The Great Change
Time: May 23rd, 4:10 AM, Morrison, Colorado
I don't know what woke me up, or why I was sitting up in bed, but I was, and realized I had to go. Mother nature is a cruel, mean spirit, taking people from their restful sleep with the need to take care of biological urges. Glancing at my alarm clock, I was relieved to realize I could still sleep for another couple of hours before I had to wake up to get ready for work.
Before that though, bathroom break.
Blearily making my way to the restroom, just to the right of my own room, I shuffled my way over to my door, slipped on my house shoes, and opened my door. Squinting my eyes to protect them from the bright light, I proceeded to do what needed to be done, before moving to the sink to clean my hands, and get a drink.
Mom was snoring up a storm in her chair, an unlit cigarette still in her right hand, which I moved gingerly to her ash trey, muted the television, and put a blanket over her, before making my way back to my room.
I slipped my shoes off where carpet met linoleum after closing the door, and made to get back in bed in the dark. I wouldn't make it there before I was blinded by a bright light, brighter than the bathroom light had been, followed by the sound of tearing clothing.
"Ngah!" I said, collapsing to the ground, my head falling into my dirty clothes pile.
Disorientation took over for a time, feeling like the whole world was spinning. I gradually regained my senses, a whole body shudder making its way through me.
I made to move, only to feel very strange. I couldn't actually feel much, and when moving my arms to push myself up, they just slid over the carpet with less resistance than I thought I would feel. The same sensation repeated as I moved my legs, feeling my left calf move under something, eliciting a sound not unlike dry lizard scales rubbing each other. Kinda like the fake rattler snake.
I raised my head to get up, only to bang it into the bottom wood of the side of my bed.
"Dammit!" I whispered.
Finally moving my fingers, it felt like the pinkies on both hands had gone numb, and indeed, I couldn't feel them as I clenched my hands. I got my elbows under me for support, while I tried to restore blood flow to my hands.
Twitching my fingers, I realized I couldn't really feel my pinkies at all. I clenched and unclenched my hands multiple times, but nothing seemed to bring the sensations back. I quickly became aware of other new sensations in my body.
What had brushed against my calf earlier, moved again when I went to sit up, and I could feel it move against my feet. But I didn't just feel it in my feet, I felt it in what had moved too, the sensation coming up through, to my backside. My back was abnormally cold too.
'What the heck...?' I thought to myself. 'That can't be what it feels like..."
Attempting to get up proved another challenge, and I nearly fell over, since my feet didn't want to cooperate. I just couldn't put my heels against the ground. So, just moving on my knees, I turned with my hand on the wall, and the thing on my backside banged against my trashcan loudly, since I'd emptied it the afternoon before, and my dresser, creating more loud noises, hopefully not waking my mother up.
I found the light switch blindly, but it seemed even higher than it should've been.
Flicking the light on, and suffering the requisite momentary blindness, again, I was treated to what I'd hoped was one of my very lucid dreams. Most of the time I have no control over them what-so-ever, but I was dumbfounded when I could finally see.
My shirt and boxers hung loosely about my frame, the former falling to my front. My shirt had become little more than an apron with sleeves, the bottom portion below my arms flowing freely. But in that moment, something else grabbed my attention.
In the limited light that got around my dresser, I saw four clawed fingers on my hands, dark green scales on my arms. Putting my claws to use, I shredded what was left of my clothes, suprisingly quickly, marveling somewhat at the sharpness of my new appendages. Once the rags my clothes had become were removed, I got a good look at myself in the light. I had green scales on all but my chest and belly. They were a slightly darker than sky blue, and quite reminescant of snake belly scales.
"What the heck?" I spoke softly, but in a high pitched voice, eyes widening in suprise.
'Oh, no.' I thought, clutching my thoat.
I moved into more light, and realized what I had felt earlier. It was indeed a tail, about as long as I was tall, tapered to a point on the end. Turning my neck more than I ever could, I saw why my back was colder than it should be.
I had wings. Wings with leather-like membranes, a shade of blue slightly darker than the daytime sky on the inside membrane, and as green as my body on the outside. No wonder they were cold; that much area was a major heat loss surface.
I'd spied my nose when looking at my hands. It smoothly tapered down, to a round point.
I knew what it was like in a dream with the slight fog on your mind, drastic shifts in scenery, and the improbabilities that came along with them, and this wasn't like them.
Sitting back on my heels brought my curiosity about why I couldn't stand to my attention. Leaning to one side, I managed to get a look at my feet, and saw the reason.
