I liked it, though I have to ask. Do the zebras here not rhyme because it got annoying to try to make a gangbang into erotic poetry slam? That would be a funny thought.
That is indeed a funny thought, and you gave me now things to think about. Either I rewrite the parts into lewd rhyming or I really use that excuse. Thanks for pointing it out!
Huh. Thanks for pointing that one out. It completely slipped my watchful eyes. Guess that no matter how much I improve, mistakes like that can still happen from time to time!
And while this is going on, I can totally see the zebra stallions putting their mares up to be used by the pony stallions. Studs before sluts, eh? Maybe in a different club—Striped Flanks, with the sign consisting of a zebra rump and a crop.
I guess you will be a bit disappointed then. I'm trying a new spin on the whole zebra topic. The ones here are softies in a way. Sure, they handle them a bit roughly, but they only do it because the mares like it that way.
However, I was thinking about bringing more conservative zebras into the mix later though. Those are then more like you described them. It is meant as some fight between the less traditional companion-like ones versus the ones who have a superior complex. So not all is lost!
This reads worse than a poor hentai merged with a porno script.
I'm not saying I expected much from the front page as it is, but Jesus... a frequenter has standards, no matter how lax they may be... and over embellishing a story like this with absolutely ridiculous and redundant, and often times contradictory details is just... not what I ever thought I would see up there, I suppose.
I guess, to not come off as a complete douche, I should mention a way to fix said items... I would strongly recommend getting an editor (something I recommend for all authors, no matter what they happent to write) to run through the chapters with you. Also, a prereader can clear up the multitude of easily corrected mistakes currently within the posted chapters.
In the end, interesting smut basis, if executed in a mediocre fashion.
7217253 You must read some pretty high-class ultra fancy 'porn', to be able to be so uppity about this one. -_- Seriously, though it's about average stuff, if you're going to break this down and compare it like it's supposed to be Shakespeare... You have some personal problems there.
>to not come off as a complete douche -A bit late for that.
I liked it, though I have to ask. Do the zebras here not rhyme because it got annoying to try to make a gangbang into erotic poetry slam? That would be a funny thought.
And thus I did not read this.
7214958
That is indeed a funny thought, and you gave me now things to think about. Either I rewrite the parts into lewd rhyming or I really use that excuse. Thanks for pointing it out!
7215020
Huh. Thanks for pointing that one out. It completely slipped my watchful eyes. Guess that no matter how much I improve, mistakes like that can still happen from time to time!
And while this is going on, I can totally see the zebra stallions putting their mares up to be used by the pony stallions. Studs before sluts, eh? Maybe in a different club—Striped Flanks, with the sign consisting of a zebra rump and a crop.
7215170
I like your way of thinking! I was planning to involve the normal stallions, but completely neglected the thought of zebra mares!
Thanks for your suggestion! I will definitely think about it in my future planning for this story!
Huh, not many use zebras. Neat.
Reminds me of netorare hentai for some reason. Specifically "Otome Dori"
7215323
I know, right?! I pretty much thought about starting to write clopfics because I was annoyed with the lack of fics which include my interests.
7215601
Have seen that one. That was some rather nice stuff!
7215719 The only thing that was missing was that the Zebras being racists with 'zebra superiority' over 'inferior ponies'.
Really makes me wish there was a female that loves hentai. Well gg.
7215727
I guess you will be a bit disappointed then. I'm trying a new spin on the whole zebra topic. The ones here are softies in a way. Sure, they handle them a bit roughly, but they only do it because the mares like it that way.
However, I was thinking about bringing more conservative zebras into the mix later though. Those are then more like you described them. It is meant as some fight between the less traditional companion-like ones versus the ones who have a superior complex. So not all is lost!
Holy fuck... how is this on the front page...
This reads worse than a poor hentai merged with a porno script.
I'm not saying I expected much from the front page as it is, but Jesus... a frequenter has standards, no matter how lax they may be... and over embellishing a story like this with absolutely ridiculous and redundant, and often times contradictory details is just... not what I ever thought I would see up there, I suppose.
I guess, to not come off as a complete douche, I should mention a way to fix said items... I would strongly recommend getting an editor (something I recommend for all authors, no matter what they happent to write) to run through the chapters with you. Also, a prereader can clear up the multitude of easily corrected mistakes currently within the posted chapters.
In the end, interesting smut basis, if executed in a mediocre fashion.
Why is it my reaction to most clop scenes i come across nowadays is: im not sure if im aroused or scared/disgusted/disturbed?
7217253
You must read some pretty high-class ultra fancy 'porn', to be able to be so uppity about this one. -_-
Seriously, though it's about average stuff, if you're going to break this down and compare it like it's supposed to be Shakespeare... You have some personal problems there.
>to not come off as a complete douche
-A bit late for that.
If I didn't know Rainbow Dash was Scootaloo's idol before, I'd know it now.
Could we please get some ScootaDash action? That would be great!