Chapter 1: But...
Present Day
The Royal Palace of Cantelot was a beautiful construct of white marble and gold spirals that towered over the capital city of Equestria, a monument of peace and protection. Considering its immense size, the palace was usually deserted except for the princess and her personal guards. This gave it a sense of calm and serenity, a world that was completely undisturbed. Except when the Princess’ personal student paid a visit.
“But Princess Celestia…”
“Twilight, my decision is final!”
“But…”
“No buts. This talk of disasters is nonsense and an obvious smokescreen. I had thought you were more subtle than this.”
Princess Celestia was a truly regal figure. She was dressed completely in white, her dress flowing to the floor. Her hair was magic in itself, constantly shifting with the bright colours of a pink sunset and auroral blues and green and her skin shone like the sunrise. Along the right side of her dress was the insignia of the sun, a sign of both her power and authority. By comparison, the figure next to her seemed very uninspiring. She stood well below Celestia’s shoulder, even standing straight. Her indigo hair was almost dead straight, with streaks of pink and purple breaking though. She wore a lavender sweater-vest over a simple shirt, and a schoolgirl’s skirt. A book bag, bulging at the seams, hung over her shoulder. Her entire appearance appeared dishevelled, like she had literally gotten out of bed and thrown on the nearest clothes. Which wasn’t too far from the truth.
“Princess, I’m deadly serious!” the young girl said, a note of frustration in her voice now. “There is a deadly threat to Equestria and to you. If you would just let me out of this silly contest to confirm my sources…” Celestia rolled her eyes, smiling at her student’s desperation. Then her tone changed to be deadly serious.
“Twilight Sparkle! You are my personal student, and therefore must be my representative in the Harmony Games. The Games are a traditional part of Equestria’s history, and have lead to great spreading of friendship and harmony between the three tribes.”
“Friendship?!” Twilight said incredulously. “It’s a barbaric contest of Gladiatorial combat between teenagers, which people come from all over Equestria to watch. How can that possibly promote friendship?!”
“Some of the strongest bonds are formed in the heat of battle. You can learn many things about a person through testing fists and wits against them than you can through simpler relations.”
“Well…umm,” Twilight desperately tried to think of a reason she couldn’t compete. “What about my studies? I’m halfway through the works of Starswirl the Breaded, and if I leave it now…” Celestia chuckled quietly at her student’s antics.
“My treasured student, you will learn much more about magic by using it rather than having it dictated to you.” She held up a hand to quell the next stream of complaints and questions coming to Twilight’s lips. “I can teach you many things, at some point you’re going to have to learn about friendship like everyone else.”
“But…” The princess sighed in exasperation.
“I’ll send the information to Spike.” With that declaration, the mighty ruler of Equestria turned on her heels and headed back towards her throne room. “Oh and Twilight,” her head turned and she smiled sweetly at her stunned student. “At least try and enjoy yourself.”
Twilight stared blankly after her mentor, her mind trying to process what had just happened. Even after presenting her carefully constructed, and completely logical, argument to the princess just as her law books had told her to, she was still going to be torn away from her studies and her precious books to compete in an out-dated, pointless, possibly life threatening…
“SPIKE!” she roared, scaring the birds in the royal gardens and a few of the royal guards. “SPIKE, HELP ME!!!”
Outside the palace, Spike lay soundly asleep, oblivious to the world. At thirteen, he wasn’t very old, compounded by the fact that he was still small for his age. He wore, with a small amount of reluctance, a green waistcoat and matching purple shorts. He’d rebelliously thrown one of his own purple jackets over the top, trying to give himself some sense of style. The result was curious at best. His green hair stuck out at almost every possible angle. He was snoring gently, each inhale revealing two rows of razor sharp teeth. This peaceful state remained until Twilight was standing right over the top of him.
Despite her frustration, Twilight was reluctant to move him. He did look quite cute like this, and she was human after all. “Spike,” she called softly, shaking his shoulder. The only response she got was a groan and a mutter.
“Twilight,” he murmured dreamily, temporarily bolstering his cute status. But of course, he had to ruin it. “Stop being such and uptight fusspot.” Twilight’s eyebrows shot up.
