The Strange Place
That Strange Stallion
The Strange Place
While the birds were preparing to sing, elsewhere there was a white unicorn mare with a dark purple mane and tail. She stood inside a large building where the celebration was to be held. Her eyes wandered the inside, a hoof on her chin, lost to her own thoughts. You see, she was in charge of decorating the building but she couldn't quite find what would be most eye catching while still remaining with the theme of the celebration. Perhaps some warm colors of the sunrise?
Her concentration was interrupted by a loud 'thunk' and a masculine voice. "Hello door, nice of you to be closed, could you please become ajar?" The voice slurred slightly. She looked back towards the door waiting for the pony to open it himself, but he did not. The unicorn feared he may have injured his head. With a bit of magic she opened the door and a stallion, with the most obscene color scheme she'd ever seen, fell forward into the room.
"Thank you," he said with a dizzied stare. His coat was green with a brown mane and tail, those were the colors of grass and dirt, not a civilized pony. It didn't even look like he brushed himself that often, what with that unkempt mane. The way he slumped did not alleviate her fear of a possible injury though. So she took the most direct approach and simply asked about his condition.
"Good sir, are you alright?" Her voice was refined and polite, years of practice showing results quite well in her speech, "If you require a doctor I shall call for one post haste." While she was busy for an important event, a pony's well being should always come first.
The stallion raised his hoof in declaration, "I am ok!" Contrary to his words though, his voice was a little slurred. That and he still remained on the floor. Laying much like a rug.
The unicorn shook her head at his stubbornness to admit to his injury and walked quickly over to him. He could at least present himself in a more dignified manner. She offered him a hoof and he took it without hesitation. Good, he at least knows when to accept help when it is given. Perhaps he isn't as hurt as she previously thought.
"May I ask why you stumbled face first into a door?" she asked politely, or as politely one can ask an injured pony.
"Because it was closed" he said with a nod, as if that was the obvious answer.
The unicorn could feel her stress level raise as she realized he was possibly one of THOSE stallions. Either he was exceptionally ignorant, which would make in depth conversations troublesome, or he told jokes at the most inappropriate of times, such as when making light of an injury or when some other situation is serious.
"Quite," she stated with a little snip in her voice, "May I inquire as to why you have come here? I am terribly busy and I would prefer to be alone with my thoughts." Perhaps he had a legitimate reason for being there, maybe an inquiry from Mayor Mare?
The 'um' he gave her, however, did not reassure her of his level of ignorance. He tapped his chin in thought, either to try and remember or to come up with a decent excuse. Either way, he was burning daylight. But she was patient mare, she had plenty of time to get the building prepared. No need to rush and lose her cool.
"I forgot," he finally answered. "So watcha doin?" he questioned looking at the fabric she had brought to decorate the building with. She had brought multiple colors and designs to see what would work best with the inside of the building.
The unicorn took a deep breath to calm herself. Perhaps he could be reasoned with. Simply tell her purpose and ask him to leave her in peace. The quickest route to a destination is a straight and upfront line, after all. "I happen to be decorating the town hall in preparation for the Summer Sun Celebration. If you would please-" but she was rudely interrupted.
"The what?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.
She raised her own, much more well kept, eyebrow at the confusion. He'd never heard of it? That was certainly peculiar, any Equestrian pony should know about it at least in passing. "The Summer Sun Celebration? How could you not have heard of it? It is a celebration where Princess Celestia raises the sun on the longest day of the year. She is planning on doing it here, in our quaint little village of Ponyville," she explained.
"Oh so THAT's what this town is called, wow that sounds adorable," he smiled at the name. Apparently the name of the town was worth more consideration then a celebrated event. The unicorn's eye's narrowed, slightly miffed that he would laugh at the name of the town she lived in. "I'm Martin by the way, it's nice to meet you," he finally introduced himself.
"Charmed, I am Rarity. Your name, is it perhaps foreign? It does not sound like any kind of name somepony from Equestria would use," perhaps that's why his behavior is strange. He is simply not in tune with the customs. She supposed she could give him the benefit of the doubt. Can't give a poor impression of Equestria simply because of genuine ignorance born of unfamiliarity.
"Yep, I'm from Broken Depths," his chest puffed a little, probably proud to be from such a ghastly sounding place. She could understand pride in a hometown, but what is that name?
"Broken Depths? I'm sorry, but I don't think I've ever heard of a place with such an... Interesting name," she admitted. With a name like that, she was afraid of what kind of ponies lived there. It makes her think of a village made inside of a ravine or some other below ground dwelling.
