Chapter 15: Everyone is sad except the mystery girl
The Dark Side
A MLP:FIM fanfiction by Lord Xaos
Chapter 15
Giggling. Lots of giggling. It was infectious.
“Hey, Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash laughed. “Can I take the blindfold off now?”
“No, no, no, no, Dashie! You can’t peek yet! You’ll ruin the surprise!” Pinkie giggled as she continued to lead Rainbow Dash forward.
“Alright, but Pinkie…where ARE we going? This feels like we just stepped into a circus tent of some sort…”
“Circus tent? Don’t’ be silly. You’ll know when we get there.”
“You better not be leading into a prank. You’re making me nervous, like I’m going to be surrounded by an audience expecting me to tame lions or something….”
“Aw, don’t be scared, Dashie. I wouldn’t ever do something like that to you!” Pinkie said, the amount of glee in her voice did not falter.
“All right…” Dash said. Then she paused for a moment. “…so what are you going to do to me?”
“Oh stop it.” Pinkie giggled. “Now, I want you to wait here for just a second, Dashie. I’ll tell you when. And no peeking!”
“Aw come on….I’ve been wearing this thing for what feels like hours! I’m starting to worry that my eyes won’t even open anymore if I keep them closed any longer!”
“…….”
“Pinkie? What’s wrong?” Rainbow asked. “Oh, I guess she already left.”
And Dash waited. And waited. And she waited some more.
She didn’t know where she was or what was around her. It was unnerving.
“Pinkie? Can I take it off now? Are you done yet?” Rainbow asked nervously.
More silence.
Finally, Rainbow thought “Buck this” and took off the blindfold. She immediately took stock of her surroundings.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t see the sky. That always put her on edge. But, there was a faint bloom of light creeping under the giant curtain that covered the….”room”…she was in, and she could see she had at least some room to fly around in.
And yet, no sign of Pinkie Pie or where she had left through…but then, Rainbow’s eyes were still recovering from being blindfolded for so long.
“Pinkie? Where is this place? Why is it so dark? Where ARE you?”
The light also betrayed the bars that rose from the floor, close enough together that she couldn’t squeeze through. The bars went up until the light grew too weak, and she couldn’t see them anymore. But Rainbow wanted to be sure, so she flew up into that darkness, taking note of the wooden platform large enough for any pegasus to sit on, on her way up. She flew all the way to the top.
Yes…. She was trapped.
Trapped in a giant cage of some kind, to be exact. Rainbow looked around the floor, searching for the door to the cage. Now that her eyes had taken a few moments to adjust, she found it easily, and tried opening it discreetly. It was locked.
“Pinkie!? Where are you? This isn’t funny! Pinkie or somepony…anypony! Please help! I can’t get out!”
Then, her call was answered.
Rainbow’s heart almost exploded out of her chest. She didn’t hide her horrified scream. The Eye had already seen her.
A large, snake-like eye with baby blue coloration had peeked through a slit in the curtain and seen Rainbow Dash! With a childish giggle, the curtain was thrown off, and Rainbow Dash was blinded by the sudden change in lighting!
Still, she flew. All around her prison, desperate to get away from the dragon’s gaze. Rainbow Dash didn’t take a good look at the monster’s exact form. It’s blue eyes seemed to be set against a completely shadowy body. They traced her relentlessly. Rainbow had the impression that if she split into two pegasi, the eyes would have done Ditzy Doo’s thing and a different eye would have followed one of her two trails of movement still, not even pausing for a second.
She eventually crashed into the perch in the center of the giant birdcage, where she curled into a fetal position and looked on with horror.
And then, it spoke in a familiar voice.
“Hee hee! Awwww…tweet, tweet, tweet my little Dashie!” An enormous Pinkie Pie looked down on Rainbow, grinning from ear to ear.
“P-pinkie? Why are you so big?” Rainbow Dash managed to ask. “Why am I in this cage?”
“Aw, Dashie…do I really have to explain it to you? You’re going to be my songbird! Hee hee hee!”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “Pinkie, please! Don’t tease me! This is going too far!”
Pinkie giggled uncontrollably. “Hey, are you going to tweet for me, like a good birdie, or am I going to have to bake you into a pie?”
“Pinkie! Stop it, I’m scared! I never admit that to anypony, but I admit it now! I’m scared! You got me, Pinkie, okay? G-get Twilight to reverse this spell you had her cast on me and-”
“Aww….and here I thought you were tough.” Pinkie suddenly interrupted Rainbow. “Still, I’m afraid this isn’t a prank.” The party pony lowered her head. Her face took up all the space that Dash could see from her vantage point. And she whispered “Welcome to my cave, Dashie, raaaarrrr!”
Rainbow was too scared to say anything. She opened her mouth while shaking, but no words came out.
“What’d you say? Oh! Are you trying to sing for me, my little birdie?”
Rainbow managed an “I-I….”, but it was much too soft for anypony, even the cyan pegasus who spoke it, to hear.
“Didn’t quite catch that. Are you sure you’re really Dashie? I didn’t catch Fluttershy by mistake, did I?”
Rainbow felt humiliated and frightened at the same time. She wasn’t acting herself and she knew it, but….it was all she could do to keep breathing as her blood froze and her heart pounded in her chest.
“I am not y…..” Rainbow’s voice trailed off. It was hard to say that much, like the next syllable might cause Rainbow’s heart to explode.
“Yesssss?” Pinkie put her ear close to the bars of the cage. She let out a small (read: pegasus sized) plume of flame. “What’d you say, birdie?” the giant pony flapped her leathery wings once. ….Did she always have those? Rainbow honestly couldn’t remember details like that from the last few minutes of her life.
“Tweet.” Rainbow squeaked.
“Aww….that’s a good songbird.” Pinkie smiled.
Rainbow dared to start to relax. Okay…this was still a horrible, horrible situation. But maybe if she just did whatever the giant Pinkie-dragon wanted for now she could survive long enough to try to escape later…
“But I’ve already got the pie started.”
Rainbow blinked. What the heck is she talking about?
With lightning speed, Pinkie tore open the door of the bird cage and reached inside for Dash. Screaming, the pegasus took off and flew around the cage.
She didn’t get very far. Something was pulling her away from the ceiling of the cage.
Pinkie had her tail.
Rainbow struggled, but Pinkie bit her mane in her unusually carnivorous teeth. Rainbow cringed, held firmly in the monstrous pony's mouth, but unharmed. Pinkie bounded over to a kitchen counter. Rainbow kicked and flapped her wings, and demanded to be put down. It was there that Rainbow Dash saw it.
The Pie.
It was filled with dozens of other pegasi, all of them wrapped had their wings bound in what looked like a thick ring of uncooked dough, and their legs bound together with some kind of (presumably edible) adhesive.
