• Published 15th Sep 2018
  • 689 Views, 21 Comments

High School Teaching Misadventures - Even Evil Has Standards

A history teacher slash soul can unwittingly takes a job at an all female high school.

  • ...

Meeting the faculty while some pony learns a lesson...after ticking off someone

Louis shifted in his bed and opened his eyes to a crack's length, only to immediately snap them close, swearing that he could hear a hiss when he did so, wondering if steam was emitting from the eyelids when they met. He then turned his body and felt what he thought was Emerald's hard scales. "Since when are her scales fluffy?" Louis blindly felt the fur on the scales and heard giggling. "Ok, that is definitely not Emerald." Suddenly feeling rough arms wrapped around his naked body, he opened his eyes to find a beak in front of his nose. "Greta," he groaned.

The griffoness opened her eyes and saw the human right in front of her, his nose almost touching her beak. She purred, "Mmmmm, such smooth skin." Then she grimaced, "my head. What happened last night?"

"I don't know," groaned Louis, "my head feels like it took a beating from a hammer. Ugh. Help me off the bed." Greta just gave an affirmative grunt and pushed him until he tell off. "Oof! I said 'help me,' not 'shove me off!'"

"Yeah yeah," Greta mumbled into the pillow.

Louis managed to get up, only to fall down after taking a first step. Having no choice, he crawled over to where his staff was, which wasn't easy to do when it feels like your bones have lost weight. Anyway, he brought down the staff and managed to get upright. He had to use it as a crutch because he felt so woozy that he might fall over. After putting on his bathrobe, Louis stumbled out of the master bedroom and into the bathroom, opened the toilet, half knelt, half fell down next to the toilet, and proceeded to empty contents so violently that he would not be surprised if his slippers came out if he was wearing them.

(I feel like I should add a tag for saying that.)

After he flushed the toilet, he washed his hands, and was about to fill a cup with mouthwash when he noticed an odd silhouette in the shower curtain that let out an odd grunt, like it was two voices speaking at once. Knowing that there was only one way to find out what it was (actually there's more than one way, but it was the only way that occurred to him), Louis made his way to the tub, and by "made his way," I mean he tripped, grabbed the curtain as he fell, and took it down with him. When he got it off of him, he saw Emerald and Peridot seated opposite each other, both of them trussed up in the over arm rope gag. "Hmlp uff, Msssstr," moaned Emerald.

"You touched the piece?" groaned Louis, who was answered with several incoherent muffles. "Hold still." With that, he tugged on their bonds/gags and the sisters, free after the ropes fell away, got up and stretched, sighing in relief.

"Thanks a mil, Boss," said Peridot.

"I thought we'd be there like that forever," added Emerald, "my back might be cramped." She adopted a bedroom eyes face and looked at the human. "Can you help me with it, Master?"

But Louis shook his head as best he could with a splitting headache. "Sorry Emerald, but I need a shower. Since it's Peridot's turn, you'll have to give our Griffin friend a glass of water, then make some coffee."

Emerald pouted, "But Master-"

Louis held up a hand. "I have a freaking hangover and I need to drink something to get rid of it, Greta too. I feel like I stink so I really need a shower. Besides, you did it yesterday morning so it's your sister's turn."

"Fine," grumbled Emerald and she left the bathroom.

Louis watched her go, then turned to Peridot who was already in the nude. "C'mon in, Boss," she purred.

Louis shed his bathrobe, got into the tub, and turned on the water. "Oooh, that feels good," he sighed. He then felt Peridot rubbing his back with a washcloth. "What happened last night?"

"To say that you and the griffoness were drunk was understatement, Boss," explained Peridot, "you to started to get a little rough at the table so we tried to move you to the master bedroom, but Emerald ended up getting trussed up after she touched your pendent. I managed to get you there by passing myself off as drunk, but I tripped and grabbed your pendent, getting tied up. You two were so amused that you had her drag the two of us into the bathroom and put us in the tub. She went back saying that the way we were situated was making her feel hot, so she went back to you and we could hear you roughing it in there."

