What could go wrong?

by TheOctoWriter

Chapter 7.5- An average day in Ponyville.

A couple of weeks had passed since Discord was defeated.

Thomas was happy.

He had everything a bear on another planet could want.

A house made of tree, a special friend, and no taxes.

Since he was a new resident, Thomas decided to explore the town marketplace

Thomas was just about to purchase some oats when a mint green unicorn bumped into him.

"Sorry about that" The pony said as it rubbed it's sore nose.

"It's cool. I'm Thomas by the way." Thomas said as he offered a paw.

"Lyra." She replied.

As she looked up she was blown away by what she saw.

He was certainly different but not at all terrible looking.

In fact, Lyra found him attractive.

She decided that now would be the best time to flirt.

"So, you free today handsome?" Lyra said.

"No." Thomas replied bluntly.

"Oh."

[censored] it. I'll just be direct. She told herself.

"Thomas."

"Yeah?" Thomas replied, preoccupied by a hole in the ground.

"I like you." Lyra said.

OH HOLY [Censored] Balls I DID IT! Lyra excitedly declared to herself.

"Um..."

"That's nice." Thomas said, slowly backing away.

"That's nice?!" Lyra said angrily as she stomped forward.

"I worked up all that nerve to say that and this is how you respond!"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch. Geez."

"WE DON'T WEAR CLOTHES!"

"ARGHHH!" Lyra screamed as she started punching Thomas down there...

"OW!" Thomas said, as his family jewels were assaulted by cylindrical pony hooves.

"Back off!" Thomas said, as he smacked Lyra away.

As Thomas tried to apologize something strange happened.

Lyra started twitching on the ground uncontrollably.

"Lyra, you alright?" Thomas asked, somewhat concerned.

"FEED!" Lyra said, as she tackled Thomas to the ground and bit him on the [censored].

"What the [censored] Lyra that h-"

"You know, that doesn't feel too bad." Thomas said, as he chuckled at the insanity of the current situation.

"It kinda feels nice."

"Like a gentle summer breeze."

However, Lyra started to chomp.

"Ok, now it's starting to sting."

5 minutes later...

"Okay crazy vampire pony. off you go." Thomas said as he pushed Lyra off him.

"I hope this doesn't stain my fur." Thomas said, looking down at the pool of red on the ground.

Thomas touched the two small bite marks on his neck.

"I hope I get awesome vambear powers!" Thomas exclaimed, excited at the possibility of becoming immortal.

As Thomas waited patiently for his new powers, he started to notice that his other senses became sharper.

Now Thomas could hear a hoofstep from hundreds of miles away.

He could see the individual specks of dust in a dust bunny.

And he could lift up three grown stallions at once, two more than he could without powers!

Thomas would have been happy, but his powers still haven't.

The sun had already set, so Thomas was just sitting out here all alone.

He was still confused as to why his powers haven't activated.

"I'll figure it out tomorrow." Thomas said as the master procrastinator climbed into bed to rest.

Tuesday...

"Cock a doodle doo!" A rooster crowed.

"Cock a doodle-"

"OK! STOP BEING SO [censored] LOUD!"

I yelled in frustration as I choked the rooster.

Thomas woke up and yawned.

"Ah! Good morning Twilight." Thomas said happily as he turned to his side.

"Twilight?" Thomas asked, noticing that she wasn't in bed.

That's strange. Thomas thought as he got out of bed.

Maybe she went outside for a morning trot.

He walked downstairs and continued to call out to his missing friend.

Thomas found a note at the bottom of the stairs.

I went out to snag some [censored] for our date tonight.

I'll be back soon.

P.S [censored] all of my tight wet orifices, k?

Love,

Twilight

"What the [censored]?" Thomas said, surprised at Twilight's un-ponylike word choice.

Something was definitely wrong.

Thomas made sure his paws were sharpened then went outside.

"Hello sun!" Thomas said excitedly.

Focus! Thomas reminded himself.

What a mistake that was.

Thomas saw something that no bear on a pony planet should witness.

The streets were littered with corpses.

Their innards tainted the once clean ground.

Corpses of baked potatoes.

"Nooooo!" Thomas cried out in anguish.

"They were so young!"

"Only little buds!"

Lyra came up to Thomas.

She was nervous.

But gathered up her courage.

Today's the day. Lyra reassured herself.

"Hey good looking! What's-"

"Wahhhh!" Thomas said, his sobs penetrating the quiet atmosphere.

