> What could go wrong? > by TheOctoWriter > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1- This day just got a whole lot weirder. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thomas woke up and stretched. "Ahh! Another beautiful day in Wyoming!" He said as he saw the sun poking its head out. Its bright rays greeted him to a beautiful Monday. Thomas started getting ready to go to work. He brushed the fur on his head. Brushed his teeth. And made sure that his suit was free of wrinkles. Then Thomas crawled out of his cave home. "Hey Tom!" Frank said. Frank was Tom's best friend. Well his only friend. He was a medium sized bear with a mohawk. He also had some tattoos, mostly of various types of leaves that he liked. Rather intimidating at first but a friendly bear once you got to know him. Thomas didn't really make any friends at the workplace. He preferred to focus on his work. "Oh hey Frank, how have you been?" "Good, you heading to work?" "Yeah, I gotta take care of some squirrels that are bothering the boss." "Good luck! Nasty little critters..." Frank said. "See ya frank." Thomas said as he continued to head to work. Thomas made it to his workplace in 25 minutes. "Hey Tom, I need you to get rid of those Squirrels by the afternoon!" Thomas's boss Delone yelled. Thomas's boss was a old grizzled bear, claimed he had fought in some forest wars. Thomas used to grab some fish with him when he had the time. "On it boss!" Thomas said as went outside his workplace to scare off the squirrels. Thomas roared and jumped at them. The squirrels scattered. All except for one. This squirrel was Archie. Shady type of squirrel, rumors had it that he ran some type of gang. The bird cops found that he was selling drugs too. No animal wanted to screw him over. "Thomas..." The head squirrel gang leader said casually. "Archie, cut the niceties. I want your crew to lay off of Delone." Thomas said curtly. "Alright Thomas, I'll do this favor for you." Archie said "But you owe me Thomas, you better pay up, or else someone's losing a paw. You got me?" Thomas flinched slightly at the thought. "Yeah, Archie. I got you." "Good." The gang leader then disappeared into the greenery. Thomas went back to his boss. "I took care of the squirrels boss. They won't be bothering you anymore." "Good job Thomas! I knew I could count on you." Thomas got started on the stack of paperwork he was suppose to do. "Thomas." Delone said. "Yes boss?" Thomas asked. "Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" "Boss?" Thomas asked confused. "You helped me deal with those annoying squirrels earlier, so I feel this is a proper reward." "Thanks boss!" Thomas said happily. Thomas left his workplace and went home. He decided that since he had nothing else to do, may as well sleep. Thomas had woken up from a bad dream in a cold sweat. That was a weird dream, I was trapped in a hospital in another world Thomas thought. Thomas started laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. "Doctor! He's waking up!" A pony nurse said. Thomas just stared at her. And stared. And kept staring until the doctor came up to him and asked him if he was okay. "Talking horses... What the [Censored]!" Then he fainted. How could this all go wrong? Thomas thought. Then he remembered what brought him here. Discord! I'm gonna [Censored] him! Thomas thought. Flashback- Monday night. "Ahh! That was some good fish!" Thomas said as he rubbed his belly. Of course, it sounded more like "Arghhgghghg..." to any human ear listening. After Thomas ate his fill, he decided to explore. However, as Thomas neared a recent unexplored cave. Something incredible happened. A strange creature with the body of what appeared to be a Dragon, the talons of a Griffon. and the leg of a Dragon and Minotaur appeared in a flash of light. The one thing Thomas noticed immediately was those red eyes that stared into his very soul. "Hello! My friend! Wouldn't you like to go on a magical adventure in another world?." Discord said, while juggling nine chainsaws, a rhino, and 20 scorpions that were on fire. "Um, no... what are you?" "Who are you?" "How can you understand me?" "Bah! You ask too many questions my fur covered friend... don't you wanna leave this world?" "No." Thomas said firmly. "But why not? What's so great here that would make you want to stay?" "I got a house, food, and don't have to pay animal taxes." "Hmph. You're no fun." Discord said with annoyance. Then Discord snapped his fingers. Wyoming disappeared in an instant. Thomas then noticed they were transported to some type of white space. "Where are we?!" Thomas said. "What's going on?!!" He said in a more panicky voice. "Relax. It's just a pocket dimension." "Pocket dimension?" "Yes." Discord then made the motion of grabbing and tearing it. Thomas was confused at first, but then he realized that Discord had tore a hole through the dimension. Without waiting for Thomas to even complain or protest Discord told him "You're going there." Discord pointed to the dimensional tear. Thomas took a closer look, And noticed some ponies. It was strange seeing them walk around and have a functioning society. But then again, Thomas was a talking bear. "No way man, err weird dragon dude." "I'm wanna go back to Wyoming." "Too bad, so sad..." Discord said with mock sympathy. "Why are you-" Thomas didn't even get to finish his sentence as he was lifted up with Discord's magic. "Land on the trees, they hurt less than the ground. you dip[Censored]." Discord said with a evil smile. "Wait. why are you-" "Ahhh! What the [Censored]?!" Thomas cried out as Discord flung him into the dimensional tear. > Chapter 2- Talking horses are real?! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thomas has fainted again... He wasn't known for being a brave bear. But this was just embarrassing. Not like the ponies would hurt him, would they? He woke up again. "Ughhh..." Thomas said while rubbing his head. He realized that he was still in Ponyville General. Thomas was trying very hard to accept this. You could tell because he started sweating buckets. "So, how are you feeling sir?" Doctor Redline asked. "You talk." Thomas said stunned. "Why yes, that is how ponies communicate with one another." "This is unbelievable." Thomas said with a sigh. "Why is that?" Doctor Redline questioned. "I've woken up in a hospital with talking horses." Thomas said. "Ponies sir, we're ponies." Doctor Redline said, sounding slightly annoyed. "Oh, my bad." Thomas said with a embarrassed laugh. "It's okay. Not every day this hospital gets a patient as strange as you either." Doctor Redline said. "Why's that?" Thomas asked. "You talk." Doctor Redline replied. "What's so strange about that?" Thomas asked slightly hurt. "Bears don't talk in our world." Doctor Redline answered sternly. "Nooooooo!" Thomas yelled out in grief. "I'm getting out of here." Thomas said with determination. "But you haven't filled out your medical records... we don't even know who you are." Doctor Redline replied. "I'm Thomas." Thomas quickly said. "Nice to meet you Thomas, I'm Doctor Redline." Doctor Redline said. "Doctor?" Thomas asked. "Yes Thomas, what do you need?" "Can I go now?" Thomas asked bluntly. "No." Doctor Redline said. "But why?" Thomas whined. "You need to rest. we found you unconscious with three broken ribs." Doctor Redline explained. "Ha ha! Wait... did you say three broken ribs?" Thomas asked with worry. "Yes I did." Doctor Redline said with a smirk. Thomas tried to sit up. "Ow! Ow! Pain!" Thomas said. "Told you so." Doctor Redline said. "Fine... I'll stay in this horse hospital." Thomas grumbled. "We're ponies!" Doctor Redline said as he left the room. Three weeks later. Thomas's first friend was a Pegasus named Swift. Yeah... that's it. Thomas was a little suspicious of this one because he wouldn't even tell him his last name. "Say Swift?" Thomas said. "Yeah Tom?" Swift asked. "What's your last name?" Thomas asked. "Ughhh.... dude." Swift said