PROLOGUE: Pt. 2: How She Got Her Humble Hat
"Art thou alright?" a voice had asked, and were I not rendered speechless before, I would've been able to tell who was addressing me. For the moment, all I could do was stiffen up more at the question as whomever it was continued to speak.
"Thou hast been silent for a couple of moments now, and that is beginning to worry us..."
Us? As in more than one? By the Maker, how many ponies are looking at me?!
With great haste, I broke myself out of the embarrassing trance in which I had led myself into. Trying not to move my head, I searched the crowd for what I feared I would find, to which, I was not disappointed.
There were a few dozens' worth of gazes trained and honed to my direction. What had surprised me though was that the two ponies from before were gazing upon me with what could only be concern in their eyes. Standing as close as I was to them, I could practically feel the sheer power they held radiate off of them, despite their current guises. I could only dart my eyes between the two,processing what they had said.
The white mare shuffled on her hooves, anxious about something I could only narrow down to either she was worried about me, she wanted to go, or she needed to 'go'. Her wings shifted about without fully leaving her sides. The blue mare was a bit more subdued in her actions, yet she maintained as much eye contact as she could with me, her horn tilted upward. This was not in snobbery, but to make sure she wouldn't accidentally run anypony through.
I could only guess that one of the two had been the voice from earlier, and, unaware as to which one, I simply nodded my head as only a tense pony could do so, slowly and cautiously.
The blue mare had kept her gaze fixated upon me as she spoke, her voice calm and level, "Wouldst thou perhaps prefer to peruse this pony's products in the presence of ponies such as my sister and me?"
I could hardly keep the smile forming on my face from showing. Though, at the time, I did not know the term 'alliteration', her use of it had relieved some of the tension within me.
"Then," she continued, "my sister and I could accompany thee to whatever else of thy choice, perhaps? We have plenty of time to spare."
I nod my head, again, less hesitant than before. "P-please accept my thanks, thou dost not know quite how genuine I am when I say that I am grateful to ye both."
"'Tis nothing that thou needest to worry about. Come, thou still hast thy gift to choose."
We walked toward the magician, Capricious, who was awaiting us with a subdued grin. He bid his time and relished the tense air of silence. The closer we got to him, the more uncertain I became of how things will turn out. I could sense the potential danger that may come about should I have talked to him in great detail.
"My," the stallion mumbled just when we reached the counter, "art thou truly afraid of me, Lady Jingle?"
His voice! Something was wrong with his voice, an air of sadistic pleasure dripped off of each super-saturated syllable. It was as though it took great pleasure seeping into my very being, as if smiting my every bone, muscle, and joint with a feeling that chilled me to my very core. This caused me to tense up far more than I care to admit.
A smug grin subtly teased its way onto his muzzle, "It doth seem that thou really art fearful of my presence. I assure thee that thy fear is misplaced. Choose, and thou shalt receive. Thou hast my word of honour."
Eyeing him warily, I drew my attention to the selection in which the stallion had provided. There were several things, the likes that I have never seen before. They immediately caught my eye. An array of brilliant golden apples, bottles of scented aromatics cluttered together, a flüglehorn or two, even a chess set with custom hoof-carved pieces paired with a board.
However, what gathered my attention almost entirely was not one of the several gaudy trinkets or vibrantly coloured souvenirs, but a simple unassuming tricorn of a fool's cap. It didn't even have any bells, like how Granny Wise Crack spoke of in the stories she recalled to my siblings and myself at night. Her stories told of cunning tricksters along side the kings and queens they had fooled. No, this hat had nary a bell on any of the three tips it sported.
"A very interesting choice, m'lady." The magician spoke.
I blinked in mild confusion, then stared at the odd stallion who seemed to know my thoughts almost before I did.
"Huh?"
"The hat, fair Jingle. Now, I shan't try to sell this as something it is not; 'tis a simple hat, and nothing more, but that is what giveth it the humble charm thou hast noticed."
He paused, taking a brief moment only to eye me further.
"'Tis a perfect complement to many a poniality, and I do believe that thou shalt wear it well. Dost thou wish to wear it now, or would'st thou rather have it delivered to thy residence?"
"Erm..." I began to say in utter disbelief, particularly dumbfounded at the performer and all things related to his being.
"Perfect choice," the pony chimed as the cap was unceremoniously plopped down onto my head, "now, don't let me stop thee from having fun. 'Tis a wonderous world we live in, shoo shoo!"
He waved us goodbye, grinning with utter satisfaction.
We walked away in silence, unsure of what to say. Surely, all of us were at a loss for words.
"Well then," the white mare spoke, a hint of giddiness in her voice, "where dost thou wish to go, Jingle?"
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Hmm. The introduction nearly turned me off of this. "Hi, I'm X and here's all of personal information" isn't the most gripping of hooks. Still, I'm glad I stuck through it. The subtext has me intrigued. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
6982221
I'm glad you like it so far. As for where I'll go with this, I have some ideas...
soapy clap race #anagram
FanOfMostEverything does raise a good point now that I look at it, perhaps you should take a different approach to the introduction. While personal information is pretty unavoidable in any first person story, you could avoid a greeting. Perhaps, if you'd like to hook people into your story, try looking at articles like this . Maybe even this thingy would help?
It's all about catching the readers interest from the very beginning.
7005322
I agree that the beginning I have isn't the best way to start a story, but I must defend it on the fact that I do have plans for later on concerning the introduction, especially since the prologue is a story of Jingle by Jingle to a being she just recently met.
In essence, the characters are an extension of the author, and, as such, the author need only let the characters play out the situation, influencing how they are portrayed in the media they appear. You know?
7005461
Oh, that's very clever! Glad to have learned that, I can easily say it's a very nice component to the story.