“Uptight, am I?” A wicked smile, devoid of all sympathy, crept onto her features. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a long, thin piece of wood. It curled and twisted, appearing like a plain old stick, but when it touched Twilight’s skin it began to radiate intense magical power. At its tip glowed a strange symbol: two overlapped six pointed stars surrounded by five smaller stars. This was her ‘horn’, the focal point that members of her clan, the Transcendent, used for their music. The unusual name was rumoured to have many origins, the most popular amongst other clans being that it was the tool with which the magicians ‘called’ through dimensions to summon demonic power. Completely ridiculous, but the clans were still paranoid enough about having secrets stolen so they let it live. Twilight flicked her hand, and the tree root Spike was lying against jumped in response. With a yelp, the young boy went cart wheeling all the way to the cobbles of the castle gate. “Wake up sleepy, we’ve got work to do!”
“Oww,” Spike whined, holding his crown. “What was that for?” But Twilight was already storming off towards the town, fast enough that Spike had to dash to keep up. “So how did the meeting go?” Twilight’s eyes did not waver from her destination. “That bad, huh?”
“She completely disregarded my warning, didn’t even look at my research and told me I was being childish. Childish!”
“Imagine that,” Spike muttered, still rubbing his head. “So you still have to compete then?”
“You too Spike? That is not what this is about! Multiple sources point to a disaster beyond anything that has happened in generations.”
“A disaster which we don’t know the cause of, or the exact time, or the repercussions of,” Spike added dryly.
“Exactly! And what does she tell me to do? Have fun. HAVE FUN?! I need to find the cause of this disaster, not be playing around like a schoolchild!”
“Twilight, I don’t think that’s what she meant. Other people your age spend their free time going out with people, going to parties, making friends, not studying ancient texts of outdated prophecies and legends.”
“Other people are wasting their time.”
“OK…so what exactly are the Harmony Games again?” Spike had found, over many years of trial and error, that posing questions was the best way to stop Twilight going completely mental when her plans unravelled. Luckily, she took the bait.
“It’s a competition held every four years designed to promote peace and goodwill between the three great tribes of Equestria. The exact rules change each year, decided by princess Celestia, but they always revolve around tests of combat and wits.”
“Right. And what are the tribes again?”
“Spike! Did you read any of the ‘Equestrian Lore and History’ I got you for your birthday?” Spike realized that he’d taken his ignorant act a bit too far, and rubbed the back of his head guiltily while desperately searching for an excuse.
“Well, I was going to, but I got distracted….by the comics your brother gave me.” Twilight appeared to have already lost interest in the question, and was back to the previous topic.
“The three main tribes of Equestria, which have existed since its founding after the great Blizzard Exodus, are the Earth, Sky and Transcendent Clans. The Transcendant clan hold their capital here in Canterlot, the Sky clan have Cloudsdale, and the Earth clan have settlements all over Equestria. Until the arrival of Princess Celestia, they existed in a state of peace, with the Earth clan managing agriculture, the Sky clan controlling weather and the Transcendent using magic to raise the sun and moon, as well as altering the seasons. Then Celestia arrived, with traits common to all three clans. She had the skills and connection with nature of the Earth Clan, as well as the speed and strength of the Sky, and more magic than any within the Transcendent clan, past or present. She was named ruler of all the clans, and ushered in a new age of peace.” It was a robotic answer, word for word from ‘The History of Equestria: Volume 3’. Spike gave Twilight a quizzical look.
“But if the clans were already at peace, why are the games meant to promote peace between the clans? And why was Celestia’s peace so important?” Twilight opened her mouth to answer, then suddenly stopped entirely. The action was so sudden that Spike, still having to jog to keep up, ran straight into her back.
“Huh, I’m not sure Spike. It is quite an unusual paradox, especially for something as important as the origins of the Princess. I’ll have to investigate this.” Spike saw a familiar twinkle in Twilight’s eyes that signified her inquisitive instincts were aroused by the void in her knowledge. He gave a silent hoot of joy. Mission accomplished. “After we find out what this disaster is and prove to the Princess I’m right!”
