Tired of always being on the losing end of fights with Rainbow Dash, Twilight decides that, come hell or high water, she’s winning the next one. Regardless of what it is, or where it may take her.
Why do I get the feeling that the midden is really going to hit the windmill when Celestial next sees her? There is a telling moment aproaching between damnation and true freedom: the revelation that despite having idolised the sun goddess for her entire life, the two of them are now Equals in all but personal perception. There is nothing Celestia can actually do save for being 'disappointed' at her ex-student's suddenly volatile personal exploration. I wonder if Twilight ever had a rebellious streak as a teen? If not I'd say such boundary testing is long overdue. Anyway, enough speculation. Didn't actually expect full-on clop in this story when I started reading, but I'm still intrested to see where narative is going.
6762989 I'm not really confused, it's more that the characters barely resemble themselves and act cruelly and irrationally even beyond whatever bounds of plausibility the premise of the story might suggest. There's no suspension of disbelief when Twilight and Dash are both acting like shitheads just to win a bet, no matter what the prize may be. Really, they might as well be OCs.
To buy the story you have to accept what the characters motivations are. Twilight started this in order to try and teach Rainbow to take her responsibilities seriously. She sees this as a way to try and help Rainbow. Rainbow's motivation is simply to try and get Twilight to leave her alone. In doing so, she raised the stakes of the bet to make it more interesting. Whereas all Twilight wanted was for Rainbow to take things seriously, Rainbow changed it into her doing whatever Twilight wanted just to make it more interesting to her.
From there it snowballed, Rainbow thinking of the absolute worst things she could think of to get Twilight to quit, and Twilight taking out some repression she's felt over the years at her friends. Something nether of them had expected.
Well, I go off the theory that Twilight's never rebelled before, she's always done what she's told, followed the rules, etc... etc... So, as the day progressed, she started to like it, to enjoy the freedom. (I know, Twilight!? She'd never! Yep, and many a father has thought the same thing about their precious little angels. The characters are not one-note to me, I find the very concept of thinking they are rather boring.)
Rainbow's head was filled with thoughts of having to become a bookworm, something she's scared to death of. So the escalation progressed until this is where it ended up.
But if you believe that the characters would 'never' do something, then I understand why this wouldn't make any sense to you. But then again if that's your belief I question why you'd read a story titled 'Bad Girl Twilight'.
6763030 If that is the interpretation you're going for it should take more than 10k words to so drastically progress the characters. In like two or three chapters you've got Dash acting selfish enough to let Twilight fuck up her friendships and you've turned Twilight into some bizarre sex punk. You can't expect people to come to the same rationalizations you have when there's so little suggestion of it it in the story.
Asking people why they're reading a story once they've come out and criticised it doesn't help anyone, by the way.
6763026 Heh. On a more serious note, no a story does not strictly have to make sense. They usually do, but don't always. Often these stories involve time travel... so.
Generic critiques without specific questions or examples aren't helpful either. (It be like me saying that a lot of your comments didn't make sense but leaving out the reason why is because you either didn't capitalize at the beginning or put a period at the end.)
And everything I said was covered in the story (or implied/shown in canon). Yes I could re-write the exact same events in a fifty-thousand word story, and while that might satisfy you (or not, who knows) for others it'd be too long with too much detail.
6763072 I've articulated why I don't particularly like this story. I don't think I need to go and fish for quotes as if it were a high school essay and point out where, say, Dash and Twilight show no regard for Pinkie's feelings just because they're uncharacteristically selfish and consider a bet they made less than twenty-four hours before more important. Or point to places where the character progression gave me whiplash.
Dash and Twilight show no regard for Pinkie's feelings
absolutely no regard once so ever.
Although Damn! That was way meaner than I thought she’d be.
“That was the most horrible thing I’ve done in my life,” Twilight said, her voice pained.
“Even compared to that time you cast a spell on your doll to make everyone want it?” Rainbow asked, hoping to soften the blow at least a little.
She failed. Twilight looked up at Rainbow, tears falling from her eyes. “Y-yes.”
“You want out? Say you want out and we’re done. We can both go and apologize to Pinkie together. I’m sure if we explained everything she’d forgive you. But if we keep going, it’ll only get worse from here.” There was a note of desperation in Rainbow’s voice as she found herself really, really hoping that Twilight would drop it here and now. Pranks weren’t all that much fun when somepony got hurt.
This… this is a one-time thing, yes it hurt, it hurt Pinkie, and it hurt me to do it, but Rainbow’s right. Once I explain everything Pinkie will forgive me, as will everypony else that I might… be mean to. This was a real chance to help Rainbow; a real chance to wake her up, to have her take responsibility seriously. She wasn’t about to throw it away.
