A Tale of Equestrian Proportions

by DitzyDerpy1992

Ponyville FM

Waking in the morning I felt a little groggy from the cider last night as I rubbed my heavy eyes and dragged myself out of bed. I would have breakfast and a bath and be sorted for my first day at the radio station. I still had a couple of hours as I was learning with the lunchtime show which was apparently the easiest as you just played music and didn’t do much talking. Matt would most likely be away to the Library by now as it was mid-morning. I dragged my heavy hooves through to the bathroom attached to my bedroom and awkwardly turned the taps on my bath and watched the crystal clear water begin to fill the tub. I still wasn’t accustomed to using my hooves the way other ponies did but I was getting there. I could hold things but that was about as far as I had gotten so far. I couldn’t wait for the bath to finish running as I slipped into the warm water and relaxed. My muscles were very sore from yesterday at Sweet Apple Acres. Big MacIntosh had pushed me hard to get as much work done as I could and with the hot sun beaming down on me it was tiring work but I managed to get through the day. I was mostly in charge of collecting the baskets of apples and carrying them to the wagon.

I had had a brief conversation with Applejack over lunch when she asked me how my day was going with Big Mac. It was hard work but I told her that I was getting along just fine and we were on schedule with everything. She reassured me that Big Mac probably wouldn’t be so hard on me if I actually got the job and it was just to test me and make sure I was an honest and hard worker. I had laughed nervously at that thought but she gave me a smile that made me feel better about the whole day. I had to hold back a lot of excitement when I heard her southern accent greeting me from the table. I hadn’t met any of the mane 6 yet and when I met her I was almost starstruck. Applebloom and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had made and appearance to pester Applejack for some items to help them with some complicated plan to get their Cutie Marks. If only they knew that I knew what there special talents were. Telling them wouldn’t help them find out who they were though so I kept my mouth shut and mostly filled with some of the most delicious apple flavoured treats I had ever tasted.

The rest of the afternoon had passed quickly with Big Mac and I getting all of the work done for the day and I was glad to be heading home soon. I was informed that I would not get the position and that I would be paid for the day I did but also that there was a position available at the local radio station. For a moment I wondered how Big Mac knew this but then I remembered that the Apple family were all very sociable ponies who probably spoke to everyone they bumped into and that Big Mac often made deliveries of apples all over Ponyville, so getting that information would not have been difficult. I said farewell to Big Mac and set off home after that, tired but satisfied that I had done a good days work.

I quickly snapped out of reminiscing about the previous day and climbed out of the bath and dried myself with a white cotton towel that was hanging beside the door. After brushing my mane, I wandered down to the kitchen to grab my late breakfast and turned on the old wireless looking radio that was on the kitchen counters. A soft song filled the room as I began to raid the fridge for something that would give me some energy for the day ahead. As I sat down with some leftovers from last night’s dinner, I listened to the sound of the cello and violin emitting from the speakers and it was a beautiful composition. Such raw emotion almost brought a tear to my eye as the song reached its peak and slowly faded out to a calm sounding colt announcing the weather for the next few days. It was going to be sunny. Not much of a surprise there, but then again the Pegasi could have been planning a storm at some point. I sighed as I washed the dishes while the colt moved on to recent news stories. They were nothing like back on earth where the news was filled with nothing but content that either depressed you for the day or made you fear the threat of terrorism, but they were lighthearted stories about an excellent street performer in Ponyville Market today or that the Cakes were having a sale on at Sugarcube Corner in the afternoon and that there would be free samples of experimental goodies. It was uplifting to say the least. No worries about wars or anything near as bad as that, just harmony between everypony.

