a different topic. "Who were those two brutes from earlier?"

"'Brute' is only apt for one of them," grumbled Louis, "Jasper. She was the big one, a bully that gets what she wants through intimidation, and her prime targets are what she calls 'weaklings.' The other was Malachite, she only wants me for my schwanshtucher and believes herself to be the only one worthy of it."

"Why would she want your swan...what you said?"

Louis blushed. "It's a small district."

Emerald smirked. "Word spread quickly about how he was in the sack. I have experienced it first hand, so I know what I'm talking about when I say it was-"

"Shut up Emerald!"

"Yes Master."

Brass raised an eyebrow. "Why does she call you 'Master'? What was in the box the other dragoness, Period or something, gave you? What was she saying as she hopped towards you?"

"Now that's a long story," said Emerald, "what do you know about Tirek?"

Brass thought for a moment, then said, "He was a centaur that came to Equestria with his brother Scorpan the gargoyle, intent on stealing it's magic. But Scorpan began to grow close to the ponies, to the point that he tried to convince Tirek abandon the plan. But Tirek refused so Scorpan aided the Pillars in banishing his brother to Tartarus then returned to his own land."

"Yes," said Emerald, "but that's not entirely true. What you said did happen, but what history doesn't mention is that they arrived, they had a special kind of diamond. A diamond that was composed of shards from many different gems; when the shards are combined to make the diamond, the owner has complete control over us dragonesses."

"All dragonesses?" asked Brass.

"Not exactly," said Louis, "there's the district we live in is called 'Gem Dragon Street.'"

(Apart from being a parody of 10 Downing Street because I couldn't understand Chamberlain when he said it. Seriously, it sounded like he said "Tin Dining Street." But I digress.)

Louis pulled out the boxes and showed their contents to Brass. "Two of the original shards were emerald and peridot. These and the rest are part of the lifeline to dragonesses like Emerald."

"We're all named after a certain gem and our souls are bound to that particular one. If it should shatter, the namesake dragoness perishes."

"Wow," was all Brass could say.

"You think that's something," said Louis, "whoever assembled the diamond could have complete control over the gem dragonesses."

Brass was beyond speechless. "But Tirek was more...active in his refusal," said Emerald, "the brothers got into a fight that resulted in the diamond broken and the shards were scattered and most of the dragonesses never found them again."

"Which brings us to your third question," said Louis, "you asked what Malachite was saying when she was hopping to me: 'possession.'"

"Why would she say that?" asked Brass.

"There are 3 ways you can secure the loyalty of a gem dragoness," said Emerald. "One way is for her to willingly give herself over to someone, although she can't do it just to anyone; the subject has to have a good cock, like the Master."


"You have to admit Master," said Emerald unashamedly, "you do know how to show a lady a good time."

Louis, however, had enough spunk to fire back with, "Like how our introduction turned out?" which shut her up, her face darkening.

Brass looked at his smirking face to Emerald's blushing one, then asked, "Do I really need to know?"

"All you need to know is that she was so cocky that she humiliated herself in front of the other Beryls."

"The what?"

"Gem heads," explained Emerald, eager to get the conversation out of this part of the water, "there used to be three, I was one of them, now there's two: Ruby and Sapphire. They have their own turfs on the district. I used to have one as well."

"What happened?" asked Brass.

Emerald smiles warmly. "A certain human came along and dragged us down a few pegs."

Louis smiled blushingly, then looked confused. "By 'us' do you mean you and your sister?"

"Yes and no," said Emerald. "Every time your name is mentioned, Ruby and Sapphire shudder. Which brings us to the second way to secure a gem dragoness' loyalty: beating her in a fight."

"Is that how you two met?" asked Brass.

"Sort of," answered Louis, "but anyway, if you were to beat a gem dragoness in a fight, you'd have to ask the question of whether or not you have her service. If she says no, then that's all."