6763128 Because it isn't rational reasoning. It's ridiculous to think that Twilight believes hurting people is a reasonable means to an end. I mean, why does teaching Rainbow a lesson necessitate that? Why does any of this actually happen in a world where Twilight and Dash even remotely resemble their canon selves?
Dash going to extremes due to her competitive nature and fear of having to become a bookworm. (Extreme competitive nature is canon the other implied)
And,
Twilight having anger issues and going full on rebel when she does experience her first taste of freedom. (Anger issues is canon, the other, again, 'daddy's little princess' syndrome. The tighter you hold the leash the harder the dog will yank when he does get a taste of freedom.)
If you think they were trying to hurt their friends, you weren't paying attention. When it did happen Rainbow even purposely avoided another direct confrontation with any of their friends. It only happened to Pinkie because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Twilight going off on her? Again, highly repressed mare with the freedom to vent her anger issues. And after it did, everything else the two did was no worse than playing pranks.
Dash going to extremes due to her competitive nature and fear of having to become a bookworm. (Extreme competitive nature is canon the other implied)
Not to the degree this story seems to take it to. Since when does canon imply she'd let her friends fuck up just to win a bet? And why is Dash afraid enough of books to let Twilight sabotage herself again and again when she's got a thing for Daring Do and even spends her time writing thinly-veiled fanfiction?
Plus, she's absolutely complicit in it by simply not walking away. The oh, I do wish Twilight would stop this stuff just seems like a token objection to prop up whatever seems to follow.
6763235 No, not a guilty conscience. I just thought the comment was largely directed at my comment chain and was surprised that you'd think I'd get worked up over gross mischaracterisation in a fanfiction.
Rainbow enjoying reading Daring Do =/= her wanting to read everything else. She couldn't even be bothered to read a book about the Wonderbolts. As far as to what degree I took her to? Well, that's the fun of writing fanfiction. Each writer takes their canon personalities and puts them into situations that the show would never touch, extrapolating how they'd respond to the given situation based on the writer's perspective. To each person whether or not the way they're displayed is realistic, well, that's on them.
Yeah, you obviously have a one-note view of the characters which seriously made me wonder why you'd read a story titled 'Bad Girl Twilight'. The story gave you exactly what it was titled. If you really didn't expect to see Twilight acting like a bad girl, well, it's your own problem.
6763234 I've noticed a few people say that. But it's from TwidashForever, it's tagged "mature" and tagged "sex." I'm not sure how many more warning signs there could be lol.
6763248 Perhaps. Hope is a pesky little thing sometimes though. Some stories just have it as a precaution. I'd been hoping the whole sex shop thing would be the end of it. Again, I should have known better. It's my own fault.
Anybody else think that, although the tattoo is a bit much, she should totally keep the piercings after all is said and done? I've always thought Twilight would be the perfect pony to show off ear piercings, especially multiple, and what better ear-rings for the Princess of Friendship than representations of all the Elements of Harmony's Cutie Marks?
Then again, if (who am I kidding, when) Twi and Dashie get serious maybe she'll want to keep the tattoo and just use an illusion to cover it during Princessy functions or something
The job of a good author is to show, not to tell. If you were expecting to have a walkthrough of every bit of their thought process from what you see in the show to this fic, then you're going to be sadly disappointed. The story works off a few assumptions you're supposed to conclude on your own; the stubbornness of both mares, a lot of repressed irritation on Twilight's part, and a way repressed attraction to Rainbow Dash that's influencing her without her being aware of it. She wants to do right by Rainbow, she's consciously thinking "I have to do this for Rainbow to make her fly right", but a part of her, deep down, wants to impress Rainbow as well. Not to mention, all of this is taking place over the course of a day, which means two things: 1, in universe, Twilight can brush it off as "Well, I'll fix it all tomorrow", which is a fantastic excuse to act out, and 2, out of universe, there's no time to build the foundation, so the author has to rely on an implied foundation.
So yeah, this story doesn't make much sense.
Wow, explaining that we be fun xD
Rarity: "Hello Rainbow, Twil-" Eyes growing big, mouth falling open. She faints.
Celestia: "Hello my stu- ... " She just stares. "You better explain this, or you'll land on the moon!"
Spike: " Hey Twi- WOAH! That's so cool, can I get that too?"
... the answer was no.
Well damn. Woke up at 5a.m. and was about to rollover to get some more sleep, then bam, new chapter. Twas good. Now, to go back to bed.
I hope she makes up with her friends after this. The thing with Pinkie Pie really got to me.