“AUUUUUUUGH!”
Twilight’s rampage pace had brought them back to their house in record time. The outside of the house was like all the others in Canterlot; sharp slabs of white marble with the only colour coming from whatever was behind the windows, which in this case was the tightly drawn curtains. The only unusual part was a set of spires that reached up from the roofs, with a set of telescopic arrays visible on their balconies. Knowing how absent minded Twilight got during her rants, Spike rushed forward to open the door before she ran into it. But with a flick of her horn Twilight willed the door open, sending Spike flying for the second time that day. Recovering more quickly this time, the now sorely battered boy rushed in just before Twilight slammed the door with another spell. Flicking her horn, Twilight summoned magic to illuminate the house in ethereal light, revealing the books. Hundreds of them, probably thousands. Spike was still counting them. They lined every wall up to the ceiling, only ever breaking stride for windows and the occasional door, and left no room for any other distinguishing features. There were volumes old and new, packed tightly in a system than not even Twilight understood anymore.
“Now since I’m going to be competing in this silly competition, we’re going to need to work triple time till then to find this disaster. The reason has to be here somewhere.” Spike groaned inwardly. Spike was a member of the Drake Clan, a small family of naturally strong and vicious warriors. Long ago, they had sworn allegiance to Princess Celestia and were bonded to her will. Although much of the clan had broken away from this part of their history, unable to tame their naturally vicious instincts to the princess’ laws of peace, some still remained loyal. At birth, the Princess had assigned Spike to Twilight and charged to protect and aid her. Theoretically the ‘protection’ part would come in once he was older, and bigger than she was, so for now he acted as her assistant.
“My number one assistant,” she always said, before trying to tame his unruly hair. He knew that technically he was number one by default of being her only assistant, but the title still made him smile. Spike adored Twilight like an older sister, but sometimes her antics just made him wonder. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some of his favourite rock candy, ‘Sapphires’, and crunched them noisily.
“Spike,” Twilight called over the top of a particularly large book she’d levitated off the shelves. “I’ve told you that biting those things will break your teeth!”
“Break these magnificent chompers?” Spike replied, swallowing the last of his sweet and grinning to show off his razor sharp teeth. “Never!” Suddenly, Spike’s smile was replaced with a grimace of pain and he clutched at his chest. Twilight, hiding a triumphant look below weary concern, walked over.
“What did I tell you? Eating those things will make you…” With a lurch, Spike opened his mouth to release a column of green flames straight into the now not so triumphant lavender girl’s face. Out of the centre of the magic inferno dropped a sealed scroll.
As well as being fierce fighters, members of the Drake clan also held a magic connection to what they described as the ‘flames of passion’. This manifested in the form of high heat resistance and their signature fire breath. The clan had long claimed that this power also gave them a special connection to the Princess Celestia, Lady of the Sun; a claim that often put them at odds with the other clans of Equestria. It was Celestia who first discovered that this flame could be used as a focus point for transportation magic, specifically fast message travel. Spike was the prototype, and there were still some kinks to be worked out of the system. Spike made a mental note to add ‘warning system’ to that list.
“Sorry Twilight,” Spike muttered apologetically. “I couldn’t stop it.”
“It’s fine.” Her hair was now frizzed and charred at the ends, and soot covered her face. Rather annoyingly, Twilight already knew from experience that this wasn’t something she’d be able to correct easily with her magic, due to the fire’s own magical properties. She was lucky the transport flame was low intensity, otherwise the result could have been much worse. “Let’s see what the Princess sent.” A spark of hope ignited in her now dirty eyes. “Maybe she’s finally seen reason with this whole business.” Without hesitation she picked up the scroll, tore off the seal and began reading.
My Dear Student, Twilight Sparkle.
Just thought I’d remind you that the registration for the Harmony Games closes this afternoon at 3pm. I understand you have been distracted and it would be terrible if your entry were to appear tardy.
Sincerely
Princess Celestia
“T,t,tardy?!” Twilight stuttered, her face a picture of horror.