He raised his eyebrow again with an amused smirk, "And I don't think I've ever heard of a place called Ponyville."
Her gaze eased up slightly at the jest, it was at least a well timed and a good meaning joke, "Touchè good sir" she admitted.
His smile grew with a sense of satisfaction, "So Rarity, would you like some help with decorating? I'd like to help out with this Summer Sun Celebration, if I can."
She waved him off, "No thank you, Martin," she politely refused. It was nice of him to offer and it would have been interesting to see the designs of a foreign establishment. "I still need some alone time to get in 'The Zone'. There is still much to do before tonight. So if you would like to help, I'm sure you could find it elsewhere."
"Well thank you for your time, it was nice chatting with you, Rarity, and I wish you luck," he gave a little wave before heading back out the open door.
"You're quite welcome!" She called as he closed the door. "Hmm, a strange fellow but also a foreigner? I'll have to ask him why he made such an expansive trip to Ponyville the next time I see him." She gave a light shrug with a short 'oh well' before gazing back at the rest of the building, getting back into 'The Zone'.
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6754335
In my mind that was the ONLY conclusion someone could come to, because I doubt any type of transformation their world has can make THAT kind of shift. So I figured that was the best shot in the dark anyone can guess. Not the best explanation but I'm sticking with it.
I'm not sure where he comes from or anything but it seams intersting, I'd like to see a bit of a higher wordcount on the next chapters though...
6754556
You know, that was honestly what I thought of at first, but then as I thought more about it I realized that they actually have quite a few examples of shape shifting. The spells Twilight use to change the fruit (including turning a frog into an orange, or was it the other way around?), turning those mice into horse like things, the changelings, and similar things.
So I could actually see it either way. Enough so that I don't really see it as a minor issue anymore. It's still interesting though.
Alright, just read the second chapter. Still rather interesting, but I'm seeing more and more errors popping up with grammar. Do you have a beta reader? If not, I'd highly recommend looking around on the site to see if someone would be willing to help. As it stands, there were a few places where I had to go back and reread a few times to finally get the meaning. Also, there was this part:
Honestly, no matter how many times I read this I just can't figure out the meaning. What does his coat and mane color have to do with anything? Like, it's honestly left me utterly baffled trying to figure out what any of this means.
6755353 Don't forget the Breezy episode. Twilight knows a shapeshifting spell. Heck, Rainbow Dash wanted Twilight to turn her into a griffon!
Another sweet chapter, this is building to something I hope?
Continuing to keep my attention, with almost nothing happening. You are shaping to be a great writer if you think you are a rookie (I hope that means you believe you have the capacity to improve). I am going to rush through all of the current chapters and spam them with my opinion mwahahahaaa!
Also with more totally unnecessary speculation if I come up with something. So he is from "Broken Depths". Google search came up with only the bible and a snippet about "having the depths of mind broken" which might seem fitting, but I think that's far fetched for now. So either Martin came from an Earth/other world that got a bit messed up, being from an underground place that got damaged (*ahem*Rapture*ahem*), there is actually a place called that (no denying the boring), or he just came up with something to mess with the Marshmallow.
Dear writer please don't stop me, I'm interested how wild my imagination can run with those snippets.
I would say probably work on Rarity's dialog a bit. The way she is speaking here makes her sound like a 19th century nobleman. She does have an over the top way of speaking, but it is not antiquated in the way it is here. At least reading her lines here seem out of character, but maybe it's just me. Best of luck on your first story.
6787568
Hate to burst you bubble, but Rarity actually does talk like this when she is in Canterlot or forcedly being polite. She did not sound like she was in the best of moods here. From what I can tell, the 'Canterlot' accent is a bit dated anyway, not archaic, but uses a lot of older terms out of pride. I have no doubt Rarity may have incorporated this bit of Canterlotian into her speech as well. I remember hearing Twilight say this a few times after he initial move to Ponyville (Season 1) as well, but usually addressing guards since they were the only males she usually interacts with in the show to any degree early on aside her brother.
I'm going to say it now: His description sounds like a zombie pony from Minecraft
why does that makes me think Underdark?
7142616 Why is your text red?
7489574 Why is your text blue?
7511588 Why is your text black?
7525691 Why is YOUR text color PINK?
7693817 Why is yours green?
What I think Rarity didn't realize is that she was in 'The Zone' the whole time she was talking with Martin.
The Twilight Zone.
You, good sir, have just gotten your one-thousandth like.
No need to thank me.
7769673
Why does nobody just use blue?
I think he should bounce as he walks like Pinkie.