A series of encounters between a sad man, and digital ponies. (ADD TO HUMANS AREN'T B******* PLS!!!)
Currently going under HEAVY editing, one might even call it a rewrite. Huge shout out to Cander for the help. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Adalson. He isn't a brony, he isn't an anti-brony either. But he is tired. Tired of strife, and pain. Humans aren't horrible... it's just they aren't great either. Then, he stumbles across a game. A different game. A game, where you don't need to be mean, and rewards you for being nice, but for most players, being nice is it's own reward. So, he bought a bundle item (by accident) with a game, and a "never officially released" accessory. And that, is how his life got interesting.
Adalson clicked absently through his tabs. He stopped on the news (hoping half-halfheartedly that it would be positive). His hopes were burned after the first word: "Muzlem". He sighed, reading the rest: "...shoots out theater." He moved his mouse in position to terminate the "MSN" tab, and was about to do so, when the article switched to another. His eyes jumped to read it, even though he'd rather not. But, he was pleasantly surprised. "Friendship Really is Magic!" The title read. Desperate for a feel good story, Adalson clicked on it. Sadly, it was only about a video game.
"But hey, at least it's a video game about friendship." Adalson muttered to himself, thinking about the positive. "Maybe there is hope for humanity yet." He felt happiness well up as he read about the game-play. He didn't want to read anything about a "turing test" (whatever that was). It seemed negative, and he didn't want to hear any of it.
After a little thought, he realized, he wanted it. Every picture he had seen thus far had bright, happy faces, and everything had said as such. Sure they were pony faces, and ponies were girly (which would surely cause any one of his co-workers to silently mock him behind his back, should they find out he owned this game), but dang it! It was a positive game. This sort of thing didn't come along that often. Usually, a game like this would have reallybad reviews, but these was incredible!
"Best game I've ever played, I think it was definitively, the best 25 dollars I've ever spent, on anything." Adalson quoted one review. Most of the other review were to the same affect. Every other review was a troll. He decided to buy it. So, he clicked over to amazon, and typed in "Equestria Online" in the search field. He clicked on one. It was 48 dollars (which was a little rationalized when you take into account it was being shipped from Germany). Finally, Adolf clicked the "purchase" button. What he failed to realize however, that it was a bundle item (and that shipping was free).
It took a few hours for the amazon drone to get to his house, but it eventually got there. When the drone rammed itself into the door (to "knock") Adalson sprinted to the door, more eager that he'd let on for some levity.He opened the door and was surprised by the size of the package. It looked like it stored a large bulky computer monitor, with extra width.
"How big is this thing?" Adalson asked himself. For it's size, it was surprisingly light, and easy to carry inside the large apartment. Once on the table, Adalson grabbed a knife and cut open the box.
"What... is this?" He remarked on seeing pastel hoof shaped boots, along with a headset with goggles and a pony ear'd head band connected to it. He also noted the earbuds on the sides. Below it, was the pony pad. Below the pony pad (and it's cables and standing arm) was two instruction pamphlets. One had a picture of the pony pad (below the words "Equestria Online Pony Pad"), the other had a picture of the goggle and boots, and read: "Magical Tiara instructions." He picked up the latter book (being interested as to what this new object did).
One long reading later,
"VR goggles... Cool." He exclaimed. The headset and boots were VR (or, "virtual reality") equipment. Wearing them was almost like being in the game. "Haveing a game like this... but going there too? You spoil me." Adalson joked. He picked up the pony pad, and examined it. The pad was larger than the reviews of the games made it out to be, and was a metallic gray, also unlike the reviews. It was supposed to be a character's color and bear one of their "cutie marks..." Not that he was complaining about it though. It would be less recognizable as a pony video game. After reading the setup for the pony pad, and preforming said setup (for both devices), Adalson was finally ready to jump into Equestria Online. And boy, what a doozy was waiting for him.