Standing on her hind legs again, Pinkie retrieved the struggling pegasus with her hoof, and held her down while her other hoof retrieved some dough.
“Pinkie, stop! We’re friends! Why would you do this to mmmph mmmMMmmm mmmph!” Rainbow’s mouth was covered with a small mask of pie crust dough. Rainbow’s nostrils were not restrained, so she could still breath through her nose. Pinkie just winked at Rainbow and proceeded to do the rest of the binding. Rainbow, now rendered speechless, just tried to lock eyes with Pinkie and give her the most pitiful pleading look she could manage. It probably helped that she was already starting to cry and was trying to understand how any of this could be happening.
“Aww….its okay Dashie. It will all be over in 30-35 minutes. Or until the crust is golden brown.” Pinkie laughed cruelly. She then took the tied up Rainbow Dash, the pegasus’ hooves covered in some kind of sticky, sickeningly sweet-smelling substance, and dropped her in the middle of a pile with the rest of the pegasi.
It was horrible. Rainbow felt ponies squirming all around her, desperately trying to escape…some down below trying just to breath. Above, Pinkie was looking at them all hungrily.
“This is going to be…the. Best. Dessert. Ever.” Pinkie licked her lips. “Now I just need to decide on a topping.” She looked thoughtful, then pulled out two jars of some kind of condiments. “Hey….does anypony have a preference? Would you rather be scalded alive with dragon-heated strawberry or blueberry-flavored syrup?”
The voices of the damned screamed their protests through their doughy masks, Rainbow just sobbed.
Pinkie rolled her eyes playfully. “Oh right, I guess you all aren’t really abl-“
“Blueberry!” a voice interrupted her.
Every single pony in the pie (and the dragon-pony who wasn’t) stared at the gray-coated speaker. She was still restrained, but her mask had fallen off. When she opened her mis-matched eyes, she took in her surroundings in half the time a normal pony would’ve required.
Ditzy Doo seemed to catch on that the crowd was frowning at her. “Um, I mean….strawberry?” She asked tentatively.
Right. Thank you, Ditzy Doo. I’d HATE for our last few moments of life to be tainted by even a small speck of dignity. Thanks for taking care of that for us, ya featherbrain.
“Actually…I just had a wonderful idea!” Pinkie grabbed Rainbow Dash again and held her above the pile of doomed ponies for all to behold. “In honor of my wonderful, dear, bestest best friend Rainbow Dash, how about I use both flavors in succession! Maybe I’ll add some honey! With all the primary colors, it’ll be a bright and colorful rainbow! Beautiful!” Pinkie’s eyes rolled into the back of her head as she said that last word, giving everypony further reassurance of her madness.
“Thanks for giving me the idea, Dashie.” Dragon Pie rose Dash to her face, and kissed her before dropping her back into the pie.
Pinkie didn’t waste any time. She poured some syrup (and honey) into three different pans, and then she breathed a giant flame and heated them in the blink of an eye. The pegasi could hear the bubbling, even though the pot was out of their view.
Pinkie returned to the pie, a pan containing the first of the three waves of boiling condiments in her hoof. A gleam in her eye.
“Any last requests?” Pinkie asked.
“Well…”
“Besides Ditzy Doo.” Pinkie interrupted.
“Awwww….” Ditzy pouted.
After a moment of silence (read: muffled protesting and crying), Pinkie said “Aww….you’re all shivering. Don’t worry. I’ll warm you all up right now.”
This can’t be happening…it just can’t be…I don’t want to look, but I can’t tear myself away…oh my gosh!
“How dare you…..” a familiar yellow pegasus stood above the tangle of bound ponies.
Is that Fluttershy!?
“How DARE you!” Fluttershy took off and flew right up to Dragon Pie’s face. “Listen here, Missy! Just because you’re big, doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Pinkie, but this is NOT how you play nice with your friends!”
Dragon Pie looked up, astounded by Fluttershy’s sudden appearance. She had lowered the pan just a hair. This had the unfortunate effect of almost spilling its strawberry contents onto the pile of kidnapped ponies.
And then Fluttershy slapped (well, bucked), Pinkie’s hoof and send the pan flying away to Pinkie’s left. “NO! That’s dangerous! You could’ve burned somepony!”
Pinkie looked back at the tiny Pegasus hovering in front of her. “I just…wanted others to feel my pain.”
“You know you’ve never been burned alive. There are plenty of outlets for whatever is bothering you! You know all the ponies in Ponyville, more ponies than I could ever hope to get to know, you throw parties for! And you’re telling me you never thought to just talk about it with your friends? Pinkie! This isn’t like you at all! Explain yourself right now, young lady!”
“But I thought you all didn’t like my parties and didn’t want to be my friends anymore!”
“That’s not true! You always still had Twilight, Rarity, Spike, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash! And the Crusaders! And you definitely had me. But right now, you’re not behaving like the Pinkie Pie I know and love! You’re hurting the ponies that care for you the most!”
“But, I …” Pinkie started to speak again.
“Don’t you ‘but, I’ me, Missy! Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” Fluttershy crossed her forelegs.
Pinkie’s lower lip quivered and she suddenly broke down crying.
“There, there, Pinkie…you just made a mistake. If you just let everypony go, everything will be okay.” Fluttershy continued to try and coax the enourmous dragon-pony.
She’s…She’s going to do it! It’s another miracle! Fluttershy is going to save us all! Just like last ti-
The appalled voices of the muffled ponies (including a gasp from Ditzy Doo) were Rainbow's first sign that something had changed.
Rainbow looked up….and saw Pinkie was holding a knife, stained with blood.
Fluttershy’s blood.
She had cut the little pony from groin to neck in a single, fluid motion.
Fluttershy fell unto the pile, motionless.
Rainbow Dash could only look in horror. She was completely paralyzed.
Pinkie grabbed another pan and smiled. She tilted the pan forward slowly….
“Wait!” Ditzy suddenly spoke up.
Everypony fell silent again.
“What about the red for your rainbow?” the blond pegasus asked. “You spilled the strawberry syrup.”
“…….” Pinkie grabbed Fluttershy’s bleeding corpse and smiled, saying “hmm-hmm!”
“Oh.”
With no further questions, Pinkie resumed operations. Some molten gold dripped from her pan. It hit some other ponies, who elicited agonized screams.
Pinkie tilted it forward slowly…dripping more onto other ponies. Rainbow Dash cringed, but none of the sauce seemed to be landing on her.
And then, Pinkie tilted the pan all the way, and there was boiling honey everywhere...Rainbow was burning…drowning….melting!
The sickeningly sweet smell was everywhere….and it was mixed with the smell of blood….
Rainbow screamed and screamed until she fell off the surface she was sleeping on. Shooting straight up, Rainbow started to calm down when she realized she wasn’t being smothered in boiling honey.
