The Chaos Within

by StapleCactus

Chaotic thoughts

We found a cart to ourselves near the back of the train. With four bunk beds, we had plenty of room to plan and lay out supplies. I was sure my silence was worrying Stone and Pan, but I needed a day to my thoughts. Laying on a randomly chosen bed, I told them to relax and let me think.

Alright, let's see if I can figure this out. Doughnut. What? Ugh, my mind doesn't want to cooperate. Just ignore random things. Gotta start with energy.

Three forces make up Equestria: Harmonic, Neutral, and Chaotic. Chaos! Harmonic magic is any energy that keeps the world in order or 'normal.' Neutral magic is stuff like telekinesis and such. Hah! What? Dammit. Okay, where was I. Chaotic magic lets the world do what it wants and is entirely random. But is it?

Discord brought me here; the idea that he meant it to happen means it isn't truly random. Then he gave me this sword. So it's safe to say that we aren't sure how chaotic magic works. Now, how about food? Gah!

I release chaotic energy due to my human nature and it's increasing. My sword absorbs magic and we don't know what it does with it. If I were to assume that it is being transferred to me.... Shit. No, no! That's good! You can do magic! Bullshit. ....And now I'm talking to myself.

Healing magic is closer related to Harmony than Neutral magic, if what Celestia told me is true. If Pan's magic felt different, then the chaos I'm emitting is getting really bad. Which is cool! No, it's not. I swore to uphold peace and now I'm doing the exact opposite. Oh come on, what's a little peace without the fun of chaos? Hmm, technically, the peace will still be around as long as I destroy the Chaotic Shades.

Alright, got a plan. I'll kill this last Shade and go somewhere without towns. Whenever a Shade appears, I can just destroy it and there won't be any problems. But where's the fun in being alone? If I can protect these ponies, I'll settle for being alone. I'm sure they'll still visit me.

You said earlier that the sword is giving you the chaotic magic, what happens when you have too much? I'll get rid of the sword. NO YOU WON'T! Huh? Wait.

I finally realized that that second voice wasn't really mine. Sure, it used the same sound, but when I argue with myself, it isn't that drastic. Something was definitely wrong with my thoughts.

"Dex? You want something to eat? The sun is setting." I heard Pan close the cabin door and walk over to my bunk.

"No, I'm fine." Did I really spend that much time thinking? What am I missing?

"If you're sure.."

"Yeah, I'm going to try to sleep, Pan."

"Okay..." She trotted to her own bunk and continued. "I'll leave you alone then."

I laid there for another hour or two before falling asleep. If I couldn't trust my own thoughts, I was going to play everything by ear.

"We need to talk, boy." Stone's gruff voice woke me from my slumber. As drowsy as I was, I waved for him to continue. "You're not acting like yourself anymore. Panacea and I are worried there's something going on you aren't telling us."

What is with these ponies and serious conversations first thing in the morning?! "Grrmphle."

Pan's voice drifted over to me. "If you want to survive the next battle, we need you to be of sound mind."

"Fine, I'll let you in on my ideas." I sat up and reached for my katana. "I may be wrong, so don't overreact or anything." Sliding the blade out of its sheath, I admired it for a time. "What do you know of the situation so far?"

Stone answered for the two. "You're releasing more chaotic energy and that sword of yours is from Discord."

"Hmm, we have a lot to cover then." Noting nothing different, I re-sheathed and began explaining everything.

"-and that's what Twilight has figured out. Now, for my own assumptions." I smacked my lips and felt my stomach complain. "Okay, maybe breakfast first."

After a mediocre meal, as expected from train rides, I continued. "The sword is returning the magic from the Chaotic Shades to me. Because I'm slowly releasing energy, getting all of it back at once is starting to affect my mind and emotions. I feel like I should get rid of the sword after the next battle, but something is preventing me from thinking it's a good idea. I don't like it.

"If something happens at Providence, and you two can't stop me, hide." Stone started reaching for my sword. "No, Stone. Just taking it away won't work either. I'll attack you if you do."

"Dex, this is serious. If you are right, you shouldn't fight this Shade," Pan said worriedly.

"I'm the only one that can defeat it. Sure, Stone can harm it, but it won't die unless I use this sword."

We spent the rest of the day discussing my apparent insanity or lack thereof. Eventually, we decided to continue with the original plan.

The third day of travel had us talking about paying attention, specifically me not doing it.

“Boy, it's about time you started watching your surroundings.”