"If she says yes," Emerald half closed her eyes, and her voice adopted a sensual tone, "then she is yours to command, be it to do housework, guarding, or pleasure in the sack."

They had reached a stop light so Louis, taking the opportunity to do so, pulled out a roll of green duct tape, and called out, "Emerald," in a sing song voice. When she turned to look, he wrapped the tape around her muzzle. "There, too snug?"

"Mm Mmmmm," she mumbled.

Louis turned back to Brass. "Anyway, the third way is to secure one of these," he showed her the shards, "say the name of the shard, and its namesake will appear and swear eternal loyalty until otherwise." He put up a grim face, "which is why I want the malachite shard, to keep her in line. Because when push comes to shove, the shard will give you the look of a tough leader and help make it clear that you mean what you say."

This was a lot for Brass to process. But in the meantime...

No seriously, everybody got that?

The first thing Louis did after Emerald parked the car outside the school was rip the tape off her muzzle. "Keep it running, I shouldn't be too long." He didn't wait for her reply as he bolted up the sidewalk.

There was silence before Emerald turned to Brass and said, "We might have enough room on one bed for three."

Louis ran down the hall, trying to find the principal's office, when,

"You passed the door a few yards back."

"Vortech! Where were you when I needed you?!"


"How can you be meditating? You don't even have a body!"

"You try doing something when you're stuck in a miniscule piece of yourself with no one to talk to. Besides, even if I was able to register what was going on, all I could do would be activating the piece's defense should either of them touch it, and you know how quick word spread about Jasper's touching it, remember?"

"You have a point," Louis grumbled mentally. It was true; his first run-in with Jasper resulted in her getting trussed up the same way Chrysalis was. Louis being the only one to free her only made her think that he tricked her into it, and had hated him ever since.

"Let's go and free your girlfriend. She must be having major cramps by now."

"Yeah, let's...HEY!"

Louis barged through the waiting room, past a startled Raven, and into the office, and demanded, "where's Ms. Chrysalis?"

Cadance would've had a good excuse, but a closet door swing open to reveal Chrysalis, still in her uniform and rope; he bounded over to her and pulled on one coil, which caused her entire bond to fall off. She got out stretched her arms to get the feeling in them. Louis tried to keep his distance when her chest was thrusted uncomfortably close, but that proved futile when she threw her arms around him, gushing, "My hero!" Louis went scarlet at the feeling of her mounds squished into his chest. Then he felt pressure in his pants. Apparently, Chrysalis felt it too because she gasped, "Ooh!" and her wings began whipping up and down rapidly.

Luckily, Celestia pried her off of him with her magic. "That's enough, Chrysalis, we don't want our new teacher to die of nosebleed before he even starts."

"But Tiaaa," whined Chrysalis good naturedly...at least her version of good naturedly.

But Celestia was standing for none of her antics. "You are one reason why this is an all female school. You're lucky that Mr. Terwilliker isn't pressing charges for violating your probation."

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa," Louis made a "time out" gesture. "She's on probation?"

"Not that it's any of your business, human," retorted Luna, "but yes, she is on probation, for reasons involving our niece."

"Auntie!" squealed Cadance.

"Now Cady, Luna is just grouchy because the opposite sex is in the room," crooned Celestia.

"And who's fault is that, I wonder," muttered Cadance, glaring at Chrysalis.

"Hey, you can only go so long rutting the same sex before you desire those of the opposite sex," protested Chrysalis, "and don't think I didn't hear either of you being vocal about it."

Cadance, Louis, and Celestia blushed. Luna, on the other hand, was not amused. "I am NOT pining for a male's love! Every time they see a woman, they undress her with their eyes, say lewd pick up lines, all in the name of getting into her pants." She finished her rant with a hard glare at Louis who shrunk back, not knowing if he should reply.

Celestia had this deadpanned look on her face. "Are you done?"

"Yes...yes I think I..." Luna didn't look like it, though.

