Chapter 16: Preparations
Preparations
I had to crack another smile.
"All right, then, Soria, I suppose you're our guide now."
"I guess so. Okay, have you ever heard of The Spring Goat?"
"Uh... no. Some sort of hotel?"
"No, it's a bar. Just go out this alleyway, take a left, continue straight till you get to the green sign, turn left, straight, turn right at the street beside The Faulty Barrel..."
My mind strove to memorize all the details of the directions she gave us. She gave us orders to go in every vector possible, be it forward, backward, right, left, up or down, or any combination of them. Eventually, she finally petered out.
"...then you hang a Ritchie at the big totem pole, go down the street and there it is. Go on ahead, order yourselves something, have lunch. I'll be there when I can."
And with that, she vanished into the shadows.
"Truenis, do you remember what she said?", asked Flare.
"I sure darn hope so, I sure darn hope so..."
A little while later...
"Are we there yet?"
"No, Flare."
"...Are we there now?"
"No."
"How about now?"
"Congratulations Flare, we have arrived. The destination is 'Annoyed'. Our next stop is known as 'Irked' and the final one is called 'Consequences'. Shall we keep on going?"
"...Uh... No thanks..."
"A wise decision."
A little later...
"Truenis?"
"Shhh, I'm getting my bearings."
"We're lost, aren't we?"
"Of course not! I know exactly where we are!"
"Riiiiiiiiiight. So where are we?"
"City of Stalliongrad, country, Equestria."
I heard the unmistakeable sound of a claw meeting a face.
Some more time later...
"Okay, I have an idea, Flare."
"Do tell."
"On three, we both point in a random direction. If we're pointing the same way, we go there."
"That has to be the dumbest idea ever."
"Do you have a better one?"
"Alright, fine."
We both counted.
"One, two, three, THAT WAY!"
We both pointed in completely different directions.
"One more time.", I said.
"One, two, three, THAT WAY!"
Once more, we didn't concur.
"Let's try again!"
Later...
"Truenis, I'm going to suggest something that goes completely out of nature of our gender. Should we ask for directions?"
I clasped a claw over his mouth in horror and gasped.
"How could you ever suggest such a thing!?!?!"
That said, I turned to a unicorn stallion walking by and said:
"Excuse me, do you know the way to The Spring Goat?"
He seemed slightly amused by the question. I facepalmed and sighed.
"It's right behind me, isn't it?"
He nodded. I turned around. There, a building stood, with the words: 'The Spring Goat' written in chipped paint.
"Uh, thanks.", I said.
"No problem."
I walked to the doorway and opened it. Walking in, no small feat considering my large body, I was greeted by a dozen different smells of cooking food. It was a medium-sized restaurant, not huge, but respectable. Inside were amassed a congregation of not only ponies, but also griffins, diamond dogs and some others. In fact, the ponies were a minority. No sooner had I come in, that a perky dark brown pegasus came up to me.
"Good afternoon, sir, would you like a table?"
She then sized me up.
"Wow, you're a big 'un. Come over here, there's some space."
I followed her over to a booth that was big enough for me. I noticed that all the seats were bigger than they were back on Earth, probably because most people reclined instead of sat, though there were many that sat like a dog. No, not a diamond dog, a... never mind, let's get on with the story.
Anywho, she led us over and we seated ourselves.
"I'll be there to take your orders in a few minutes."
"One sec, wasn't this a bar?", I asked.
"It doubles as a restaurant. Though between you and me," she whispered. "I don't like half the food they serve."
She walked away, leaving me and Flare sitting there. It was rather comical, me, being almost twice the size of a regular pony, sitting across from Flare, who wasn't much bigger than the head of a stallion. We both picked up our menus and commenced reading. After reaching a certain section, I had to chuckle.
"That's why the mare didn't like half the food: there's meat in half the dishes."
Elsewhere...