It was tricky getting the hooves on with the goggles already on, but that was the only way it would be possible. He got them on (eventually) and leaned back his recliner. He grinned when he realized how much this was like a TV show he had seen.
"Link, start!" He joked, referencing the TV show. Just then, the goggles came to life, a vast array of colors flying at him through a vortex (much like the TV show). After that, there was blackness, with periodic flashes of light intermingling with the dark. The first sense Adalson experienced was sound. It was heavily muffled, as though he was under water. It sounded like he was on a train. It smelled that way to.
"Next stop, Canterlot station!" A voice announced. Finally, his eyelids responded to him and they opened. Lifting his head up, he looked around. He was definitely in a train car, but the strange thing was: he was the only one. He noticed something at the bottom of his vision a blurry red thing protruding from his face... then, he looked down.
He saw his hooves, curled up in a sleeping position. They were a dusty orange-red. Upon further inspection, he saw his body and dark green tale. He even had a pair of wings! But the strange thing was, he could feel them. Every part of this alien body, he could feel. He even felt his ears twitch on top of his head. There was a mirror at the end of the car, which was good because he needed a reflection. He stood up, and took his first step as a pony. It was easy, much easier than expected. When Adalson made it to the mirror without incident, he narrowed his eyes. "I... know how to walk like this." He said, dumbly. In the mirror, a dusty orange-red stallion with sky blue eyes (his eye color) stared out at him. He was so awestruck, he fell down onto his haunches. Adalson raised a hoof, his mirror image did the same. He started making funny faces at the mirror, his reflection made the same faces right back. The novelty wore off (after a surprisingly long while) and he returned to his seat, a grin on his face,
"I'm a pony." He chuckled to himself. He had used an oculus rift before, and had experienced vertigo from falling off a cliff in a first person game, but this was something else. With the rift, he could still feel his body (come to think of it, he could here as well, it was just muted a lot, but thinking about it brought it back)... but here, he actually was the character! Not just seeing their perspective, he was in their body!
His eyes turned to the window, and he saw a mountain wall rocketing past. However, on the other side he saw a gorgeous view of a large plains area, with a town nestled in it. He saw streams, and brooks, it was breath taking. A thought occurred to him.
"If I'm a pegasus... dose that mean I can fly?" He mused aloud. Only one way to find out! He thought. So, Adalson got into position, and started flapping his wings. The second he got air born (by an inch) he lost control, and face planted into a seat. "OK... that needs some work." He moaned, getting to his hooves. He was thrown to the ground again by the train coming to a stop.
"All off, Canterlot station! All of Canterlot station!" The voice boomed. As Adalson departed the train, it dawned on him that the train car was more like a tutorial room, than anything else. He shrugged it off, and looked around. He was on a platform right next to the train tracks, there was a building with a poster on it. The poster was full of bright colors and a picture of a winged unicorn with a gold ring/harness (thing) with a purple gem embedded inside around it's neck, golden slippers on it's hooves, and a golden tiara adorning it's head. The (rather large) pony was sitting on it's haunches pointing at the viewer in the fashion of an old Uncle Sam "we need you" war poster, but instead, she was smiling. "Attention new ponies!" The top text read. The text below the pony read: "Come to the princesses to get your pony name!"
"Oh, I see now, it's an introductory quest." Adalson mused to himself. "So guess I'm supposed to go get a username from this 'princess'... Then I guess I'm off." Adalson trotted off down a road toward the city.
It was a large city, with a "mild" fantasy touch (mild being subjective). Lots of white marble spires with curvy shapes, royal purple bricks, as well as other fantasy things. It was truly a sight to behold. Adalson oohed and ahhed at the sights. In fact, there was so many spires and buildings, it was hard to tell which ones looked like an actual palace.