Finishing the dishes I put them back in the cupboard and began to make myself look presentable for my first day at Ponyville FM. As I was brushing my teeth I began to get both excited and nervous. I would have loved to work in the music industry back at home but here it was actually coming true. Sure I wouldn’t be performing as the drummer for my band on a stage in front of millions, but playing some great tunes for the people of Ponyville was a start and I would have the opportunity to meet some of Equestria’s finest musicians. Giving myself a final check over in the mirror, I almost skipped to the front door. The excitement brewing up inside of me even stronger I locked the door and began to make my way to Cherryblossom Avenue, where the studio was located. It was along a quiet road so I stretched my wings and gave them a powerful flap which lifted me up around 3 feet or so into the air. The practice yesterday had paid off as I allowed myself to glide to a less than perfect landing but aside from the stumbles I’m pretty sure I was getting along just fine. I trotted along merrily towards the studio enjoying the sunshine and I greeted everypony I came across with a smile and a cheerful “Hello”.
As I rounded the corner onto Cherryblossom Avenue the studio came into sight. A white building with double glass doors and lacking a few windows but all the same a very bright and cheerful looking place. I trotted up to the doors and made my way into the reception area to tell them that I had arrived. There were a few potted plants dotted around as well as some wooden chairs for ponies who were waiting for something. Directly in front of the doors there was a large desk with a sign above it with large colourful letters saying “Ponyville FM” and a grey maned pony sitting behind it wearing a flowery cardigan and some half-moon glasses perched on the end of her nose. She was leaned back in her chair and casually filing away at her hoof with a file as if she had nothing really to be getting on with.

“Good morning!” I said cheerily as I walked up to the desk and she turned to look at me, giving me a look up and down before replying.

“Good morning Sir, welcome to Ponyville FM. Is there anything I can help you with today?” She asked as if she had said that line over a thousand times before.

“Yes actually, I was here yesterday to fill a job I had heard about on the lunchtime show and I was asked to come in today to help out and get started on my training” I gave her a smile and she seemed to brighten up a little. I was asked to take a seat and she disappeared through a door to the right of the desk. I took the time to familiarise myself with the reception. It was brightly lit and like the exterior of the building, mostly white. Dotted around there were some pictures of ponies I assumed were the DJ’s here at the station posing with some famous artists including Vinyl Scratch and Octavia. A couple of frames housed shiny golden records which left me wondering if they were also a recording studio. A few moments passed and I began to grow more anxious about being on the air for all of Ponyville to hear, although I’m sure they wouldn’t throw me in at the deep end on my first day. The time spent waiting seemed to drag by and I grew ever more anxious about starting. I wonder if Matt got this nervous about working a new job.

A few more minutes past and then the door swung back open and the receptionist and another pony walked into the room. He was a light brown unicorn with a dark purple mane and bright blue eyes. He walked over to me and offered me his hoof.
“Hello! You must be Robbie here for your first day” I shook his hoof as he introduced himself as Record Spins, the DJ I would be working with today. He took me into the back of the studio and there were other ponies sitting around at desks and getting on with what seemed like a mountain of paperwork for a radio station. I followed him through another door with a red light beside it into a room filled with mixers and an earth pony with a large set of headphones on playing a pre-recorded show that was for the mornings. He opened up a door with a lot of padding and soundproofing around it and I followed him into the studio. There was a large wooden desk in the middle of the room with chairs on both sides and a microphone sat on either side of it. He motioned for me to take a seat and I sat down on one of the comfortable looking chairs and Record took a seat across the desk from me. He sat and went through a drawer for a second and handed me a pass that would hang around my neck and a contract for me to sign. I admired the pass I had been passed and it had “Ponyville FM” in large letters across the top followed with by my name and a square where I would need to place a picture of myself.

There was still an hour to go until we went on air so we spent that time going over everything in the studio, how to activate the mics after a song had finished and how to start a song playing on air. There were 3 red lights on the wall and one green light to countdown to when we were on air and as soon as the green light turned on we would be live for everyone to hear. Record told me that I would have to work on pronouncing words a little better than I did because of my accent. I hadn’t realised my accent had come across to Equestria before this point. I wonder if anypony else had had trouble understanding me?

After getting the ropes down it finally reached twelve o’clock and it was time to begin the show. Record told me that he would do the introduction and I would be given a few lines to say in between songs and give some introductions. As the lights counted down to the green I began to get very nervous and Record just seemed so relaxed but then again I guess he had done this for years.