A gloved fist slammed into the chest of an attacker. He was immediately propelled backwards at a speed that was sure to be unhealthy. Two other muscular bodyguards tried to rush the cloaked figure, only to be hit in the face with small balls that shattered upon contact. The stallions' eyelids immediately drooped, and few moments had passed before they were lying on top of each other, emitting snores that sounded uncannily like bumpy potatoes being rolled across a thick aluminum surface. The shadow glared at one other pony. One other well-groomed stallion who remained with an impassive face.
"You owe me.", said Soria, approaching the greasy-haired cretin.
Back to the restaurant...
"I'll take... clam chowder and stromboli.", said Flare to the waitress.
"Goulash and a rare steak, please", I ordered.
The mare wrote down our orders(how the heck do they hold onto pencils with hooves?), gave us a smile(kinda ruined by the greenish tint she had on her face) and went off to the kitchen.
"I wonder what that girl is up to...", I pondered.
Another part of town...
Soria looked at the disfigured shapes that were supposed to pass as ordinary muscles on the guards' arms. 4 diamond dogs, all of which looked like they were on steroids for a few months before crossing their DNA with that of a gorillaphant(gorillaphants live inside big trees. It's true, I tell you! They're the ones moving all the trees!).
The hybrid cracked her neck before turning to the stallion.
"You should know that I can take these guys. You've seen me fight. Why don't you call them off so I don't have to tear off more limbs than necessary?"
If the pony was affected by this, he didn't show it. He merely snapped his fing... Wait...
...
...
Do you ever get the feeling that you're having an off day?
Anywho, the dogs advanced on Soria.
"Bring it."
Is that food?
I tore into my steak, delighted at the meaty taste. At the other end of the table, Flare had only begun to eat stromboli(for those of you who are unlucky enough to have never tried stromboli, I shall describe it to you: You take a bunch of dough, flatten it, lay different meats and cheeses on it, roll it up, pinch it tight, bake it, dip it in tomato sauce and enjoy.). Very soon, we were both finished.
The pegasus came over.
"Anything I can get you boys for dessert?", she asked, handing us a smaller dessert menu.
"I'm fine, thanks.", replied Flare.
"I'll try the cherry pie."
"Alright then, be right back with it."
After she had left, I observed who was at the place. As I said before, there were many species. As my eyes glanced towards the door, I saw two mares come in. They were both yellow, with matching green manes. Either twins or creepily-good friends. They walked up to the counter and sat on a couple of stools. I noticed that one of them seemed to be guiding the other. At that moment, the waitress came with my cherry pie, the planets were aligned and everyone was happy. Okay, maybe the planets weren't completely in a row, but pie is good. Even though this one seemed to be missing something, it was good.
Is that blood?
A dog's fist crashed into Soria's side. She tumbled to the ground. After getting onto her knees, she spit a little blood out of her mouth, conveniently in the direction of the dogs, and re-adjusted her mask.
Two dogs were already unconscious, and she caught a glimpse of the boss pressing a hanky to his forehead, but as she got a little careless with one, the other used the moment to strike. She had already been hit numerous times, yet still managed to find the energy to stand.
"Is that all you got, Fido? I got two words for you: 'Play Dead'."
One of the dogs, enraged at how she managed to call him by his name, charged forward and proceeded to beat Soria within an inch of her life. Or would've, if he hadn't slipped on the spit glob and had his head slammed by the magically-enhanced paw of the hybrid girl. Soria glared at the last bodyguard.
"You have two choices, the way I see it. Either you run away now, or I ram my fist down your throat, grab your tail and turn you inside out. Choose."
The dog paled(again, how? He's got fur covering his face!), stepped backwards... And then crashed through the wall and ran for the hills, leaving a grossly-over-buff-humanoid-shaped hole in the wall behind him. Soria then focused her sights on the pony, who was now trying to cover the fact that he was sweating worse than Santa Claus wearing 5 wool layers on a summer day on a beach in Tahiti surrounded by some vengeful kids on the naughty list.
"Payday, boss."
Mmmmm... Piiiiiiiiiie...