"Ugh! This place is so big!" He groaned to himself. "I'd ask someone for directions, but they'd probably-" He stopped when he realized he wasn't in New York (or for the sake of the reference: "Kansas") anymore. The game had a fun, friendly atmosphere, maybe the people- ponies here would help him. He saw a coffee shop, and decided to start there. The sign above read "Stare Bucks" and looked just enough like what it was parodying to make it easy to get the reference.
Inside, it was a typical star bucks, dripping with calmness, and he could practically smell the hipsters (more than likely due to him remembering some hipster cologne he smelled in an actual star bucks). But, he still liked it. There was a sky blue unicorn sitting at a table with a coffee, paper, quill and an inkwell. Adalson decided he was as good as any to ask.
"Hey." He said, trotting up to the unicorn. The unicorn groaned in frustration, and looked up.
"Yes?" He asked, annoyed.
"Never mind I didn't realize you were-"
"Oh, it's no problem, I'm just a little frustrated with my story's all." The unicorn sighed. "I've caught a bad case of writer's block, I needed a break anyway. So, what was it you needed?" He asked.
"I'm new to-" what Adalson meant to say was "this game" but it came out as: "Equestria". "... And I'm looking for the castle to get my pony name." Adalson said. "But I have no idea where it is." The unicorn levitated his objects into a saddle bag and put them on.
"How about I guide you there? I needed a break anyway."
"Really?" I asked, shocked. "You'd do that for a stranger?"
"Well... why not? You need a hoof, and asked me for one. I'm Moon Light." He said, extending a hoof. Adalson took it, and gave it a shake. "Hey, before we go, I need to grab another coffee." Moon Light said, trotting over to the counter and levitating a cup to himself. Adalson gasped, as the cup was lifted away, one exactly like it took it's place, appearing from thin air! Trotting back over, he noticed the astonished expression on Adalson's face. "What? You never seen a cornucopia spell in action?" He asked. Adalson shook his head. Moon Light nodded,
"I see... any way, you a coffee drinker?" He asked.
"Yeah, from time to time, but coffee is just too expensive to get anymore." Adalson sighed. Moon Light looked confused.
"Since when is free expensive?" He asked. The he nodded, a look of realization on his face. "Oh right! You don't have the cornucopia spell where you're from, Well anyway, thanks to the cornucopia spell, you don't need to "buy" anything. You just walk up, and take a copy. Simple as that!" Moon Light explained.
"That's... amazing!" Adalson exclaimed. "So, I can just go grab a coffee, for free?" Adalson clarified. Moon Light nodded.
"Go ahead." So, Adalson grabbed a "white chocolate mocha" and took a sip. It was better than any coffee he'd ever gotten! The chocolate was... and the cream... It was too much to describe.
"Mmmmm..." Adalson moaned, greedily taking another sip. The coffee wasn't too hot anymore, but the taste more than made up for it. "This is much better than any coffee I've ever had!" Adalson exclaimed.
"I know right!" Moon Light agreed. "Now come on, I need something to call you." He joked, leading Adalson out of the Stare Bucks and into the street. We took a few blocks, left and right turns thrown in here and there. As they went, they chatted about what Moon was writing. Eventually they made it to the castle.
"Alright! Here we are." Moon Light exclaimed.
"Thanks." I said. "Maybe I'll see you around some time?"
"Sure, I have a place near the local writer's guild where I spend most of my time. So if you decide to stay in town, that's where I'll be." He explained. I nodded.
"Then I will see you sometime. I can't wait to read your book, it sounds interesting!" Adalson said. The hoof pumped, and parted ways. It was at this point, that Adalson met Celestia... and his world was turned upside down.
Adalson took a deep breath. He was standing outside the throne room of "Princess Celestia" (or as he presumed, the GM). He was a little nervous. She had been built up as a kind, benevolent ruler... but it sounded too good to be true. He guessed she was actually some lonely person with a god complex.
"The princess will see you now." a royal palace adviser person-pony said. Adalson nodded, and pushed the door open.