It may have been the heat from the water, but Louis suddenly felt an increase in the temperature. "R-Really?"

"I must say, as someone whose job was to put griffons in the spanking mechanism, I've never heard squawks used that loud or in that kind of context," remarked Peridot.

"Oh Faust," groaned Louis

"'Oh Faust.' That I'vd heard on multiple occasions." murmured Peridot.

After the shower, Louis found Greta sitting at the table, holding an ice pack on her head, Emerald sitting across from her, sipping coffee. The dragoness saw him first. "Hi Master," she greeted him, "coffee's on the counter, and ice packs are in the freezer. "

Louis wobbled over to the coffee maker, poured himself a cup, then took a seat at the table. "Today's a meeting of the faculty, Emerald. I have to be there when they start, so I can meet my peers."

"I can drive you there, Master."

"Thanks Emerald. "Now what are you going to do, Greta?"

The griffoness was silent for a minute, then said, "I think I'll ride in with you, then continue on my own from there."

Emerald was skeptical. "Really? You couldn't handle me last night, and you have no place to live."

"One: I could've lasted longer if your Master didn't show up," retorted Greta, causing Louis to take a sudden interest in the table, "and two: I am resourceful. I'll find someplace permanent."

"You need money to do that," countered Emerald.

"Ladies, ladies!" interrupted Louis as loud as he could, "Please! I'm still dealing with a hangover here!" He sipped his coffee, then turned to Greta, "Emerald's right, you need money to buy a house, so I could lend you-"

Greta held up a claw, "Thanks, but no thanks, Soft Stuff," Emerald failed to stifle a giggle, "I can raise my bits my own way."

Louis and Emerald glanced at each other. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" answered Greta vociferously.

After Emerald pulled up to the school sidewalk, Greta literally flew out of the car as soon as she opened the door. Louis watched her go, then turned to Emerald. "You stop by the boutique and see if Rarity finished that shirt."

"Yes Master," responded Emerald, "and if she did burn it, her goose is cooked."

"Just don't go overboard," cautioned Louis, "m'kay?"

"Yes Master." After Louis got out she drove away. "But I can't guarantee what she'll look like afterwards."

After watching the car get smaller and smaller, Louis headed into the building.

"So we meet the staff of the burlesque house, eh?"

"It's a school, dummy, but yes, we're meeting the staff."

"This is going to be delicious."


"I hope you brought something for your nose when it bleeds dry."
Louis decided not to answer.

Cadance was the first to meet him. "Welcome back, Mr. Terwilliker," she greeted him. "Come on down to the teacher's lounge, you'll meet the faculty there." She grabbed his arm and dragged him to the room before he could say a word.

Once they were inside, Louis saw the staff sitting at a long table one might see at a U.N Security Council meeting (I was in Model U.N so I know what I'm talking about) most of which he recognized, i.e Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and Redheart, but the rest he did not. "Have a seat," Cadance told him. He did so and she pointed to Rusty orange mare with cornflower blue eyes, a light gold mane and tail, a white T-shirt covering her D cups that secured her trophy pendent, followed by a purple sport coat, a pink scarf that looked like it was cut from a turtleneck, and a matching pair of pants. "This is Ms. Harshwhinny," said Cadance, "the economics teacher."

Ms. Harshwhinny sniffed. "I hope the principal knows what she's doing, hiring a male to teach in this place."


"That has got to be the least innuendious* thing you've said about the opposite sex."

(*I don't think that's a word...eh, sue me.)

Louis was a little indignant at her words. "And I suppose an inexperienced teacher would've gotten a light reprimand if said teacher was a female."

Ms. Harshwhinny started to report, but then thought better of it and said, "We'll see how you turn out."