As I endeavoured to fill my beak with pie(harder to chew than you would think. I have a beak, for goodness sake!), I observed the two mares. The marks on their backsides were an eye on one and an ear on the other. The one with an ear ordered from the waiter.
I let my attention stray over to other tables. Soon, my mind was occupied in trying to read the 'lips' of a couple of griffins. Not very easy. When I interpreted 'That yucca lizard flatulated the balloon', I reckoned that it was time to stop. Soon after that, my eyes snapped back over to the general area where the two mares were. It appeared that they were being severely annoyed by a muscled earth pony.
"Hey ladies! Check out the dynamite show over here!", he said. "Boom! BOOM!", he continued, flexing a bicep with each word. "FI-AH-POWAH!!!"
The ladies completely ignored him.
Back to Soria
The huge paw enveloped the stallion's neck. Soria lifted him up and cocked her griffin arm back threateningly.
"You owe me. Tell me, NOW!", she said.
"I... don't... know...", he managed to gasp out.
"What?!", inquired Soria in a dangerously soft voice.
"You were... famous... in the... arena... I... needed you... for... the show..."
Soria slammed him into the table, which broke down the middle.
"So when you told me you had information about my brother... you lied?!"
The stallion was livid.
"I-I-I have g-gold... b-bits... anything!"
"You would give me anything?", asked Soria, quivering with rage.
The pony nodded frantically.
"Anything... a-anything at all!"
Soria kicked him away before lifting him up by his throat again.
"I want my mother and brother."
The stallion gulped.
"Pray to Celestia, Luna, Discord, or whatever deity you worship for mercy..."
His eyes widened in fear.
"...Because I'm not giving you any..."
Scene Censored for Violence and Stuff! Returning to Other Scene!
To my surprise, after the mares had had enough of the stallion, they got up and walked over to... our table?!?
"Excuse me," began one of the mares, the one with the eye, to be exact. "But can we sit here?"
I raised an eyebrow.
"Why not?"
I gestured to a pair of chairs that were at our table.
Now would be a good time to tell you something that I had done before trying to find The Spring Goat. Before I left the alley, I realized that guards would probably be looking for a four-legged, four-winged bird, so I took it upon myself to disguise myself by using a spell to bend air around me to create an illusion of me just being an oversized griffin. Did I take more than once to do it? Yeah. Did it poop me out considerably? Yes, it did. Was I slumped against the wall for an extended period of time due to casting so many failed spells which often ended with humiliating results? Well, that's beside the point. I looked like a giant griffin, Thunderhilt was invisible, end of story.
Back to the story, the mares smiled cheerfully and sat down next to us. They introduced themselves as Perfect Sight(the one with the eye marks) and Good Hearing(the one with the ear marks). Frankly, why anyone would name their children Perfect and Good is a mystery to me, but hey, I don't have kids. Soon after, we became aware that Sight was deaf and that Hearing was blind. Go figure.
They told us that they were identical twins, but they had been born with disabilities, one deaf, and the other blind. They helped each other get through life, and discovered that Hearing had a sort of a radar sense for objects around her and that Sight could read lips and beaks with almost zero difficulty.
And also, the stallion had been trying to get their attention with little to no success during our conversation.
"Come on! You wanna be with a REAL stallion! Take a look at the biceps! The triceps! The abs! The thighs!..." And so on and so forth. Finally, I just sighed, and said:
"I think that they've made it abundantly clear that they don't want anything to do with you."
He fake-shied away.
"Oooooooh, look out for the griffin! He could get mad! And what're you going to do, canary? Beat me up?"
I ignored him and took another bite of pie. For another 5 minutes, he tried to get my attention. After realizing that words weren't affecting me, he took his annoyance to another level. He took my pie and threw it onto the floor. I slowly gyrated my head to look at him. I spoke in a soft, dangerous voice.