“What? I pay attention just fine.”

“Do you now? Tell me, what did the air smell like in Rockton? Or Slade?”

“Um... fresh?”

Stone hounded me the entire day. We'd go into a different cabin and he would make me point out everything I saw. Even then, he would always mention a few things I missed. I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, I had issues with why it was important.

“Ugh, Stone, we've been at this for hours. What's the point?” We were sitting at a table to the side of our room and had just finished eating lunch.

“You may be able to fight well, but you need to learn how to use the environment. Not only that, but clues could be anywhere.”

“So I'm not a detective and I fight head on, it has worked so far.”

“If what you say is true, this Shade will need more than straight forward tactics.”

“Fine. I'll see if I can do better.”

“Be sure that you do, boy. Death is the last thing you want.”

So now I have to study paying attention. Maybe it will keep me from going insane. Hah! Insanity isn't the same as chaos! …shut...up.

Taking Stone's advice to heart, I made sure to slow down. I heard the train's engine chugging along and the wheels thumping against the tracks. Conversations could be heard in the other carts. Our cabin had burgundy carpet and window dressings. Wood made up the frames of the beds while the metal walls and ceiling were painted white. Smells of coal burning mixed with the occasional scent of food assaulted my nose.

Okay, so I know where I am, but how does that help me?

I started running scenarios in my head. They were all 'if this were to happen, what would I do' types. After reaching a point where the scenarios became extremely unlikely, I spoke up.

“Alright, Stone. I think I get it, but I'm starting to come up with silly scenarios.”

“You need to think faster, boy. You've spent over an hour thinking.”

“I come up with a lot of stuff. How do I know what I should and should not come up with a solution for?”

“On a train? Bandits. When we get to Providence? Everything. The Shade could show up anywhere after dark and there is a lot of ground to cover.”

I knew that. All I need to do is pay attention to my surroundings so I can change a jump into an advantage.

Stone and I continued my perceptive training throughout the journey. Pan seemed to be practicing healing and other spells and I hoped she had an offensive spell in her repertoire. On the fourth day, I spent most of my time thinking again.

I need to learn to think. If I keep getting interrupted, I won't get anywhere. Indeed! Ugh, so if I'm going crazy- Chaotic! ...Fine, chaotic, I need to think chaotic. My thoughts will need to jump from subject to subject while still maintaining a central theme.

It wasn't easy. Completely rewriting how I thought was an exercise in futility. Every attempt to think with chaos was met with a chaotic comeback. Only when I accepted my other half, did I get even close to having a clear head. Even then, my mind was still a playground for a five year old.

The final day of the train ride was used to design battle tactics. An enemy that changes forms and an area we didn't know was difficult to plan for. Pan would hang back and keep us alive or give support while Stone and I would attack. The idea we had was to continually hold back. Stone was exceptional at thinking on the fly and feeling the battle, so he would only attack when an opening was made. I would rush the Shade and then jump away during any attack. In theory, the plan was acceptable.

We were coming up on the station when we had one final conversation about my chaotic nature.

"Dex, are you ready?" Pan was looking at me in concern.

"I could say the same to you two."

"We are ready, but what of you, boy?" Stone was being stoic at this point. Whatever was going to happen, he sounded ready for it.

"No and yes. I don't know what will happen, but I'm ready for the fight itself."

"We have planned all we could, all that's left is you."

"Pan. Stone." I looked each in their eyes before continuing. "Remember what I said. If something happens, run."

The train pulled into the station as it's whistle blew. Between us, the air was tense, but the town looked as it always had. It was time to fight another Chaotic Shade.

Comments

[LucidTech]

So you had Stone set the idea of adding more detail to the story via combat practice.

Clever.

[StapleCactus]

769507

Yeah, hopefully it'll help me feel better about these chapters. I think my problem is thinking chaotically though. But, I have an idea now and all should be awesome.... hopefully.

[ElijahBleu]

769574 the thoughts were a little to orginized to be chaotic

edit: needs more cowbell

[werewolf435]

Glad to see you've found a good way to flesh out your story. =3

[StapleCactus]

769887

And that was what I was afraid of. It's difficult to be chaotic and normal at the same time. It's not like Dex is completely chaotic; he's struggling with it.

Good thing is, I figured out what I'm going to do with it though. It should be interesting.

[StapleCactus]

769932

But how much did Dex learn about perception from just a few days with Stone? He may still miss things or read too much into stuff. How fun!