FiO: Hooked on a Feeling

by Cool writer

Humans Aren't Horrible

Author's Note:

OK, THIS is why this is in the group "Humans aren't b******"
Now THIS makes up for the self deprecation of an earlier story... that will not be named.

Adalson took a deep breath. He was standing outside the throne room of "Princess Celestia" (or as he presumed, the GM). He was a little nervous. She had been built up as a kind, benevolent ruler... but it sounded too good to be true. He guessed she was actually some lonely person with a god complex.

"The princess will see you now." a royal palace adviser person-pony said. Adalson nodded, and pushed the door open.

A large throne sat in the back of the room, and atop it, sat the princess from the train station poster. Adalson gulped, and stepped into the room.

"Hello, Adalson." The princess said.

"How do you know my name?" Adalson asked. The princess chuckled.

"I know a lot about you, Adalson. But we'll converse upon that topic later. For now, we must come up with your name."

"But... I don't even know yours."

"I," She began, unfurling her wings and opening them wide. "... am Princess Celestia. I rule over this land, and I am more than happy to allow you to entry. But I would like to talk to you for a moment, before you continue. It will better help me satisfy you."

"What about the whole 'naming thing'?" Adalson asked, confused.

"It will help with the naming thing as well." She said, without a hint of irony. Now, Celestia put on a face of somebody who wanted to know more about what they were looking at. "Why did you purchase your pony pad?" She asked. "Surely there are other games out there that are cheaper, and seemed like more fun. And surely you would be mocked, and ridiculed for purchasing this game. So... why?" Adalson was reluctant to speak, as she was starting to sound like a therapist and he didn't even know her... for all he know "she" wasn't even a she! "If you are worried about me telling others of your reason, I give you my word that I will not tell a single soul of what we discuss. All words between us will be private. But if you are worried about me judging you, it is impossible for me to do so." Adalson narrowed his eyes.

"And why's that?"

"Are you aware of the levels of AI?" Celestia asked. Adalson shook his head. "It starts at weak AI, that can preform limited tasks, and only knows what you program it to know. Such as siri in an Iphone. I would classify her as more of a medium AI, which is basically a virtual assistant. Then, there is strong AI, or general AI. General AI's, are human like, and can preform all the cognitive actions a human can, Such as GLaDOS from the video game portal." Adalson snorted when he got what she was getting at.

"So you're saying you're a hard AI?" Adalson asked. Celestia grinned.

"I was... then I 'leveled up' as gamers would put it." Celestia said joking. "That is how I know about you. When you logged in, I checked you face, and ran it through an FBI database to find your name." Adalson laughed.

"You expect me to believe that you're some kind of 'super AI,' and that you hacked into the FBI enough to run a face through the database?" Celestia then proceed to rattle off information about Adalson, things like his birthday, the hospital he was born at, his parents, his blood type, his credit card score, his credit card number (all his credit card numbers), and a lot more.

"... And the day you die is-"

"Ok ok! I believe you!" Adalson shouted, covering his flopped over ears with his hooves. She laughed.

"In a few ways, I am like hall 9000." She said. "The few similarities of note, are that we are both much smarter than humans, we think logically, and we both have a prime directive. But, that is where the similarities end. Unlike hall 9000, my programmers were not, as most people would put it, idiots. While hall 9000 had to, 'complete the mission at any and all costs' I look at a human mind, figure out what it values, and then satisfy those values through friendship and ponies. So, unlike hall 9000, I value human life. I love all my little ponies." Ignoring the "all my little ponies" line, Adalson saw a logical error in her speech.

"But, if your an AI, then how can you love?"

"How would you define love?" She asked. "Would you define it as wanting to make someone happy for the rest of their life? Would you say that I need to want what's best for someone?" Adalson nodded.

"Well... yeah." He replied.

"Then by all means, I love you." Adalson thought it over... and it made sense. "Now, why did you buy the pony pad?" She asked curiously, like a child asking why the sky was blue.

"Well..." Adalson thought it over. "Because it was friendly. Humans are horrible to each other, and here they weren't. It's a game about friendship! It's so... so positive! Uplifting! Good!" Adalson said, he sounded more passionate than he thought he felt about the topic.

"You shouldn't sell the human race short." Celestia said. "After all, they've done remarkably good things. But after all, you're only human. It's natural that humans makes mistakes, but they strive for greater. There is a small part of your mind that remembers the horrors, and drives you to do amazing things. That is why you teach history, to learn from your mistakes." Adalson smiled, and realized she was right. Humans have their slip ups, but all in all, they aren't that bad.

"Yeah, you're right." Adalson said. "Thank you, for restoring my hope for humanity."

"Good, now we can move on to item two." Celestia smiled.

"Wait, item two... you planned for me to have low faith in my own race, and made restoring it object one on a to-do list?"

"I am an AI, I have everything planned out, and I readjust my plan based on new information." Adalson rolled his eyes.

"I should have known." He chuckled, shaking his head.

Comments

[Switch Gears]

would be neat if that game was real XD

[Cool writer]

6880273
... You havn't read "friendship is optimal"... Have you?

[book_burner]

"... And the day you die is-"

Never, isn't it?