facehoofing. "I've told you like a hundred times already how do you keep forgetting?" "I dunno." "Exactly." "It's Landing." "Landing?" Thomas said. "Yeah." Swift said. Thomas tried not to pee himself laughing at the name. "Hahaha! Swift Landing!" Thomas said laughing loudly. "Oh yeah?! Well... you don't even have a last name!" Swift said. "I don't..." Thomas said sadly. "Holy sweet celestia on a stick, you don't?!" Swift asked shocked. "No... don't remember my parents giving me one." "I'm sorry dude. I didn't mean-" "Got ya. It's Barington." Thomas said with a smile. "Haha!, yeah dude you got me." Swift said with a laugh. "I'm gonna go grab some grub wanna join me?" Thomas asked. "Sorry dude, but I gotta go back to my room, doctors don't like me flying around with one broken wing." "Alright dude see ya." Thomas said as he waved. "Bye dude." Swift said as he flew back to his room. Thomas went into the cafeteria. He found another one of his friends there. He decide to join him for lunch. "Hey Flashlight! What's up?" Thomas asked as he sit down. "Oh hey Thomas! How you been bro?!" Flashlight yelled Flashlight was one of Thomas's friends in the hospital. He was a light gray unicorn, with a giant orange afro. and a golf ball cutie mark. He looked a bit odd. But overall he was nice, if a little bit too excited at times. "I've been good Flash." Thomas said. "That's good man." Flash said. "Say Tom..." Flash began. "Yeah Flash?" Tom said. "Don't drink the yellow snow!" Flash yelled in a panic. "Umm... dude. You ok?" Thomas asked concerned. "Don't do it man! It's poison!" Flash said as he started foaming at the mouth. "Don't worry bro! I'll get help!" Thomas said. Thomas ran out of the cafeteria into the hallway. "HELP! SOMEPONY HELP FLASHLIGH!" Thomas yelled. Doctors and nurses ran into the cafeteria and sedated Flashlight. The last thing Thomas heard from him was something about not eating the Rainbow colored mushrooms. Later that night. Thomas was woken up by some thumping sounds. "Hey Swift is that you?" Thomas called out into the dark. Thomas got up and started walking down the hall. He saw a lone figure standing there. "Hey dude, can you keep it down I'm trying to-" Thomas's words died in his throat as the pony turned it's head 180 degrees and faced him. "What the [Censored] are you?!" Thomas yelled. "Oh... you really don't recognize me?" The mystery pony asked. "Maybe it's this form." Suddenly the being turned into a very familiar combination of animals. "Discord." Thomas said with shock. "Ding ding ding! A winner is you!" Discord said happily. "So you really wanna get out of here don't you?" Discord said as he wrapped himself around Thomas. "N..No. I don't." Thomas said afraid of what discord would do. Thomas could feel that he was going to lose control of his bowels if Discord didn't let go soon. "Please let go..." Thomas said weakly. "Why should I?" Discord asked. "If you don't I'm gonna make a mess on you." Thomas said. "Oh... how marvelous! I gotta get some popcorn for this." Discord said. "Or maybe some laughy chews." Discord said pondering which one he should get to eat and watch Thomas suffer. Thomas took this opportunity of distraction to carefully try to slip away. He had just dropped to the ground when Discord looked down and noticed him trying to escape. "No running in the halls." Discord said as he lifted a running Thomas with his magic. "LET ME GO!" Thomas yelled. All the commotion caused all the hospital staff to slowly gather around and demand that Discord release Thomas. "Let's go somewhere a little more private hmm." Discord said as he teleported Thomas and himself to the outskirts of Ponyville. Discord let Thomas go. Only to lift him up again with his magic. "See what I meant Thomas, isn't Equestria more fun than that place you call Wyoming?" Discord said with a smirk. "For you maybe!" Thomas yelled back. "I just wanna go home you crazy [Censored]!" Thomas said. "Ahh... It seems we still haven't learned how to respect our elders." Discord said. Discord snapped his fingers once again. This time Thomas was in the middle of the Equestrian Games. > Chapter 3- The one where Miss Harshwhinny tells Thomas off. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thomas stared into the crowd. He didn't know what else to do. "... Where am I?" Thomas asked in a shaky voice. Thomas heard whispering. "It can talk?" "Is that a bear?! What's it doing in the Equestrian Games?" one pony said. "Mommy, I want some ice cream!" a little filly said. "Mommy is busy trying to get into the pants of Filthy Rich." the mother replied. "Just get on with it." another pony said impatiently. It just made him even more confused. "Stay calm everypony!" Thomas yelled. "I come in peace!" Thomas said. "Oh my sweet merciful almighty Celestia! He can talk!" One pony said then promptly fainted. "Burn the heathen!" Another pony said. "Pitchforks... get your Pitchforks..." A salespony said to the audience in the stands. "Torches... get your torches..." Another salespony said. "cotton candy..." A cotton candy vendor said. "Get your cotton candy." "Can't start a riot without cotton candy." The cotton candy vendor said repeating his sales pitch. The ponies looked at him, then continued to trot towards Thomas. They surrounded Thomas. "Hey guys, what's going on?" Thomas said. "Destroy the non- believer!" One pony yelled. "Hey guys, put me down!" Thomas yelled as he was lifted up by pony magic. Is this how ends... am I going to die by the hooves of angry candy colored ponies? Thomas thought back to his childhood. Thomas age 5. "Whoa mom, look at how cool my Lego death mech is!" Thomas said excited. "Good job honey!" Thomas's mother said. "That's a awesome death mech! but it could use some improvements." Thomas's mom said slyly. She helped her son build a 50 foot Lego death mech. "Thanks mom! You're the coolest!" Thomas said happily. Present day. "Everypony, calm down!" Miss Harshwhinny said. "What the [censored] did she just say." one pony said. "Speak up you meek [censored.]" another pony said, "I think she said everypony watch out for clowns." one slick pony said. "But why would we be afraid of clowns? They don't hurt ponies." Another one said confused. "Harshwhinny you's stupid." one pony said. "Umm... Twi what should we do now?" Rainbow asked. "Yeah Twilight, this here awkward silence is killing me." Applejack said. "Literally." Pinkie Pie said as she watched Applejack slowly fade away. "Calm down girls, we just gotta remember one thing." Twilight said confidently. "And what may that be Darling?" Rarity asked. "Just smile and wave girls. just smile and wave." Twilight said. The 6 element bearers smiled and waved. But Miss Harshwhinny could see through their somewhat clever facade. Miss Harshwhinny cleared her throat. "I SAID TO CALM THE [CENSORED] DOWN!" "IS THAT LOUD ENOUGH FOR YOU!?" "Ow! My ears..." one pony said. "What did she said?!" another replied. "Miss Harshwhinny speak up! I can't hear you over the [censored] ringing in my ears!