6762963 why shouldn't it try to make sense?
Why do I get the feeling that the midden is really going to hit the windmill when Celestial next sees her? There is a telling moment aproaching between damnation and true freedom: the revelation that despite having idolised the sun goddess for her entire life, the two of them are now Equals in all but personal perception. There is nothing Celestia can actually do save for being 'disappointed' at her ex-student's suddenly volatile personal exploration.
I wonder if Twilight ever had a rebellious streak as a teen? If not I'd say such boundary testing is long overdue.
Anyway, enough speculation. Didn't actually expect full-on clop in this story when I started reading, but I'm still intrested to see where narative is going.
6762941 its so goodvit doesn't need to make sense also author you better do a scean with celestial
6762974 if it doesn't make sense then it probably isn't that good tbh
6762985
If you have a specific question you're confused about I might be able to answer it.
need another where twi goes full goth
6762989 I'm not really confused, it's more that the characters barely resemble themselves and act cruelly and irrationally even beyond whatever bounds of plausibility the premise of the story might suggest. There's no suspension of disbelief when Twilight and Dash are both acting like shitheads just to win a bet, no matter what the prize may be. Really, they might as well be OCs.
6762941 Welcome to the internet. You must be new here.
6763017 Actually, my account's existed since 2012. I do appreciate the friendly, albeit belated welcome though.
6763009
Meh
To buy the story you have to accept what the characters motivations are. Twilight started this in order to try and teach Rainbow to take her responsibilities seriously. She sees this as a way to try and help Rainbow. Rainbow's motivation is simply to try and get Twilight to leave her alone. In doing so, she raised the stakes of the bet to make it more interesting. Whereas all Twilight wanted was for Rainbow to take things seriously, Rainbow changed it into her doing whatever Twilight wanted just to make it more interesting to her.
From there it snowballed, Rainbow thinking of the absolute worst things she could think of to get Twilight to quit, and Twilight taking out some repression she's felt over the years at her friends. Something nether of them had expected.
Well, I go off the theory that Twilight's never rebelled before, she's always done what she's told, followed the rules, etc... etc... So, as the day progressed, she started to like it, to enjoy the freedom. (I know, Twilight!? She'd never! Yep, and many a father has thought the same thing about their precious little angels. The characters are not one-note to me, I find the very concept of thinking they are rather boring.)
Rainbow's head was filled with thoughts of having to become a bookworm, something she's scared to death of. So the escalation progressed until this is where it ended up.
But if you believe that the characters would 'never' do something, then I understand why this wouldn't make any sense to you. But then again if that's your belief I question why you'd read a story titled 'Bad Girl Twilight'.
6763030 If that is the interpretation you're going for it should take more than 10k words to so drastically progress the characters. In like two or three chapters you've got Dash acting selfish enough to let Twilight fuck up her friendships and you've turned Twilight into some bizarre sex punk. You can't expect people to come to the same rationalizations you have when there's so little suggestion of it it in the story.
Asking people why they're reading a story once they've come out and criticised it doesn't help anyone, by the way.
6763026 Heh. On a more serious note, no a story does not strictly have to make sense. They usually do, but don't always. Often these stories involve time travel... so.
6763059
Generic critiques without specific questions or examples aren't helpful either. (It be like me saying that a lot of your comments didn't make sense but leaving out the reason why is because you either didn't capitalize at the beginning or put a period at the end.)
And everything I said was covered in the story (or implied/shown in canon). Yes I could re-write the exact same events in a fifty-thousand word story, and while that might satisfy you (or not, who knows) for others it'd be too long with too much detail.
6763072 I've articulated why I don't particularly like this story. I don't think I need to go and fish for quotes as if it were a high school essay and point out where, say, Dash and Twilight show no regard for Pinkie's feelings just because they're uncharacteristically selfish and consider a bet they made less than twenty-four hours before more important. Or point to places where the character progression gave me whiplash.
6763101
Yep,
absolutely no regard once so ever.
cdn-webimages.wimages.net/051b20de859997754263ee1dd45f83cea33a2b-wm.jpg
6763115 yes, I read that part. It was an exceedingly transparent excuse.
6763122
So your comment is really: So yeah, this story doesn't make much sense to me because I don't buy the reasons given.
6763128 Because it isn't rational reasoning. It's ridiculous to think that Twilight believes hurting people is a reasonable means to an end. I mean, why does teaching Rainbow a lesson necessitate that? Why does any of this actually happen in a world where Twilight and Dash even remotely resemble their canon selves?