Still….her head was fuzzy. She looked around, and took hold of her surroundings.
She was in her cloud house. Outside her window, she saw the sun was starting to dip past the mountains outside Ponyville.
Rainbow blinked. It was this late in the day? She felt like there was something she needed to remember something….wait…
“Wait. Something doesn’t add up…ow.” Rainbow winced.
Rainbow just realized, her whole body felt sore. She had tensed up terribly.
“Then again, a good soak sounds pretty good right about now.”
Within moments (which would strike anyone who knew all the work that went into condensing the hot water for a bath in a cloud house as a strangely short period of time if they were in their right mind) Rainbow was relaxing in a warm bath. She really should take these more often.
As Rainbow wiped the side of her face, she felt some not unlike a bite from a small animal.
“Ow!” Rainbow held the cloth in her face, and saw that it was bloodstained. Inside was a small, black, something-or-other. “Ow…was that a scab? What happened where I would have been….?”
The bathwater had turned red.
Rainbow’s eyes widened in horror.
She looked at her body, as if for the first time.
Stitches. Stitches all over her stomach.
Her fetlocks had bolts through them. She place a hoof on the bolt.
She could feel her pulse through the metal.
Rainbow tried to fly to get out of the tub, but realized with a thrill of horror, that her wings were gone!
Her Cutie marks were stitched on.
She remembered. The other Pinkie.
Did that monster harvest her organs, but put her back together again? That didn’t make sense! Why would Rainbow forget that? Why would the monster Pinkie do that? To do it all again later? But surgery doesn’t work like that! What’s going on?
Breathing heavily, Rainbow Dash realized she wasn’t alone in the tub.
It was another Rainbow Dash. This one was whole.
“Horrible, isn’t it?” the other pegasus spoke “You’re the only one who can stop her, Rainbow Dash. I’m sorry you had to be a part of this. Gaze into the mirror over there, and see the truth. See the future that awaits you if you keep attempting to ‘save’ Pinkie Pie.”
Rainbow turned her head, which itself felt like it had been stitched together, and she looked into the mirror.
She had no face. It had been skinned off, revealing the muscle and bone underneath!
Rainbow screamed. And the pony corpse she saw in the mirror screamed back at her.
The other Rainbow throttled her.
“Stay with me! Don’t go yet! You have to promise me you’ll never let your guard drop! She won’t rest until you’re dead! She let you go so she can hunt you down again! Nopony will come to your rescue! You have to stop her!”
“StOp…” Rainbow spoke in a distorted voice. “PiNkIe PiE?”
“Yes. End her. Don’t follow in my naiveté. And another thing! This is very important: You cannot trust either Pinkie Pie. When you find her, you must kill her too.” The other Rainbow stared icily into Dash.
“bUt…CaMe To SaVe HeR. mY fRiEnD…”
“Is gone! If she ever existed in the first place! I thought I was mistaken. And…” the other Rainbow’s voice started to distort as wounds opened all over her body and she started to bleed. “lOoK…aT…mE…nOw…”
And then the other Rainbow Dash exploded into a downpour of rainbow-icing cupcakes.
One cupcake splattered in Dash’s eye. She couldn’t stop it. She didn’t have eyelids.
“AaAAaAaaAaAaAAaAarRrRrRrRRrRrRrRrRrRGgGgGGgGgGgGhHhHhHhHhHhHhH!”
Rainbow woke with a start. Again.
She was in her cloud house. Again.
Her muscles were stiff. Again.
Rainbow rubbed a hoof over her entire body. “My wings….my cutie marks! Oh Celestia….I’m whole!” She cradled her self and cried.
Then she found something.
Stitches. Off to the side of her stomach. It was off and away from most of her vital organs. She hadn’t noticed them before.
Rainbow instantly kicked herself to make sure this wasn’t another horrible dream!
It wasn’t.
The stitches must have been holding together a very tiny cut. But…Rainbow felt hollow in that area of her body.
“What did she take?……WHAT DID SHE TAKE?”
The Wrathful Wraith exited the Darkest Grove, and found the spirit that was tethering the four to the outside world.
The Striped Ghost.
The Wraith approached the Ghost.
The Striped Ghost spoke “I wanted you to find one of the four and watch them, one hour is all I ask. What could call you always from your important task?“
The Wraith made its demand.
“We are going into the Grove to rescue them ourselves. In the Flesh. All four of us. Now.” The Wraith commanded, its voice almost becoming a screech when it said the word “Now.”
“Did you not hear me before?” the Striped Ghost inquired. “I cannot allow the entry of any magic or alchemical lo-“
“Unacceptable.” The Wraith interrupted. “ABSOLUTELY unacceptable.”
“If things are going bad, we may send in Applejack and Fluttershy, but I’m afraid that in any situation that you can allow yourself to do so, you MUST stand b-“ The Striped Ghost attempted to rhyme once again.
“You never explained why.” The Wraith interrupted again. “I’m terribly, awfully, DREADFULLY sorry, but you. Never. Explained. Why.”
“The reason I’m not ready to explain at this time, You’re uncouth interruptions are making it very hard for me to rhy-“ The Striped Ghost
“THEN STOP RHYMING! AND START EXPLAINING! AFTER WHAT PINKIE PIE JUST WENT THROUGH, I NEED TO HERE THE REASON WE AREN’T STOPPING IT!” the Wraith howled, its voice once again very nearly becoming a screech.
“FINE!” Zecora screamed back.
Less than a second passed before Zecora continued speaking, but Rarity’s eye twitched as she noted that ‘fine’ technically rhymes with ‘time’.
“Because shadows with magic can break you even faster! Not just you, but everyone else in the Grove!” Zecora huffed. “There be something that will happen, and there is no action you can take that does not end in tragedy. It might hurt less, if you already were a murderer who does not feel guilt.”
“W-what?” Rarity gasped.
The previous year…….
(Once again, any and all rhyming has been lost in translation)
“They loved you, Zecora.” Shadora sneered, speaking in their native language. “It might have been based on a lie, but it wasn’t a trick. They really, really loved you. And you threw them away. With even more heartlessness than I sacrificed my own minions with. You’re right. You aren’t like me. You’re WORSE!”
The evil enchantress’s words stung Zecora to her soul. She was right.
“Oh sure, they might’ve been fated to die as soon as you left the Grove anyway, but you really treated them like rhino dung. Like they didn’t really exist.”
Zecora stifled a sob. She thought…that they didn’t really exist. That they weren’t real. They were just supposed to be “Reflections”, mindless illusions she had read about…they imitated her family and immediately offered to fight for her and said contradictory things. They had been an insult, and Zecora expected them to turn on her at any moment. They even kept coming back whenever she died, so of course they weren’t dead.
But…did she just make more? Every time?