"Lovely. Now I know that having a male teacher here goes against our norm, but we desperately need one as history is one of the electives, and Louis here jumped at the offer. Since the newspaper didn't specify the gender," here, she looked at Chrysalis who attempted to look innocent, her smile not suiting it, "we'll have to make do. But we'll see what the students think of him by the end of the year."

Her subordinates had a different reaction: Luna huffed, Cadance's was neutral, and Chrysalis licked her lips. Louis tugged at his collar like Rodney Dangerfield, and said, "I think I'll be going, but thanks for your support." He bolted to the door, threw it open...and Raven Inkwell fell over...right on top of Louis, their lips meeting. Then Raven got up hastily and dashed out of the room, extremely red faced. Louis stuttered at the others for minute, then skedaddled out after Raven.

Chrysalis walked into the waiting room and saw Raven concentrated immensely on her computer. "So... how good was he?"

Louis tore down the sidewalk up to the car where he found Emerald and Brass in a conversation with another mare; her coat was gray with a pinch of gold, the mane and tail were dark gray mixed with a lighter tint, and her eyes were the most beautiful shade of mulberry. Of course, her eyes started to narrow with distrust when she saw Louis. "And who are you?"

"Ah Louis. This is Octavia Melody, one of my band mates. Octavia this is Louis, he let me spend the night at his place after getting lost in Everfree Row."

"So you've been telling me," grumbled Octavia. She began circling him, studying him like he was a pile of paper that displayed the most challenging piece of music and if she should play it (judging by the contempt in her eyes, probably not). "What were you doing in that building?"

"Tell her you had some tight ends to loosen."

"I had some tight ends to loosen," Louis spoke before he could stop himself, then mentally palm smacked. "Thanks Vortech."

"Mm hmm," Octavia didn't sound too happy about that, "and with whom did you 'loosen' these 'tight ends?'"

"The assistant dean."

Octavia's widened only slightly before she sniffed, "Considering your gender, I shouldn't be too surprised, especially how the assistant dean is."

"Now Octavia, we talked about this," cautioned Brass, "he invited me into his home, we had supper, we went to bed, I in a spare one, him in his own. Nothing happened."

"And yet you say you followed him to his abode while looking at his posterior?" asked Octavia skeptically.

"No! I was playing this one song on my sousaphone, and I was so enamored with it that I lost track of where I was. When I finished, I found myself in the Everfree Row."

"So you've been telling me, but you'll forgive me if I find your story a bit...oh what's the word I'm looking for? Taken with a handful of salt."

"I wouldn't bother, Brass," said Emerald, "your bandmate is one of those ponies that stuck their noses so hard into the grindstone that they're literally stuck to it."

"I am not!" protested Octavia.

"So you weren't badmouthing the Master because of his gender?"


Louis coughed. "We need to amscray, we have errands to run. Let's go, Emerald." And before the two mares could say anything, Louis was in his car, and Emerald was driving away with him.

Brass watched the car retreat farther and farther away, then she turned to Octavia. "He's not bad to look at, maybe your roommate could-"


Emerald stopped the car in front of the Carousel Boutique and turned to Louis. "I'm going in with you."

"Why? Think I can't handle myself?" asked Louis.

Emerald scowled, "Master, you know the owner: the only she won't do to guarantee that creatures will let her make new clothes for them is sending them to retrieve diamonds from the Diamond Dog part of Everfree Row."

"I know," sighed Louis, "I did hear a rumor about her actually burning a worn shirt. Last time said customer ever went to her. But she's cheaper and closer to us, so we have no choice. Speaking of Diamond Dogs, how do you feel about Con Air tonight?"

Emerald brightened somewhat. "Do you even have to ask? You know I like that Russian Malkovich."

"You mean John Malkovich? I don't think he's Russian."

"Sure he is. How else would he be able to play that round Teddy guy?"

"Ok, that's it: after Con Air, it's The Rounders."

Emerald squeed at the thought, for John Malkovich was her celebrity crush. Of course, it did vanish once they entered the shop/house.

