The New Pony

by Pebbles

Chapter 2

This is my first fanfic, so any critiquing, or correcting is welcome. :)
To those who commented on Misty's alter- personality, I've don some editing on the prolouge to give you a better idea

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Stunned silence seemed to strike the ponies. Twilight looked up from the letter, eyes wide. "A new... pony?"

"YEP! That's what she said!" Pinkie smiled.

"But, I don't have enough time. This will totally affect my studying!" Twilight began to panic.

"Twilight, dear, Celestia understands. She's going to help you, by sending this new pony. If your grades drop, I'm sure she'll understand," Rarity began to try to soothe Twilight.

"You don't understand!" Twilight looked like she was going to cry, "I've never been a teacher, ever. What would I teach her?"

"Now there, sugarcube, don't get upset," Applejack walked over.

"You could always say no," Rainbow dash suggested.

"SAY NO!!!" Twilight screamed, "I couldn't do that! This is the princess of Equestria! I can't just say no!"

"But, but Twilight, she values your opinion," Fluttershy whispered.

"Okay, this is okay," Twilight began to calm herself, "I value your opinion, everybody. Why don't we vote? All in favor of me taking on a student say 'aye'"

"Aye!'

"Ooh! Ooh! Me! Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

The only one who was silent was Twilight. "I guess majority rules..." she said, looking rather crestfallen.

"Yay! Ooh! I could throw a party!"

"Spike... take a letter, I guess."

"Yes Twilight!" Spike grabbed a quill.

"Dear Princess Celestia, I will take her. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle," Twilight dictated. Spike burped and whooshed it into the air.

Silent minutes passed. Then, Rainbow dash gasped, staring out the window, "Look!" A gleaming light blue carriage seemed to melt out of the sky. With a thud, it landed in front of the library. Out stepped Princess Celestia. Following her was a dark blue unicorn, with turquoise eyes, and a fuzzy dark purple star on her flank, surrounded by mist. She had a icy light blue mane, with turquoise streaks, and an extremely stubborn expression.

"You most be Twilight Sparkle," she said, smirking slightly, "My name's Misty."

Comments

I'm gonna lay down a small dilemma for you: A pony suddenly finds herself awe struck in the presence of an all powerful being, she knows compared to this god, she's all but an ant. Although this god has never actually done anything to hurt her subjects, her subjects still fear her and her power.

How is it possible that a pony in the presence of Celestia suddenly becomes less afraid because Celestia said "I'm not going to hurt you."? With these magic words, suddenly your character no longer fears Celestia.

I think your characters need work. Write up some character sheets. Write down every little detail about your characters personality to the smallest detail you can. Maybe even write up some info on how other characters see this character. Then don't EVER stray far from it. You may have to even rewrite your plot direction to suit your characters, but that's ok, it makes your story even better.

[TheWattsMan]

45263
Misty also has appeared to have gone from honoured/excited to arrogant awfully fast. Other than Misty's apparent personality shifting, and that these 3 chapters could probably be consolidated into one, seems like a decent opener. The summary seems like the story's gonna be interesting though. I'll track it and see where it goes from here

[Professor Donger]

I'm just gonna say Twilight is not the pony to get jealous of anothers abilities she even says so in the trixie episode she dosn't like show offs and I don't think Twilight would be cruel enough to do that to her own student

[Pebbles]

45670

Look, I haven't published that part yet. I understand what you think, and I'm working on it.

[Pebbles]

45327

Thanks for tracking I'll make the changes to her personality, and Steben(guest), thanks for pointing that out