Talking Is Hard

by Leoshi

Diet

"You got my message earlier, didn't you?"

"Hm? Oh, that, yeah. Was a little confused by it, to be honest..."

"It's okay! It's just something I want to try, something to hold each of us accountable by the other."

"Hold us accountable?"

"Yeah. Something to keep us on the right track for once."

"It's not like we're unhealthy or anything."

"No, no...but we could always be better, you know?"

"Oh, this should be good. All right, hit me."

"That's the spirit! Okay, so I was spending a little time to draw it all out for us. And we don't have to go with a chart or a graph or anything if we don't have to. But we can definitely use something to keep track of us."

"Is that...you know, necessary?"

"Kind of, yes. We've gone this long without tracking our intake, and as a result I think we're just eating too much."

"And tracking our meals is gonna solve it?"

"Is it a bad thing?"

"That's not what... I don't know, it just seems silly to me. Am I gonna have to come down here and fill in a box each time I grab a snack?"

"It'd actually be a little line for a list, and...yeah! The food item, the intake, and a rolling estimate of how much we've eaten throughout the day, week, and month if we choose to go that far."

"I don't think I like the idea of having this...list-chart held above my head each time I grab an apple."

"That's the idea, Spike. That's accountability."

"Ugh. Noting and measuring how much I eat? Can't we just try some...I don't know, some newfangled diet and follow that plan?"

"What's wrong with this plan?"

"I-it's just...nothing, really, just..."

"We've tried going on a diet a couple times before, remember? Each time, we just slid back into our old habits. Do you even know how often we ordered take-out?"

"So we order less."

"We tried that. You kept visiting the bakery."

"They have good coffee!"

"Yes, they have good coffee. Is that all you get?"

"I... Most of the time..."

"See? You kept going there for snacks and meals, disregarding what you were putting in you. I mean no offense, Spike, but you've put on quite a bit of pudge in the last couple of month. Now, I think this new way will form a nice compromise. We don't have to stop eating on the go, but if we're aware of what we're putting in, we can measure it and manage it. Eat only what we need."

"Is that...such a bad thing?"

"Hm?"

"You said 'pudge' like it was a bad thing."

"Ah, w-well...yes. I mean, being overweight is bad for your health. You know that."

"Hmph. I don't know about you, but I think there's a marked difference between 'pudgy' and 'overweight,' Twilight."

"That's a little beside the point-"

"Do you think I'm fat?"

"Don't misunderstand, Spike. We're at risk of being overweight, and we really should take better care of our health."

"And this piece of paper is supposed to do that?"

"There's no need to get upset. It's an idea off which we can build, and it's supposed to help us do it. We have to really want to make this work, or else we'll just fall back into the same hole like the last few times."

"Well, I don't like it."

"You haven't even let me explain it."

"What? Is there more to it than to tell everyone what I had for lunch?"

"Look, the chart is just a method to help us measure. We'd need each other to really make a dent in our habits. It's not like our friends would be seeing this; it'd just be you and me. I'd see what you had in a day and talk to you about it if you had too much. I'd expect you to do the same for me! It's cooperation."

"There it is. 'Expect.'"

"Sorry?"

"With one word, you've turned this into a task. You 'expect' me to go along with it, even if I don't want to. You want to turn it into a chore instead of a choice."

"Spike, you're putting words in my mouth. I didn't say I expect you to do the whole thing. I said-"

"Then why are you-"

"Let me-"

"Why are you talking to me like the decision has already been made? That's expectation, Twilight. That's you denying me a choice in the matter!"

"It's just an idea! I've said that, like, five times!"

"I remember saying I didn't like the idea in the first place."

"Well, what would you have us do?"

"I said that, too! Order fewer take-out meals. Try out some sorta diet. Remember?"

"I remember. I remember us trying that already, and us not following through with either. I don't want us to try something that's already failed."

"Try, try again! That's the saying, isn't it? I still prefer those ideas to this one."

"What's so bad about this one?"

"I mean, it's...ugh, it feels like eating would just become a thing given to me, you know? Like I have to earn it by not eating sometimes. It boils down to earning a meal by skipping one. I don't see the logic in that."

"Spike, you're letting your imagination take you to places that don't exist."

"Whatever. I still don't like it. In fact, I don't see a problem with how things are now. I mean, if the diets and junk didn't work, who's to say we needed them at all?"

"I say we needed them. We need something. Something that'll work, and I really think this idea could be the one. Now, will you listen to what I have to say about it?"

"There you go again. Dismissing my opinion and sticking with your own. I've said I don't like this idea, Twilight. Stop pushing it on me."

"Please, Spike, I'll need your help to hold me accountable. And I can help you in the same way."

"I...don't...need help, Twilight."

"Why are you upset?"

"You're trying to tell me that I'm fat and that I need to announce to everyone who sees this thing how big of an eating problem I have!"

"Goodness, Spike, that's not at all what I'm trying to say! It's not about you! It's me, too! I've told you that this would be a team effort!"

"And what if I'm happy with the way I am?"

"Then...I dunno, I guess I'll have to ask myself why I wasted my time with this idea at all! If you're not interested in getting healthier, then why did I bother?"

"Good question, Twilight. Tell me, would it have helped if you asked me if I was interested in the beginning?"

"You..."

"Twilight, you came up with this idea. Great. That's good. But your idea would affect me, and I don't like having decisions made for me. Was it too much to ask for that little bit of respect? I might have thrown a couple ideas your way that would have shaped this idea. Turned it into something I'd agree with, you know? Instead, you did all this thinking on your own, expecting - expecting - me to go along with it. You took away my right to have a choice."

"So, wait, is all this even about the idea at all? Or are you upset with me?"

"I'm...maybe."

"Huh..."

"Sorry, it's just... I've started to notice how many times I've had decisions made for me. I wanted to take more control of my own life, instead of letting those around me think I was too dumb to think for myself."

"You're not... I just thought..."

"Agh... Look, I understand your idea. I do, okay? I guess I'm just mad that you thought it was enough to just tell me that 'It's happening!' and that'd I would just go with it. It's not a bad idea, really."

"No?"

"No, it's not. I mean, I honestly still don't like it. We can have accountability through our current habits, can't we? You said you wanted a compromise..."

"Let's not worry about this for now."

"I... Twilight."

"What?"

"You did it again."

"I did wha- oh...oh, no."

"Yeah, that's...that's what I'm talking about. Dismissing my thoughts and making a choice for me. I'd like to be heard, Twilight. Just like you are."

"I'm sorry. This whole time, it just sounded like you were making this whole thing about you. In a weird way, it still is, but...it's an understandable kind of weird."

"I...I guess I can see it like that."

"Heheh. This must be what it's like to cooperate, huh? Learning what lines not to cross."

"Yeah. Though that might be a little much."

"Well...all the same, we should...I mean, I'd like for us to set this whole idea aside for now and come back to it later. When we're both ready. Because I clearly was not."

"I think I can work with that. Thank you."

"Mm-hmm. Hey, um...don't hesitate to tell me when I think for you too much, okay? You were right about how I would make choices for you, and you deserve to have your own voice."

"I will. And I'll try to be less angry about it, too."

Author's Note:

Inspired by personal experience with being ignored, as well as conversations with family members a few years ago.