"Welcome to the Carousel Boutique where everything is chic...oh hello Louis," said the owner. She was a light gray mare (and a very, very light gray one at that (take that Arnett Batman)) with an indigo mane and tail, and azure eyes, and was wearing black pants and a white shirt covering her E cups. She flounced over to them, fluttering her eyes. "And what can I do for you, handsome?"

Louis held out an arm in front of Emerald, who was resting her hand on a hilt, and held up the torn shirt, saying, "Someone introduced this shirt to a sickle."

Rarity's horn lit up, enshrouding the shirt in an azure light, and it was levitated over to her. After studying the tear, she tsked, "It'll take time, but I should not be too long."

"You will mend it, and only mend it, right?" Emerald had pushed past Louis' arm, her machete drawn, holding the blade at Rarity's throat. "No burning, no slashing to ribbons?"

"No darling, of course not," the unicorn whimpered.

Louis had brought his hand to his head again, then grabbed Emerald by the empty handed arm, and asked, "Just...how much is it to fix?"

"Free?" asked Rarity apprehensively.

"Yeah, sure," grumbled Louis, "come on Emerald, put the toy away, she's fixing the shirt, let's leave it at that."

"Fine," growled Emerald, and with that, they exited the boutique, leaving Rarity to get a hold of herself before her sweat became a puddle.

Then they stopped by the farmers market and boy, was there produce; apples, oranges, carrots, pears, tomahtoes, grapes, cherries, the whole kit and kaboodle. It was like a garden out there... although to be fair, it was a Ponyville market, and the rest speaks for itself. But Louis is an omnivore, and Ponyville was known for being so bountiful in fruits and vegetables.

Anyway, the first stop was the apple stand that was ran by Applejack, a gamboge (it's a shade of orange) mare with sap green eyes, a pale, light, grayish olive mane and tail that were tied in a (What else?) ponytail, a light brown stetson, blue jeans, and a white and green polo shirt covering her D cups. "Howdy Louis," she greeted them, "what can ah do ya for?"

"Hey Applejack," said Louis, who always enjoyed her company. She wasn't one to force her products on the customers, she was one of the friendlier ponies, and was known for two things: her honesty and her stubbornness. But Louis was glad that the polo she was wearing wasn't a button-up, i.e she couldn't tie the bottom so that her midriff was exposed.

"Strange, I thought you liked her wearing polos like that "

"Quiet Vortech. We'd like some apples please."

"Sure thing, Lou." Applejack put out a basket full and Louis placed some in a sack. Then they weighed them to determine the price. "That'll be three bits and a show from yer dragon friend." If there was one Applejack liked about Emerald, it was her skill in slicing apples.

"With pleasure, Appley," Emerald smirked. Then she snatched up a plate of apples and launched them into the air. As they came down, Emerald whipped out her machete, slashed the air wildy, grabbed the empty plate, and caught each and every slice with not one touching the ground. After setting them on the stand, she took a bow to the applauding on-lookers.

"Hoo wee Emerald! That's some fine knife work ya got doing," said Applejack.

"It ain't nothing, Appley," said Emerald.

"Thanks for the apples," said Louis. "Bye."

"See y'all later."

Next were the grapes. The stand was owned by a Berryshine, a light grayish mulberry mare with a mane, tail, and eyes the color of cerise, a white shirt and blue overalls over her B cups, and the overalls had a patch consisting of a bunch of grapes and a strawberry (we know her as Berry Punch). "Hey Louis! Hey drinking buddy!" she called. One known fact about Gem Dragonesses was that they were heavy drinkers. Berryshine was the most avid drinker among ponies, if not the only pony to drink heavy as well as the only pony to drink hard AND hold her liquor.

"We here for some grapes," said Louis, "no wine."

"Awww," Berryshine pouted, "I was looking forward to another drinking night with Emmy."

Emerald coughed. "I told not to call me that, Berryshine. All we need are grapes. Two bunches to be exact."