6763149
Dash going to extremes due to her competitive nature and fear of having to become a bookworm. (Extreme competitive nature is canon the other implied)
And,
Twilight having anger issues and going full on rebel when she does experience her first taste of freedom. (Anger issues is canon, the other, again, 'daddy's little princess' syndrome. The tighter you hold the leash the harder the dog will yank when he does get a taste of freedom.)
If you think they were trying to hurt their friends, you weren't paying attention. When it did happen Rainbow even purposely avoided another direct confrontation with any of their friends. It only happened to Pinkie because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Twilight going off on her? Again, highly repressed mare with the freedom to vent her anger issues. And after it did, everything else the two did was no worse than playing pranks.
6763185
Not to the degree this story seems to take it to. Since when does canon imply she'd let her friends fuck up just to win a bet? And why is Dash afraid enough of books to let Twilight sabotage herself again and again when she's got a thing for Daring Do and even spends her time writing thinly-veiled fanfiction?
Plus, she's absolutely complicit in it by simply not walking away. The oh, I do wish Twilight would stop this stuff just seems like a token objection to prop up whatever seems to follow.
6763203 I'm not angry. I never really thought I gave that impression.
Anyway. I'm gonna stop now because I don't want to sit through a shitstorm on a story I really don't enjoy. Merry Christmas and all that.
I like this story. Really, I do. And I was really hoping there WOULDN'T be any clop in it.
I suppose I should have known better.
6763235 No, not a guilty conscience. I just thought the comment was largely directed at my comment chain and was surprised that you'd think I'd get worked up over gross mischaracterisation in a fanfiction.
6763213
Rainbow enjoying reading Daring Do =/= her wanting to read everything else. She couldn't even be bothered to read a book about the Wonderbolts. As far as to what degree I took her to? Well, that's the fun of writing fanfiction. Each writer takes their canon personalities and puts them into situations that the show would never touch, extrapolating how they'd respond to the given situation based on the writer's perspective. To each person whether or not the way they're displayed is realistic, well, that's on them.
Yeah, you obviously have a one-note view of the characters which seriously made me wonder why you'd read a story titled 'Bad Girl Twilight'. The story gave you exactly what it was titled. If you really didn't expect to see Twilight acting like a bad girl, well, it's your own problem.
6763234 I've noticed a few people say that. But it's from TwidashForever, it's tagged "mature" and tagged "sex." I'm not sure how many more warning signs there could be lol.
6763243 I'm just going to ignore that rather nasty conjecture about me not liking alternative interpretations of a character and leave.
Was going to comment but judging by the state of things doing so will drag me into an absolute bitch fest so I'll just move on.
6763248 Perhaps. Hope is a pesky little thing sometimes though. Some stories just have it as a precaution. I'd been hoping the whole sex shop thing would be the end of it. Again, I should have known better. It's my own fault.
guess what guys can't use the name firefly anymore
In regards to the shitstorm going on in the comments section here...
Merry Christmas, Twidashforever. Or Hanukkah. Or Ramadan. Or whatever you celebrate. I hope you're having a good day!
6763372
To you too.
minhou-tech.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/MerryChristmas.jpg
Tease her? She's gonna blow on it, she's gonna-HA! Called it. I'm so good at knowing what's going to hap- wait when did this become erotica?
Anybody else think that, although the tattoo is a bit much, she should totally keep the piercings after all is said and done? I've always thought Twilight would be the perfect pony to show off ear piercings, especially multiple, and what better ear-rings for the Princess of Friendship than representations of all the Elements of Harmony's Cutie Marks?
Then again, if (who am I kidding, when) Twi and Dashie get serious maybe she'll want to keep the tattoo and just use an illusion to cover it during Princessy functions or something
*mops forehead*
W-what was the bet again?
6763059
The job of a good author is to show, not to tell. If you were expecting to have a walkthrough of every bit of their thought process from what you see in the show to this fic, then you're going to be sadly disappointed. The story works off a few assumptions you're supposed to conclude on your own; the stubbornness of both mares, a lot of repressed irritation on Twilight's part, and a way repressed attraction to Rainbow Dash that's influencing her without her being aware of it. She wants to do right by Rainbow, she's consciously thinking "I have to do this for Rainbow to make her fly right", but a part of her, deep down, wants to impress Rainbow as well. Not to mention, all of this is taking place over the course of a day, which means two things: 1, in universe, Twilight can brush it off as "Well, I'll fix it all tomorrow", which is a fantastic excuse to act out, and 2, out of universe, there's no time to build the foundation, so the author has to rely on an implied foundation.
So yeah. That's my take.
This was awesome!
6763489
Uh....
Smoking hot lesbian porn
6763820
Best xmas present I can think of lol
All I can do now is clap for the author. Good job!!