As soon as Birthright returned to her Daddy’s manor, she rushed past all the servants, staff and guards, and headed straight for where the family living quarters were. She ignored the greeting her mother gave her, and jumped at her Daddy, tears streaming down her face as she nuzzled her face into his fur right after landing next to him.
“Daddy, I lost!” she blubbered. “We couldn’t ponify them, and they had machines and monsters that overwhelmed us! They cheated! They’re dirty, rotten cheaters, and their leader’s a bully, too! After we lost, he shapeshifted to look like me and called me names!”
Blueblood put a wing over his daughter to comfort her before saying, “There, there. Daddy’s right here, my little Princess. I’ve got the mirror right here, so you can tell both me and Great Aunty at the same time.”
Blueblood levitated his communication mirror over to Birthright, who sniffled and caught it in her own magical grip before saying, “Great Aunty? We need to talk to you.”
The mirror rippled into the face of Celestia, who was currently in her personal chambers, sitting at her desk and facing one of the many mirrors she had installed around the castle so she could communicate with Blueblood and his daughter.
“You’re talking to Aunt-in-law Queen Celestia?” Blueblood’s wife, Evening Grace, exclaimed. “Can I see, too? Please, darling?”
Evening Grace was the Governor of Australia turned into a newfoal. The majority of the Australian Government fled underground like the American one did, but Blueblood had promised her his love, even claiming that he could keep her from having to become a pony to escape death. She had fallen for him somehow in spite of the difference in races, so she took him to her bunker with her, where he potioned her while she slept. She’d been his ever since.
“Sorry, love, but this is government business,” Blueblood told her before turning to face the mirror.
“Ah, my dear nephew and great-niece,” Celestia said warmly, smiling at them both. “What do you need?”
“I failed you, Great Aunty!” Birthright whined, bursting into tears. “They were prepared for everything we tried! They say they’re immune to everything, they had soldiers with really thin armor that was almost impossible to penetrate and repaired itself once we managed to damage one of them, they had monsters they designed themselves as well as huge battle machines fighting for them, they claim to have evolved past human into ‘Proteans’, and they can shapeshift! The leader shifted into me after we lost and started mocking me and calling me names!”
“That’s a lot to take in all at once,” Blueblood noted. “Did you get all of that, Aunty?”
“I did,” Celestia replied with a nod. “Remember, dear nephew, I’ve been around for a very long time, so I learned how to digest information quickly a long time ago. Well, we’ll have to change tactics to deal with them. I’ve acquired a large amount of Alicorn Amulets, so for the next time we encounter them, we’ll outfit the unicorn troops with Amulets. You’ll get one as well, Birthright. I’ll also need you to come see me in Canterlot Palace so I can bestow on you the same gift I gave your father. We’ll make you a force to be reckoned with all by yourself. We’ll also outfit the pegasus and earth pony troops with better equipment so they can fight hard, too. With a legion of these special troops behind you after your ascension, they won’t stand a chance.”
“Thanks, Great Aunty,” Birthright said while wiping tears from her eyes. “We’ll show them.”
“Leave at least one alive,” Celestia added. “We’ll have to redesign the ponification potion to work on these ‘Proteans’, and to do that, we’ll need one for us to study.”
“Of course, Great Aunty,” Birthright said with a menacing grin. “I think I know exactly who I’ll bring back to study: ‘Chimeron Joe dan Bohr CI of the Proteocracy of Clericorum’ is what he called himself. He’s the leader. He’s the one who mocked me, and I want him to suffer.”
“Perfect, my dear great-niece,” Celestia said with a sneer of her own. “They’ll learn not to mock our power. We’ll take their precious star system, and you shall be its Governess!”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, Great Aunty!” Birthright squealed in delight, bouncing up and down in excitement. I’ll hurry to Canterlot right away!”
“Farewell, both of you,” Celestia said with a gentle smile. “I’ll be looking forward to seeing you soon, Birthright.”
With that, the mirror rippled back into a normal reflection. Birthright kissed her Daddy on the cheek, hugged her mother, then bolted out of the room straight for the portal room.
Back in the location where a small backwards town stood where the District of Columbia once had, the backup forces returned to the ships that carried them to Earth, and the emissaries exchanged glances, wondering what to do.
