Princess Cadance was ill suited to her job. That was not to say she was a poor leader, nor was she incompetent. She managed her tiny empire with all the care and love she could muster and that was quite considerable given that she was the Princess of Love.
No, she was ill suited to her weekly courts and the affairs of business and finance. she did not know how to feed or train or even how to assemble an army to be proficient in any engagement. Nor did she know much of Equestrian or Crystal law. It was then, no surprise that she relied heavily on her advisers, of their number being her lover Prince Shining Armour of course. but it would be quite a shock even to her advisers that she relied upon somepony that had no experience in any form of governmental authority.
Twilight Sparkle had proven a wellspring of advice and Cadance had more then once instituted a reform under her name that had been penned by the purple prodigy. It was to her she was speaking now though a magical mirror. A simple artefact, one that had been crafted just a few years ago by the newest Princess of Magic herself. One that had ‘saved’ Cadences life quite a few times due to the quick correspondence with her niece it allowed. Now however she almost wished she could take a hammer to it. She couldn't obviously, the mirror was too strong for Cadence to destroy without getting creative.
“The Yield of arcane potatoes is linked directly to the water, size of the plant and the ambient magic around it, you can quickly calculate that by multiplying the the water concentration by the size multiplied again by the ambient Starswirl's taken from an reading averaged over the course of three weeks. This is how your the formula should look” Princess Cadance did her best to keep her eyes open and take notes, the notes where funnily enough drawings of various ponies from around the castle in rather questionable poses. Cadance was after all, an artist at heart.
“Now comparing the arcane potatoes class four to my newer design you can clearly see that the spell lattice requires less power but that is misleading as the minor alteration of this Clover Loop alters the formula by adding the ambient Starswirl's to the water concentration and this Changes...”
It was quite a pleasant surprise when a hoof banged on her bedroom door demanding her attention and cutting the purple Alicorn off. It did not take long for Cadance to jump upon this opportunity.
“Sorry Twilight I should deal with whatever this is, we should continue this later on” The pink Princess got to her hooves and stretched as her purple counterpart nodded.
“Don’t worry about it, next time we will move onto the new lax and legal reforms I have written up for the Empire, see you later Cadance!” as the mirror disconnected the pink Princess shuddered at the thought of what her little step-sister had written. Opening the door to see one of her guards.
“Princess it’s from Equestria.” The burly mare held out a black scroll with and ornate silver clasp holding it shut, why the Princess of the Night felt the need to send scrolls worth hundreds of bits rather than cheaper and more modern letters Cadence would never know. She liked to use the new pulped paper made with a hint of pink dye for her letters, a much neater and professional looking means of communication. But then again, she mused, not even Celestia had been fond of the new paper and still racked up a hefty scroll budget.
“Thank you Jade Hoof, would you care for some tea?” The guard blinked at that, both the princesses casual use of her name and the offer, pausing for a moment as she considered the question. After a moment she nodded fully understanding where that could lead. Cadance smiled, Shining had been running an intensive survival training exercise for the past week and that would continue for a few weeks more leaving Cadence to find entertainment elsewhere.
Turning from the door and pouring two cups of tea, for herself and Jade, the Princess opened and read the letter.
Dearest Niece
I bid to you good health and cheer! It has come to my attention that an object has fallen from the sky not far from your fine home. I believe that the rock may contain some star-metal, a great boon if it does indeed carry such a bounty as it has been so long since I have struck so strong a metal to send sparks flying forth to hiss and scold and my hooves to crack and flesh to burn as I shape the powerful metal to my whim with might and magic alone! Now would be a fine time to make wargear to match your station and the station of our dear Twilight!
See to it that the metal is found and I shall be with you shortly.
-Luna
Luna was a strange one Cadance mused as she turned to Jade. She would send out a few squads later to try and find the fallen rock but for now, she smiled, she had a guest to ‘entertain’.
With a start she awoke and looked around, she was laying face down in a slush of half frozen synthetic fluid and snow. Shards of ceramic and circuitry spread out from the pod behind her, cracked open like an egg. that was quite fitting she decided.
With unsteady limbs she got to her feet stretching her limbs and taking in her surroundings, a clean white expanse surrounded her as far as she could see. Curious she leaned down to pick up a handful of snow. Crunching it together in her armoured hand and letting it fall between the dense bone claws that coated her soft flesh. She could feel the cold and bitter wind around her but it did not worry her in the slightest, her armour would protect her from anything this world could throw at her.
Looking up and around she saw high grey mountains to the north and ice flats to the south. Her innate sense of direction helping her develop a mental map of the area around her. Unsure where she was in relation to the planet both directions could lead to a more temperate climate and so she took the easy option. Turning on her heel and walking south as her armour slowly turned white and grey granting her a near perfect camouflage in the snow.
In a few steps she began a long heavy stride. Her steps quickly became a jog and then a run. She could not help but smile as her muscles burned for the first time.
I picture first contact going like this:
Far too many run-on sentences.
Not bad for a first chapter , but it could use some editing and/or revision. Here are some places where your writing could be improved upon. I also have to agree with that you do seem to write a lot of run-on sentences. Also, it would be sufficient to title the chapter as 'Chapter One' or 'Alone' and I would recommend the latter.
The construction that you're after is 'ill-suited' with a dash. You also use some unnecessary negatives and this whole sentence is kind of icky. I'd recommend something more like this:
"Princess Cadence was ill-suited to her job. It wasn't that she was or a poor leader or incompetent. On the contrary, she ruled her tiny empire with all the care and love she could muster which was quite considerable given that she was the Princess of Love."
Also, Princess Cadance is the ruler of an Empire, not a manager and therefore rules it rather than managing it.
You want 'were', not 'where'. Note the added commas and semicolon (in orange). You can tell that the commas belong there because if you remove the separate part 'funnily enough' then the sentence would still make sense. I also broke off the end bit into a separate sentence here, because it doesn't really seem to fit with the rest of the sentence. I get that she's doodling in the margins because she's something of an artist, supposedly. However, that doesn't have much to do with her taking notes or the ponies having questionable poses.
You shouldn't need to do this thing 'purple Alicorn' and 'Alicorn', etc. That example could actually be confusing if the reader somehow missed 'purple'. It should be sufficient to use their names or simple pronouns like she and her. And if it isn't you might want to consider rewriting the sentence. In addition, hooves can't shout for attention, which means that the subject (the person or thing doing the action) is missing. You could, and maybe should, split the first sentence here into two separate sentences because they are essentially independent clauses that can stand on their own:
E.g.
"It was quite a pleasant surprise when a hoof banged on her bedroom door shouting for her attention and cutting the purple Alicorn off"
"It did not take long for the Alicorn to jump upon this opportunity."
In fact, if you split that sentence like this then the problem with purple Alicorn/Alicorn becomes obvious. That is, it would now be unclear which Alicorn is jumping on the opportunity. We'd have to infer that Cadence was the one who would be happy about an interruption. Taken in isolation here, we might not even know whether it was Twilight or Cadence being summoned by knocking on their respective bedroom door.
P.S.
I sincerely hope Princess Cadence isn't just sleeping around with whichever guard is handy at the moment while Shining Armor is gone...
Oh god, Twilight Sparkle writing the Tax Code.
What a horrifying thought...
7011664
I'm sure he'd be fine if it was just the mares. He'd be glad if he got to join when he got back.
You and me both friend.
I didn't realise Princess of Love meant Princess of Whores. I absolutely despise cheating and or open relationships. If you want to sleep around, STAY SINGLE.
6938626
That was insane lol