“Hello listeners! This is the Lunchtime show with Record Spins and Robbie on Ponyville FM, the only stop you need to hear your favourite songs and local news!” Record announced as I began to spin up the first record and placed the needle to the disk. A delightful song filled my headphones and I got a little carried away listening to it, bobbing my head to the rhythm. The Lunchtime show only lasted until two o’clock so it was a relatively short show. A few songs were played until Record covered his mic with his hoof and whispered over to me that I was to introduce the next song. My nerves flared up once again knowing that I would be speaking to a lot of Ponyville after only arriving a few days ago. It was scary but exciting and I was loving my first day. The song gradually came to an end and that was my queue.

“Alright that was an absolutely brilliant track there by Dr Neigh and up next we have “Hooves Grooves” by DJ Pon-3 so get your dancing shoes on for this sweet electro beat!” I announced as clearly as I could, given my accent, and I began to spin the record, placed the needle down and pressed the button to have it play on the air. The beat began to film my headphones and I saw Record give me a smile and a nod to say I had done well. The rest of the show went just as well as the first half had gone and two o’clock arrived very quickly. The green light switched off and I stood up and shook Records hoof.

“You did well for your first time and we will be glad to have you working here with us on the lunchtime show and who knows! Maybe because you’re young you might get to cover a couple of concerts in a couple of months” Record said to me with a smile on his face. I smiled back and we made our way out of the studio and back down to the reception area where I said goodbye to Record and the receptionist then made my way back out into the bright street.

I took a deep breath and a large smile erupted across my face. It was obvious I was proud of how my first broadcast had gone and I wondered if Matt had been allowed to listen in at the Library. Walking down the street I decided that I would enjoy the weather and go for a walk around Ponyville and maybe meet some new ponies or even just relax in the park. The hottest part of the day was over and the ponies who had finished their work early were filling up the marketplace. I made my way through the crowds of ponies and browsed a few stalls, stopping to greet Applejack and Big Mac at the Apple stand before making my way over to Sugarcube Corner to get myself a milkshake to enjoy on this marvellous day. I opened up the door to the shop and made my way inside, other ponies had obviously had the same idea as me and some were already drinking their beverages while others were standing waiting to order. I joined the queue of ponies waiting and observed Mr and Mrs Cake seemed to be rather busy with baking treats and trying to serve all these ponies at once. I was in no rush though so I didn’t mind a wait plus it was nice to be in the shade after being out in the sunshine for a while. I looked around hoping for a glimpse of Pinkie Pie helping out but once again she seemed to be out and about probably just being, well, Pinkie Pie. I was nearing the front of the queue and I realised that I had better decide what I would like. Looking over the menu everything looked tempting. There were so many flavours to choose from that I was having a hard time deciding and by the time I had made my way to the front of the line I had decided to go with a classic Chocolate with sprinkles and marshmallows. I watched as Mr Cake mixed up my shake and when he placed it down on the counter I was almost drooling. It looked delicious, served in a tall glass with marshmallows placed artistically into the cream and sprinkles generously poured over the top. I paid for my drink and made my way outside to one of the round tables outside with a parasol shading it from the hot sun and sat down. I took a long sip through the straw and It tasted as delicious as it looked. The chocolate flavouring was strong but not sickly at all and it cooled me down almost instantly.

I watched as everypony went about their business while I enjoyed my shake. Groups of friends passed laughing and smiling, vendors were having good business days and everypony seemed to be upbeat. I couldn’t help but smile when everywhere I went ponies were happy and so friendly! Although I hadn’t really met anypony yet but I’m sure I would meet some friends soon. I finished off my milkshake making sure I got every last drop and vacated the table to continue my walk. Matt wouldn’t be leaving the Library until five so I had a few hours or so to play with. Feeling refreshed I made my way to the park to lie in the sun for a while. I walked through the gates and was greeted by the fragrant smell of flowers and freshly cut grass. I chose a nice spot by a nearby tree and lay down on the grass and closed my eyes. This was the life for me. All of those years of being victimized by chefs and managers just melted away here. There were no worries like that to keep me up at night, no worries about not having a girlfriend and definitely no worries about wars and terrorism. I was at home here and I wished I never had to leave but it had been a few days and Matt and I would have to return to earth soon. I pushed that thought away to the back of my head and thought about who I would like to befriend if it was possible. Ditzy doo was high on the list as well as Fluttershy and Rainbowdash.