"One red, one purple," added Louis.

"What ya need for?" asked Berryshine. "Making your wine?"

Louis and Emerald exchanged a brief glance before answering simultaneously, "Yes." Never mind it was going to be one of those nights where Emerald and Peridot fed Louis produce while dressed in Arabian getup.

Berryshine, presumably, saw through their looks and giggled, "he must be real good Emmy."

Louis coughed very loudly before Emerald could answer, "here are the bits Berryshine. Come on, Emerald." With that, he dragged her away from the laughing grape mare.

"I don't think she would mind doing it too."

"Shut UP Vortech."

After that, Emerald turned to Louis, and said, "I'll go get the cherries. The vendor is a real cheapskate, especially to a buttery Pegasus. You go get the tomatoes, the vendor there isn't much of a hassle."

"Ok," said Louis and they went their separate ways. In all honesty, though, Louis didn't want to go it alone. As Emerald said, the vendor was a tough bargainer.

Roma was a cream yellow mare with blue green eyes, a two toned brown mane and tail, the former tied in a bun, a white shirt and teal apron covering her C cups, and the apron had a patch of 3 tomatoes sewed on.

As of this moment, she was giving Louis a hard look. "Hello human," she said in a voice to match.

"Hello, Roma," grumbled Louis. "I need 2 tomatoes."

Roma set the aforementioned produce out on the stand. "That'll be six bits."

"Six? What happened to 2 bits per 1 tomato?"

Roma sighed angrily. "Some pink floozy tricked me into accepting one bit the last time that happened. So, now it's three bits per tomato."

"Well I still say four bits," retorted Louis, laying out four bits.
"Six bits!"
Four bits!"
"Six bits!"
"Four bits!"
"Six bits and no more!"

"Ahem!" Emerald had returned from the cherry stand, holding her machete like a walking stick before aiming it at Roma. "He said, 'Four bits.'" Then she waved the machete around wildy again.

Roma flinched and clapped her hands over eyes, quivering. When she didn't feel a thing, she uncovered her eyes and felt around herself (no fondling) for any wounds. Then when she didn't feel or see anything, she looked smugly at Emerald, put her hands on her hips, and sneered, "Ha! Missed!" Her smirk faded, however, when she heard a tearing sound and began to feel a draft. She looked down to find herself covered by only her bra and underwear. Roma shrieked and tried to cover her entire body with her arms, then whimpered, "Four bits it is."

"Good," said Emerald. With that the two walked away while Roma hastily put up a closed sign.

"Have to admit, she doesn't have a bad figure."

"You didn't have anything to do with that, did you?"

"Now how could I, who is imprisoned in a piece of something meant for children, possibly influence someone who isn't my only means of communication with her?"
Louis didn't know how to answer that.

Finally, there was the carrot stand, ran by a goldenrod mare with pistachio eyes, and a carrot orange mane and tail named Carrot Top. Today she was wearing a red tank top with a picture of three carrots with greens on it. She closed her eyes to the half lidded point when she saw Louis. "Hey there human," she said in a sultry voice.

Like Lapis, Carrot Top often flirted with Louis and he knew she was joking. Unfortunately, she saw his companion. "Oh, hello Emerald," she said, all sensuality gone.

"Hello Carrie," said Emerald with an equally hard tone.

Louis glanced at both of them before clearing his throat. "Um, we'd like some carrots please."

"Huh?" Carrot Top shook her head before looking at him. "Oh sure." She laid out the carrots and said, "Three bits please." Louis forked them over. "Have a nice day."

"What was that about?" thought Louis as they left.
"Competition." Louis could only groan like Marge Simpson, only less raspy.

Louis and Emerald had just entered Everfree Row, when they heard a bump on the car roof. Emerald pulled over, got out, and pretended to look around before doing a backflip onto the roof.