'Great, I'm digitigrade.' I took stock of the changes, compared them to what I had seen in a flash of memory from a D&D species book, drawing only one plausible conclusion.
"I'm a dragon!" I said, immediately covering my snout. "Oh crap."
'I'm some kind of anthro-ish dragon... And I sound like a girl...'
I wobbly got to my, well, toes, and moved to my desk, 'Damn, I shrunk,' I thought. I had to reach just about level with my lower chest to get the remotes to turn on the television, and get Dish working. After three AM, the signal is interrupted so they can load a new TV guide into everyone's systems, the screen displaying the Dish logo when the set came on.
Almost gouging some of the buttons out, I managed to get my TV on, the system woken up, and the channel changed to what I hoped would be news, but was some stupid preplanned entertainment garbage. Fumbling some more with the remote, I managed to get the Weather Channel up, but what greeted me was an empty studio.
The weather bar at the bottom was still going, but by now it was near the end of the city capitals weather updates. After a few minutes they cycled around with the same info again, with no change to the main show, still in the studio. The weather bar was right about one thing though, telling me that we were still in the grips of a cold front from the north, driving temperatures down, explaining the cold in the house.
I was at a loss as to what to do next, until I noticed my mother's snoring had stopped. I crept over to the door, and tried to listen to see if she was in the bathroom, or had gone up stairs, but couldn't hear anything.
Gripping the door knob in smooth scales proved a challenge, until I just gripped the handle hard enough, so it wouldn't slip out of my grasp. Toe claws clacking on the linoleum, I slowly looked for the bathroom light, but didn't see it, so I again listened to see if my mother was still in her chair, but still heard nothing.
I pulled the door open even further, and looked to her chair, but saw it was empty. I went to the stairs to see if she'd gone to her computer while I was loopy, but aside from the down stairs', and my light, all the house lights were off.
On her table, the unlit cigarette was still where I'd put it, along with her pack of smokes, and her ice water, which she'd apparently brought down only an hour before, judging by the large chunk of ice floating in the middle of the bottle.
I went further up stairs to see if my father was still asleep, but heard no noise from his room either. His keys were still on the hook by the front door, so he hadn't left, he just wasn't apparently here...
Running my hand over my head, I felt something I hadn't noticed before, which prompted another visit to the bathroom mirror, though I could only use the mirror on the sliding doors of the 'cabinet.'
'Horns and spines, just perfect,' I thought with a scowl. I sighed before heading back into my room, hopping into my chair, and noticing my computer on my desk.
*-*-*-*-*-*
Getting it plugged in and turned on was as simple as always. Inputting my password to get past the lock screen was a small challenge. I'd gotten real close to being a touch typist, but without my pinkies, my small hands felt awkward.
I opened my web browser, brought up Facebook, and tried to see if any of my friends were on, and might've seen something like I did. Unfortunately, there were only two green lights next to two people I knew, and neither had responded to my last messages, days old, but I still tried anyway.
No activity on FB besides ad updates left me at a dead end again, until I remembered a site I'd been to a few times before. It's been a long time since I visited, but it was a way to check if there was still people around.
Earthcam was a stream of constant videos from cameras in many cities across the country, and a handfull of countries, where a person could watch life going on. I found it out of curiosity after watching Life After People, and wondering what the cities would look like without people walking around. It was all as I'd imagined it.
The easiest places were Oklahoma and New York, since they were in time zones ahead of my own. Quick scans of the pages, then reloads to make sure I wasn't seeing things, or that I wasn't accidentally on previously recorded material, told me a firm conclusion: Where I should normally see cars, trucks, and people moving about, I saw no one.
Not a single person, car, or truck, moved about the screen at all in these live videos. There was still sound coming from them, but I didn't hear the tell tale sound of revving motors or people trying to talk over themselves, or the cars on the roads. The adverts were still lit up, like the TV channels, still running through their retinue of pre-loaded material, but no people!
'I can't be the only one...' Much as I hated people and most of society (I was a true-blue introverted misantrope), even I hoped there would be someone besides me left. Family preferrably, but friends were okay too.
*-*-*-*-*-*
The local news channels never came on, since people are needed in the studios to switch over to them. With no one apparently around, the channels just went blank. It was eight-AM by the time I decided to venture outside, though it was cool and damp, with a recent overnight rainstorm, and still-overcast skies.
I stepped out onto the landing in front of my house, and was struck by the sheer silence. I should've heard traffic from the nearby highway, but not a car passed. The mountains reflected most of the noise of C-470, such that there was a constant, if barely noticable level of noise.
