In this tale Robbie goes to Canada to visit his friend Matt who says he has something to show him. The pair travel into Equestria via a portal gun which Matt has spent roughly 7 months developing. They both set up lives in Ponyville but things take a turn for the worse when unexpected events occur which could shake the very foundations of their lives to the core.
Constructive criticism is welcome as this is my first fic and I would like to know what you all think.
If you enjoy my fic, please feel free to recommend! Thanks a bunch guys! Enjoy!
Note: I am currently looking for an artist so I can update the cover art. If you are interested please message me :) Thanks guys!
Chapters (17)
I do like how you've put so much focus onto the human world and characters before shooting them to Equestria, but this still suffers from the same formula that most HiEs do.
702545 Any hints on how to improve the further chapters I will be writing? Plus I have some twists that will intertwine into the story line soon enough. Feedback is appreciated
702569
Try to be original as possible. HiEs have been done a countless number of times, and to find twists to keep your audience interested will be very difficult. It can be done though. Just keep your chin up and write as well as you're able. It would also be a good plan to find a proofreader who will be able to help clean up your grammatical errors ahead of time.
Good luck!
T-shirt: Hello! No other ponies has a shirt like this... and its yellow!!!
Its kinda strange how friends can make a person feel, but to be that excited, this man truly wants to be next to his friends, just to hang out.
HANGING out! Pony style!
H-how does a psychology cutie mark look like?
I think I am a little jelly right now....
Every time you have two verbs or more in a sentence, and you have a 'and' in between them, you need a comma before 'and'.
This chapter feels like a relaxing feeling to these two ponies. Although, there is no conflict yet, and I would like to know if they will have problems in the later chapters. It gives suspense to the story.
Hells yeah! Twilight TOTALLY digs me
755741
Thanks, its... its hard indeed.
Just started work on chapter 8
So hopefully I will have chapter 7 up soon for you all to continue reading
772359 Indeed it does! How are you enjoying this story so far?
Thanks, It's great to know that I'm doing reasonably well anyway
It is turning into a bit of a novel though, Written up to chapter 11 so far.
703255
That's easy... A psychology cutie mark looks different to everyone who sees it.
778486 Congrats, you have just won the internets
Thumbs up from me, not sure why this has so many dislikes it was awesome
802759 Hey thanks!
i have no words that can properly express how i feel. awesome job.
yayyyyyyyyy
great story bro will there be a sequel
1152278 There will be a sequel
It's in the planning stages at the moment though, but expect the first chapter soon!
1152406 This be the most awesome news i've heard all day.
Awesome story, I want more....... I need more. Make more you are doing amazing.
may the muffins be with you
Oooooh. A Canadian fic. Let's see where this goes, shall we?
Rainbow Dash is two words. Rainbow Dash. Not Rainbowdash.
I JUST WANNA SEE IF THE PONIES FIND OUT MATT AND ROBBIE ARE HUMANS!!!!! WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO RAINBOW DASH AND TWILIGHT'S RELATIONSHIP????? HOW WILL THE EQUESTRIANS REACT??!!!! I WANNA KNOW!!!!!!!!!
You keep using human words. I noted near the beginning half of this chapter you have used "boyfriend" and "foot" when you should have used "coltfriend" and "hoof". A few errors with the human terminology, otherwise it's pretty good.
You should consider getting an editor if you haven't done so already.
Through all these chapters... you keep spelling Rainbow Dash incorrectly.
Great story! Looking forward to the finished sequel.
7737385 Hi! Sorry for the majorly late reply! I've been away from the fandom for a while, and with the Season 7 release I'm getting back into it! First off, I'm glad you enjoyed the story :) I know I spelled Rainbow Dash wrong all those times, I was new to the whole pony fandom at the time and I wasn't quite up to scratch with my writing. Not sure if the sequel will ever be finished, but I'll have another read and see if I can remember where the story was going on that one!
Many thanks for your critique :)
Very good and looking forward to sequel!