Shadora spoke once more. “I even gave you a chance to be with Amoke. And you killed her. I gave you another one. You killed her too…you killed her, and killed her, and ki-“
“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!” Zecora screamed before a gag was forced into her mouth by one of the tigers.
Shadora stepped onto the altar where Zecora was bound. “Time to die once more, Zecora. Oh, and don’t feel bad. You’ll be able to see you-know-who again and tell her you’re sorry for being such a bad sister. Only, of course, it will be a brand new Amoke, and she won’t be able to remember it at all. How many Amokes does this make, I wonder?”
Zecora struggled desperately. If she died now, the nightmare really would start again…
“Goodbye, Zecora.”
SQUICK.
……
……
……
Wake up. Zecora thought.
Wake up wake up wake up WAKE UP!
Zecora’s eyes shot open. She was back in the village. No one else was around.
She ran away. Desperate to find an exit to the grove before they came back…
Before even more blood was on her hooves.
“The real reason I can’t enter the grove is because I have already defeated my Dark Side. I entered of my own free will, believing I knew everything about the Grove. But the Grove has ways of using your knowledge against you. Your Shadow has lived the same life you have and taken away very different lessons from the experiences.”
“What happened when you entered the Grove?” Rarity asked. “And what does your experience have to do with unicorns? I mean, its not like me or Twilight have been in her before…”
“That is a long, tragic story. But perhaps I should tell you about my foray.”
“Back to rhyming?”
“Ah, Must have slipped my mind.”
“Excuse me again, Zecora, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but…why do you rhyme?”
Zecora smiled. “If I had to guess, I’d say it is a curse of my kind.”
“You mean…the Zebras?”
“No. Students of the Medicine Mare Zelunjo.” Zecora corrected. “All her instructions were in rhyme, and so was her everyday conversation. We have all learned to speak like her, too.”
“Fascinating. In either case, why can’t we enter the Grove? After all, what I just saw Pinkie Pie go through…Oh, Zecora! Her Dark Side was cutting her and playing mind games, and making her think she wasn’t real and was actually Sweetie Bell! Both of them are friends to all of us! Why can’t all four of us enter together?” Rarity cried.
“To prevent the release of a Dark Side that had magic to invoke. I understand your desire to help, but I cannot allow there to ever be…another Amoke”
Zecora lived with her family in her humble Zebrican town. Along with her mother, father, and for a while her drunken uncle (don’t ask, that’s a sad story in of itself), there was also Zecora’s little sister, Amoke.
Amoke had a frail constitution, and she was often sick. Still, Zecora and her family did everything they could for her. It got bad at times, but Amoke was the sweetest girl you could know. And she always pulled through with the love and support of her family, especially her loving older sister.
Then, tragedy struck. Amoke was infected with a terminal illness. The local doctors said they did everything they could, but Amoke only had two months to live at the most. No one could help her.
Then, Zecora heard that there was a famous healer who was visiting relatives in town. The legendary medicine mare, Zelunjo.
Zecora found Zelunjo and pleaded like never before in her life for the older Zebra to look at her sister. Zelunjo agreed, and after examining her, said she could treat Amoke….if she had a certain rare ingredient that wasn’t even for sale.
Zecora demanded to know what the ingredient was and what it looked like, and no sooner than she was told then she stormed out of the village and ran into the jungle. It took her all night, and a narrow escape from a panther, but she found it, and returned victoriously.
It was a perfect specimen. Zelunjo’s medicine made Amoke well and energetic again. But, she have to take the medicine for the rest of her life, and Zelunjo couldn’t stay in town forever.
However, she was impressed with Zecora’s ability to find such a rare plant after just hearing about it, as well as her drive to save her sister. She saw potential in the young Zebra and offered to train Zecora so she could take care of her sister.
Zecora accepted. In time, she began a great herbalist, and treated many patients besides just her sister. All was well….
…Until the Red Plague struck. Amoke was among the first infected. She was in her preteen years.
The Red Plague was mysterious, as while there were historical instances of it, there had been no sign of it for centuries, and it was almost forgotten. But now, it was back with a vengeance.”
The only cure: an extinct plant called “Night Root.”
It only grew in the supernatural, eternally dark, area around Zebrica’s Darkest Grove (and had lured many Zebras into the Grove) which, 300 years ago, a distraught king had burned down after the tragic insanity and subsequent loss of his son. (The prince had heard of ancient heroes who did battle with their own shadows and through victory became spiritually cleansed. Apparently, this prince had slain his lover, mistaking her for an assassin when she snuck into his tent on the eve before a battle. He did not find salvation in the Grove.) The father’s terrible vengeance took all the Night Root with it.
Zecora buried herself in her studies, trying to find anything to cure her sister. Her own health deteriorated, and she became obsessed with the subject of the Darkest Grove. She hated the old King for destroying such a valuable cure, but eventually, she had to admit to herself that it was a mystery no one had attempted to do something like that before.
Perhaps back in the days when the Red Plague was rampant and Night Root was necessary, none would dare approach the grove, but during its long absence, zebras started to forget.
And now Zecora’s town was suffering for it. Amoke was suffering for it…..
Then, she found the answer.
The Everfree Forest, near Equestria.
It was a monster-filled region that the local ponies stayed far away from. But there were stories and rumors of a dark center of the forest where even the largest and most terrifying monsters gave a wide breath. The darkest region of the forest. The forbidden region, even to dragons.
It wasn’t much to go on, but Zecora was desperate. She memorized everything the books had to say about Night Root and she planned to leave immediately.
But then, Amoke’s condition turned for the worse. Zecora dropped everything and tried to do everything she could.
“Thank you…big sister. You’ve done so much for me….I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to hold on that long.” Amoke
“Amoke! Don’t talk like that! I’ll get to the Night Root, just be strong! You’ll survive!”
“Hee hee…That rhyme doesn’t work very well.” Amoke giggled some more before started another of her terrible-sounding coughing fits.
(Again, rhymes lost in translation)
Zecora placed a bowl filled with some sort of liquid near Amoke. “Don’t just laugh this off! This is dire and serious! Here, take this for your cough.”
(Ironically, that one DIDN’T rhyme)
Amoke didn’t drink it.
“Amoke! Do what I say! You’ve always taken your medicine before!”
“Big sister….please don’t give up hope. It’s wonderful you found the Night Root….but I don’t think I can even drink this stuff. *Cough!* My stomach can’t take it. How am I going to be able to eat the Night Root?”
Zecora’s eyes watered. “I’ll fix it! I’ll make it go down easier! Just be strong! Stop talking like this is the end.”
“Zecora- *cough cough!* …no one ever tried harder than you to keep me alive. And you are incredible at what you do. You’re the best big sister I could ask for! I’m sorry I’ve been such a burden.”