Next was a gold pegasus mare with vivid orange eyes, a strong orange mane and tail with amber streaks, and a blue spandex suit with yellow lightning bolts outlining her C cups; on closer examination, one could see a pin of fire. "This is Spitfire, the gym teacher." said Cadance. "She's tough, but fair."

"That's right," agreed Spitfire, "and to be honest, you look like you wouldn't last five minutes in my personal course."

"Tell her you've dominated two dragonesses in heat."

"I've dominated two dragonesses heat," said Louis, once again, without thinking, then winced.

There was a mixed reaction, some staff members were a little repulsed, others were impressed and aroused, the one most vocal about it was a strange woman who's head had the same flesh as Louis', with a black mane, yellow eyes with crimson pupils, a maroon pinstripe suit over a brown button up polo that covered her E cups, but showed off a baby blue Pegasus wing on the right side of her back and a purple bat wing on the right side, maroon pants covered her left lizard leg and right goat leg, her left arm resembling a lion's and her right arm and eagle's (for me, female draconequui have the same limbs as males, but in opposite places) and an amaranth dragon tail with a white tuft.


"Now I know who to call when my special time of the year comes," she sniggered.

"Louis, this is Eris," said Cadance warily, "the drama teacher."

"And THE most powerful creature in all of Equestria, if not the world," drawled Eris. Louis jumped; Eris was suddenly right next to him, and when he looked at her original spot, he found it to be empty. Not only that, but when he looked back at her, he noticed that she was dressed as Galadriel...albeit more showy at the top. "Since you help two Gem Dragonesses in their heat, maybe you could help me in mine," she said in a bedroom voice. Louis started pulling at his collar.

"That's enough, Eris" chided Celestia, "we don't want to frighten off a potentially competent history teacher."

Eris poofed back to her original spot in her original apparel. "Spoil sport," she grumbled.

Next was a zebra whose stripes looked more grey than black with cyan eyes, gold hoops on her neck and left wrist, a red top covering her E cups, and a purple skirt. She introduced herself in a rather throaty voice, "I am Zecora, teacher of chemistry, or if you prefer potions. I must admit that hiring a male is a curious motion."

(It's kind of hard to write dialogue for someone who always talks in rhyme.)

"Sounds like she could whip up a strengthening potion for your little friend."


"Easy tiger."

"Well, I can teach," said Louis, a little sharper than he intended, "Celestia saw the necessary papers.

"Sounds like you came prepared, hot stuff," said a light grayish gold earth pony mare with a light cobalt blue mane and tail with light azure stripes, light amber eyes, a white uniform that reminded Louis of the Roaring Twenties covering her D cups, and a gold belt depicting a sapphire seashell below three stars. "Sapphire Shores, music teacher."

"A pleasure," said Louis.

Next was a very slender, very light grey unicorn mare with a light magentaish gray mane and tail with light heliotropeish white streaks, light grayish violet eyes, and a heliotrope open top dress that was a little showy (just a little) of her C cups. "Bonjour," she said, "I am Fleur de Lis, the art teacher."

"Ooooh, she's French. Probably a veela."


Next was a cerise earth pony mare with a light grayish rose mane and tail with light ceriseish grey stripes, greyish harlequin eyes, and a Japanese school teacher uniform covering her C cups. Louis thought it was Japanese because not only did it look like it, but there were a trio of patches depicting a yellow flower with a smiley face, which was usually associated with teaching in Japan. "My name is Cheerilee, the math teacher."

"Sounds like you have your hands full every semester," commented Louis, "what with math being a complex subject and all."

"Oh it varies," said Cheerilee, "it has its good days and bad days."

"Like your sex life?" Louis grit his teeth at that remark.

"Are you alright?" asked one of the nurse ponies. She was a light grey earth pony mare with a light amaranthish mane tied in a bun, a tail of the same color, an opaque white shirt covering her C cups, and a nurse's cap with a white cross with a red heart; thus, Louis recognized her as Nurse Redheart from the tour.