"Oh no! What's wrong?" Lyra asked, as she came up to Thomas.

"P- P- P!" Thomas sputtered.

"Pony?" Lyra inquired.

"Plant?" Lyra asked, taking a second guess.

"[Censored]?" Lyra questioned, her eyes bugging out at the thought.

"POTATO!" Thomas yelled, as his sobs grew louder.

"Oh good! Thank Celestia it's not [censored]." Lyra said, sighing with relief.

Thomas still wouldn't stop crying.

In fact, what Lyra said made Thomas cry even more.

Lyra quickly tried to calm him down.

"But Thomas! Those potatoes are happier now." Lyra said, putting a big smile on her face.

"R-really?" Thomas asked, as he stopped crying.

"Yup! They'll be happy in everypony's stomachs!" Lyra said happily.

"Hooray!" Thomas said, as he started smiling.

"So why are you here Lyra?" Thomas asked.

"O- oh. I'm here because-"

"Hello Thomas." An unknown pink pony with purple hair said as she approached Thomas.

"Who are you?" Thomas asked, wondering why ponies kept getting into his personal space.

"And how the [censored] do you know my name?" Thomas asked, feeling uneasy.

"Oh come on.... the first talking bear to pop up in Equestria and I don't know about it?"

"I'm not a fool..." The pony scoffed.

"I know about everypony."

"Besides, it not like I would even treat any pony unfairly." The mystery pony said as lighting crackled behind her.

It was strange because it was a perfectly sunny day.

Unless Celestia didn't do her job.

Well, it's not like she even does.

"Hey [censored] face! I HEARD THAT!"

"Shhh, just accept you'll be worse princess."

"[censored] you."

"Hahaha, that would hurt if I had feelings."

"But I'm just a figment of your crazed imagination."

"Starlight Glimmer? Is that you?" Lyra questioned, a puzzled look crossing her face.

"Is it too much for your big brain to handle?" Starlight asked, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"Well it kinda is." Lyra said, her face scrunching up in confusion.

"You disappeared."

"But now you're back with an entourage of evil lighting clouds at your disposal!"

"Of course I'm confused!"

"Aren't you Thomas?" Lyra asked.

Now she and Starlight stared at Thomas waiting for his response.

"Uhhh..." Was all Thomas could say at the moment.

"See?!" Lyra said, as she pointed a hoof at Thomas.

Starlight facehoofed.

"Idiots." Starlight muttered.

"HEY!" Lyra and Thomas protested.

"Nevermind that."

"Although, his fur is well groomed."

"And those paws could help me relieve some tension."

"Mmmhm." Starlight said, licking her lips.

Another part of her was wet as well.

"What are you talking about?" Thomas asked, looking confused.

"Oh... nothing."

"I want you to enter me."

"Enter you...?" Thomas inquired.

What the [censored] is this crazy [censored] talking about? Thomas wondered.

"Excuse me? Can you repeat that?" Thomas asked, worried that he wasn't hearing correctly.

"I want to have your kids." Starlight said, rather nonchalant.

"Oh." Thomas said with realization.

"W- W- WHAT?!" Lyra and Thomas yelled, their faces flushing red like tomatoes.

"H- HAVE MY KIDS ARE YOU CRAZY?" Thomas asked.

"No." Starlight said.

"Let me rephrase that."

"I WANT YOU TO RUT ME SENSELESS."

"STARLIGHT YOU CAN'T JUST THAT!"

"WHY NOT?"

"Well... there needs to be an order for these things."

"Hey, I'm just trying to give equalopportunity for all species in Equestria to be inside me."

"Even Timberwolfs?!" Lyra asked, her face contorting in shock.

"[Censored] no!"

"They're too big."

"S-so you've done it with everypony?" Thomas asked, scared of the upcoming answer.

"Why yes. I've done the sideways tango with everypony."

"Even Granny Smith?" Lyra asked, trying not to gag.

"Yes. She was quite soft."

"Uhhh..." Thomas said as he clutched his stomach.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Hey, don't look at me. I'm already green."

"Well Thomas, I'm waiting." Starlight said.

Lyra started nervously chewing on her left hoof.

She enjoyed it.

It's texture was similar to a marshmallow.

"The answer is no Starlight." Thomas responded.

"There was one thing my dad taught me."

"That is... never stick your pinecone bopper in crazy."