“I…you’ve never been a burden, Amoke! Please! You’re part of the reason I’m still alive too! Where do you think I got the strength to stare down that panther in the jungle? Where? Herb collecting in the jungle isn’t the delicate, fanciful activity some zebras make it out to be! I can only face what’s out there because of my will to protect you”
“But...that’s why I’m telling you not to lose hope…even if this is the end, there are so many more sick zebras that need your help.” Amoke spoke in a raspy voice.
“No!”
“Don’t lose hope!” Amoke’s voice suddenly rose. She coughed for a moment before she continued. “You have to promise me you’ll be strong and keep helping all the victims of this terrible sickness even if I die.”
Zecora wiped her tears and gave Amoke a smile. “I promise… but listen, Amoke. I’ve added some extract to the medicine. It should go down easier. Just try it. You can’t give up either, okay?”
Amoke smiled and tried to take the medicine. She put up a brave face, but couldn’t keep it down. Despite Zecora’s best efforts, her condition worsened and hardly a day passed before she was gone.
Zecora had already packed her bags. Zecora didn’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything.
But…she had a promise to keep.
Still, Zecora was compelled to prepare just a little more. Amoke's death and freed up her schedule, but Zecora was driven by a need to be perfect at what she was setting out to do AND force of habit. She got some more books. She had more to research. More on the Grove. More about Shadows. More about the ancient Shamans who bound spirits to masks and use astral projection and attempted to master the mysteries of the Grove.
Originally, she just wanted to get in find some Night Root to save Amoke, and get out. But now she needed it for all of Zebrica. Zecora was worried about entering the Grove herself. But now she wanted in. She would conquer her dark side…and then she could harvest all the Night Root. All of it. There would never be another sufferer of the Red Plague ever again.
Zecora learned a lot in this last cram session. She would be ready.
Sadly, so did Shadora. She would be more ready.
Rarity wiped her tears. “So…that’s why you came to Ponyville. But…what happened when you got here?”
Zecora inhaled deeply. “I was killed for the first time within the first hour. I was shocked by my Dark half, but when I rose again, I falsely believed that at that point I knew the full measure of her power.
This second life of mine, however, was when things started to turn unbearably sour. Although I only used such things to help others and cure disease, my knowledge of herbology and spirits allowed my Shadow to create two armies.”
“Armies?”
“My army was made up of a village populated by reflections of every zebra I’ve ever known. All of whom were who were all incredibly loyal to me. While my Shadow commanded tigers and other beasts from her throne. I thought they were ‘Reflections’. Dream Zebras. Illusions of the Grove. It wasn’t until I knew the truth that I realized how deeply into my heart the stake was drove.”
“What was the truth then?” Rarity asked.
“There was a healthy, happy Amoke who was the first to wake me up everytime I died. Everytime I got them all killed. I could never convince her to stop following me around, no matter how hard I tried. The real Amoke was frail and sickly, while this one was everything I ever wanted for her. And it hurt. It hurt when she spoke using her voice. It hurt when she called me her sister. And it hurt most of all when I was no longer sure.
She was a mockery of my Amoke. But….she wasn’t a Reflection, my friend. ‘Reflections’ are empty shades with barely the substance of wind. Zombies made from the memory of those who enter the grove, and under the thrall of their Shadow.
My Reflections were different. When they said they loved me, they meant it. And…only now, after its too late do I know.”
“You mean…but Zecora, if you’re the only one whose ever been in the grove personally, then how do you know your “Reflections,” as you call them, were different?”
Zecora hung her head. “It was there in the records. I didn’t study enough. Too angry, too impatient. Seemed unimportant and too sparsely mentioned. When I was forced to leave. I researched again, and I found out all the important stuff:”
-Reflections cannot interact or even notice you unless a Shadow is nearby to guide them. And only when they are told too.
-Reflections are born from your memories, and they will act in more or less the same way you remember them. They cannot do new things unless a Shadow orders it. They are not sentient, or even alive.
-You do not have a ‘memory’ of yourself, unless a recent out of body experience or dream produces one Therefore, if you meet yourself in the Grove, it is almost certain that this creature is your Dark Side.
-They can touch you, but generally just opt to phase through you like a ghost. There is no record of a Reflection killing any Zebra, not even for encroachment purposes.
“My army of Reflections came right up to me, without the Dark Zecora to guide them. If I only took what the records had to say on Reflections more seriously, I wouldn’t have acted so stupidly and grim.
They did new things, did great feats of heroism fighting for me…things I don’t remember them doing from the past. If I only knew, it would’ve been obvious how that could not be.”
“What I think I’m getting from this.” Rarity said, rubbing her head. “Is that something was different about them. I’m sorry, could you be a dear and go back to not rhyming for just a teensy little bit?”
“Magical Shadows result in Living reflections. Living, breathing, feeling, thinking Reflections. I just know how the Shaman of Old communed with spirits through Masks and how to do a ritual like this Astral Projection…
…so my Shadow thought it would be incredibly clever to force me to play a war game with her. Where her army was a bunch of bloodthirsty carnivores, including that one Tiger who ate my Uncle, and my army was a made up of all my Neighbors and family. Including…”
“Amoke.” Rarity said.
“…yes. I think I got seven different Amokes that I all got killed. I got killed eight times, and I lost a little more of myself each time…but each one of those Amoke Reflections lost everything, and never stopped trusting me. Defeating that witch helped me feel alive again in the moment, but sometimes I think that the life-saving medicine I send back to Zebrica is the only thing that keeps me going.” Zecora concluded.
“Zecora…I’m so sorry.” Rarity said.
“And that’s why even if we send in others, we can’t send in unicorns. Shamanism just relies on other spirits who provide the magic. Shadora might have also been using magical plants, possibly even Night Root itself to create the Living Reflections.
I just had a small amount of tangential magical knowledge. I don’t have an inner source of magic. We are not going to see what a shadow with a horn can do.
Right now, the only thing we can do is put our faith in Rainbow Dash. She ran off before I can instruct her fully, but I have confidence that she can find Pinkie and get her out of the Grove. My battle lasted for days before I had to retreat...and by that point she was already deep in my mind so I had to return. At this stage, Pinkie can still leave and still live a normal life without defeating her shadow. It’s Rainbow’s Shadow that is the most dangerous to Pinkie, and that’s why I’m hesitant to send anyone else in after her. More Dark Sides just increases the chance that everyone ends up dead.”
“But…do you think Rainbow Dash can handle it on her own?” Rarity asked.
“She is a proud, boastful pegasus. But she might actually be as great as she says.”
Suddenly, the Striped Ghost and the Wrathful Wraith were visited upon by a Fluttering Shade.
“Girls! I don’t know what to do! She’s completely inconsolable! I mean, I can talk to her or anything, but I just can’t stand watching her anymore.” The Spirit said.