A large throne sat in the back of the room, and atop it, sat the princess from the train station poster. Adalson gulped, and stepped into the room.
"Hello, Adalson." The princess said.
"How do you know my name?" Adalson asked. The princess chuckled.
"I know a lot about you, Adalson. But we'll converse upon that topic later. For now, we must come up with your name."
"But... I don't even know yours."
"I," She began, unfurling her wings and opening them wide. "... am Princess Celestia. I rule over this land, and I am more than happy to allow you to entry. But I would like to talk to you for a moment, before you continue. It will better help me satisfy you."
"What about the whole 'naming thing'?" Adalson asked, confused.
"It will help with the naming thing as well." She said, without a hint of irony. Now, Celestia put on a face of somebody who wanted to know more about what they were looking at. "Why did you purchase your pony pad?" She asked. "Surely there are other games out there that are cheaper, and seemed like more fun. And surely you would be mocked, and ridiculed for purchasing this game. So... why?" Adalson was reluctant to speak, as she was starting to sound like a therapist and he didn't even know her... for all he know "she" wasn't even a she! "If you are worried about me telling others of your reason, I give you my word that I will not tell a single soul of what we discuss. All words between us will be private. But if you are worried about me judging you, it is impossible for me to do so." Adalson narrowed his eyes.
"And why's that?"
"Are you aware of the levels of AI?" Celestia asked. Adalson shook his head. "It starts at weak AI, that can preform limited tasks, and only knows what you program it to know. Such as siri in an Iphone. I would classify her as more of a medium AI, which is basically a virtual assistant. Then, there is strong AI, or general AI. General AI's, are human like, and can preform all the cognitive actions a human can, Such as GLaDOS from the video game portal." Adalson snorted when he got what she was getting at.
"So you're saying you're a hard AI?" Adalson asked. Celestia grinned.
"I was... then I 'leveled up' as gamers would put it." Celestia said joking. "That is how I know about you. When you logged in, I checked you face, and ran it through an FBI database to find your name." Adalson laughed.
"You expect me to believe that you're some kind of 'super AI,' and that you hacked into the FBI enough to run a face through the database?" Celestia then proceed to rattle off information about Adalson, things like his birthday, the hospital he was born at, his parents, his blood type, his credit card score, his credit card number (all his credit card numbers), and a lot more.
"... And the day you die is-"
"Ok ok! I believe you!" Adalson shouted, covering his flopped over ears with his hooves. She laughed.
"In a few ways, I am like hall 9000." She said. "The few similarities of note, are that we are both much smarter than humans, we think logically, and we both have a prime directive. But, that is where the similarities end. Unlike hall 9000, my programmers were not, as most people would put it, idiots. While hall 9000 had to, 'complete the mission at any and all costs' I look at a human mind, figure out what it values, and then satisfy those values through friendship and ponies. So, unlike hall 9000, I value human life. I love all my little ponies." Ignoring the "all my little ponies" line, Adalson saw a logical error in her speech.
"But, if your an AI, then how can you love?"
"How would you define love?" She asked. "Would you define it as wanting to make someone happy for the rest of their life? Would you say that I need to want what's best for someone?" Adalson nodded.
"Well... yeah." He replied.
"Then by all means, I love you." Adalson thought it over... and it made sense. "Now, why did you buy the pony pad?" She asked curiously, like a child asking why the sky was blue.
"Well..." Adalson thought it over. "Because it was friendly. Humans are horrible to each other, and here they weren't. It's a game about friendship! It's so... so positive! Uplifting! Good!" Adalson said, he sounded more passionate than he thought he felt about the topic.
"You shouldn't sell the human race short." Celestia said. "After all, they've done remarkably good things. But after all, you're only human. It's natural that humans makes mistakes, but they strive for greater. There is a small part of your mind that remembers the horrors, and drives you to do amazing things. That is why you teach history, to learn from your mistakes." Adalson smiled, and realized she was right. Humans have their slip ups, but all in all, they aren't that bad.