“Dr. Eureka?” the Chimeron said as he approached the scientist who had explained how the Clerisy were superior in genetics. “You’re the one who came to share the knowledge of how to become Proteans, correct?”
“That’s right,” Dr. Eureka replied. “I am Dr. Fleck M. Eureka, D.S.B., Clericorum’s greatest mind in the field of syncretic biology. Why?”
“Well, Dr. Eureka,” Joe began with a hand on the doctor’s shoulder, “We need your assistance in attempting to reverse what those ponies claim they’ve done to the population of Earth.”
“You mean to genetically reconstruct them into humans, don’t you?” Eureka guessed.
“Exactly,” the Chimeron confirmed with a nod. “For us to help them become Proteans, they’ll need to be returned to being human first, for the process to artificially evolve into Proteus Sapiens requires one to either be Homo Sapiens—human—or Formica Sapiens—klackon.”
“Well, if I had my staff with me and some equipment, we could make some progress on that,” Eureka sighed. “Here, I have neither.”
Thinking quickly, the Chimeron turned to his honor guard and addressed them.
“We’ll need three of you to secure one transformed human, each,” he explained. “By how the two ‘newfoals’ we saw acted in comparison to how the soldiers acted, It shouldn’t be too hard to figure out which ones aren’t supposed to be ponies. Bring me a unicorn, a pegasus, and one of the earth ponies. Remember: make sure none of them are actual ponies like that bratty princess and her troops.”
The singulons all replied with a chorus of “yes, sir!” before three of them hurried down the street, two of them quickly overtaking the unicorn and pegasus who had spoken with them before, and the third one heading even further, ducking into alleys to spy on every earth pony she saw until she finally heard a yellow male use the term “Queen Celestia” instead of “Princess Celestia.”
Jumping out of hiding, she tackled the ponified human to the ground, resulting in the man-turned-stallion calling for assistance, devoid of negative emotion, before the gravity manipulators in the suit’s right hand removed over 99% of the mass from it, leaving just enough for the task she required the suit to do.
She flicked the struggling newfoal in the forehead with her index finger, knocking him out cold from the force remaining. The suit’s gravity manipulators quickly readjusted to default settings, and she dashed back towards Spacecraft One, a group of ponies chasing her all the way there.
The emissaries were already on board, and the other two singulons who had been dispatched were carrying equally-comatose newfoals with slight bruises on their foreheads, just like her captive had.
“The Chimeron is already aboard,” one of her partners said, pointing at the mob chasing her with his left hand. “We’d better get aboard before they get here.”
All three nodded, and they bolted for the hatch, climbed inside, and the third member of their group shouted, “We got ’em! Close the hatch! Fast!”
“Calm your hypercoil, lady!” the captain snapped. “What’s the rush?”
“There’s an entire mob approaching, that’s what!” the singulon holding the yellow newfoal snapped. “If you don’t close the hatch now, we’ll be taking more than just these three back with us!”
“Fine! Fine!” the captain replied, slamming a button next to his chair, causing the hatch to start closing, then flipping a switch to make the hatch close a lot faster than normal, slamming shut right as a pegasus tried to fly through the little space remaining, resulting in them hitting it with a harmless thud.
The three singulons walked to Dr. Eureka in the medical bay and set the three unconscious newfoals down in front of his seat.
“Here are your patients, Doctor,” the one who set down the red unicorn chuckled through his mask. “Diagnosis: loss of humanity.”
“Oh, har har,” Eureka said as he pulled open a drawer and pulled out a Lorentz-Force Actuator Jet Injector (or a “LoFAJI” for short) and inserted a cartridge of mid-grade Level 2 Anesthetic Omniform Bacteria specifically designed to rewrite themselves after injection to generate chemicals that would best serve the purpose of consciously sedating any lifeform ranging in size from that of a large dog to the size of a large half-grown elephant, only ceasing to sedate when a deactivation serum was injected. “I’m a doctor of genetics, not a surgeon.”
As the ship took off, the three singulons took seats near the scientist and waited in silence.
“Wait, shouldn’t you guys be protecting the Chimeron?” Eureka inquired, confused. “Why are you sticking with me?”
“Even with a LoFAJI equipped with sedative bacteria, they may prove dangerous when they come to,” the woman who had carried the blue pegasus replied. “You may require assistance in containing them before you can sedate them.”