“Oh come on Twilight, it’s not that bad. You still have…” Spike glanced over at the clock, wedged between the second and third volumes of ‘A guide to Scheduling’. 2:48 “Aww crackers.”
“I can’t be tardy! The princess won’t tolerate tardy. She’ll revoke my magic licence, she’ll end my studies early and send me to some faraway province! She’ll take away my books. She’ll take away you!” Twilight’s had started pacing, her pace and voice getting steadily more frenzied as her theoretical situation got further out of control. Her magic was also starting to go haywire, causing books to fall off the shelves in small shower of deceptively deadly projectiles. “But what if that isn’t enough? What if she doesn’t think I’m trustworthy enough to even do that?! She’ll probably just lock me in a dungeon somewhere where I can’t cause her any more trouble!”
“Twilight, that’s ridiculOWW,” Spike tried to reassure her, but in the process failing to dodge one of the literary missiles. “The princess cares about you, and isn’t going to do anything like that because you miss one deadline. You just need to calm down and…”
SLAM!
Spike turned around to see Twilight’s shadow slip down the street.
“I’ll lock up then.”
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Shit is starting to come together with this chapter, and as of now, a good start to and alternative version of the pilot episode. (if my tired mind even got that right)
Twilight is perfectly in character, at least i think she is.
Spike, all good.
Celestia, slightly "edgier" then usuall, but it fits.
You said you wanted constructive criticism, but i can't think of anything, im dead tired and hungry, so my focus might not be top grade either.
But i'll go with, i found nothing wrong or out of place.
MMyeah.. with that i say darn solid chapter, good stuff and im really curious about the harmony games.
Next chapter please~
Goodnight!
"“OK…so what exactly are the Harmony Games again?” Spike had found, over many years of trial and error, that posing questions was the best way to stop Twilight going completely mental when her plans unravelled. Luckily, she took the bait."
Ah yes, the "wtf is going on" conversation. This was a fairly smart way to disguise the explanation to the reader while giving the characters a reason to explain it.
Ok so your writing style is pretty darn good so far and most of your dialogue is fine if not pretty darn good.
However I believe this website has chewed up your formatting. I'm guessing what you've done is typed this up in Microsoft word and copy pasted your story into this site window, it's what I do too. Just remember every time you do that, that this website won't always keep the formatting you've created (italics, bold, centered, all that will be lost, auto indenting as well) so you'll have to go through and add them all in manually. Yeah it sucks but that's the way this site rolls.
798720
I found out a while ago...
Thank you both for nice critical analysis. Useful and nice
799440
Yes, you have it right. I was doing my editing dead tired as well, so its good to know I didn't miss anything drastic. Thanks
799563
Good to know that conversation didn't just look completely random, was a bit unsure writing it. And yes, direct copy paste from word, I'll be sure to make those corrections
799951
If I might offer assistance in regards to writing actions scene, do you feel you have a handle on writing action?
If not then I could send you the same advice I got from someone else. Mind you it's about writing realistic action so it's pretty useless if you plan on going insanely over the top.
799951
Is it safe to assume that a chapter will be released every Sunday?
800076
Any advice would be nice, even if i don't use it immediately. I'll be aiming for realistic for most of the scenes, so it sould be helpful
800120
Probably. I had hoped to get this chapter up a bit earlier but there were...complications. Also appologies for not replying last week, I thought I had but I must have forgotten to hit the add button or something
I will give you credit....this is a wonderful fic...with a decent idea going....well executed too.
*leans back in chair* Please continue...
805546
Well, I am flattered. And now slightly nervous
807701 Awwww whats to be nervous about?
This is an awesome start, I really like the idea and that you are going to be updating regularly is really appreciated. I can't wait for the next update.
808420
Expectation scares me.
810497
thank you. I will try to maintain update time
813511
Ok, thanks. Will try to fix.
Also, does anyone know how to edit chapters that are already uploaded?
827936Again I am going to ask you*twitch* whooo*twitch* is your favorite PONY?!?!*twitch*
833448
Umm...err...(flips coin) Twilight