“I know, Fluttershy. I saw what happened to Pinkie Pie.” Rarity said. “But Zecora thinks we should-“
“It’s not Pinkie Pie. It’s Rainbow Dash! She’s having a nervous breakdown!”
Rarity looked at Zecora worriedly.
Zecora scowled. “And just now I realized I could’ve been sharing all of that information about my Grove battle with one of the ponies who actually can act as the reinforcements….”
The Shade gasped. “Zecora! You didn’t rhyme that!”
The Wraith sighed. “Yes dear, it seems today is a very extraordinary day…”
The Ghost groaned. “Could this day get ANY worse!?”
“IT SAW ME!” A very demented looking Twilit Specter came galloping out of the Grove. “None of the others, not even the Evil Rainbow Dash, saw me, but it saw me! It spoke to me!”
“What did? Please, Twilight Sparkle, tell me! What did you see?” Zecora demanded.
“She’s fixed!” the Shade gasped again.
The Wraith shushed her.
“I-it was….the blond unicorn with a Fire cutie mark.” The Specter stuttered. “Not like the other ponies that just ignored me…Don’t remember seeing her in Ponyville…Or even Canterlot...Zecora, what IS going on!?”
Zecora had no clue.
“Hey! Hey! Come back, I’m not done talking to you!” Shadash called after the surprisingly spry yellow unicorn Reflection with a short, golden, mane and tail, and a flame for her cutie mark..
“Aw…that purple pony disappeared. I just wanted to make friends….”
Shadash crossed her arms. “And I kept telling you there was nothing there. Now…What are you?”
“I’m a unicorn, duh!” the Reflection giggled. “And there was too something there!”
“Was not.” Shadash countered.
“Was too!” the yellow unicorn shot back.
“Was not!”
“Was too!”
“Was not, was not!”
“Was too, was too!”
“Arg! Look, I don’t care anymore. Let’s start with something easy. What. Is. Your. Name.”
“Oh, my name? I’m Sunny Gold! Oooh! Do you want to be friends?” Sunny asked in a bubbly voice.
“Fr-friends? No way! I don’t trust normal ponies OR shadows. Why would I want to talk to some kind of …memory-less….Reflection? Ugh..WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?”
“Uh, DUH! Mom, plus Dad (who is technically also my Mom because she’s female). And also the Cabbage Patch!” Sunny said happily.
“Oh sweet Shadestia… There’s two-well, technically THREE- of them now.” Shadash held her head in her hooves.
“You’re funny. I like you!” Sunny hugged and cuddled against Shadash.
“AH! Get away! Don’t touch me!” Shadash squirmed and squirmed but couldn’t escape. “Grrr..umph! What in the ABYSS do you eat for breakfast? Let go!”
“Aww…It’s just a hug.” Sunny giggled as she let Shadash go.
“Just…just…” Shadash’s eyes rapidly shifted back and forth from the ground to the unicorn filly. “I gotta go.” Shadash took to the skies.
“All right, come back soon, okay?” Sunny giggled.
“SOMETHING IS FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG WITH YOU!” Shadash pointed a hoof at Sunny now that she was out of hugging range. She flew off, trying to turn her mind towards more comfortable, familiar things like paranoia and loathing.
“I made a friend.” Sunny smiled. “Now…where’d that Purple unicorn go?”
Author’s Note: Wow, I did NOT expect my computer to crash like that. Its been a rough journey putting everything back in order, but here’s your update. Just in time for….(checks time)….Well, for November.
Oh well, Happy Nightmare Night, Everypony!
“Amoke” is a Nigerian name meaning “Special gift to be cared for.”
“Zelunjo” has similar origins and means “Stay away from evil.”
“Sunny Gold” means ……”Gold that is Sunny.”
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22016 I am so sorry you came in an hour and a half too early. I *just* posted the next chapter.
Granted, its so late that I probably could've held it back and spruced it up a little more but well...I'm kind of worried that if I go down that road, I might as well get some actual editors to iron out all the flaws in the fic and possibly talk about the plot and end up rewriting large tracts of the story put everything on hiatus for weeks....
And its not that I'm not taking this story seriously, I'm just....
...afraid of losing something when I let other people in.
You know, like Shadash. (ba bum bish)
WOOO! More Dark Side. This fic is a trip and a half. I love it. Keep up the good work, man.
Am I the only one convinced that the other Pinkie is just gonna up and rape Rainbow Dash someday during one of these nightmare sequences? It's not just me, right?
All that talk about her "songbird" was just soooo twisted and disturbing. Possibly moreso than immediately following it up by trying to bake Dash into a pie.
This story is so messed up. And I love it. I honestly have no idea what to expect next.
22661
Yeah, is it weird that I got a boner reading the part with the birdcage and the pie?
Say, that whole songbird thing gave me an idea of another similar method of torture Pinkie can use: tying Rainbow down to a long wooden rod and placing it in a giant coo coo clock. That would be funny as hell; every hour the little door opens and Rainbow comes out with a bemused look on her face. Either that or it could be one of those clocks with the animatronic people that come out of little doors on the bottom and go along a track until they come face-to-face and one of them uses a little hammer to hit an anvil the other had in front of them; just put Rainbow in the place of the anvil, so every hour she gets hit on the head by the other figure with the hammer.
This story is so confusing
22675
Well, I got a ladyboner, so I guess it's only fair that the dudes out there are allowed to have ACTUAL boners.
I'm glad I'm not alone in that, though. The worst part is that the Pinkiedash fan in me is secretly hoping for it. And then I remember they're cartoon ponies and feel deep, deep shame.
23186
Yeah, I know I shouldn't be turned on by them but I can't help it. I mean, not only are they cartoon characters; they're HORSES, but they're so anthropomorphic that it's easy to forget that, especially when you're reading a fic about them rather than watching the actual show where you are constantly seeing them.
The story was good and worthy sequel to Cupcakes...up until Dark Pinkie electrocutes Light Pinkie. After that it just descended into unreadable nonsense. My suggestion, though obviously this will go unheeded, is to remove everything after the electrocution and give it a more sane, logical and most importantly readable conclusion. Turn-about is fair play and that's what made the story good, but you strayed into ridiculousness.
24814 Yes. It obviously will go unheeded. But not for the reasons I believe you think it will be.
There are levels of argument (http://lesswrong.com/lw/85h/better_disagreement/). Levels 0 is name calling, Level 1 is ad hominem or "against the man" (Of course HE would say that, he's an economist/scientologist/Hornet's fan, etc.). Level 2 is Disagreeing with the tone. Level 3 is Contradiction: stating the opposite of the argument with little or no supporting evidence. Levels 4-7 involve using supporting evidence vs. every more relevant points. Level 7 itself is where you IMPROVE the original argument and fix all its holes, making it even more relevant than it started as and then refuting THAT.