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "What the [censored] did she just said?!" Fluttershy yelled as she Rainbow flips in the air. Miss Harshwhinny was mad now. So very mad. She was so mad that even Thomas started to get as far away as possible from her. Thomas knew that [censored] was about to go down. Miss Harshwhinny pulled out two giant speakers. "GET YOUR [CENSORED] TOGETHER EQUESTRIA! WE GOT SOME GAMES TO PLAY!" She yelled. Miss Harshwhinny then straightened her clothes and hair. Then she resumed speaking in a more professional tone. "I will tell this bear off, resume the games!" Miss Harshwhinny then commanded. Somehow, probably due to them being gods. Luna and Celstia managed to hear her and continued the games. "Hello Mr. the bear." Miss Harshwhinny said curtly. "I'm the inspector for these games, Miss Harshwhinny." "Hello Ma'am, I'm Thomas. Where am-" "You're at the 25th Annual Equestrian Games. And quite frankly you were interrupting the flow of the game." "You been quite naughty Mr. the bear." Miss Harshwhinny said licking her lips. "Please, you have to understand. It's been so long such anything stallion related touched me." Miss Harshwhinny said sadly. "I want this so bad." Miss Harshwhinny said panting heavily. "Why are you so out of breath?" Thomas asked very confused. "I'm just excited is all." Miss Harshwhinny said nonchalantly. "Really cause it looks like-" "Get you mind out of the gutter." MissHarshwhinny said. "And put my mind into one." MissHarshwhinny said as she took off her suit. "Um... Miss HarshWhinny, what the [censored] do you think you're doing?!" Thomas asked. "I thought we were going to do it?" Miss Harshwhinny said confused. "I never agreed to that!" Thomas yelled. "But I hate seeing you so lonely." Thomas said conflicted. "So you'll bend me over and [censored] my brains out?" Miss Harshwhinny asked with hope. "No..." Thomas replied curtly. "You need to take things slow with somepony you like." Thomas said. "Don't just go for [censored]." Thomas said. "At least win and dine first."Thomas said with a smile. "You're right Mr. the bear." Miss Harshwhinny said with realization. "Forgive me for that." Miss Harshwhinny said. "How about I give you something to tie you over until the next pony comes along eh?" Thomas asked. "Oh? What would that be?" Miss Harshwhinny asked. Five minutes later. "Oh... that was a wonderful backrub Mr.the bear." Miss Harshwhinny said smiling. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." Thomas said happily. He was just happy that Miss Harshwhinny hadn't [censored] him earlier. Then Miss Harshwhinny scowled. "Oh my... professionalism. almost forgot." "What?" Thomas asked very confused. "Please leave the Equestrian Games Mr. the bear. You must understand that this universe dislikes you." Miss Harshwhinny said. "No!" Thomas said. He was hurt that Miss Harshwhinny was doing this. But why though? She was being somewhat nice earlier. I suppose the universe does dislike me Thomas thought. "Too bad. Get used to it." Miss Harhwhinny said. "You [censored]!" Thomas yelled, obviously hurt. "Heheh! Aren't you a charming one?" Miss Harshwhinny teased. Thomas just grumbled something about crazy ponies and left the Equestrian Games. And the legend of Thomas the talking bear doormat started spreading. Discord was probably somewhere watching all of this and laughing his [censored] off. > Chapter 4- Get your groove on! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thomas stumbled out of the Equestrian Games Stadium. He was wet, cold, and hungry. He walked along a small bridge in Ponyville... until he saw something that piqued his interest. It looks like a bar. Thomas thought as he walked in. "Pheeew..." Thomas said. Finally, I can get something to drink around here. maybe even some food. Thomas thought. "What'll it be son?" The barkeep asked. "I'll take a scotch on the rocks." Thomas replied. "And a plate of super cheesy nachos." Thomas added. "Here's your order sir." The Barkeep said. "Enjoy." "Thanks." Thomas said as he dug into the food. It's beautiful... Thomas thought. After Thomas finished the food he sighed happily. "That was some good grub." Thomas said quietly. "Heh, you got that right." A voice said. "Frank, get me a vodka martini." Spike said. "Here ya go boss." Frank said. "Thanks." Spike said as he starting sipping. Thomas turned and saw a small purple dragon. "Ey dude, Aren't you a little young to be sitting here?" Thomas asked curiously. "Hey! I got my I.D!" Spike said as he showed his I.D to Thomas. "Sorry about that, it's just that you look young." Thomas apologized. "No worries. It happens." Spike said. "I'm Thomas, by the way." Thomas said. "Spike." Spike said. "So, Spike why are you here?" Thomas asked. "To dance my [censored] off and to get some [censored]!" Spike said. "Cool..." Thomas said. "What about you?" Spike asked. "I'm just here to grab some grub and a drink." Thomas. "And miss out on the dance floor?!" Spike said. "Bro... don't you wanna shake it and have fun!" Spike asked. "Not really dude." Thomas said. "Aw! C'mon dude! don't be a party pooper!" Spike said. Thomas was about to said something in response when he stopped. Spike stopped as well and looked at him. "What are you-" "Oh... I see." Spike said with understanding. "See what?" Thomas asked. "I see you checking Vinyl's records." Spike said with a laugh. "Dude, I've been at this game a lot longer than you and let me tell you something." Spike said. "It's not gonna work." Spike said bluntly. Spike then proceeded to tell Thomas about what happened between him and Rarity. Thomas couldn't help but laugh his [censored] off. In fact, he laughed so hard he fell off his bar stool. "You were her [censored] for years and even after all that she wouldn't even go out with you?!" Thomas said still laughing. Spike got angry. "Hey! if you think it's so easy why don't you try getting Vinyl!" Spike challenged. "Oh! is that a challenge I smell?" Thomas said. "I accept! prepare to eat your words!" Thomas said determined. This'll be a piece of cake. Thomas thought. After all, how hard can it be to get a DJ to date you? Thomas learned the hard way that this was no easy task. Thomas strolled up to Vinyl. "Hey... babycakes. I noticed you got some pretty kickin' records." Thomas said with his smoothest voice. Vinyl took off her headphones for a few seconds. "Glad you're enjoying the beats dude!" she said. Then she returned to the beats. Thomas was surprised. Darn! Missed my chance. Gotta be faster than that. Thomas thought. Thomas started gesturing wildly with his claws. This got her attention for a little bit. "Hey... I was just wondering. if you wanted to chill with me later." Thomas yelled. "No! I don't know anypony named Icy Phil!" Vinyl yelled back in response. "Not Phil! Chill!" Thomas yelled. "Do you wanna chill with me?!" But it was too late. Vinyl had gone back to her music. One lost chance! Gotta get this right or else Spike will never let me hear the end of this. Thomas thought. Thomas got on the dance floor and started to dance. He starting pointing at Vinyl and then back at him. Eventually Vinyl started paying attention to him. Although she couldn't really see what he was trying to signal so she started to lean towards him. Thomas then started dancing. His moves were so awesome that Vinyl instantly fell in love with him! Hahaha... NO! Vinyl noticed his moves all right. But she was creeped out by them. Thomas really wanted to get the message across so in his excitement... He decided that Pelvic Thrusting was the best way to get and keep her attention. From Vinyl's point of view, it looked like he was telling her that he wanted to [censored]. Instead of dance with her. Vinyl just looked away in disgust. Thomas had realized that he failed hard. Spike walked over to him and put a claw on his shoulder. "Dude, it's okay. you tried." Spike said with a smile. "Yeah... thanks for not making fun of me." Thomas said with a defeated look. "Hey! You got further than I ever did." Spike said happily. "Eh, good job on trying to get Rarity too." Thomas said. "Much have not been easy." "Believe me, it wasn't." Spike said bluntly. "Hey spike... I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?" Thomas asked nervously. "What is it dude?" Spike said. "I was wondering if I could stay with you. Since I don't have a place to stay at." Thomas. Spike looked at him coldly. Thomas got even more nervous and start sweating. Spike then dropped the look and started laughing, smiling at Thomas. "Haha! Of course dude!" Spike said. "That wasn't funny I thought I was gonna end up homeless!" Thomas said. "Dude, you're like the only other guy that different in Ponyville." Spike said. "I wouldn't leave you hanging like that." Spike said. "So, are we friends then?" Thomas asked. "Sure dude!" Spike said as he fist bumped Thomas. "Thanks Spike!" Thomas said. "No problem dude!" Spike replied. Spike and Thomas stumbled