"I'm good," said Louis. One mare snorted; she was a pale apple green earth pony mare with a light cornflower blue and light grayish cerulean gray mane also tied in a bun, a tail the same color, harlequin eyes, and wearing the same clothes over her B cups as Redheart, and the same cap with white cross with a red heart on each inside 90° angle. She was looking at Louis with a scowl.

"But if you look at her eyes another way, it looks like 'I hate you so much, I'm going to rock your cock out!'"


Redheart cleared her throat. "I apologize for Snowheart. Let me introduce you to the other nurses," she indicated to the other two mares in similar clothes and caps and manes tied in a bun. "Sweetheart," a pudgy, light grayish orchid earth pony mare with a greyish mulberry and light grey mane and tail, cornflower blue eyes, and a B cup chest that was causing her apparel to strain, "and Tenderheart," a light cobalt blue earth pony mare with a light grayish malachite mane and tail, light grayish eyes, and a B cup chest. The two nodded at him.

"It'll be worth deliberately injuring yourself, because of this service." Louis tried very hard ro ignore him.

"Nice to meet you. Like I said, I don't need you to check me up, I can cope with some pretty severe injuries."

"Really?" asked Snowheart doubtfully.

"Of course," answered Louis, "when you've lived in Everfree Row as long as I have, you're pretty much a walking Black Knight."

Louis wasn't sure if the staff got the reference, but probably not as they were looking at him in shock. "YOU LIVE IN EVERFREE ROW?!"

"Well...yeah," he answered quietly.

"Ooh, tough," cooed Chrysalis.

"You can't live there!" shrieked Cadance, "it's a living death trap!"

"Not if you're careful," retorted Louis.

"That makes it all the worse," fretted Celestia, "hasn't your home been broken into?"

"Yes," admitted Louis, "but more often than not, their goose was cooked."

"Barbaric," muttered Luna.

"All the same," said Cadance, "we'd be happier if you moved out of there. It's too dangerous."


"Don't worry, I'll send Gleaming Shield to help you."

"But-" too late. Cadance had teleported him to the sidewalk. When she looked back at her colleagues, some were looking a little incredulous. "What?"

(I'd like to read about your reasons as to why some of them looked incredulous in the comments so let's speed up to where he was picked up.

Gleaming Shield was yet another light gray unicorn mare with a sapphire mane and tail with cerulean and phthalto streaks, cerulean eyes, wore a police uniform over her E cups with a badge depicting a blue and white shield with a lavender star. She was driving on patrol when she heard her phone vibrate. Waiting until she was at a traffic light, she opened the text and read that Cadance wanted her stop by the school, pick up the newest staff member, and help him move some stuff out of his house in Everfree Row. After texting that she was available, Gleaming drove to the school and found the human waiting on the sidewalk. She parked the car alongside, rolled down the window, and said, "you're under arrest."

"What for?" demanded the human.

"No reason, just messing with you," laughed Gleaming, "get in." Louis did, planning on showing Gleaming his home so that she could see that it wasn't as bad as Cadance made it out to be. "So you live in Everfree Row?"

"Yes," said Louis, "at first I was curious as to why it was called that when it wasn't exactly a row. Then I learned that it started out like that and expanded. When it got bigger, there was talk about calling it Everfree Heights, but that name was was taken, so the name stuck."

"Wow, you really are a history buff," giggled the cop, "if only I was back in school, I could retake history class."

"You know, you could make time for private classes."

"I'm going to put you in my pocket if you don't shut up, Vortech."

"Like you would do it."

"Yeah...I'm bluffing."

It was quiet drive after that. Louis was still banking on Gleaming shopping by the right adress. Unfortunately, the place she stopped at made Louis whimper. "Don't worry sir, I'll take care of whoever has been slaving you away and treating you horribly all your life."

"That's not-" Louis started to explain, but Gleaming was out the car without registering that she heard him. Sighing, he figured that he better follow her and correct her before it was too late. There was a reason he compared the building she parked at to Minas Morgul, despite the two looking nothing alike (this place looked more like the Castle of the Two Sisters.)