However, your argument is almost non-existent. So, I'm not going to be able to even try doing any refuting. You mostly just demand for a total rewrite of everything followed by a "sane, logical, and most importantly, readable conclusion."
(Just a little side note here, you DO know the story isn't over yet, right?)
However, you at least expanded your comment beyond the nigh-obligatory "This chapter confused me" so perhaps I should reward you with something like a dignified response.
I will take note that you pretty much choose the moment the plot finally got off the ground (when Rainbow got into the Grove and there was an actual environment in the form of the Other Ponyville to get lost in.) to declare it ridiculous beyond salvation. Again, you weren't specific about what, but looking at chapter 7, a few things start in the story.
Reflections are introduced. Pinkie came back to life. Dark Dash/Shadash was introduced.
But, I think the thing that might be the source of the problem would be was this was the chapter where I began explaining things. It always seems to have the net opposite effect. My latest review of the story over at fanfiction.net was literally:
"well, im now offically confused by this chapter. some explnation would be nice."
No. Some "explnation" wouldn't be nice, because you just got some in the very chapter you're talking about and where
During this story's infancy, when I first concieved of the idea, it was just Pinkie and Dash. Zecora, for instance wasn't even part of the story. The general plan was just to have them be terrorized by Cupcakes Pinkie and Rocket Rainbow until the climax. There was a charming simple and minimalistic. But it was also Bare.
Then, I fleshed out the number of confrontations with their dark sides the ponies would have beforehand and how they would move the story. And then I started to connect those, working towards the ending...and things branched out......
I really don't want to reveal everything before what I perceive to be its maximum tension-generating moment. But, that might be a side effect from reading Homestuck (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/), and now I'm warped into some kind of obtuse superbrain that cannot notice convoluted storylines at all, just from the sheer volume of story I had to digest just to catch up with that Webcomic when I was a new reader.
Contrary to what you may think, I listen to criticism. Yours is just mediocre and unhelpful. Lack of specificity also adds "figuring out what the fuck you are talking about" to my workload, and if it didn't confuse me when I read over it in post-production, what makes you think I'm going to be able to home in on the issue just because you claim there is one?
(Oh wow, this is taking a long time and its getting late. I'm quickly turning into an asshole....)
Look. A pretty big problem is it's just me working on this. I actually have been thinking for a while that even I don't get an editor, I really should just find someone experienced with writing who'll give me the time of day, spoil the goddamn plot to them, and get a fresh perspective on it before I release it on the world.
I mean, George Lucas had absolute creative control over the Star Wars Prequels, and look where that got us...
The only real point that I am trying to puzzle out is what exactly the "encroachment" is supposed to do. I mean, I have a general idea, in the same way that I knew what was in "Cupcakes" even before I read it, from the little tidbits of info I gleaned from comments and such, and that seems to be the same way I am getting info here. The shadows comments and conversations reveal bits and pieces, but what will be the end result of it?
Does Dash come back out, but it's actually Shadash given physical form and freedom, or is it actually Dash with Shadash in control, or is it another thing entirely? Same goes for Pinkie of course. Sorry if I missed a passage that spelled it out, my reading began speeding up as I progressed, I was trying to devour this thing!
Other than that, I am still forced to indulge in this twisted little tale of shadows and darkness come to life. I am loving it, even though I feel that I shouldn't. Ponies and blood just seems so wrong. but you are doing it well enough that I am *enjoying* it. Ugh.
I did notice a couple of simple spelling errors, but do you really want that kind of thing pointed out, or are you looking for actual substantive critiques? I am not writer or editor, so I am going to stick to things I know, like spelling.
25157 Hmm...occasionally spelling errors slip in, and I haven't taken the time to go over the entire thing. I would prefer not to clutter up the comment line, but if you want to help, you could send me a message. I see you have an account.
Actually, there is one thing that I think IS confusing people. When you asked what "encroachment" meant, I thought about being coy and just posting a really creepy picture of Meanie Pie giggling.
But, no. Its bigger than just encroachment. Nobody really knows what the Shadows are actually doing. And ironically, its because I KNOW I haven't told people yet that its my blind spot. I've foreshadowed things a lot, even wrote more scenes about the bad guys than I worry if I should have.
Well, you'll find out this soon enough (and Omake 3 kind of spoils what that taking over their Light Side's body is somewhere in the plan but...), next chapter in fact, so I guess I could just come out and say it.
They are trying to break Pinkie and Dash's spirits. Also, get them to kill each other (Although Shadash might just want to kill Pinkie, period). That last part sounds kind of dangerous, considering a few details about the characters who are orchestrating this horrible thing, but I can tell you it makes sense in context.
"Encroachment" is...well, let's just say it's their back up plan. And breaking their spirits is also an important step for that back up plan. That's all I can tell you for right now. However if you want to learn more, I can refer you to someone you can ask about it. She seems very amused by the question, I'd take that as a good sign.
img502.imageshack.us/img502/8333/omgoo.png
*runs like the devil*
25278
Oh, goddammit. You'd BETTER run, cuzI hate you so freaking me much right now.
Picture this; it's late at night and I'm scrolling through the comments, minding my own business, and then out of nowhere comes a picture of Pinkamena looking creepy as hell that pretty much scares the pants off of me. You SUCK.
25632 Technically, I could delete it. It's kind of taking of space.
That picture actually has an interesting story behind it. See, it's part of "Ask Pinkamena" on tumblr.
The question was "What happened to Rocky?"
The answer was this evil picture of Pinkie giggling while covered in blood.
....but...oh my god. Soooo many objections... they are all knocking each other down fighting to be asked first....
"But....Rocky was never alive!" and "But, rocks don't bleed!" and "But...but...why are you so into killing Rocky? RAINBOW DASH killed Rocky by accident in 'Party of One'!" and "Did you have to stab each individual rock to kill Rocky, or was there a single 'Brain' rock? And did ALL of them bleed?"
Actually, I don't even need to delete the comment, I can just "lose" the image on imageshack.
It seems to me that Encroachment would be a form of possession, but without actual possession. Perhaps mental alteration would be a better word choice.
"I Find that in contrary to my assumptions, that this story is not even semi erotic and thus leaves me nowhere when attempting sensual self stimulation."
"(I find this difficult to masturbate to)"
Ok, now that I have fulfilled that obligation...
Having read "Cupcakes" 1 & 2 and different Versions of 3 I think that this (along with the efforts of some other authors)
is in the right spirit; Writing so that the effect of "Cupcakes" seems to be not as universally Evil/Grim. Sad though I am to hear that many people have been scared, neigh, traumatized by the reading of that particular story.
