Tell me if you've heard this one before- A mobster with a messenger bag and a motorcycle, a box of fancy jewelry, some ponies, and a Q-wannabe with mooks blow up a bar... ok, a cafe, but we'll get to that in a moment.
Well, this story has potential. Normally when you make a protagonist who is tough as nails and all out of bubble gum who casually gets in gunfights and sides with the evil on high speed motorcycle chases in order to protect and provide for his family, I tend to move on to the next story... it's so ridiculously macho, it's almost impossible to make a character like that anywhere near someone we can identify with. As a general rule, characters like that are created because the author is an insecure loser who feels a sort of resentment for successful people, and wants to find the formula for how they work, but has unrealistic expectations of just what it takes to succeed.
But you at least beat Neil Stephenson as far as making a character easy to identify with. And it wasn't really a high speed motorcycle chase. Nobody's literally dodging bullets, and the gang of thieves is more shades of grey and practical, rather than edgedark and Michael Bay. So, it could work. I guess it really depends what kind of pony he turns out to be. But I think we already know he's obviously the living reincarnation of the pony known as Ms. Harshwhinney.
I appreciate it, and would like to point out the reminder of 'it was all a dream'.
Or should I say rather, that particular part is a dream. Thank you for taking time to comment on my story, and I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far. Next chapter will be out most likely next Saturday/Sunday.
Well, this story has potential. Normally when you make a protagonist who is tough as nails and all out of bubble gum who casually gets in gunfights and sides with the evil on high speed motorcycle chases in order to protect and provide for his family, I tend to move on to the next story... it's so ridiculously macho, it's almost impossible to make a character like that anywhere near someone we can identify with. As a general rule, characters like that are created because the author is an insecure loser who feels a sort of resentment for successful people, and wants to find the formula for how they work, but has unrealistic expectations of just what it takes to succeed.
But you at least beat Neil Stephenson as far as making a character easy to identify with. And it wasn't really a high speed motorcycle chase. Nobody's literally dodging bullets, and the gang of thieves is more shades of grey and practical, rather than edgedark and Michael Bay. So, it could work. I guess it really depends what kind of pony he turns out to be. But I think we already know he's obviously the living reincarnation of the pony known as Ms. Harshwhinney.
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Grate, job on the story, keep it up!
7025750
I'm so sorry, but it's deliberate. I know, it hurts me too.
7025786
I appreciate it, and would like to point out the reminder of 'it was all a dream'.
Or should I say rather, that particular part is a dream. Thank you for taking time to comment on my story, and I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far. Next chapter will be out most likely next Saturday/Sunday.
7027880
Thank you, I hope you're having a great night
7028008 your welcome, I am having an alright night I just played some fallout 4 and played gta5 ps4.