I like it.

When you tagged this as "anthro", do you mean just the wolf transforming from wolf to human, or are the ponies anthropomorphized too?
(I ask because I find anthro ponies in any story to be a deal-breaker. I only enjoy Equestrians as they are in the show, with four-hoofed quadrupedal ponies. No judgement to those who don't feel the same, I just don't get the enjoyment out of that particular aspect of the fandom.)

6911615 The anthro tag is referring to the ponies, the human tag is for Von turning into a human. I'm sorry if this is a deal breaker, I personally am partial to the anthro portrayal of mlp and will most likely use that portrayal in any story I write.

6912540
Okay, thanks for clarifying this!

Not bad. Looking forward to more soon.

more?

I hope this isn't going to end up as a dead story. After the first chapter I'd really love to see more.

7215444 Have no fear, the update should come by the end of next week.

7216289

So far I like it. It's an HiE without actually being an HiE. However, there are a few issues I must mention. Of course, this is meant as constructive critisism.

I quickly started a blaze and relaxed into the warmth.

How? Did he just happen to have flint and steel? Did he have matches? Did he use magic? This is one of those times it pays to add a little more detail.

“You may.”

Lady who was just trying to kill me a moment ago... Yeah, a little unbelievable. Not even a 'Why did you attack me' or anything?

She says before her hand brushes across my groin. “Though this does not appear to be lacking in size.” She says with a small blush

I've known a couple blind people, and I can guarantee you, this is not a normal practice.

I understand what you saw me as.

That doesn't excuse his sudden, complete trust in her right after she attacked him.

*ROWR!!!*

This is never a good way to do this. Having anything bold and/or oversized is distracting. It also makes the attack obvious because it can't not be seen as soon as you scroll down enough to see it.

As I looked on in terror I saw a massive claw of bone rip through the twister, tearing a tree out of the ground and sending it flying as the beast shrouded in the twister grew closer.

Why? What did it benefit the monster to attack a random tree? By the way it seems, his twister would have done that on its own. Did it do that just so Von would see it? It would have made more sense if it through the tree at them.

“It found me.” Snowdrop spoke, her voice barely audible over the howling wind.

Very, very cliche. While cliches are not always bad, I have never seen this one used well.

She’s so warm, this is nice. “Von?” I looked down before answering. “Hmm? Yes Snowdrop?”

Dialogue between two characters need to be in separate paragraphs.

Like I said, it's good, so far, and these issues are all quite minor. I look forward to more.

Touch It.

I need an adult!

If that is the case, may I touch you?

I NEED AN ADULT!!!

she begins to run her fingers across every part of my form.

Seriously, I really need an adult, right now!

7218699 Thank you for the criticism, I'm still new to creative writing this being my third fanfic ever. I'll go back and correct the places I can. To explain a couple of things, Von is still new dealing with others so to me he wouldn't see a point in distrusting Snowdrop's request to touch him. He is naive and doesn't really know the concepts of lying or distrust. She attacked him, stopped, gave a reason, and appeared friendly, to him that's perfectly acceptable. As for Snowdrop's lewd comment three things: one, this mare has been frozen and closed off from the world for *undisclosed time amount*; two, she has never been in contact with a human so she can only compare to her knowledge of other ponies; and three, I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE. Sorry, again thank you for the criticism every bit helps improve my writing. Hope you enjoy more as the story continues.

7218851 That makes sense, I suppose. It would be nice if that could be communicated in the story, but to be honest I can't think of a single way to do it that doesn't feel shoehorned in.

Anyway, most people start off far worse, including me. This is my first fic ever posted on this site; The Broken Soldier.

And this is the remake; Dawn Shield.

The first chapters alone should show how much I've improved, and you're already better than I was with the first one. Just keep at it and take criticism to heart. Even when the critic is a dick about it you can pick out something helpful, but never let them get to you. Even if you can get something from it, they still aren't worth your time. Remember, writing is an art and takes time to improve.

I do like this story, though, and look forward to more.