“Never mind that,” the man who had carried the red unicorn cut in. “Your name’s Fleck Eureka? What’s the reason for you being named after the brilliant, yet eccentric scientist who squeezed two very complicated technological advances into a single paragraph, and having a last name matching the fabled Eureka Institute, which we know is urban legend, by the way.”
“Ah, my name,” Eureka said awkwardly, “Well, I’m descended from Fleck on my mother’s side. He had a few children before the incident that made him crazy enough to step in front of a moving vehicle right after surviving an exploding complex to give us two remarkable advances.
“As for the Eureka Institute?” Dr. Eureka chuckled and shook his head. “You three are mistaken. The building was torn down once its purposes were fulfilled, but my grandfather and his siblings founded that shady institution under the direction of the previous Chimeron; Joe dan Bohr C. Built it right in Elder Lodge and filled it with the greatest minds of the time from all seven nations! Of course, Grandpa ordered some thugs to kidnap any scientist who wouldn’t come willingly. Or he had them bring the poor sobs in at gunpoint, all for the purpose of making everyone in our nation permanently more intelligent. Grandpa said how they did it is classified, but Dad says he’s convinced they altered the drinking water like the SITW project did to just Elder Lodge or they altered the genome of the entire Clerisy. As for myself? I don’t care how we got twice as smart as we were before. I just feel sorry for the poor sobs who Grandpa’s thugs brought in against their will. They probably would’ve still accomplished it without those who were forced to. It just would’ve taken longer.”
As the ship exited the EarthGate into the Lalande 21185 star system, the three newfoals started to stir. Dr. Eureka reached for his LoFAJI, but he was suddenly grabbed in a green aura, the red unicorn gazing at him with eyes of the same color.
“Wheea is we?” the woman-turned-mare asked in a disturbingly upbeat tone. “Dis isn’t New Hoofin’ton! Dis doesn’t look like anythin’ in New Equestria!”
The earth pony and pegasus were already pinned to the ground by two of the singulons, and the man who had captured the unicorn in the first place was now dealing with a hostage situation.
“Easy now,” he said calmingly, “We mean you no harm. This is Spacecraft One, Chimeron dan Bohr’s personal dropship. We just passed through the EarthGate and we’ve entered the Lalande 21185 star system, where we’re from. We want to help you, but the help we can provide you three couldn’t be provided on Earth because we didn’t have everything you need. Please, release Dr. Eureka. He’s a civilian. He can’t fight. He has no way of fighting. He has no training. You’re more dangerous than he is.”
“Ya’re takin’ us away from Queen Celestia?” the unicorn exclaimed, sounding almost sad. “How can ya possibly help us moe than she can?”
“If you release the Doctor, he’ll be able to explain it better, for he’s the expert on this subject,” the man replied. “Now, release him.”
“Fine,” the unicorn said, setting Dr. Eureka back in his chair and releasing him. “Now—”
The unicorn cut off as Eureka placed the LoFAJI to her neck and pushed a button. The device made a few thousand calculations in less than a picosecond, then injected a dose of the bacteria right through her skin without breaking it. She crumpled to the ground in seconds, still aware of her surroundings, unable to feel pain, still breathing, but unable to act except in response to stimuli such as light and speech.
“One down,” Eureka said before approaching the earth pony. “This is for your own good,” he added before placing the LoFAJI’s nozzle gently against the man-turned-stallion’s neck and pushing the same button again. After a few seconds, his body went limp, the singulon pinning him down released him, and Eureka approached the blue pegasus to complete the task, saying, “Two down.”
“Please, stop,” the newfoal requested without the slightest level of fear in his voice. “I just want to go home! I want to be back in New Hoofington, praising Queen Celestia while doing works in her name and having fun being a pony! Why are you doing this? Why won't you join us? We just want to save you!”
“That’s the control talking, you buffoon,” Eureka growled as he placed the LoFAJI to the final newfoal’s neck as the other two moved their eyes to watch helplessly. “The real you doesn’t want to be her puppet! He wants to be free, living the life he once had, which was stolen from him when he was transformed into what you are now.” Eureka pushed the button one last time, and the pegasus went limp as well, the bacteria inside him keeping him in a semi-conscious state with no end in sight until a deactivator serum could be injected.