back to Twilight's Library. Spike knocked on the door. "Twilight, open up I got a friend who needs help and [censored]!" Spike said. "Spike, where have you been do you have any-" Twilight saw Thomas. "H... hello, I'm Twilight Sparkle, and who might you be?" "I'm Thomas." Thomas said then laughed his [censored] off because he was too dam drunk. Thomas had passed out in front of Twilight. Twilight sighed then brought them both in. "Thomas you can sleep... over there." Twilight said. "And as for you Spike, get showered and go to bed!" Twilight yelled. "Huh what? Oh Rarity... that feels amazing." Spike said in semi sober state. "Spiiiiiike!" Twilight called out in a singing voice. "GET YOUR LAZY [CENSORED.] UP! AND GO TO BED! YOU [CENSORED!]" Twilight yelled. "Ahhh! Holy [censored.] I'm awake! I'm awake!" Spike said in a panic as he run upstairs to get ready for bed. "As for you... I guess I have no choice but to share a bed with you." Twilight said to the still passed out Thomas. Early Morning Spike woke up to some loud thumping noises coming from Twilight's room. Spike pressed his ear to a wall and listened trying to figure out what was going on. He then heard this. "Uggh! Twilight.... I'm trying to fit inside but it's too small!" Thomas said frustrated. "Keep trying Thomas! Come On! Come On! Push it in harder dam it!" Twilight yelled. "Oh yes! Sweet Celestia [censored] yes!" Twilight screamed. After a few minutes of their cries of happiness, Spike then heard "I'm almost there Twilight!" Thomas cried out. "Come on! Keep going!" Twilight said. Spike then heard a pop and then "Yes! Thomas! Yes!" Twilight screamed out in pure bliss. "That was amazing Twilight." Thomas said panting heavily. Spike almost knocked down the door trying to get in. Once he did, he spoke a few choice words. "WHAT THE [CENSORED] ARE YOU DOING?! THAT'S MY SIS-" Spike then noticed that Thomas was missing. Twilight looked at Spike confused. Spike found him outside on the ground. "Hey dude!" Thomas said and waved. "Wait, you mean you guys weren't..?" Spike said confused. "But the noises I heard they-" "That was just Thomas and I celebrating our success at getting him out the window." Twilight explained. "He wouldn't fit so I had to push him out using my magic." Twilight explained further. "Oh, so that wasn't..?" Spike said. "No Spike, I wouldn't do that type of stuff around you." Twilight said. "I would at least tell you first so you could go someplace quiet." Twilight said with a smile. "Oh good!" Spike said wiping the sweat off his brow. > Chapter 5- Discord? I thought you disappeared from this?! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thomas was having a awesome time in Ponyville. He had almost forgotten about wanting to go home. Almost... Thomas had sat on the ground. He thought about why he was send to Equestria? Was it because Discord was just bored and decided to torment somebear? Or was there a deeper meaning behind his arrival here. Just as Thomas was about to come to a conclusion A flash of light appeared and Discord emerged. "Hello Thomas! Enjoying Ponyville? Well.. are ya?" Discord said happily. "What do you want?" Thomas said coldly. "Ouch! That's hurts Tommy, I thought we were friends." Discord say faking a hurt look. "I'll never be friends with someone as crazy as you!" Thomas said. "Oh, but think about it, haven't you always wondered what it would be like?" Discord asked. [Happy music plays in the background] Thomas started imagining life with Discord as his friend. "Well..." Thomas started. No, bad brain! No having friend fantasies about the crazy guy errr.. dragon thing! Thomas thought. "No! I still refuse." Thomas said. "Bah! You're no fun." Discord said. "But I would be a lot more careful from now on Thomas." "I could pop up when you leastexpect it." "And I'll keep doing it until you take my talon in friendship." Discord said curtly. "Whatever..." Thomas said lazily. Although Thomas was too busy trying to enjoy the day, he had no idea what chaos he had just put upon himself. Discord appeared at the most uncomfortable of times. In the shower. "Yeah! Gonna take this shower!" Thomas said as he stepped into the bathtub. He turned on the water and let it pour over him. It relaxed him, just as he starting nodding off... A blinding white light appeared. Discord popped out of that light. "Hello Thomas..." Discord said smugly. "Ahh! DIscord What the [censored]!" "I'm taking a [censored] shower! Get out!" "Not until you accept my friendship boo." Discord put on his best puppy eyes. "Pleaseee." "No." "Fine, be like that Thomas." Discord snapped his a finger and disappeared. The next day. "Twilight, I'm getting some groceries. you want anything?" Thomas asked. "Some potatoes would be fine." Twilight. "Alright!" Thomas said as he headed out of the library. He want into the market stalls. "Hi, can I have some blueberries?" Thomas asked. "Of course, that will be 5 bits." The pony merchant said. "Here ya go." Thomas said. "Thank you for your business." The pony merchant said happily. Thomas walked over to the next stall. "He can I have some-" "Discord?! What the [censored]?!" "Hi Thomas. Wanna be friends now?" "No!" " Can you please [censored] off so I can buy my groceries and go home?" "No. you have to be my friend." "No I don't." "Ok Thomas, you wanna play hardball? then let's play." Discord disappeared once again. Thomas got back to Twilight's place. "I'm back." Thomas said. "Oh did you get the potatoes?" Twilight asked. "Here." Thomas gave Twilight the potatoes. "Thanks." Twilight said. "I'm going to go to bed early tonight." Thomas said. "Ok, be sure to wash up." Twilight said. Thomas went up to his room. "Ahh.. finally I can get some sleep." "Hello again Thomas." "No go away." "One day Thomas, one day." Discord disappeared. The next couple of weeks. Discord appeared everywhere Thomas did. In the bathroom. "Please?" "No [censored] off." In the shower. "C'mon." "Nope." In his dreams. "I love you Thomas." "Really... I love-" "Thomas please." "What the [censored] man, I'll having a moment!" Even paying his taxes. "Twilight do you have any extra tax return-" "Boss please." "No." Finally Thomas caved. He became Discord's friend on a Tuesday. "Thomassss.... Be my friend." "Ughhh... do you promise to stop annoying me?" "I promise." "Fine." "Thank you Thomas! You won't regret this." Thomas whispers "I'm already starting to." Discord asks "What was that?" "Nothing..." Thomas said looking innocent. The next morning. "Good morning Twilight." Thomas said. "Good morning Spike." Thomas said. "Good morning Discord." Thomas said nonchalantly. "Wait... DIscord?!" "What the [censored] are you doing here?!!!" Thomas asked freaking out. "Oh wait..." "Now I remember." "Hello friend..." Thomas said between clenched teeth. "Good Morning Thomas!" Discord said happily. This library was just about to get a lot more interesting. "YOU DID WHAT?!!" Twilight said freaking out. "TWILIGHT CALM DOWN, HE'S A FRIEND." Thomas yelled back. "MAYBE TO YOU, BUT DO YOU REALIZE WHAT'S HE'S DONE TO EQUESTRIA?!!" Twilight said angrily. "I KNOW, BUT PONIES CAN CHANGE!" Thomas said. After Twilight starting not hyperventilating, she calmed down. "Fine... but if he causes any trouble. I'm going to blame it on you." Twilight said. "Don't be such a [censored] Twi." Thomas said. "I'm a [censored]? says the person who brought Discord into my home." Twilight said curtly. "Twilight, just trust me on this okay? I'll make him see the error of his ways and change." Thomas said. "Fine..." Twilight said, still rather skeptic. "I'll trust you." "Thank you." "C'mon let me grab you a hayburger to say sorry." Thomas said smiling. Twilight giggled. "It better be a good one." Twilight said turning that frown upside down. "It'll be good, besides I'm the one paying for it." Thomas said. And they went to get some hayburgers. Twilight accept his apology and promptly ate it as fast as she could. Thomas was right though, that was one good hayburger. Twilight thought. Hello World! Pinkie go away. Aww... but I wanna talk to your audience. Pinkie... don't make me get the laser rifle. You meanie! I'm sorry Pinkie. I'll let you talk to them some other time ok? Okay... But you're such a big meanie pants. Well... it's true. > Chapter 6- You're good now right? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thomas sauntered his way over to Discord. But there was just one little problem. He was nervous. Fur soaked, eyes bugged, paws clammy sort of nervous. Just calm down, it's no big deal... Thomas told himself. He took a couple of deep breaths. "Hey Discord." Thomas said, as he tried to control the violently shaking in his paws. He was only trying to reform a malicious GOD who hated his guts. No big deal at all. "Hmm.. who is-" Discord said as he turned around to face Thomas. "Oh... Hello Thomas." Discord said, the corners of his mouth curving in a evil smile. "I need you to stop doing that." Thomas said, getting more nervous by the second. "But isn't smiling what friends do?" Discord said, as his faked a hurt look. "We're not friends!" Thomas yelled out angrily. "Um, I mean- you gotta stop trying to ruin Equestria." Thomas said, trying to not sound scared. "Oh? Why should i?" Discord questioned, hoisting Thomas up to eye level with his tail. "It's not nice bro." Thomas said in an annoyed tone. "Fine." Discord said with a bored looked on his face. "I'll play along." Discord said after a slight pause. "But know this... you cross me I'll end you. Got it?" Discord said coldly. "Yup." Thomas said gulping. "Good. So new friend what now?" Discord asked. "Let's party!" Thomas yelled out with excitement, "Wooo!" Five hours later... "I'll admit Thomas, I enjoyed that more than I should have." Discord said, looking slightly embarrassed. "C'mon dude, lighten up!" Thomas said grinning, "Live a little!" He said with a encouraging smile. "I..." Discord said still unsure. "You're right Thomas. I should have more fun." Discord said with a goofy smile. "Yeah dude, I gotta go. But I'll hang out with you sometime ok?" Thomas asked. "I would like that." Discord said with a toothy smile. "Alright bye Discord!" Thomas said as he hurried back to Twilight's house. "See you later Thomas." Discord said as he waved a paw. Once Thomas was out of earshot, Discord spoke again. "Yes... go off to your little house Thomas, but know this. I will destroy you and then take over Equestria once more." "Hahaha! Who can stop me?!" Discord yelled crazily. "WHO?" Discord cried out as he cackled evilly. Thomas woke up covered in a cold sweat. "DISCORD IS GONNA TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA! AHHH!" He screamed in terror. "Oh no sweetie did you have another nightmare?" Twilight said with concern as she turned to face him. "W- what?" Thomas said spluttering. "Um..." He began. "Why are you in my bed?" Thomas asked, afraid to get the answer. "We're married silly!" Twilight said giggling a little. "What the [Censored?!!!]" Thomas yelled, more confused than anything now. "I'm getting out of here." Thomas said as he tried to slid out of their bed. But Twilight pinned him down. "Thomas... I thought you loved me, why do you want to leave?" Twilight asked with a depressed look in her eyes. Thomas choked a little under the weight of Twilight. "Air!" He cried out. But Twilight refused to let him go. Instead, she did something even stranger than before. Twilight started to rub his chest gently. She made those little circles that people with SOs do. Luickly, she relaxed her grip a little so Thomas managed to gulp back some sweet refreshing air. "Twi, enough of this. Let me go!" Thomas said, getting more annoyed by the second. "No! You're stay with me foreverrrr" Twilight said with a crazed look in her eyes. "AHHHH!" Thomas screamed, as a look of pure terror gripped him. Suddenly the dream ended. Somepony was shaking him. "Hey Thomas. Wake up." A voice called out to him. Thomas vision was blurry at first but after a few seconds he adjusted. Twilight was standing in front of him. "Gah!" Thomas said as he continued getting shooken. "I'm awake!" He cried out. Twilight stopped shaking him. "Sorry about that, but you wouldn't wake up when I called out to you." Twilight said. "It's okay Twi." Thomas said nonchalantly. "TWILIGHT!" Thomas yelled in fearful realization. "What?!" Twilight asked, panic creeping into her voice. "N-nothing. I just got scared when you popped up so close to me." Thomas said, laughing nervously. "Ok..." Twilight said. "C'mon let's go eat some breakfast, we have a full day ahead of us." Twilight said as she trotted down the stairs. Thomas quickly brushed his teeth and headed downstairs as well. Spike the master chief was busy preparing awesomeness for them to consume. "Here you go Thomas." Spike said as he set down a plate and a fork. "Thanks dude, this looks delicious!" Thomas said as he dug into his egg, tomato, and lettuce salad topped off with spicy jack cheese and croutons. "And here is your meal Twilight." Spike said as he placed a plate with a daisy, lettuce and, olive sandwich. "Thank you Spike." Twilight said as she begun to eat her breakfast sandwich. Spike pulled out a plate for himself and had a gem, lettuce, and tomato salad for breakfast. After eating Twilight and Spike started to head out. "Take care of the library while I'm gone, ok Spike?" Twilight asked. "No problem Twi, see you later." Spike said as they left the library. "Now, it's time for my salsa dancing." Spike said as he put on salsa music and starting swinging his wide hips. "So what are we are doing today Twi?" Thomas asked. "We're going to see Celestia today." Twilight replied. "She wants to speak with you about something important." > Chapter 7- Discord finally advances the plot. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Discord stroked his chin, deep in thought. Should I destroy Thomas now? Discord said to himself as he looked down at his watch. It was almost noon time. Nah... I'll give him a 15 minute head start first. Meanwhile back in the Canterlot Castle. "Princess Celestia, I got here as fast as I could." Twilight said. slightly out of breath as she galloped up to her mentor. "Ah, hello Twilight. It's good to see you again." Celestia said, greeting her most prized pupil with a soft smile. "But did you bring the important one?" Celestia asked, with a deep look of concern in her eyes. "Princess..." Twilight said, sounding hurt but Celestia's comment. "I'm just teasing you my most faithful student." Celestia said, chuckling a little at Twilight's reaction. Just then, a certain pony. No... wait a minute. What are you again? I'm a bear dude. Ah... A certain bear waltzed up to Celestia. "Um... you needed to talk to me princess?" Thomas asked, more confused than sure sounding. "Hello Thomas, yes I have something important to discuss with you." Celestia said, prompting Thomas to come even closer to her. "What did you want to talk with me about?" Thomas asked. "Have you ever heard of a being called Discord?" Celestia questioned. "Discord..." Thomas said, his blood running cold from the mention of his name. "Yeah princess, I have." Thomas said, after taking a few moments to regain his composure. "He was the one who send me here." Thomas explained. "But why?" Twilight asked, confused. "That doesn't make any sense whatsoever, even for Discord." Twilight concluded. "That may be, but I feel like he is planning something." Celestia said, a worried look appearing on her face. "Twilight, I want you to keep an eye on Discord. Make sure he doesn't do anything to throw Equestria in chaos." Celestia instructed. "Yes Ma'am!" Twilight said, as she want to gather the elements and her friends to safeguard Equestria. Celestia then turned and spoke to Thomas. "Thomas, I want you to come with me. My sister and I will help you get home." Celestia said. "With Discord plotting something, it's too dangerous for you to stay in Equestria for long." "We have to get you home as soon as possible." Thomas followed Celestia to her sister's room. Celestia knocked on the door. "Lulu, I need you to get up. We gotta send Thomas back." Celestia said. "Ok, sister. I'll meet you after I'm done with this match." Luna says, kinda halfhearted. "LULU! STOP PLAYING AND GET YOUR LAZY [Censored] BOOTY OUT HERE!" Celestia screamed, clearly annoyed with her sister's hesitance. "I GOTTA FINISH THIS MATCH! THE ESPORTS TOURNAMENT IS COMING UP SOON AND I GOTTA BE READY!" Luna yelled backed. "LULU! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! LOL IS NOT A [Censored] SPORT! YOU DON'T NEED TRAINING TO PUSH A FEW BUTTONS ON A KEYBOARD!" Celestia shot back. "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE GYM AND TONE YOUR BOOTY? AT LEAST THEN STALLIONS WILL LOOK AT YOU." Celestia said, clearly insulting the living [censored] out of Luna. "SHUT UP! STALLIONS LIKE SMALL BOOTY TOO!" Luna screamed. "AT LEAST MY BOOTY IS FIRM AND NOT A SAGGY FAT [Censored] LIKE YOURS!" Luna said, dunking on Celestia hard. Thomas snickered a little at that one. Luckily, Celestia didn't hear him or else he would end up a bloody mess dripping down the walls. "HEY! I WORK OUT! I'M JUST BIG BONED!" Celestia said, fuming. "YEAH, YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT!" Luna replied. "FINE! BE UNHELPFUL THEN!" Celestia said, furious "[Censored]! My sister won't help us." Celestia said to Thomas. "Guess it's up to me." "C'mon, let's go to the royal library. Perhaps star swirled will know something." Celestia instructed. Thomas followed Celestia down to the library. He whistled. "That's a [censored] ton of books!" Thomas exclaimed. Celestia smacked him on the head for yelling. "Shhhh! This is a [censored] library. Use your inside voice." Celestia scolded. "Sorry..." Thomas said quietly, rubbing his aching head. Celestia went over the star swirled the bearded section and looked at the contents. After 5 minutes of searching, she found a book. "Alright, let's crack this open and find a spell to get you home." Celestia said as she searched the book "Getting inter dimensional creatures home for beginners." "Ah ha! To get a other worldly creature home, first find out where the creature comes from." Celestia read. "Thomas, where do you come from?" Celestia asked. "Earth." Thomas replied. "Alright, step one is done, now onto-" Suddenly there was an explosion and a intense flash of light sparked overhead. A section of the library wall was blown to pieces. The debris scattering on the floor. Discord emerged from the smoke and haze. "Discord?!" Celestia yelled, surprised. "Ah, good afternoon Celestia." Discord said, his usual goofy demeanor gone. "I've come for him." Discord said, pointing a talon at Thomas. "Then after I have him, I'll-" Discord stopped himself. "You know what, I'll let you figure it out on your own." Discord said as he prepared to grab Thomas. A yellow beam of pure energy and magic arched towards him. Discord yawned and pulled Thomas in front of him. "Oh wow, using a shield. How-" Thomas said as he was about to be hit. Thomas closed his eyes and braced himself. But it never hit him. Thomas opened his eyes to see that Celestia had put a shield around him. "Let him go Discord!" Celestia demanded. "No!" "Yes!" "No one likes a mean bully Discord!" "So stop it! Stoppp it!" "...No!" "Anyway, I gotta go. I have a checklist that needs to be done." Discord said as he teleported away. Celestia fired another bolt of magic at him but it was too late. "Oh [censored]!" Celestia exclaimed in frustration. Celestia teleported to the center of Equestria and amped up her Canterlot voice to maximum and yelled for Twilight. Luckily, Twilight managed to hear it. A little too well. "Ughh... I'm here Princess." Twilight said, teleporting to her slightly loopy from her eardrums almost exploding. "Thomas has been taken by Discord!" Celestia said. "Oh no! I have to tell the others!" Twilight said as she teleported away. But Celestia still had something to tell her. "Wait Twi-" Celestia said just as Twilight finished teleporting. Twilight came back. "Yes princess?" Twilight asked. "Go tell your friends and get the Elements of Harmony to stop Discord." Celestia instructed. "Ughh... that's what I was going to do princess. You don't have to tell me how to do everything." Twilight said rolling her eyes, annoyed as she once again teleported away. "Good luck, my second best student." Celestia said as she went back to the Canterlot Castle. "Well... time to go see if Lulu will let me join her game." Celestia said as she headed over to her sister's room for some bonding. "Hey Lulu!" Celestia yelled. "What the [censored] do you want?!" Luna replied. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Can I play with you?" Celestia asked. "Sure sister. apology accepted. now c'mon help me gank this loser called "Xx_Sombratehanusdestroyer69_Xx." Luna said, smiling. "Ok sis! Let's wreck this [censored]!" Celestia said, laughing. Meanwhile, in Ponyville. "So girls, we know the plan right?" Twilight said, reconfirming their plan. "Yup, we go in there with our elements and kick Discord's [censored]!' Rainbow Dash yelled with confidence. "We're with ya all the way sugercube!" Applejack encouraged. "Um... can we wreck his anus gently? That is... if he doesn't mind." Fluttershy said meekly. "I'm normally against such brutish and rather sexual actions, but Thomas is our friend and I'm not going to let him be taken by that multi pieced bully!" Rarity stated rather nonchalantly. "YEAH! LET'S TEACH THAT [censored] MEANIE PANTS A LESSON!" Pinkie yelled excitedly, giggling a little after. The Mane 6 grabbed their Elements of Harmony and went to find Discord. Five minutes later, they managed to find where Discord was at. But it wasn't hard, all one had to do was follow the screams of distress from ponies ...and the fire. Plus there was some power lines that were toppled over. "Oh [censored]!" Twilight said as she surveyed the damage. The Mane 6 galloped to where Discord was. He was currently drinking some chocolate milk and sitting on a throne made of the debris of pony homes. "Discord! What have you done with Thomas?!" Twilight demanded. "Ah hello Twilight! And you're friends are here too! That's spectacular!" Discord said smiling. "All of you can watch while I destroy this fool." Discord said, as he grabbed Thomas and held him up in front of him. "No! He doesn't even know why you're doing this! We're don't even know! Let him go!" Twilight pleaded. "Why you ask?!" Discord asked with annoyance. "I hate all of you." "And I want to take over Equestria." "I used to be happy, but then one day something happened." Discord said, his voice sounding rather serious. "What happened?" Twilight asked. The others were also confused by this sudden turn of events. What happened to Discord that made him so bitter and hateful? they all wondered. "I was a young god of chaos, barely out of the school for insane geniuses when two Alicorns came up to me. "I thought they wanted to be friends." "So I invited them to join me for some chocolate milk." "They stole my chocolate milk!" Discord yelled. "So... wait. All this is because Celestia and Luna stole some milk from you?