"Yeah Starlight! So leave Thomas alone." Lyra said, sticking her tongue out at Starlight.

"Why you little piece of [censored]!" Starlight yelled, her face turning red.

"Oh..." Starlight said, as her face scrunched up in calm realization.

"I see what's going on here."

"What?" Lyra asked.

"You like him." Starlight stated casually.

"WHAT?"

"I DON'T!"

"AH HA!"

"YES YOU DO!"

"NO I DON'T"

"YES YOU DO! YOU CAN DENY ALL YOU WANT BUT WE CAN ALL SEE IT WRITTEN ON YOUR FACE!"

"Um... I can't." Thomas said.

"Shut up Thomas! I'm trying to help you!" They both said.

"No seriously... I don't see it."

Suddenly, as if Celestia herself used her magical powers of sunshine, they stopped.

"Well, you do have a point there." They both said simultaneously.

"So, how should we settle this?" Lyra asked.

"Why don't we let Thomas choose?" Starlight inquired.

"Uh... what?" Thomas said in confusion.

"Wait ladies, I don't think-"

But they didn't listen.

Starlight wiggled her butt and came closer to Thomas.

Lyra growled in anger and shouted.

"YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S PACKING JUNK IN THE TRUCK?!"

She said as she tried to wiggle her booty seductively as well.

Unfortunately Lyra didn't have enough booty to wiggle.

Then Starlight stepped up her game and started to have [censored] dry sexy times.

"Thomas, I'm doing this so you have equal opportunity with me."

"Besides, I'm just doing my civil duty as a master SJW."

"SJW?" Thomas asked.

"Social Justice Warlord sweetie." Starlight said as she proceeded to kiss Thomas.

Lyra started yelling.

"WHAT THE [censored] Starlight?!!"

"What?" Starlight asked, with a rather smug tone.

"You're just jealous I'm better at this." Starlight declared, as she flashed a evil grin.

Lyra scowled and responded "Oh yeah? Well, you're mean and Thomas doesn't like mean ponies!"

"Is that really the best you could come up with?"

"You're just angry because I'm about to win."

"N-no."

"Thomas would never let that happen." Lyra said, sounding unsure.

"You're wrong!" Lyra yelled out in anger.

"So Thomas how's does it feel?"

"Good huh?" Starlight said as she continued to grind against him.

"Ha. Look at him. I'm so good he's speechless."

Thomas's expression changed.

His shocked face quickly turned into a an angry one.

"Starlight..." Thomas growled.

"Apologize to Lyra."

"W-what's wrong Thomas?" Starlight asked, sounding a little nervous.

"Just apologize."

"But why, she's not good enough to be with you."

"See?"

Lyra sit on the ground with a sad look of defeat.

"Pathetic."

"The poor wretch can't even take a bit of criticism."

Thomas did something that surprised him.

He smacked her so hard she went careering into the side of Sugarcube Corner.

"Oops, I guess I let her taste too much of my pimp paw."

"Gotta remember to dial it back a little in the future." Thomas said in reflection.

"You okay Lyra?" Thomas asked as he crawled over to where she was

"Thanks Thomas, but did you really have to smack her?"

"I didn't mean to hit her that hard I swear!" Thomas said.

"Alright, I believe you." Lyra said in a teasing tone.

"I didn't mean it!" Honest!" Thomas said, whining a little.

Lyra just laughed.

Suddenly Lyra grabbed Thomas and kissed him.

While a bit unusual, Thomas rolled with it.

When Lyra finally let go, Thomas was amused.

"Isn't a kiss a little too much?" He said.

"I was only giving Starlight the paw for all bad behavior."

"Lyra?" Thomas asked, somewhat confused that she wasn't responding.

Then Thomas saw it.

Her eyes.

She had this glassy look in her eyes.

"You okay there?" Thomas said, getting worried.

Lyra's only response was to get dangerously close to his legs.

"UM LYRA?!" Thomas yelled in a panic.

She just inched closer and closer to his no no spot.

"STOP!" He yelled.

"WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL YET."

"[censored]."

"I WANT YOUR [CENSORED]!" Lyra shouted.

"WHAT THE [CENSORED] LYRA!" Thomas yelled as he made a run for it.

Something was definitely off.

Everywhere he turned there was a group of mares with the same glassy eyed stare.

"WHAT THE [CENSORED] IS GOING ON?!" Thomas yelled as he tried to find a safe haven.

Luckily, some other males spotted him and signaled for him to hide with them.