“Thank you for your help, ladies and gent,” Eureka said, smiling warmly at the singulons. “As you can see, they are subdued now, so you can return to the Chimeron now.”
The three singulons nodded, then left the medical bay, leaving Dr. Eureka alone with his three “patients”.
After setting the three subdued brainwashed former humans on chairs opposite him, Eureka cleared his throat to get their attention, and all of them moved their eyes to focus on him as he sat down in a chair, himself.
“You three are about to be part of an experiment,” he informed them. All three shook with what almost seemed like fear, but wasn’t. It lasted a few seconds before the partial sedation caused the response to cease, and Eureka continued. “This experiment is meant to help you, not hurt you. The purpose of the experiment is to free the ‘real you’ imprisoned inside that brainwashed mind and transformed body.”
The three newfoals shook their heads weakly for a couple seconds, but they quickly stopped due to the injections’ effects.
“I’m sorry, but the human in each of you is imprisoned and chained by the body and brain you now have,” Eureka sighed. “A few thousand years ago, the Clerisy discovered Adaptive Eugenics: the application of biological and mechanical adaptations for the betterment of the human race—true eugenics, not the barbaric practices that tainted the word by trying to weed out those deemed a hindrance according to some uncivilized lout. Normally, the methods are voluntary, and even reversible if the offspring who inherit the adaptations disagree with their parents. But for you, it will be semi-permanent. It’d take another potion to turn you back into a pony. Through Gene Tailoring and the application of Heteromorphic RNA, we should be able to restore you to your former selves in body, and through applications of counters to Psionics—the manipulation of ‘psions’ that can be used for many things, including mind control—we should be able to break the hold on you and return to you the freedom you haven’t had for years.”
The ponified humans just stared blankly in disbelief. What he was proposing went against everything they desired. Why would they ever want to go back?
“Once your freedom is restored and you’re human again, we’ll let you tell us if it’s truly more fun to be a pony than it is to be who you really are,” Eureka finished. “If you choose to be ponies again, we’ll send you back to get transformed again, but only after a psychological evaluation, since coming out of bacterial sedation can leave one loopy for a while.”
“Oh, we’ve landed!” Dr. Eureka announced as he looked out a window to see Elder Lodge’s north docks come into view. “Don’t worry, once I’ve brought my own personal staff, we’ll take you to a hospital and get to work.”
Unable to protest beyond a weak, forced out “no,” the three newfoals could do nothing but sit there and exchange glances as the doctor left.
I have only one question really. The disappeared colonists.....they modified themselves genetically and made a new species of humans? That's...pretty cool actually. Somewhat hard to wrap my head around....but cool nevertheless.
6711574 I wish I could take credit for the idea, but I can't. It's all thanks to the genius of Sid Meier and whoever the guys are that made Master of Orion working together to make a crossover masterpiece between the two games. Most who play the Scifi mode never realize that the non-humans are klackons from Master of Orion because the Civilopedia has the humans call them non-humans and whenever the Civilopedia is written from the klackon point of view, they cleverly avoid ever mentioning Kholdan by name, or even naming their own race. It's thanks to others that I found out, because they looked at the game.txt file for Scifi mode and found that it mentioned Master of Orion and its copyright, then realized that there's only one race of bug people in MoO: the klackons.
Anyway, if the Proteans ever appeared in Master of Orion, they'd make the game extremely unfair, because the human empire and the klackon empire are the two easiest empires to use to beat the game. Having the advantages of both would just be totally unfair. But here we have the Proteans who are a combination of both, making them incredibly cheap by the standards of Master of Orion, but only made fair because every nation (except the Barbarians, but they're not a real nation) can become Proteans by gaining the technology for it, evening the playing field.
(Ironically, though, the klackons never invented the wheel on Kholdan. They only discover the idea of "circular supports" from observing the human colonists. They used a sledge system back on Kholdan, and the klackons are actually very surprised they never thought of such a simple thing as "circular supports", because to them, it seems like something that any race would naturally develop in the very early stages of establishing a civilized society.)
Hmm... Pretty good.
The grammar is solid and the prose and pacing is good as well.
My biggest suggestion is to describe what the aliens look like. I had to go to a separate resource to find out what a Klackon is -- and that breaks my flow in reading the story.
Finally, most science fiction authors capitalize the names of sapient species but that's just a personal preference thing.