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Yup." Discord said. "Buwahahaha!" was heard as Rainbow Dash exploded with laughter. "That's so silly!" Pinkie Pie said as she tried to recover her sides. Applejack was rolling on the floor laughing. Fluttershy was giggling. And Rarity was chuckling. Rainbow Dash fell on the floor and continued laughing. In fact, she laughed so hard she almost cracked a rib. Discord started laughing a little as well. "I guess it is kinda silly when you think about it." He said as the volume of his laughter increased. Soon Discord was rolling on the on Applejack and Rainbow. Twilight just stood there with a confused look on her face. "Wait girls! What about Thomas?!" Twilight asked with a look of concern on her face. "Ah yes Thomas." Discord said as he stopped laughing. The rest of the Mane 6 stopped laughing too. "Are you looking for this?" Discord said as he picked up Thomas and hoisted him up. Thomas wiggled in Discord's grasp. "Let me go dude!" Thomas said annoyed. "Yes! Give him back!" Twilight yelled. "No! While that was a good laugh. This is serious business." Discord said pointing to Thomas. "But... why me?" Thomas asked as he looked at Discord. "What do you have against me?" Thomas said. "Nothing. You were just unlucky enough to be caught by me!" Discord yelled as he prepared to bite Thomas. "AH! DUDE WHAT THE [censored] is wrong with you?!" Thomas said as he tried to escape so he didn't end up a afternoon snack. Thomas did the only thing he could in a situation like this. He started trying to beat the living [censored] out of Discord. Twilight started shooting bolts of magic at Discord. It interrupted his meal. "Hmm.. I'll deal with you later." Discord said as he dropped Thomas. Luckily Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy caught him. Discord roared and charged at Twilight intending to rip her apart with his talons. "Girls! Use the Elements!" Twilight said as she narrowly avoided being bit by Discord. "NOW!" Twilight screamed as Discord knocked her off balance and lunged at her. The Mane 6 focused their power of friendship and the Elements of Harmony activated. But... instead of turning Discord into stone, it simply knocked him out. Twilight hastily teleported Discord's unconscious body out of Equestria. "Pheww..." Twilight said wiping the sweat off her forehead. "That was a close one. I was almost chow for a evil nutjob." Thomas said as the rest of the girls hugged him. But Twilight just stood there. Thomas went over to her. "Twi I-" Thomas began to say but was cut off. Twilight tackled him into a hug. Twilight cried a little. Just kidding, she cried a lot. "Never do something that stupid again!" "Trying to punch out a god! What the [censored] were you thinking?" "You could have died!" "I know." Thomas said as he hugged Twilight back. "I was an idiot. I was lucky that you girls were hear to save me." Thomas said as he Thomas stroked Twilight's hairly softly. "It's okay Twilight. Don't cry I'm okay." "Besides your hair gets all frizzled when you start bawling." Twilight sniffled a little and smiled. "You jerk! Take that back!" Twilight said, pouting in mock anger. "Nope!" Thomas said as he ran away from Twilight. I definitely know I'm going to enjoy staying here. Thomas thought as he laughed as Twilight continued to try to catch him. Meanwhile in a pocket dimension. "You think you've won Thomas. But I'll be back." Discord said. "And this time I'm going to take away someone you care about." Discord starting laughing manically while staring at a wall filled with pictures of Thomas and his friends. A microwave dinged. "Ohhh! My tamales are done!" Discord said as he went to get them. > Chapter 7.5- An average day in Ponyville. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple of weeks had passed since Discord was defeated. Thomas was happy. He had everything a bear on another planet could want. A house made of tree, a special friend, and no taxes. Since he was a new resident, Thomas decided to explore the town marketplace Thomas was just about to purchase some oats when a mint green unicorn bumped into him. "Sorry about that" The pony said as it rubbed it's sore nose. "It's cool. I'm Thomas by the way." Thomas said as he offered a paw. "Lyra." She replied. As she looked up she was blown away by what she saw. He was certainly different but not at all terrible looking. In fact, Lyra found him attractive. She decided that now would be the best time to flirt. "So, you free today handsome?" Lyra said. "No." Thomas replied bluntly. "Oh." [censored] it. I'll just be direct. She told herself. "Thomas." "Yeah?" Thomas replied, preoccupied by a hole in the ground. "I like you." Lyra said. OH HOLY [Censored] Balls I DID IT! Lyra excitedly declared to herself. "Um..." "That's nice." Thomas said, slowly backing away. "That's nice?!" Lyra said angrily as she stomped forward. "I worked up all that nerve to say that and this is how you respond!" "Don't get your panties in a bunch. Geez." "WE DON'T WEAR CLOTHES!" "ARGHHH!" Lyra screamed as she started punching Thomas down there... "OW!" Thomas said, as his family jewels were assaulted by cylindrical pony hooves. "Back off!" Thomas said, as he smacked Lyra away. As Thomas tried to apologize something strange happened. Lyra started twitching on the ground uncontrollably. "Lyra, you alright?" Thomas asked, somewhat concerned. "FEED!" Lyra said, as she tackled Thomas to the ground and bit him on the [censored]. "What the [censored] Lyra that h-" "You know, that doesn't feel too bad." Thomas said, as he chuckled at the insanity of the current situation. "It kinda feels nice." "Like a gentle summer breeze." However, Lyra started to chomp. "Ok, now it's starting to sting." 5 minutes later... "Okay crazy vampire pony. off you go." Thomas said as he pushed Lyra off him. "I hope this doesn't stain my fur." Thomas said, looking down at the pool of red on the ground. Thomas touched the two small bite marks on his neck. "I hope I get awesome vambear powers!" Thomas exclaimed, excited at the possibility of becoming immortal. As Thomas waited patiently for his new powers, he started to notice that his other senses became sharper. Now Thomas could hear a hoofstep from hundreds of miles away. He could see the individual specks of dust in a dust bunny. And he could lift up three grown stallions at once, two more than he could without powers! Thomas would have been happy, but his powers still haven't. The sun had already set, so Thomas was just sitting out here all alone. He was still confused as to why his powers haven't activated. "I'll figure it out tomorrow." Thomas said as the master procrastinator climbed into bed to rest. Tuesday... "Cock a doodle doo!" A rooster crowed. "Cock a doodle-" "OK! STOP BEING SO [censored] LOUD!" I yelled in frustration as I choked the rooster. Thomas woke up and yawned. "Ah! Good morning Twilight." Thomas said happily as he turned to his side. "Twilight?" Thomas asked, noticing that she wasn't in bed. That's strange. Thomas thought as he got out of bed. Maybe she went outside for a morning trot. He walked downstairs and continued to call out to his missing friend. Thomas found a note at the bottom of the stairs. I went out to snag some [censored] for our date tonight. I'll be back soon. P.S [censored] all of my tight wet orifices, k? Love, Twilight "What the [censored]?" Thomas said, surprised at Twilight's un-ponylike word choice. Something was definitely wrong. Thomas made sure his paws were sharpened then went outside. "Hello sun!" Thomas said excitedly. Focus! Thomas reminded himself. What a mistake that was. Thomas saw something that no bear on a pony planet should witness. The streets were littered with corpses. Their innards tainted the once clean ground. Corpses of baked potatoes. "Nooooo!" Thomas cried out in anguish. "They were so young!" "Only little buds!" Lyra came up to Thomas. She was nervous. But gathered up her courage. Today's the day. Lyra reassured herself. "Hey good looking! What's-" "Wahhhh!" Thomas said, his sobs penetrating the quiet atmosphere. "Oh no! What's wrong?" Lyra asked, as she came up to Thomas. "P- P- P!" Thomas sputtered. "Pony?" Lyra inquired. "Plant?" Lyra asked, taking a second guess. "[Censored]?" Lyra questioned, her eyes bugging out at the thought. "POTATO!" Thomas yelled, as his sobs grew louder. "Oh good! Thank Celestia it's not [censored]." Lyra said, sighing with relief. Thomas still wouldn't stop crying. In fact, what Lyra said made Thomas cry even more. Lyra quickly tried to calm him down. "But Thomas! Those potatoes are happier now." Lyra said, putting a big smile on her face. "R-really?" Thomas asked, as he stopped crying. "Yup! They'll be happy in everypony's