The dragoness who lived there was Obsidian, whose presence would make every dragoness nervous, even Jasper, Lapis, and Malachite; her scales were black as night and radiated an aura of menace; but what really scared Louis was her armor: when she put it on, someone like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman would encourage retreating as a good idea.

But Gleaming was too caught up in getting Louis "out of there," for the place had its own aura of menace (whether this was because of the place itself or of the inhabitant had yet to be seen) and it was creeping her out. Thus, she wasn't exactly up to speed on who dwelled there."Come on, Mr. Terwilliker," she called, "the sooner we get your stuff out of here, the sooner we can get the buck out of Dodge."

"I'm trying to tell you Gleaming-"

But they were interrupted by a scimitar blade connecting with her horn. The fierceness in the contact made Gleaming let out a short squeal in pain. Louis saw the owner of the scimitar to be "Gothmog?!"

It wasn't a clear likeness to the Morgul lieutenant as the head looked more like a pig and the left eye looked like a pebble, but with the misshapen face, stunted left arm and leg, he was almost a dead ringer. "Silence," he ordered, "and get your hands up." Louis obliged, Gleaming only did so after the guard slid his scimitar through her horn. After he wrenched it out, he stabbed it into the ground, pulled out an inhibitor ring (I think that's what they're called) and snapped it onto her horn. Then he pried his blade out of the ground and pointed at the two. "Get in," he ordered.

"Now wait just a minute," started Gleaming, but the pig orc was having none of it.

"You're trespassing, Her Ladyship will decide your punishment. Now get in," he kicked her hard, sending her towards the castle, "and don't speak unless spoken to." He then brought the scimitar to Louis' throat. "That goes for you too." Louis nodded as best he could, then followed Gleaming.

Much like Victor Tanzig's Shunted episode, the sentence for law breakers depended on the nature and severity of the crimes committed in Everfree Row, law officials, or in this case Lapis, weren't required to step in; sometimes the victims or superiors of the culprits could take said law into their own hands. Trespassing was one such example in this place; trespassers are either literally kicked out at best while at worst...you're probably better off nor knowing.

Anyway, once insde, the pig orc ordered them to strip. "Are you serious?" demanded Gleaming. With one swipe from his scimitar, the pig orc sliced off the buttons on her uniform which fell open to show her slender figure, then jabbed the blade tip at her abdomen. "Do you have a death wish?" he growled. "Strip searches are required when caught trespassing on the premises, so strip before I pick out your insides." After pulling in her gut to avoid the sting, Gleaming reluctantly took off her police jacket. The pig orc turned to Louis who was already wearing nothing but boxers and his pendant. After close examination, he stuck out his scimitar and ordered, "Put the necklace on the tip."

After Louis obliged, he and Gleaming were forced into a dungeon cell and shackled with their wrists above their heads. Once the pig orc left, Gleaming turned to Louis. "How do you survive this place?"

"Simple, I don't live here." snarked Louis.

"What?" cried Gleaming, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to di si when you keep getting interrupted."

Gleaming's retort was interrupted by muffled grunting and they turned to see "Greta?!" exclaimed Louis. Sure enough, the griffoness was chained up like her cellmates, also clad in her bra and underwear like Gleaming. The only difference was that a black cloth was stuffed into her mouth and was secured by a second like a cleave gag and a third wrapped around her beak. "Is this what you had in mind for living conditions?"

"Mm mmm," Greta shook her head.

"What was your past life, a prostitute?" asked Gleaming.

"Hmmm," was the growling reply.

Just then, the cell door open and the pig orc returned...with someone that made Louis immediately cross his legs...or try to. She was Obsidian, jet black dragoness dressed in a black dress covering her E cups (think 2017 Magica de Spell only less showier), even taller than Malachite, had the longest wing span of any Gem Dragoness, and a longsword strapped to her waist. She approached Louis first. "Human," she said in a soft voice...the kind of soft voice that kept you on your toes, "why are you here?"