Louis heard a squawk and saw Emerald and a griffoness tumble down the hood and onto the ground. He got out and saw Emerald standing off with her enemy, a grayish scarlet griffoness with grayish artic blue eyes, light malachite feathers with light emerald green edges, dark amaranth wings, bright yellow talons, and a black cat burglar outfit that strained on her E cups. As soon as Louis was visible in the corner of her eyes, the griffoness turned to get a better look at him and gasped...long enough for Emerald to tackle her to the ground, whip out her cutlass, and jab the point at her. "What do you want?"

The griffoness looked startled, then scowled, "I only wanted some bits, but since it's that human..."

This only made Emerald shift the cutlass nearer to the griffoness. "What do you want with him?"

Now the griffoness had a look of panic on her face. "I only need a place to stay. Griffonstone isn't exactly an ideal place to live anymore, so I left without any plans other than getting the hell out of there."

"Yeesh," said Louis, "it must've been a bad place for you to do stupid planning."

"Don't remind me," she grumbled. "I heard about this place being the home of the only human and, well..."

"~She's blushing."~

"~No she isn't.~ Well, we may have a spare cot at our house."

"You mean...?" The griffoness tried to hide it, but she looked hopeful.

"Get off of her, Emerald," ordered Louis, "she's our guest."

Emerald got up and grudgingly sheathed her cutlass while the griffoness got up and brushed herself off. "My name is Greta."

"I'm Louis, she's Emerald. Now let's go, it's getting to dusk and you do NOT want to be out here in the dark."

Louis and Emerald had to backtrack to Lapis' jailhouse abode to get Greta checked in. Being a law officer of these parts also meant that she had to oversee visitors getting a green pass while ejecting minor trespassers and locking up the more volatile ones. Due to her living in a jailhouse meant that she could also arrest anyone of the Everfree denizens too. Louis had managed to stay out so far, and he didn't want to stay.

Anyway, Greta had dozed off and rested her head on Louis' shoulder. Louis tried to get her off, but she just wrapped her arms around him, much to his embarrassment, Vortech's amusement, and Emerald's...not knowing what to feel exactly. When they got there, Louis had to shake Greta awake and when she did wake, her immediate response was to swiftly sit up straight with a huge blush on her face.

"I think she has crush on you.

"No she doesn't." Louis didn't know it, but he had exited the car with his clutching Greta's wrist, and barged into the door, nose first. He rubbed his nose, groaning like the he stepped on a rake and got hit by the handle. After hearing Greta snicker, Louis grumbled, "Oh come on, let's go." He shoved the door open and saw the blue dragoness sitting at a desk adjacent to two rows of cells, two of which were occupied. "Hey Ms. L," he called, "how's it going?"

The law girl looked up from her work. "Hello hot stuff, what can I do for you?"

Greta glowered at her, but Louis didn't see this. "This griffoness needs a place to stay and I have offered to take her in."

"Alright, I'll just get the necessary paperwork and you'll be good to go."

"Why do we need to fill out paperwork?" asked Greta as Lapis went for the appropriate forms.

"Proof that 1) I let you stay with permission, 2) I am your escort, and 3)...that you agreed to pay rent."

"Why do I feel like you made that last one up?" asked Greta.

"I couldn't think of a third thing." But before Louis could elaborate further, Lapis appeared with a yellow orange piece of paper and her katana dagger.

"What's with the knife?" Greta eyed it wearily.

"Visitors and tenants sign in blood," explained Lapis, "it's more permanent."

"That, and her breed of dragon doesn't exactly bleed red blood," added Louis, "their's looks more like oil."

Long story short, Greta signed. When the 3 got home, Peridot got out a bottle of champagne. "Are you sure about this?" asked Louis.

"Sure I am, Boss,"answered Peridot, "you got a job that pays, we got a tenant, put one over on Jasper and Malachite, I say it calls for celebrating. Besides," her voice adapted to a sultrier tone, "we know how you get when you're drunk."

Emerald purred, Greta blushed, and Louis groaned.

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