It was utterly, and somewhat eerily quiet, except for birds singing, and the occasional dog barking. And it was cold, though not freezing.
I went back into the house to my computer, and did a little more searching for other people, but I didn't know where to really go. Short of taking my mother's car, which was oddly tempting, I couldn't go anywhere.
To stave off boredom while waiting for something to happen, I restarted something I had left off for a while, but figured would help my sanity in the long run, bittorrenting. I started pulling anime I hadn't seen, some I remembered I hadn't finished, and what few movies I liked but didn't have off the net, strangely satisfied I wouldn't have to give anything up for them.
This line of thought started a very strange feeling to gather things from local stores. It was an intense desire to have them, even if I wouldn't do much with most of them. Like something inside suddenly told me that without people around, it was all mine for the taking...
I smacked myself upside the head with a fist to stop that line of thought. The desire was still there, but I managed to calm it down, and make it a noise in my head, which I actively tried to ignore. Wasn't easy.
'Getting hungry.' I thought, when my stomach loudly grumbled. Balogna sandwiches sounded good...
*-*-*-*-*-*
It wasn't easy getting the balogna out without ripping it with my claws, but I did learn fast how to do it! Tongs are great tools!! I had my sandwiches the same way I'd had them as a kid up until middle school; piled on the chilli-cheese chips!!!
While I ate, I started an internal agenda of what I wanted to do during the day, starting off with a brief exploration of my neighborhood to see if anyone was home. I wouldn't be able to use my bike, so walking around would be the new method. Started a new series of torrents before I left, though.
There was a park a few blocks from my home, so I quietly made my way glancing and listening down the streets for signs of anyone else, but seeing not a single soul. The park, surrounded by homes, was also a dead end. I'd seen people walking their dogs or running in the early morning on the way to the bus stop, but no one was about.
The depression at finding no one left me in a slight funk, both my tail and wings drooping, with the former occasionally dragging on the ground.
It was almost noon by the time I'd decided to just, borrow, my mother's car and go into town. I liberated a couple of pillows to give me a little height, but that created another situation. While I could now see somewhat over the dashboard, my feet were further away from the petals.
I couldn't use my tail, since I had barely any control over the damn thing. Planning time!!
I sat back against the seat, but sat right back up, since I was pinching my wings uncomfortably, and frowned. 'How the heck am I going to get to Wally-World?'
I was stuck. The only thing I knew of for adjustments for driving was what I'd seen on television, for little people, where a specialized company used their know-how, to add accelerator 'petals' to the steering column, if that was really what I remembered seeing.
'I guess I'm stuck walking to Wal-Mart.' I frowned. While it wasn't super cold, it still felt colder than it probably was. I went back into the house, got my key ring, well, glorified key ring, since I only had two on it, my bike lock and house keys, a good blanket, and set off, locking the door behind me.
'One mile just became two.'
*-*-*-*-*-*
-Equestria, That Same Moment-
Star and her companions were on a train, bound for the area between the Ghastly Gorge, Appleoosa, and the Everfree forest.
"The area we're going to seems to correspond to a large city by a mountain range. There was little research done on the city, so we're going in a little blind, boys."
"I think we can handle it." Grey said. Mountain just nodded slightly. "Though we do share your concern. Let's go over our instructions again. We'll go over them tomorrow morning, since we have to wait for a full day to pass, for the magic to stabilize on the planet. It should be fairly turbulent because of the spell."
Mountain pulled out a parchment from his pack, and proceeded to read: "'Order for all Equestrian Exploration Teams follows: First order is to orient yourselves with your terrain, and locate, if possible maps of your area.'"
"We know where to look, what shops they usually keep them in, so if we can get to one of them, we'll be able to get around. Sorry to interrupt." Star said sheepishly.
"'Second order: Establish contact with leadership among the Earth-Ponies, or other beings in leadership positions. Said leader ponies are to be assessed then sent back to Equestria for evaluation. Examination to be determined by Equestria royalty.' Yada yada yada, we've all read this before. The most important thing we keep to ourselves, at least until we determine who the leader is, is our origins. We've all been told, in no uncertain terms, to keep the nature of our mission on their world to ourselves, unless we find an appropriate leader amongst the former humans."
"Wow, that's the most I've heard you speak at once Mountain." Star said, smiling. "You should've gone into radio announcing, or something! You've got the voice for it!"
"Plants are better than most ponies." He responded with a blush.