A short while passed and I was starting to feel the heat of the sun getting to me so I decided that I would need to go and get another drink. I purchased a bottle of water from a nearby stall and took a walk around elsewhere. It was starting to get quiet around town now. The hustle of the days business was dying down and ponies were beginning to head home. I decided to meet Matt from work and took a brief stroll to the Library. It was a lot bigger than it looked in the TV show. The trunk was thick and tall with many sturdy branches stretching out in every direction with vibrant green leaves all over the sticks and twigs. I walked up to the door which divided into two parts and entered the Library to see Matt up a ladder with a stack of books levitating beside him.

“Careful you don’t fall Matt” I teased and he dropped a few in surprise. I doubt he had heard me enter as he turned around and gave me a slightly frustrated look before climbing down to pick up the books he had dropped.

“Please don’t ever do that to me again! I almost had a heart attack” he said mockingly, giving me a smile while placing the books carefully back on the shelf. Once again he climbed down the ladder and approached me. “So what brings you here anyway?” He asked looking at the time.

“Well I decided to come meet you from work seeing as I didn’t really have much better to do because I finished at two.” I answered with a jokingly offended tone. “Also I was wondering if I could borrow a Daring Do book. I’ve wanted to read one ever since I watched the episode with Rainbowdash in the hospital” I lowered my voice for the last statement and Matt seemed more than eager to help me out. Briskly walking to the other side of the room he browsed the Adventure section and pulled out a book after a moments searching.

“Here you go! It’s the first one in the series.” He said proudly holding it out to me. I took it from him and placed it on the centre table before turning to him.

“I don’t suppose you brought your saddlebags with you today did you? I don’t really want to carry it in my hoof the entire way home” He gave me a nod and quickly darted into the back of the library and emerged a moment later with his bags levitating in front of him. He then lowered them onto my back and fixed the straps for me as I had no idea of where to even start with them all. Placing the book into one of the compartments I looked at him once more.

“So are you getting off soon or will I have to walk back myself?” He quickly looked at the clock and it was quarter to five and he turned back to me.

“Will be all done in fifteen minutes or so if you can wait until then?” I gave him a nod and told him I would wait outside to enjoy the last of the sunshine before the sun set. I exited and sat on a nearby bench in the sunshine and relaxed. We would have to go back through the portal later on so I planned on enjoying the last few hours I had in Equestria. A few moments passed until I heard the Library door open and softly close and Matt approached the bench with a smile on his face.

“Ready to go?” He asked me with a glint in his eye as if he had something planned that was either awesome or malicious. I gave him a quick nod and we began the walk home in the dying sunshine. The bright colours of the flowers and trees were even more beautiful with the orange backdrop of the sun slowly sinking behind the mountains and I would have liked to take my time to enjoy the walk a little more but Matt seemed to want to get this walk over with quickly and I was almost trotting to keep up with him. He had the same smile from outside of the Library plastered across his face the entire way home. Only a few words were exchanged on the way back to the house and the closer we got the more I felt a slight sadness come over me as I knew we would be leaving this magical world soon enough even if it wasn’t for long.

“I thought you might be a little sad that we’re heading back tonight for a little while so I arranged for someone to come and meet you tonight” He said with his smirk spreading a little wider as we rounded the corner onto our street. I quickly noticed why he was smiling as I laid eyes on the blonde maned, grey Pegasus that I had grown so fond of from many fanfics and animations standing by the gate of our cottage. I couldn’t contain a slight smile as she waved to Matt and threw me a quick friendly glance.

“Hey Matt! How are you?” Ditzy asked as we walked the last few feet towards her. I took a moment to compose myself for meeting my favourite pony in the flesh. I risked a quick glance at her face and we made eye contact for a split second before my shyness made me break the glance.

