Lyra's Not So Average Life

by Sparx

Drunken Discord Disco

Lyra walked over to the shack they had been keeping Discord and knocked at the door. There was a creak and she took a step in. Closing the door behind her she looked in front of her and saw Discord and Berry Punch sitting and laughing. Discord was in his usual shape. When Lyra had questioned him on why he didn't just stay a pony over these thousand years, he explained that it was very uncomfortable changing shape for long periods of time, and that time passed quicker while he slept anyway. That being said, he would only be in his pony form when he was out and about Ponyville, though he rarely did so unless accompanied by Berry or Lyra, and since Berry wasn't exactly the most responsible pony, he would be accompanied by Lyra most often.

"Welcome back Lyra. Berry and I were just talking about her home life, and I must tell you, I think it's hilarious how much fun she can be in this state. And you say she's always like this?" He chuckled to himself.

"I can shtop when I wanna... I just don' wanna." Berry hiccuped and laughed. "Hows else am i gonna indulge in my ssss... wat?" Berry looked around a bit confused.

"Every time I've seen her she's been like this. Only time I haven't was when we were fillies." Lyra chuckled. "So tell me Discord, how have you enjoyed your stay here so far?"

"Not too bad Lyra, not too bad at all. I mean this shack is a little worn down, but I think I like it better this way." He stretched out on a wooden chair and held his head up with his arms. Suddenly a spark shot into his eyes and he smiled wide. "Today is the day!"

"FINALLY!" Berry walked over to a drawer and pulled out a bottle of wine.

"No not for that." Discord chuckled.

"Whatever, I don't need a reason." Berry pulled the cork out with her teeth and started guzzling the bottle.

"What day is today exactly?" Lyra asked.

"Why it's the day the princess promised to send over the friend I requested, you remember?" Discord couldn't stop beaming. "I've been waiting to talk her for quite a while now! Wait! I have to clean!" Discord snapped a talon and the run down shack became quite a large and fancy ballroom. "There we go."

Lyra was rather impressed with how nice the place looked. "Wow, this must really be somepony special. Could I know who?

"Oh you'll find out soon enou-"

"If it's my Pinchy, I swear to Luna I'll run you down wit a steam roller an... an..." Berry Punch giggled in a drunken blush. "Is it me? I gotta say, sorry pal, but I'm not into guys anymore. But if ya paid me, maybe I could-"

"As I was saying..." Discord snapped a talon and Berry's mouth grew a zipper and zipped itself shut as she continued making throaty noises from behind the thing.

"It's the pony I've admired since I've first seen her, a brilliant pony who enjoys the benefits of chaos and discord." Discord smiled as he continued, then the doorbell rang. "That would be her now!" Discord appeared next to the door in a flash and swung his hand as if he were welcoming somepony in, and the door opened, revealing a very bright and happy Pinkie Pie. "Hello Pinkie Pie! It's good to see you again!"

"HolyshititreallywasPinkiePieohmyLuna!" Berry Punch had managed to unfasten the zipper and let out a gasp of surprise. "Lyra you totally owe me money now..."

"We never placed a bet." Lyra responded.

"Oh right... that was with Romana... I'll just have her buy me another drink, probably what I'd spend it on anyways." Berry chuckled.

"So wait it's Pinkie who you've got the hots for?" Lyra asked.

"Well if you're going to put it bluntly then yes." Discord swooped up the pink pony in his arms before she could even speak.

"The Princess sent me a letter telling me Discord wanted to see me and at first I was thinking 'why would I talk to a statue?' And then it said that we would be throwing him a party so I said 'well DUH I'm going to go now.' And here I am!" Pinkie Pie smiled from Discord's arms.

"You're... not afraid of him?" Lyra looked a little confused.

"Of course not silly. How could you be afraid of the guy who made chocolate rain?" Pinkie Pie laughed.