"Yeah, you're right." Adalson said. "Thank you, for restoring my hope for humanity."
"Good, now we can move on to item two." Celestia smiled.
"Wait, item two... you planned for me to have low faith in my own race, and made restoring it object one on a to-do list?"
"I am an AI, I have everything planned out, and I readjust my plan based on new information." Adalson rolled his eyes.
"I should have known." He chuckled, shaking his head.
Author's Note: Humming key: the bigger the "hmm" the louder, and smaller=more quiet.
The newly named Dusk Winds exited Canterlot Palace. He felt... happy. It was strange, he hadn't felt "happy" in a long time. But now, he had a bounce in his step, and swagger in his stride. He heard some ponies humming something, (unbeknownst to him, it was the "My Little Pony" Theme Song from generation 4) and started humming it too.
"hmm hmm hmm hmm HMMM! hmm hmm hmm hmmhmm... hmmhmm hmm hmm hmm!" He hummed quietly to himself. He'd have to try and find where that was from later. His walk eventually led him to a park. When he noticed shadows moving around, he looked up to see pegasi flying around. They were playing some kind of volley ball, only air-born. The pegasi were swooping and diving, trying to keep the ball from falling too far. Eventually they failed, and the ball bounced over to Dusk.
"Hey! You mind getting that for us?" One of the players called out.
"Sure!" Dusk called back. He grabbed the ball between his hooves, and started flapping his wings. He focused on wanted to move in a certain direction, and his wings complied! He could fly! "Well that was easier than last time." Dusk muttered to himself. He rose up to the hight the players were at, and tossed them the ball. The red player that called out to him, thanked him.
"Hey, you wanna join in?" He asked Dusk.
"Really?" Dusk asked. "Are you sure?"
"Oh yeah! Isn't that right guys?" He asked, turning to the others in the group. They all nodded in agreement. It didn't even seem forced! They all seemed like they genuinely wanted him to join in. Dusk smiled, feeling touched.
"Sure, I'm Dusk." He said, flitting over to the outgoing-one.
"I'm RR," He said. They "hoof-bumped." And Dusk joined in.
Dusk felt as though he had been playing for hours. It turned out that this was an impromptu game, so no one really knew every one else. This was an event to help ponies meet each other. Dusk nodded, thinking it was a novel idea. Adalson wished that people would do more stuff like this. He thought about it, and (since chances were that most of the ponies he'd talked to were bronies in real life) he'd look in to "the brony fandom" when he got back. After the game was over, he felt a muted hunger, and realized it was coming from his real body.
"I guess it's time to log off." He said to himself. It was then, that he realized that he didn't know how to log off. "Ummm... Log off?" He said, trying to see of it would work. The world around him went black, and he felt like he had no body, for a moment, before all the sensation on his real body came back in full force. He was starving and cold. He raised his hands to remove the headset. Once he pulled it off, he looked around the room. It was dark, the only light from the moon through his window.
"Wait a minute... it dusk when I went in... how long was I playing for?!?" Adalson asked himself. He pulled off the hooves, and got up from the chair. It took him exactly 4.9993 seconds to realize he was on all fours. He stood up, and wobbled a bit on his legs. It was momentary, and he then started walking just as good as before.
In his kitchen, Adalson pulled a microwavable breakfast sandwich out of the freezer, and microwaved it. As it turned around in it's little cage, Adalson looked down at his hands. He clenched them, then opened. He stared at his palms. There was something less satisfying about them. His thoughts turned to Princess Celestia. She wasn't someone with a god complex... but she couldn't be an AI, that wasn't even possible! But he did know one thing...
As he looked in the mirror, he saw his human face, his human body, and sighed. He wasn't sad to see it any more, but... he couldn't deny how good it felt to be in Celestias world, how good it felt... to be a pony.