“I’m not bad thanks Ditzy yourself? This is Robbie by the way, the friend I was telling you about from the other side of Equestria.” Matt replied, slightly gesturing a hoof in my direction. I wonder where he said I was from. I didn’t know the names of anywhere else in Equestria so if she asked I would be left completely stumped. I decided to make contact but all I seemed to be able to muster was a quick: “Hi how’s it going” before awkwardly pawing at the ground with my hoof. I could almost feel her eyes looking at me and I felt like I was being rude for not making eye contact so I looked back once again only for a split second until I instinctively looked away.

“Wow you must be from far away. I’ve never heard a pony with an accent like yours before!” She seemed quite excited and I felt a smile invade my face once more as I quickly looked at her again but this time my mind allowed my eyes to linger slightly longer. Her amber eyes were really quite captivating when you saw them up close.

“Yeah I’ve been told it’s quite unique around these parts anyway, I was told by my job that I needed to pronounce words a bit clearer because apparently I’m a little difficult to understand sometimes” I had taken a wild stab at humour and even though it probably didn’t deserve a laugh Ditzy still had a little giggle and the smile once again spread across my face uncontrollably. Matt had made his way up to the front door and was making his way inside and I invited Ditzy in for a drink and she accepted and trotted merrily into the living room, quickly followed by me.

“So Ditzy, apple juice or cider seems to be all that we have so which would you prefer?” Matt called through from the kitchen. Ditzy had made herself comfortable on the couch while I stood rather awkwardly beside the fireplace.
“I’ll have a mug of cider if that’s okay with you.” She replied and then looked at me again causing me to look around awkwardly before my eyes settled on the painting of Canterlot. Matt then trotted through with three ciders levitating in front of him and placed one beside each of us before settling down on the other end of the couch. I chose to just grab a cushion and find a comfortable spot on the floor beside the fire. Taking a long swig of cider I looked over at Ditzy. I had so many questions to ask her but I had better play it safe and act like I don’t know her.

“So Ditzy” I managed to muster the confidence from somewhere to start a conversation “What do you do for a living?” I took another swig of cider and tried to maintain eye contact for more than a couple of seconds this time.
“I’m Ponyville’s local Mailmare, I mostly just deliver letters and packages but I have days where I just stay in the post office and sort the mail. What about you? Have you had any luck finding work around here?” She asked seeming genuinely interested and that seemed to give me a little more confidence.

“Well I have just started at Ponyville FM as a presenter on the lunchtime show with Record Spins.” I replied giving her a smile. Matt seemed to just be sitting there content that he had managed to unite me in conversation with my favourite pony and I had to admit she was even better to hang out with than all the fics and images had made her seem.
“Oh cool! I listen to that show when I’m not out delivering mail. Although I don’t think I’ve heard you on the show yet… have you just started?” She took a short sip of cider and gave me an intrigued look.

“Yeah I just started today actually and I think it went well.” I replied shyly almost trying to hide my face in the mug of cider I was now downing. I would have to get another one if I kept drinking at this rate… I also might end up rather drunk.
“Would you like to stay for dinner Ditzy? Robbie here is quite the chef and I’m sure he would be more than happy to cook us something up” Matt chimed in after sitting in his pride of this situation for a while.

“Oh really” Ditzy answered giving me a playful look with a mischievous glint in her eye “A Pegasus who can cook AND has a job that could make him famous. You’re a colt after my own heart aren’t you?” She gave me a playful wink and I felt my cheeks growing redder by the second while Matt just tried to contain his laughter on his corner of the sofa.

“You’re more than welcome, I’m pretty sure I could rustle something up in about half an hour to an hour?” I finally replied after drinking pretty much the rest of my cider and eying up the fridge to get some more. Standing up I made my way through to the kitchen and poured myself another mug of cider and checked to see what provisions we had left in the fridge that I could make a meal from. I still had all the ingredients from the other night so I could rustle that up again and for dessert I still had a few chocolate chip muffins that I could bake until they are slightly warm again then drizzle them with a honey infused chocolate sauce. Grabbing everything that I needed I got to work on chopping up tomatoes, onions, peppers and a combination of all the other veg that we had in the fridge before lightly frying it in the pan and adding tomato juice and seasoning with herbs from the garden and some wild garlic. The pasta didn’t take long to cook so I just left it on a low simmer and it would all be ready in around half an hour as I had predicted.