Almost as if on cue a cotton candy cloud popped into view above Pinkie's head. She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue and it began to rain chocolate into her mouth. "You see, Pinkie Pie here is an agent of chaos much like myself. Controlled chaos, but still chaos. So she has no reason to fear me." Discord smiled.

"And Discy here has more in common with harmony than you'd think. You don't think all those animals he's made of would work together like that unless they harmonized do you? That'd be, like... beyond crazy!" Pinkie Pie stated, letting the chocolate milk rain upon her head before returning to her drink.

Discord looked into space, a little puzzled. "You know, I never thought of it that way...huh."

Lyra looked at the two of them and couldn't help but smile seeing the two of them. She feltlike this image was natural, almost meant to be.

Pinkie reached up and scarfed down the cloud with all the chocolate left inside. "Now let's get this party started!"

"FUCK YEAH!" Berry Punch belched out from the floor.

Pinkie Pie jumped out of Discord's arms and ran off, returning with her party cannon, blasting the shed with various decorations and festive ornaments. Discord helped out with a few snaps to create refreshments and quite a few bizarre decorations of his own than nopony could quite make out.

About an hour or two passed by before the only pony still standing was Lyra herself. Berry was still conscious, but just barely as she sucked on the opening of an empty wine bottle. "Shelishtia dommot..." She muttered, Lyra could only chuckle. She'd never known anypony who could bring Pinkie to her knees but Discord wasn't just anypony. She shook the draconoquis awake and motioned for him to meet her outside.

"So you, Berry, Pinkie and I are the only ones who know 'bout you hanging out with us normal ponies. But what our main focus will be is to make you known once more before I 'defeat' you once again. Should be easy to get everyponys attention, heck those two could do that part themselves. Beyond that, you have any idea on a plan?" Lyra crossed her front legs and tapped at her chin.

Discord had shifted back to his pony form. "Plan? Chaos has no plan my dearest Lyra, though it does have a chain. Each link I have set up has the chance of breaking and causing the reaction to fly off course. To counter this my dear Mrs. Heartstrings, I've set up multiple chains involving you, myself, Pinkie Pie and Berry Punch for any possible breaks in the initial chain. Now I won't tell you any details in this chain, makes it much more interesting that way you see, though you must show up with your heroic entrance, work on some form of catchphrase if you'd like, just make it good and powerful."

"Sounds kind of sketchy. How will I be able to help you if I don't know what's going on?" Lyra rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

"Trust me, if you didn't you wouldn't have gotten this far would you?" Discord held out his front hoof to shake. "Partners?"

Lyra smiled and answered his hoof with her own. "Partners!"

"Alright, then let's go make some CHAOS!"

Comments

[Sparx]

I apologize this one is short and rather uneventful, I tried to get another chapter up since I hadn't in quite a while. I hope you enjoy it and I'll try to keep at a regular pace on these again. Sorry I've been gone for so long, Skyrim and all.

[Lucefudu]

Time for the party shuffle!

[Guesswork]

This is hilarious. Berry Punch is so charmingly crude, the borderline sex scenes with Lyra and Bon Bon are funny, cute, tasteful, and sexy, the dialogue is clever, and your writing is efficient and streamlined.

[gapaot]

Pinkie Pie handled awesomely, writing is ingenious, hilarious and fun. Keep up the good work! And Berry Punch so drunk and happy I cant even

I wanted to add that, after seeing that intensely cute "Derpy Show" flash intro, I have been dying for a Derpy spinoff that costars Lyra, Bonbon, Dr. Whooves, Scratch, Octavia, Carrot Top, and Berry Punch. This story really comes close to that ideal and makes me wish for that show even more. Please keep writing on this one, and consider doing more with Octavia and Scratch and the rest of the ponies on the list. =) Thanks mate.

[Banksyt]

Huh, i never saw it like that... Same here... interesting observation pinkie

[Meta Knight]

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

[???]

aw...i thought you were going to make discord do the shuffle

[Disguised]

When does the next chapter come out?