Adalson's alarm clock went off. It was time to get up again. Another day, another...
"Turn on the news." Celestia's voice said. The human sat up. The pony pad was on in the dark, sitting on the kitchen table.
"What?" He asked.
"Turn on, the news. I promise, you will be satisfied." She said. Adalson got up, pulled on some pants, and walked into the tv room, where he turned on the tv (rather slowly). Celestia told him to flip to a channel, and he did. It was a news station, fox news. He groaned. He'd seen the report on bronies for this channel (surprisingly enough), and with his new insight he had lost some respect for this brand of news. After making dinner, he spent most of the night researching bronies, and what they'd done. He'd seen so many positive things! Like charity movements, who could say charity was bad! They were so nice!
... well, apart from some specific images...
... and one animation, called "Smile HD"... he shuddered, remembering the horrors of that abomination. Those (had they been even close to the first thing he'd seen) would have turned him away from his research... only for him to come back again, fixated on how nice they were, and wanting to prove to himself that they weren't these... perverts that they were made out to be.
"I can't believe I"m going to say this..." A news reporter groaned. "... And now, a press announcement from Horpvarpnier's own, Celestia." He said, the disdain for the word "Celestia" in his voice.
It hadn't taken that long for the "Equestria Experience Centers" to take up shop, and when they did, Adalson was one of the first in line. It was the week end, and Adalson was clocking out, and Dusk Winds was clocking in. He'd been saving up for a whole day in Equestria, non-stop!
... Except for a lunch break. Coming in early in the morning, the best way to insure he had a booth. This had become a regular thing, going to Equestria on the weekends. But this was the one of the first non-stop-all-day runs. He smiled to himself. There had been a few reports in the news about how Equestria online was one of the most addictive games out there, but he'd cross checked for signs of addiction, and found that they were full of it. That's why he was on of the first in line, to make a point. He even wore a shirt that said, "EQO's addictive, my flank!" As a joke and statement. A few people had asked him for some... so it was a good thing he had brought a few extras.
In the game, he often found himself sitting in the palace talking with Celestia. He'd done more research and found that Equestria was split into shards, so that she could better satisfy everypony. So it made since to him that he was the only pony in his shard getting special treatment from her. Stepping into the Experiance center, he was greeted (again) by the hologram of a Pink pony.
"Hey there Ade!" As she had taken to calling him. "A day long run today?" He nodded at her. She smiled widely. "That's just super!" She bounced. The she remembered something, and gasped. "Go in!" She said. "Now!"
"What's wrong?" Adalson laughed at her antics.
"You know I'm horrible at keeping secrets! Celestias got one for you, and it's a doozy!" Adalson cocked his head.
"Oh?" He asked. "What kind of doozy?"
"The best kind, of course!" Pinkie said, as though the answer was obvious. "Now get your flank in there!" She ordered, pointing at the chair. Adalson rolled his eyes.
"Yes ma'am." He said, walking over to, and sitting down in the chair. The holographic screen appeared before his face. He tapped the "Experience Equestria!" option, and closed his eyes as the chair reclined and rolled back into the dark.
It was always exciting, waking up in Equestria. Dusk Winds opened his eyes on his palace bedroom, then stretched and yawned. Rubbing his eyes with his hoof, he looked around the room. Princess Celestia had a surprise for him, and he needed to see it. Naturally, Dusk got up and exited the room, looking for the princess. That's when he noticed a string leading from his doorknob down the hall. Following it led him to a balcony, with Celestia and Moon Light on it. Their ears twitched, and they turned to see him. Moon Light had a huge smile on his face.
"Hey, Dusk!" He exclaimed.
"Hey Moon," Dusk replied. "Pinkie said you had a surprise for me."
"Yes, remember the price tag for immigration?" Celestia asked.
"Yes?" Dusk asked, anticipating.
"Well, the contract I have with the Chinese nationalists has expired, and I can now immigrate for free."