• Member Since 8th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 22nd, 2013

Antares


T
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The Harmony Games: a competition of gladitorial combat meant to promote harmony and friendship between the clans of Equestria. The idea that combat can promote friendship is idiotic to Twilight, like friendship itself. She doesn't have time to be playing children's games; there's a serious threat predicted and she has to find it before something catastrophic happens. How can 'friendship' possibly be of any use?

Alternate look at the beginning of FIM, combat tournament with humanified ponies No major part OC (none at all if avoidable)

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 111 )

Sounds like the Hunger Games.:twilightsmile:Inspiration?

Y1

Interesting enough prologue. Good enough for a like but I'll hold the fave until I see some more chapters. Your action scenes could use a bit more detail vague descriptions of what the fight would be like are much less interesting then actually having the actions in the fight described.

761832
not directly no, but i do see the resemblence.

761950Oh , thanks for replying .I have something off topic to ask yo:twilightblush:u .

761950Oh , thanks for replying .I have something off topic to ask you:twilightblush:u dont worry its not bad.

761965
go for it. Sry, commented then went to bed.

761843
Thanks for feedback, since that's the focus of the story i should definitely work on that :twilightsmile:

764353
Twilight or fluttershy. Still can't decide which

Can you please tell me when the next part will be released?

764777
But...but the cuteness:fluttershysad:

767305
So i have time to write + edit, I'm hoping for a weekly release, although the next few chapters are groundwork rather than any action so ill try to get them finished quicker.

Oh, OK. I'll expect a chapter to be released every week to week and a half. Don't take it the wrong way, but I am really looking forward to seeing how this turns out. Also, as being a COMPLETE noob, just HOW to you do a direct address thing like you did to me? (>>codejunkie)

769361Well I'd pick smart Twi over cute Shy.I am just not a person with a sort spot for cuteness I guess.:twilightsmile:

769457 Click on the reply tab by the comment

Shit is starting to come together with this chapter, and as of now, a good start to and alternative version of the pilot episode. (if my tired mind even got that right)
Twilight is perfectly in character, at least i think she is.
Spike, all good.
Celestia, slightly "edgier" then usuall, but it fits.

You said you wanted constructive criticism, but i can't think of anything, im dead tired and hungry, so my focus might not be top grade either.
But i'll go with, i found nothing wrong or out of place.

MMyeah.. with that i say darn solid chapter, good stuff and im really curious about the harmony games.
Next chapter please~

Goodnight! :twilightsmile:

Y1

"“OK…so what exactly are the Harmony Games again?” Spike had found, over many years of trial and error, that posing questions was the best way to stop Twilight going completely mental when her plans unravelled. Luckily, she took the bait."
Ah yes, the "wtf is going on" conversation. This was a fairly smart way to disguise the explanation to the reader while giving the characters a reason to explain it.

Ok so your writing style is pretty darn good so far and most of your dialogue is fine if not pretty darn good.
However I believe this website has chewed up your formatting. I'm guessing what you've done is typed this up in Microsoft word and copy pasted your story into this site window, it's what I do too. Just remember every time you do that, that this website won't always keep the formatting you've created (italics, bold, centered, all that will be lost, auto indenting as well) so you'll have to go through and add them all in manually. Yeah it sucks but that's the way this site rolls.

798720

I found out a while ago...

Thank you both for nice critical analysis. Useful and nice :pinkiehappy:
799440
Yes, you have it right. I was doing my editing dead tired as well, so its good to know I didn't miss anything drastic. Thanks
799563
Good to know that conversation didn't just look completely random, was a bit unsure writing it. And yes, direct copy paste from word, I'll be sure to make those corrections

Y1

799951
If I might offer assistance in regards to writing actions scene, do you feel you have a handle on writing action?
If not then I could send you the same advice I got from someone else. Mind you it's about writing realistic action so it's pretty useless if you plan on going insanely over the top.

799951
Is it safe to assume that a chapter will be released every Sunday?

800076
Any advice would be nice, even if i don't use it immediately. I'll be aiming for realistic for most of the scenes, so it sould be helpful

800120
Probably. I had hoped to get this chapter up a bit earlier but there were...complications. Also appologies for not replying last week, I thought I had but I must have forgotten to hit the add button or something :derpytongue2:

I will give you credit....this is a wonderful fic...with a decent idea going....well executed too.
*leans back in chair* Please continue...:trixieshiftright:

805546
Well, I am flattered. And now slightly nervous

807701 Awwww whats to be nervous about? :pinkiecrazy:

This is an awesome start, I really like the idea and that you are going to be updating regularly is really appreciated. I can't wait for the next update.