"I can take insults. I don't care about anything you say about me. Insulting females is worse, but still slightly tolerable, unless they get offended enough. But the moment in which you defile my pie... That is the moment in which you put the straw that breaks the camels back on."
I stood up, cracked my neck, and gave him a death glare. He matched it. It was at this moment that I saw that he was quite intoxicated. He got into a cliché-ish martial arts pose.
"One of the drawbacks of alcohol: You think that you have mystical kung fu powers."
He threw a punch that crossed the distance between me and him faster than the speed of li-*snort* *laugh* I-I can't do this! It was so slow and lopsided that a slug could've caught it. Evidently, he thought it was going fast, because when I caught it, his eyes widened considerably. I put my other hand on his foreleg and began rubbing fast in opposite directions. His coat seemed to comically smoke.
"Ah! Ah! OW! Stop! Please!"
When I stopped, he dropped to the floor and cradled his foreleg tenderly. I sat back down and ordered another piece of cherry pie.
I Think Soria Finished...
Soria stepped through the alleyways of Stalliongrad with practiced ease. However, her mind was still raging. She was mad at that stallion. All that time fighting for the amusement of other beings, and nothing to show for it. If she ever met that pony again... it wouldn't be pretty. As it was, she had battered and bruised him and gave him a full body shave. A minor punishment.
She shook the thought of what she would've REALLY liked to do to him away, and focused on getting to the Spring Goat. After all, she wouldn't want to lose those two so soon. Even though she would like to think so, she wouldn't be able to take on a whole den by herself. 4 mutants, sure! They're dumber than a sack of hammers! But if there's a whole pack, with organized leaders to boot, well, not gonna happen.
Before she realized it, she was already at The Spring Goat. Taking a moment to compose herself, she quietly drifted through the door.
We're Back!
After the little incident that followed with the stallion, I attracted surprisingly little attention. Everyone else was too busy with their own stuff. Of course, the offender and his friends said they were going to report to the guards(Perhaps the 'hanging him upside down from the ceiling from a fan' thing was going a little too far, but he was asking for it). Hearing and Sight were quite pleased, and we spent some time talking before something tapped my shoulder. I turned around and promptly jumped a few feet in the air at the sight of Soria.
"Sheesh, girl! When did you get in here!? Give me a warning next time, you made me lose a few feathers!"
I was pretty sure she rolled her eyes before saying:
"Time to go."
I gathered Flare, nodded to the mares, and we were off, going away from Stalliongrad(I think I've had enough racism to last three lifetimes... which is apparently about 1/6 of what I have left to live, if the biology sticks).
I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!! Yes, as astonishing as it seems, I have not given up on this story. I've been really busy with school and christmas and so on and so forth, but now I'm getting back in the rythm, so stay tuned. By the way, it seems that I'm doing something right with my story, because I'm getting artwork! Appletank drew this splendid picture of Soria! Kinda puts me to shame, doesn't it? 
Anyways, thanks for reading, and keep your stick on the ice.
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First, perhaps? Also I like where this is going
PLEASE give us more
Thanks, but I'd rather not.
And thus I fulfill my holy duty,
1992525 2.bp.blogspot.com/-DLKMIHH57P4/Ty8t24F1I6I/AAAAAAAAAU0/9-l1bn7GRsM/s1600/last_first_first_last.jpg
Don't tell me where to keep my stick!
But you can keep writing this awesomesauceness.
1992918 Meh, I'd rather have this
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/232/f/9/_roxas__oath_keeper_and_oblivion_x_blade_by_roxasxiiiaxelviii-d5bqq29.png
Pretty good, though it was better without Soria.
Continueeeeeeeeee
I'm going to ignore the little voice in my head telling me what's wrong with the picture and how to fix it... instead I'm going to say Good Job!
shush you....
2191201 Go right ahead. I'm not the best artist, you're probably capable of doing better.
Appletank's picture is way better, and more of what I expected by the descriptions. Now, all we need is for someone to improve your horrid pictures of the other cast, no? Good story by the way, (just please don't do more art).