Louis had to get a hold of himself for a minute, then answered in what he hoped wasn't a scared voice, "A case of mistaken identity, ma'am. You see, her" (he gestured at Gleaming with his head) "friend thought that the part of Everfree Row I live in is too dangerous for me to do so, and had her" (another gesture Gleaming) take me without my say in the matter. For some reason, she stopped here."

Obsidian then turned to Gleaming who was sweating buckets down her half naked body. "And wht did you think that he lived here?"

Gleaming didn't do as good as Louis in concealing the terror in her voice. "Well, you see, Everfree Row has a reputation of being the last place that an innocent creature enters. When we passed this place, he let out a frightened sound, and since this particular building has been the root of many dark and gruesome tales, I figured he lived here. Now he told me otherwise."

Obsidian loomed over the mare. "Tell me: did you give him a chance to tell you otherwise prior?"

"Of course not!" shrieked Gleaming. "I'm terrified of this place!"

Obsidian shook her head. "Pathetic," she hissed. Then she turned back to Louis. "One last question, human?" She pointed her thumb to the pig orc behind her. "Gothmog?"

Louis now looked a little embarrassed. "He reminds me of thar one character named Gothmog."

Obsidian stroked her muzzle, pondering something. Then she looked at her guard. "You, Gothmog, release the human."

"Yes, My Lady," responded the now named Gothmog. He limped up to the human, pulled out a key, and unlocked each shackle. Louis fell to the floor (he was on his tiptoes) and started to pick himself up, but stopped when he saw Obsidian in front of him.

"You are free on the condition that you give me the source of the name 'Gothmog.'"

"Yes ma'am," answered Louis.

"What about me?" demanded Gleaming.

Obsidian produced a black handkerchief. "YOU are staying here, paying for your poor communcation."

"But-" Gleaming's protest was cut off when Obsidian stuffed the handkerchief in her mouth, then secured with another.

"Come," the Nazgul knockoff ordered Louis. The human got up and followed her out with one last glance at Gleaming and Greta before Gothmog close the door.

"What about the other two?" asked Louis.

"I caught the griffon while doing my rounds. She was looking for employment and mentioned being good in the sack so she is my bed toy." explained Obsidian. "As for the unicorn..." she looked at Louis with a interrogative stare. "What is the name of the pony's friend that put you up to this?"

"C-Cadance," stammered Louis. There was no point in hiding the truth; Obsidian could make even those with the tightest lips crack. They made it to the pile that was Louis' clothes, phone, and wallet. The pendant was hanging from a hook in the wall. "I see you took care not to touch it."

"But of course," answered she, "the low-life known as Jasper is well known for teaching us not to lay our fingers on it. Now dress in front of me," she commanded, "slowly."

Louis decided to oblige. As he sluggishly covered his body, he could hear her moaning longingly. When he pocketed his phone and wallet and slipped on his pendant, Gothmog had returned. "Gothmog will take you to a guest room," said Obsidian, "you can call your housemates there."

Louis thanked her, then followed Gothmog. But when they got to the door to the guest room, Gothmog turned to Louis. "You are Her Ladyship's guest, so call your friends to pick you up and no more. And should you call them to ambush," he drew his scimitar and brought the tip to Louis' throat again.

"T-Trust me, G-Gothmog, I carry n-no such thoughts," stuttered Louis.

"I should hope not," growled the orc and sheathed his weapon and opened the door to let the human in. Once the orc left out of earshot, Louis felt his pendant vibrate violently.

"What's up with you?"

"She has it! The Black Dragon had it!v

"Has what?"

"One of my Foundation Elements! The One Ring!"

Author's Note:

Well the pendant is described as a LEGO piece and the spirit inside is Vortech. Just gimme a break.

I would enjoy seeing some fanart depicting the characters and scenes from this story. So PM me if anyone's interested.

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