Giggling, "I can agree with you there. Some of the nobles I met while working and living in Canterlot, only wanted spells that would help them either relax longer, or make more money. One rich pony I met, I can't remember his name, was one of the most snobbish ponies I'd ever met. He constantly spoke about how his family'd 'helped,'" she quoted with her hooves, "and those are my quotes by the way, based on the tone he'd used, a Ponyville family get off the ground, and that his family was the reason they were doing so well."
"Bah, money only makes you meaner. The real treasures in life, are the friends you have to enjoy it with." Grey said smiling, punching Mountain in the withers.
"That is rather corney, you know that right?" Star asked.
"It is true though. Mountain's practically a brother to me. Like I said when we met, he and I grew up in an orphanage. We've known each other since we were able to talk."
Star was all smiles, as the train chugged on. The three settled into a comfortable silence as they waited for the train to reach their destination, where the assistants and guards were already waiting for them at the site, preparing for one of the first missions to Earth to commence.
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Alright! Now we're getting somewhere.
8045126 - There was a lot of prep work, getting the ponies ready for Earth, but there is still a lot to come. Some drama and hilarity as well, not to throw any spoilers out there.
As much as I like my new game, 'Horizon: Zero Dawn' , I'm getting a little burned out on it. I'll be writing the chapter for a few days after work, but like this one, there will be a slight wait.
Please be patient with me.
8045544 Take all the time you need. Writing is one of those things that is always harder and more time-consuming than it seems.
So let me preface this comment by saying that I mean it with nothing but love. I wouldn't have made it this far in your story if I didn't enjoy it. If I thought this was a bad story, I would have given up a long time ago.
So this chapter was a really neat introduction to your main character. I really enjoyed lots of it, and I think she'll be quite a lot of fun to hear about.
But it also brought into a focus a problem I may've mentioned before (or maybe I didn't). Your story is not by any means the only one to suffer from this problem. As a matter of fact, a large number of the side-stories do, and it makes them all harder to read than they need to be for this exact reason. I will call this problem "the confusion of event and story."
The short description of this problem is that making this happen and describing a setting are not the same thing as telling a story. This chapter, like some of the others, spent a great deal of time and energy telling us specific things about the setting we didn't need to know, and describing events the audience doesn't care about.
A story isn't just a record of events that happened. It doesn't really matter, for example, what "would really happen" in a situation. What matters is the narrative. The quest of a specific character, their challenges and obstacles, and what they learned along the way. Or in even shorter terms: Make us love your protagonist, put them up against unbeatable odds, and show us their triumph (or spectacular failure). What we don't need is intricate description of the layout of the house, or any action that doesn't serve to either further the plot or help expand the characterization.
Does this make sense? I hope it's not sounding too harsh, or too confusing. I guess what I'm saying is, as you write future chapters, worry less about what "would" happen, worry less about describing everything around your character, and worry more about showing us only things that either "further the story" or "make us feel things about your characters".
It isn't that what we have on the page is bad, it's that we have too much of it. The story's good, but its length and level of detail is keeping it from becoming great.
I'll use a recent example of Bedtime Stories, since I know you read it. Consider the section where Chip visits the Manor of house Time for the first time. She has never visited that part of town before, and never been inside a mansion. I might've spent paragraphs describing the architecture, the layout, the beautiful paintings and fanciful draperies. Instead I said it was a fancy mansion and describe only two objects in the room: the bed and the wardrobe. Both of these objects matter later in that scene (Chip changes into new clothes right away from the wardrobe and later has sex on that bed. Also there's symbolism with a human sized bed in the house of someone who's family oppresses the children of humans). Compare that to this section from this chapter above:
All of that essentially amounts to "I searched the house but my mom and dad were both gone." None of the specific details mentioned actually matter, and they don't come up again.
To put it another way, think of your reader like the most ADD 3-year-old you can imagine. She's sitting in your lap listening to your story, squirming to get away because the ice-cream truck is driving down the street outside. Every word you write is time out of her precious day, and she's three, so she isn't going to sit around just because. Every bit of description you give is like you pointing to an object in the room and saying "Look at that! That thing right there matters to you!" She'll believe you at first, but if you keep doing it over and over, she very soon realizes you don't mean it and she gets very bored. It's hard to get her to pay attention to the details that _do_ matter because you've cried wolf so many times with things that don't.