There was one small problem.

They were at Cloudsdale.

"How in the name of Celestia's flank am I suppose to get up there." Thomas asked, confused.

Some pergasi hoisted Thomas up.

And amazingly, Thomas only fell a couple times.

Thomas made his way to the center of the group.

"Big Mac?"

"What are you doing here?" Thomas asked.

"Wait..."

"You stallions are all hiding from the mares too?" Thomas inquired.

They all nodded their heads vigorously.

"Hey dudes!"

"Why don't we just sacrifice Thomas?" One surfer pony suggested.

There was a surprising number of hushed yeses and agreement.

"What?" Thomas said, getting even more confused.

"WHAT?!" Thomas yelled, as he realized what they were about to do.

Chanting of "Throw the bear! Throw the bear!" was heard as Thomas was hurled off of Cloudsdale.

However, the stallions weren't cruel and made sure that Thomas got to the ground safety.

But they still left him stranded with a bunch of crazed [censored] hungry mares.

"Jerks." Thomas muttered as he saw them fly away.

"There he is!" Roseluck shouted as she spotted Thomas.

"Oh [censored]!" Thomas yelled as he started to run away again.

Why is this happening?! Thomas said as he ran.

Just when Thomas thought he was done for, something saved him.

However, it wasn't someone he wanted.

"Discord?!" Thomas said, shocked that he was the one who saved him.

"Surprise!" Discord yelled out as he grinned widely.

"Why save me?" Thomas asked.

"It wouldn't be fun if you would have gotten swarmed so soon." Discord said, his voice taking on a evil tone.

"You were behind this?!" Thomas said, his confusion dissolving to form anger.

"Ding ding ding." Discord said.

"Toke you long enough." He said, heavy sarcasm outlining his voice.

"But enough talk."

"I want to see you fear for your life again."

"That sense of fear you had was positively delightful for me."

Thomas was flung directly at the mob of ravenous mares.

Octavia somehow managed to grab him first and started trying to ravage him.

Right when she was about to stick the landing...

Thomas woke up screaming like a lunatic.

"AHHH! [CENSORED]!"

"What's wrong?" A feminine voice asked him.

"Mom, is that you?" Thomas said as he realized he was back in his parent's house.

"Yes sweetie, it was just a nightmare." Thomas's mother said.

"But this doesn't make sense!"

"I've already moved out!"

"This isn't real!"

"Oh my, are you coming down with a fever?" Thomas's mother asked as she checked his temperature.

"No mom." Thomas said as he brushed his mother's hand away.

"Tell me what happened then." Thomas's mother said, her face taking on a curious expression.

"Okay, I was running away from mares that were sent after me by a god of chaos. And it felt so real."

"Mares?"

"God of chaos?"

"My, what a active imagination you have son." Thomas's mother said, chuckling at her son's delusions.

"This god..." Thomas's mother said.

"Did he look something like this?!" Thomas's mother said as she morphed into Discord.

Discord grabbed Thomas and was about to eat him when...

"[Censored]!" Thomas yelled as he woke up in the Golden Oak Library.

"Oh... what a nightmare." Thomas said as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Are you sure about that?" Twilight questioned, her eyes narrowing with strange amusement.

"What you do-" Thomas begun to say but was interrupted.

"Did he look something like this?" She said as she literally broke herself off into tiny pieces.

Suddenly, the pieces reassembled to form a giant head of Discord that roared at Thomas.

"NO!" Thomas yelled as he once again woke up in his bed at the Golden Oak Library.

"Put the hayseeds in my Spike please." Twilight drowsily said before falling back to sleep.

Thomas let out a big sigh of relief.

He was finally back in the real world.

Thank Celestia, it's over. Thomas thought to himself.

What Thomas didn't know was that a certain god of chaos was watching him very closely.

"Heheheh Thomas. First I'll break your mind, then I'll destroy your body." Discord said, his face contorted into a unfitting goofy smile.

"Perhaps I should destroy him in front of those he loves."

"Nah... too cliche."

Discord thought about this problem.

"How should I kill a talking bear?"

He racked his brain for the answer, but none came.

"Well, there's always the brutal and direct method." Discord said as he prepared some bacon wrapped hotdogs.

Deep down in his gut, Discord knew that this plan would fail.

He recalled that a certain princess had ruined his day.

HIS.

"No royalty. No protection."

"See you soon Thomas." Discord said as he laughed diabolically.