“That smells delicious” I heard Ditzy say as she walked over to the cooker, almost causing me to drop the tray of muffins I had awkwardly held in my clumsy hooves. After managing to wrestle the tray into the oven I turned to take a seat and grabbed my cider and Matt was nowhere to be seen. Had he planned this to be like some form of date as a joke? Or was he just away doing something? I hoped he’d be back soon as I sat down at the table and Ditzy took a seat across the table from me and her eyes scanned over the kitchen. After a few moments of awkward silence Ditzy finally spoke again.

“So where did you learn to cook if your cutie mark is… music? It is music right?” She asked leaning in as if we were about to engage in a deep conversation. I felt quite bashful that she had been looking at my flank but I wasn’t sure if that was really as big of a deal in Equestria. After a long drink of cider I placed the cup on the table and looked back over the table in her direction.

“Yeah it is music. I learned to cook from my grandparents when I was younger, mostly just helping out with baking cakes and spreading the icing but as I grew older I just learned more about it until I eventually started messing around with some instruments in school and discovered I had talent.” I replied while fidgeting with the half-drunk mug of cider that was in front of me before I stood up and gave the sauce and pasta a stir and sat back down. I could hear Matt moving around upstairs and I presumed he was getting everything in order before we headed back through the portal again.
“So what do you play? I used to play a little xylophone back in school but I was never really very good at it. I don’t have very good depth perception you see.” She looked away almost as if she was ashamed of her eyes. I gave her a reassuring smile and she returned it and let a small giggle out.

“Well I’ve played Cello before and Piano… but my real instrument is drums or some decks and a mixer” I replied feeling like I was bragging because I had played quite a few instruments so I decided to turn the conversation around to focus on her.
“So how long have you been the Mailmare for Ponyville?” I asked her before taking a small sip of cider. She paused to think for a moment and it looked like she was counting in her head. She took a large drink of her cider and focused for another moment.

“Oh about… 7 or 8 years. You kind of lose track after working the same job for so long but I enjoy my work because I get to see everypony almost every day!” She gave a joking little salute across the table to me and it was probably one of the most adorable things I had seen since arriving in Equestria. She returned to drinking her cider as I tended to the food which was a few moments away from being ready. I trotted over to the bottom of the staircase and shouted to Matt to come down and he joined Ditzy at the table as I began to serve large portions for everyone. The smell of the muffins in the oven had filled the room and it was almost like I was sitting in Sugarcube Corner.

We all tucked into our meals and Ditzy and Matt seemed to enjoy the food which I had to admit was pretty amazing by my standards. The conversation was light-hearted and we discussed our jobs, hobbies and Ditzy told us stories of great times she had had with Dinky, some of which were rather funny and others were just plain cute. I finished before Ditzy and Matt as I had planned so I could prepare dessert and serve it when they were both finished. I carefully removed the muffins from the oven, burning myself a couple of times along the way, and waited for the chocolate to melt in the pan which filled the room with a sweet scent which complimented the aroma of the baking muffins perfectly. The chocolate eventually melted and I poured some fresh honey into the mixture and stirred it before pouring onto the muffins and serving it to the ponies that were by now focused on the creation I had served to them. The table fell silent as we tucked into the treats I had prepared and was only broken by satisfied gulps and “mmm”’s and before long all the plates were clear and I placed them in the sink to be washed after Ditzy had left. It wasn’t long until she decided to leave and she asked if she could bring Dinky around at some point to try my cooking and of course I agreed and we shook hoofs and she flew away into the night. I stood at the door and watched her fly away and I heard Matt’s hoofsteps behind me.

“I’ve done the dishes. Are you ready to go? Or are you just going to stand there and watch that flank until it’s only a speck?” I heard him mock from the doorway into the living-room. I felt my cheeks flare up into what I can only presume was a bright shade of red and I closed the door and gave him a slightly mournful nod and with that we departed upstairs where Matt had the portal gun ready.