still a cool story man but you really need to get both a proofreader and an editor. and it seems you're trying to force the story out just a tad bit. just some constructive critism.

1063112 I know. But the ones I ask don't really ever get back to me.

1063119 well im not very good at being someone who can check for flow on a story but im pretty good at grammar. if you want, i might be able to help ya out. i mean i dont know how people go about doing that sort of thing here but im willing to give it a shot if you want.

poor jero at least one good thing came out of it

RAPEooops i mean GREAT!

The molestation has been DOUBLED!!!!

I dont think i would have the will power like jero to resist pink fade and Ms.spiro

1105208 Nope.

plz dont forget bout this story.

Damnit i hate cartoon romance. It just happens to damn early and way to fucking fast.