Wonderfully written. A few small typos here and there, but nothing too serious.

808420
Expectation scares me.
810497
thank you. I will try to maintain update time
813511
Ok, thanks. Will try to fix.
Also, does anyone know how to edit chapters that are already uploaded?

827936Again I am going to ask you*twitch* whooo*twitch* is your favorite PONY?!?!*twitch*:pinkiecrazy::twilightangry2:

833448
Umm...err...(flips coin) Twilight

For some reason I get the feeling a prank war is going to start between the girls and spike.... poor spike

839033YESYESYESUESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!
Mom:ARE YOU OKAY ?!?!?:twilightblush:
Me:umm.. yes *chuckle*

Aside from a few grammar mistakes this was another great chapter and I hope more is coming soon. Since Spike was in his Rarity induced stupor does this mean he isn't competing?

839277 That wasn't my original plan, but now that I think of it...:raritystarry: IDEA!!!!!!!!

839804 So glad you're pleased :twilightsmile:

840461 Why thank you. I'd originally thought about having Spike compete, but the numbers worked out without him.

841480 It was only half a day later than usual! (no editing time on saturday) :pinkiesmile:

Y1

Ok that was a good chapter. The interpersonal chemistry was good and the situation itself was amusing enough that the characters had a chance to show their colors.

842764are you kidding?I FEEL SO HAPPY THERE ARE MERLY NO WORDS TO DISCRIBE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::yay::twistnerd::scootangel::ajsmug::coolphoto::heart::rainbowkiss::raritystarry:

843018 That's good. I don't think I'll try introducing nine characters in one chapter. ever. again.
846392 hehehe, :twilightsmile:

847199YOU MUST BE FEATURED!!!!Why Celestia ?
WHY?:raritydespair::raritycry:You know in serious when I use Rarity because ahemTWILIGHT IS BEST PONYYYYYY!!!!!!!:twilightsmile:

Y1

847199
That would probably be wise.

should have a lot more likes than it does, but the internet is a fickle thing.
(first, i hope)

874765
Why thank you, i guess I just need to promote it better then

this is like hunger games and killer arena all together:pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiecrazy:

Awsone as usual what ashame so little people will be able to read it.:applejackunsure:

Y1

I think you need to take the time to explain the games a little better. I'm not sure what the rules of the competition are. Is it some sort of team affair? Other than that this chapter was a little plain. Amusing at points but in general it felt like you were just setting things up.

'Sighing, the shy pony began to move off'
Might wanna fix that.

880815
I'll take a look at it

883394
I just need to promote it better then :ajsmug:

886008
Agreed, hopefully the next should be better. And I do need to do that last rule explaining. Bugger

907421
DANGIT. Thought I caught all of those. :derpytongue2:Thanks

Y1

Now we get into the games. That's fine, though I still don't really understand how the games are supposed to work. I get the impression that it's some kind of round by round affair but I'm really not certain.
Also of note is that it seems to me like only the mane six plus Trixie those dogs and Gilda made it out of the maze. I'm not really sure as to the number of the people who will be competing in the next round.
Also that was a good job implying the back story with AJ trying to live up to her fathers memory. I don't if you plan on elaborating on it but I liked how it was this chapter.
Oh and maybe it's just me but both Gilda and Trixie seem to be just complete bitches. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to make them slightly more sympathetic than just to stick with the 2d cardboard cut out characters they've had up till this point. I doubt they're going to be important characters but that doesn't change the fact that at this stage their behavior and motivation feels boringly simple.
Oh and was that shadow thing Luna or Discord? I can't quite tell.
Anyway good chapter and I look forward to more.

969517
Thanks. Nice big critique for me to work through. :raritystarry:
I know how the rounds are going to work, I just need to find a way to put it on paper in a non-corny and terrible manner.
As a general rule anything I put in I plan to elaborate on. Worry not, it has a purpose, although probably not what you expect.
Yeah, they're both being a bit bitchy atm. I had something planned, maybe I'll have move it forward a bit now. :applejackunsure:
Not meant to know yet :ajsmug:

Y1

969592
"Nice big critique for me to work through."
Heh, you should see me when I'm bored. I swear it takes up the whole freaking screen. Here's an example:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/39768/Anything-but-Textbook#comment/957826
My review's the second one from the bottom.
Maybe one night you'll get lucky/unlucky and catch me when I'm looking for something to do. Then I might do one of my sentence by sentence monstrosity's for you.
Anyway you just write this story as you see fit. If you think that Gilda and Trixie don't need stronger motivation for now then don't include it until later. Just remember that if you want us to like or understand them later it will be harder if you've already made us dislike them first.

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