I used to struggle with this too, because my teachers in school filled me with a rather naive sentiment that "you can never have too much description." This is not true. In reality, the fewer words you can use to convey the same thoughts, they better. Why spend three paragraphs describing what the house is like and all the character did to look through it, if the only thing that matters in the end is that hey looked and didn't find anyone. Say that in one line and move on to the exciting parts!
I would challenge you to read over the next chapter you write, sentence by sentence, and as you read each one, ask yourself "Do my readers NEED this detail? How will this event matter later? Can I skip this scene?" The more you can cut, the better.
I've strung the strings of this harp for a little too long, so I think I'll leave just one last thought and then leave. You've set the stage well with your main character. Now your next mission is to make sure we understand their goals clearly and sympathize with their quest to attain them. Don't just have them "do what you would do", or else the story is gonna get mighty boring mighty fast. Rather, skip over the boring things you would do and show us the interesting ones. Show us the goals we care about, and make us cry as we think the character could never achieve them. Show us how hopeless it is... then surprise us when the dragon makes it through anyway.
That is how you turn a good story into a great one.
I hope that didn't sound too harsh, or too confusing. I really do like the story, which is why I spent all the time it took to type that up. I want to see it go from good to great, and I think you can do it! ^^
8060825 - In my view, any constructive criticism, is good criticism. There will be conflict for my character to overcome, hardships and realizations that will cause a lot of emotional stress for my character, in later chapters to overcome. It won't be the same for the pony characters, since they have the benefit, most of the time, of working together, strength in numbers, and less base instincts to deal with. I have plans for my character, that will deal with how others percieve them, and how they're treated. And more.
The reality of the situation has yet to fully set in. It will though. I'll also work on how I word things. I'm trying, but this is my first ever story. I hardly wrote even short stories in high school and college, so this is a totally new realm for me. All I can do is ask for your patience, and please bear with me. I'll be going back to this and rereading it for pointers, and editing my story as I go.
Thank you.
I haven't confirmed with Starscribe, and I wholeheartedly ask them to verify, but my fan guess, would be that it takes a lot of magic to turn someone into a dragon, so there may not be a lot of people returning nearby when someone comes back as a dragon. At least not for a while. That's probably why White never found anyone (so far), and why Deirdre (The Celtic Dragon) only found two, despite coming back months later. I haven't read the latter in some time, but I do remember her meeting only two ponies.
Plus there's pony instincts to contend with: even a teenage dragon is a force to be reckoned with. They may not be as strong as an Earth pony, but they have claws and teeth. The latter of which can literally break and chew DIAMONDS!!
It stands to reason, that if you're not a cute baby dragon like Spike, you're bound to instill fear, and the desire in others to leave you well enough alone.
I don't know how long I will keep the story on Hiatus, but it will be for the forseeable future. I apologize to my fans, and those fans of PaP, but I've just lost interest for now. I've even lost interest in the show: I haven't watched any of the current season, nor any of the previous episodes for months. Thanks for following me thus far, and I may see some of you in the future.
Bye for now.
8358960
Well I speak English only as my second language and it's actually pretty intuitive after surviving the German grammar labyrinth.
I often make sentences way more complicated than I would have to
I don't want to trash talk the English language by any means.
I kinda like the simplicity that comes with it...
Also I can only talk for myself and state that I found English to be a simple languages to learn. I tried to learn Italian and found it to be a lot harder for me to learn
Also I made the assumption that equish is (like it was stated) close to english so I assumed that it should be fairly easy for the ponies to learn the language.
But i guess I failed to consider the missing instructions/guidance of an experienced speaker.
8359174
Yeah, having a native speaker to talk to is a big help. I have a friend in Japan who I talk to all the time, both on social media, and the PSN, the latter of which is the only way we can talk, without massive long distance charges.
Also, if your native language is Germanic, such as German, Dutch, Frisian, or so on, then English will be relatively easy, since it's classified as a West Germanic language. We lack the inflections that other languages use massively, as well as gender articles such as the German articles, der, die, and das, since English all but eliminated grammatical gender centuries ago, making it easy in that regard. We still have gendered pronouns though, and a neuter, 'they/them'.
There's also word order. Equish could have a word order completely different from English, SVO, or subject-verb-object. Theirs could be VOS, VSO, or any other combination, one that makes English different, and difficult.
As for the Equestrians speaking our language, they seem to have all the right vocal equipment, since many speak it very well, albeit with a thick accent, vis-à-vis Trixie and Colgate.
All in all, the Equestrians coming to Earth will be fairly fluent in English, having spent years learning it, since a spell is temporary. They would've just spent a couple years in intensive study, much like the military does with its linguists and translators.