I myself did not so much as sicken while reading. (Multithreading storylines probably helps: I usually parallel selfinsert and parallel Intel edit while reading a story I don't like the direction of)
This story is fun though, not quite too random to loose track of everything (Double rainbow was a Pain to read) while having a plot which makes big of hiding most of the good parts yet. The story between the lines and occasional narration/random bits are good effects too, you keep the story light and silly while dealing with the subject of repetitive mental and physical torture. All the while you spin the tale further sucking in more characters and evil versions of our favorites. And (yes i did just start with "and") your depictions of the relations between the shadow ponies and their personalities is quite a good element. Your often swtiching of viewpoints (POV) never quite becomes annoying and you seem to be using it just slightly more than perfectly.
I am excited at the prospect of reading the last 3? 7? chapters of this story and will keep tabs on you.
36998 Well thanks. I'm sorry I haven't post anything new this month. I've been kind of distracted by this and that in real life. However, I can promise that I'll have something soon. As in, before Thanksgiving.
Some of you will groan, some of you will find it the most epic thing ever, however, I can promise that the best part of the main story is still yet to come, and it will be finished. Eventually.
good story so far, if a tad confusing at some points. if its anything like cupcakes (haven't read that or the unofficial sequel yet) then i think i'll enjoy that one too.
...oh yeah, good thing i rather like crazy stuff as dark pinky is very
and maybe just a bit disturbing but that can't be helped i suppose.
You may garner better understanding by reading the first part of "Cupcakes" (original) up until the electrocution scene as this is where this story begins.
this story is somewhat less gory and gruesome than "Cupcakes" and all of the sequels which follow the theme wholeheartedly.
I've now read pretty much all of the serious Cupcakes related stories that are on this site (and some others which aren't) and I can conclude that I've read a lot of sick **** this story is rather one of the lighter versions which is actually heading (I feel) towards a relatively happy ending.
37400
.
Looks like you broke your promise; Thanksgiving has passed and there's no update. It is for that reason that I'm afraid I now have to kill you
Just kidding
, but I am getting pretty anxious for the next chapter.
39353
Have you read mine?
43582 Well...It might interest you to know that the next chapter IS a continuation of that story. Actually, it was originally supposed to be the entire rest of that story, but...well, you've all waited long enough.
also, the shadows are mostly 3, but its a little more complicated than that.
In their original state...its best to think about shadows as something not unlike Lovecraftian abominations. They were alien and aligned with nothingness itself. Then came light, and matter, and they were shadows instead of just darkness. They are twisted parodies of the creatures they mimic (referred to as "containers"), each one is evil, but it manifests in a different way.
While they follow ponies, they become ponies themselves. They can laugh, love, cry, smile, frown, despair, aspire...but. But. Nothing bright truly reaches the heart of a shadow in its current form. Shadash might even believe she's protecting Rainbow Dash by taking her over, but she isn't wise enough to see what truly is good for her 'friend'. Nor to notice what evil things dictate her the trends of her own thinking...
That's all I can tell you about shadows for now.
46152 you said that the shadows aren't unlike lovecraftian abominations... Is that why the last canon chapter is called tea with cthulu? Anyways, I love this story, well written with a plot that is more of a challenge to understand, which I enjoy in a good story. Flexes the old brain muscle, y'know? But I find the only problem is the constant release of omakes. They are ok, but not really what, at least I'm, not looking for, and I'm sure some other ponies would agree with me. Keep up the good work Xaos, and please include some lovecraft references if you could? I mean... You know... If it's not too much trouble...
I was wondering If you would kindly make a summary of this story I understood about half of it but then it got a little confusing. Anyway, you did a really good job thanks for writing it. :)
It never ceases to amaze me how easily your writing seems to strike a cord with me Xaos. As this story mainly takes place inside a twisted little wonderland for the characters darker sides, I tend to suspend my sense of disbelief and try and expect there's something deeper going on under the surface with every scene. With this one though... w-well, you kind of tossed that little safety blanket of mine off and (accidentally) hit each and every nerve that just... *ahem* if you'll pardon me being frank, gives me the creeps.
I'll give you my opinion on the chapter as a whole after I vent a little bit, because I honestly couldn't help drawing similarities between Meanie Pie and a rather horrific, psychotic fictional character that's kind of close to my heart. Her name's Flandre Scarlet, and for all intents and purposes I think that Meanie Pie could give her a run for her money. Flandre is, by anyone's sense of the word, insane. She views life as nothing more than a game and everyone around her as nothing more than toys that she'll play with, and if they give her a chance to, break. I only bring this up because throughout the entire pie scene the lyrics to a song that was put together by way of her theme music. Also like her, it had innocent enough sounding lyrics that had deeper, and by far much more sinister meaning behind them. The one line that came to me the most during the first scene though was "The little bluebird escapes from its basket. Gets beaten in the rain and gets its wings torn cleanly off."
Just thought I'd mention it, since in all honest I think you'd enjoy the song! It's called Sweets Time. If nothing else... maybe your psychological manifestation of Meanie Pie would get a kick out of it.
Now that that's off my mind, I'd like to say that your back story for Zecora gave quite a bit of exposition that's got my curiosity piqued. If I'm getting this right, there are four different kind of creatures that can appear in this nightmare. The real ponies (who had to enter the Grove physically to be able to appear within), the shadow versions of all ponies who seem to possess a certain connection with one another, emotionless shades that are nothing more than monsters designed to inflict trauma and pain (also possibly where Meanie Pie got all of the bones for her little workshop of horrors from previous chapters), and finally living shadows that are pretty much the memories of individuals a pony knew given life from the ponies own memory.
While Zecora says you can't have a false copy of yourself seeing as you can't very well have an outsiders representation of yourself, wouldn't the fact there are two ponies in the glade mean Shadash could create another Pinkie Pie and Meanie Pie could create another Rainbow Dash, both merely using their memories of each other?
... Wow, that was a lot harder to get out than I initially expected.
In short, this is confusing.
I can keep up with the pace of the story until Zecora shows up, and then it makes no sense.
Now, if I may, the problems I have with this particular chapter are as following:
1. Pinkie Pie's now doubled/tripled in size (I'm just going to go out on a limb here and assume she's the same size as fully grown Spike in "Secret of my Excess"), when just a few seconds ago she was normal pony size (4 feet, according to my math calculations). How the hell is that possible?
2. The introduction of Zecora is unnecessary, and it takes up valuable Cupcakes slash-fest time.
3. I don't know when pie was the new cupcake. If it's not an issue, can you please explain why you chose a pie and not cupcakes?
I'm not trying to be a huge critic. If I came across a bit rude, I'm sorry, I just don't understand these things.
-Pinkie
That whole Dragon Pinkie scene was ¡Magnífico!
Just awesomely awesome awesome Grimdark shit. (i'm such a wordsmith!)
Sunny Gold is in the dark glade when no one knows her. I will read more to see if there's more about Sunny.