6712668 Huh. I thought I'd given a brief description of klackons in chapter 1. (Didn't I say that they were ant-like humanoids or something near the very beginning?) As for why I don't capitalize "klackon"... Have you ever seen anyone capitalize "human"? Even in science fiction? The term "human" isn't capitalized anywhere in the Civilopedia, so I decided to treat the term "klackon" the same, since the Civilopedia never directly says they're klackons (but for anyone who's played Master of Orion and read the game.txt file for Scifi mode, it's freaking obvious). I only capitalize "Protean" because the Civilopedia capitalizes it every time it uses the term, mainly to differentiate its use as a noun from its real life use as an adjective.
6712668 Double-checked Chapter 1, and I did indeed give a description of them: "ant-like humanoids who called themselves 'klackons'". There's not much else I can think of to describe them as a whole, but I can describe an individual klackon quite well to set them apart from the others. I'll start doing that when klackons actually get a role (or at least, Proteans of klackon descent. They'll usually have default forms resembling their ancestors, just as the Proteans of human descent generally have a human default appearance).
6712717, actually, yes I have.
David Weber does so.
6712868 Huh. Well, I've never seen anyone do it, and Sid doesn't in Scifi mode, so I thought it'd be weird to capitalize "klackon" but not "human". I wanted to try to follow the Civilopedia as much as I can.
I'm sorry, but after reading this story's first chapter, it is not in line with what we are accepting in the Conversion Bureau group at this time, so it has been removed.
6713407 *sigh* Very well. Have it your way.
6713407 Still, you should've at least read all three chapters instead of just judging it on the first. That's incredibly unfair, uninformed, and biased.
6713492 As a matter of fact, I did, on the off-chance hope that the story wouldn't go the curb-stomp route, or continue with the mindless newfoals, or the overplayed Tyrant Celestia. Sadly, they only reinforced my decision. Now, because I strongly dislike it when it happens in mine, I'm done with the discussion in your story's comments, as it has nothing to do with the story.
Can someone GIVE me a image from protheans
6715744 Hard to give an image of what a Protean looks like. They normally look just like a human or klackon (which in turn looks like an ant person), but they can take any form they want (with some limitations). So, it all depends on what they want to look like, really.
EDIT: simply put, a Protean's default form depends on the forms of their parents at the time of conception. (Unless they were artificially evolved into one, not born one. In that case, their default form is whatever they looked like before the "DNA upgrade".) Generally, Proteans try to keep their children resembling themselves and their ancestors, so it's not very common for the default form for a Protean to look like something that is neither human nor klackon. Generally, their external anatomy is exactly the same as a human being or a klackon, and the only true difference is at the cellular level.
6715744 Dunno, but i've been imagining them as the Protheans from Mass Effect
Found this story linked from... somewhere. A couple chapters in... Oh god the exposition. Really bad. Nobody talks like that. And the public mocking of birthright kinda made their leader sound like a child, himself. Like the pot calling the kettle black.
I don't think I can keep going. This is reading more like a textbook than a story. Their conversations... Well, to put it plainly, as if someone asked what I was doing right now:
Why I'm using my wireless personal communication and digital data assistant, or phone for short, to communicate on a global Transmission Control Protocol and Internet Protocol(TCP/IP) system using an enhanced forth generation signaling system. It was developed and expanded on over the latter half of the 20th century originally as a method of military communications in case of general communications failure, and evolved and expanded into the primary general civilian communications infrastructure, to the exclusion of all other inferior technologies. It can be used as a hub of shopping, culture, and entertainment as well as learning and point to point audio or video communications.
7549418 Well, how would you explain all these things, then? I have to explain them somehow. Most of my readers have never heard of any of these concepts. I'm sorry I didn't write in a way that presumed everyone knew the material. But you know what? If you don't like it, you're free to leave. I ask for constructive criticism. You didn't tell me how you'd do it at all. You just whined about how you don't like the way I wrote it. How about you tell me how you'd get all that info across fast? And if you won't (not "can't", for I know you can. There's obviously a different way you'd have done it.), then just shut your trap. Nobody likes a whiner. Either tell me how to improve when you give criticism or keep your complaints to yourself. Your choice. I've had enough with people who criticize without giving any advice. I won't tolerate whining anymore.