stomachs!" Lyra said happily. "Hooray!" Thomas said, as he started smiling. "So why are you here Lyra?" Thomas asked. "O- oh. I'm here because-" "Hello Thomas." An unknown pink pony with purple hair said as she approached Thomas. "Who are you?" Thomas asked, wondering why ponies kept getting into his personal space. "And how the [censored] do you know my name?" Thomas asked, feeling uneasy. "Oh come on.... the first talking bear to pop up in Equestria and I don't know about it?" "I'm not a fool..." The pony scoffed. "I know about everypony." "Besides, it not like I would even treat any pony unfairly." The mystery pony said as lighting crackled behind her. It was strange because it was a perfectly sunny day. Unless Celestia didn't do her job. Well, it's not like she even does. "Hey [censored] face! I HEARD THAT!" "Shhh, just accept you'll be worse princess." "[censored] you." "Hahaha, that would hurt if I had feelings." "But I'm just a figment of your crazed imagination." "Starlight Glimmer? Is that you?" Lyra questioned, a puzzled look crossing her face. "Is it too much for your big brain to handle?" Starlight asked, her voice laced with sarcasm. "Well it kinda is." Lyra said, her face scrunching up in confusion. "You disappeared." "But now you're back with an entourage of evil lighting clouds at your disposal!" "Of course I'm confused!" "Aren't you Thomas?" Lyra asked. Now she and Starlight stared at Thomas waiting for his response. "Uhhh..." Was all Thomas could say at the moment. "See?!" Lyra said, as she pointed a hoof at Thomas. Starlight facehoofed. "Idiots." Starlight muttered. "HEY!" Lyra and Thomas protested. "Nevermind that." "Although, his fur is well groomed." "And those paws could help me relieve some tension." "Mmmhm." Starlight said, licking her lips. Another part of her was wet as well. "What are you talking about?" Thomas asked, looking confused. "Oh... nothing." "I want you to enter me." "Enter you...?" Thomas inquired. What the [censored] is this crazy [censored] talking about? Thomas wondered. "Excuse me? Can you repeat that?" Thomas asked, worried that he wasn't hearing correctly. "I want to have your kids." Starlight said, rather nonchalant. "Oh." Thomas said with realization. "W- W- WHAT?!" Lyra and Thomas yelled, their faces flushing red like tomatoes. "H- HAVE MY KIDS ARE YOU CRAZY?" Thomas asked. "No." Starlight said. "Let me rephrase that." "I WANT YOU TO RUT ME SENSELESS." "STARLIGHT YOU CAN'T JUST THAT!" "WHY NOT?" "Well... there needs to be an order for these things." "Hey, I'm just trying to give equalopportunity for all species in Equestria to be inside me." "Even Timberwolfs?!" Lyra asked, her face contorting in shock. "[Censored] no!" "They're too big." "S-so you've done it with everypony?" Thomas asked, scared of the upcoming answer. "Why yes. I've done the sideways tango with everypony." "Even Granny Smith?" Lyra asked, trying not to gag. "Yes. She was quite soft." "Uhhh..." Thomas said as he clutched his stomach. "I think I'm going to be sick." "Hey, don't look at me. I'm already green." "Well Thomas, I'm waiting." Starlight said. Lyra started nervously chewing on her left hoof. She enjoyed it. It's texture was similar to a marshmallow. "The answer is no Starlight." Thomas responded. "There was one thing my dad taught me." "That is... never stick your pinecone bopper in crazy." "Yeah Starlight! So leave Thomas alone." Lyra said, sticking her tongue out at Starlight. "Why you little piece of [censored]!" Starlight yelled, her face turning red. "Oh..." Starlight said, as her face scrunched up in calm realization. "I see what's going on here." "What?" Lyra asked. "You like him." Starlight stated casually. "WHAT?" "I DON'T!" "AH HA!" "YES YOU DO!" "NO I DON'T" "YES YOU DO! YOU CAN DENY ALL YOU WANT BUT WE CAN ALL SEE IT WRITTEN ON YOUR FACE!" "Um... I can't." Thomas said. "Shut up Thomas! I'm trying to help you!" They both said. "No seriously... I don't see it." Suddenly, as if Celestia herself used her magical powers of sunshine, they stopped. "Well, you do have a point there." They both said simultaneously. "So, how should we settle this?" Lyra asked. "Why don't we let Thomas choose?" Starlight inquired. "Uh... what?" Thomas said in confusion. "Wait ladies, I don't think-" But they didn't listen. Starlight wiggled her butt and came closer to Thomas. Lyra growled in anger and shouted. "YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S PACKING JUNK IN THE TRUCK?!" She said as she tried to wiggle her booty seductively as well. Unfortunately Lyra didn't have enough booty to wiggle. Then Starlight stepped up her game and started to have [censored] dry sexy times. "Thomas, I'm doing this so you have equal opportunity with me." "Besides, I'm just doing my civil duty as a master SJW." "SJW?" Thomas asked. "Social Justice Warlord sweetie." Starlight said as she proceeded to kiss Thomas. Lyra started yelling. "WHAT THE [censored] Starlight?!!" "What?" Starlight asked, with a rather smug tone. "You're just jealous I'm better at this." Starlight declared, as she flashed a evil grin. Lyra scowled and responded "Oh yeah? Well, you're mean and Thomas doesn't like mean ponies!" "Is that really the best you could come up with?" "You're just angry because I'm about to win." "N-no." "Thomas would never let that happen." Lyra said, sounding unsure. "You're wrong!" Lyra yelled out in anger. "So Thomas how's does it feel?" "Good huh?" Starlight said as she continued to grind against him. "Ha. Look at him. I'm so good he's speechless." Thomas's expression changed. His shocked face quickly turned into a an angry one. "Starlight..." Thomas growled. "Apologize to Lyra." "W-what's wrong Thomas?" Starlight asked, sounding a little nervous. "Just apologize." "But why, she's not good enough to be with you." "See?" Lyra sit on the ground with a sad look of defeat. "Pathetic." "The poor wretch can't even take a bit of criticism." Thomas did something that surprised him. He smacked her so hard she went careering into the side of Sugarcube Corner. "Oops, I guess I let her taste too much of my pimp paw." "Gotta remember to dial it back a little in the future." Thomas said in reflection. "You okay Lyra?" Thomas asked as he crawled over to where she was "Thanks Thomas, but did you really have to smack her?" "I didn't mean to hit her that hard I swear!" Thomas said. "Alright, I believe you." Lyra said in a teasing tone. "I didn't mean it!" Honest!" Thomas said, whining a little. Lyra just laughed. Suddenly Lyra grabbed Thomas and kissed him. While a bit unusual, Thomas rolled with it. When Lyra finally let go, Thomas was amused. "Isn't a kiss a little too much?" He said. "I was only giving Starlight the paw for all bad behavior." "Lyra?" Thomas asked, somewhat confused that she wasn't responding. Then Thomas saw it. Her eyes. She had this glassy look in her eyes. "You okay there?" Thomas said, getting worried. Lyra's only response was to get dangerously close to his legs. "UM LYRA?!" Thomas yelled in a panic. She just inched closer and closer to his no no spot. "STOP!" He yelled. "WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL YET." "[censored]." "I WANT YOUR [CENSORED]!" Lyra shouted. "WHAT THE [CENSORED] LYRA!" Thomas yelled as he made a run for it. Something was definitely off. Everywhere he turned there was a group of mares with the same glassy eyed stare. "WHAT THE [CENSORED] IS GOING ON?!" Thomas yelled as he tried to find a safe haven. Luckily, some other males spotted him and signaled for him to hide with them. There was one small problem. They were at Cloudsdale. "How in the name of Celestia's flank am I suppose to get up there." Thomas asked, confused. Some pergasi hoisted Thomas up. And amazingly, Thomas only fell a couple times. Thomas made his way to the center of the group. "Big Mac?" "What are you doing here?" Thomas asked. "Wait..." "You stallions are all hiding from the mares too?" Thomas inquired. They all nodded their heads vigorously. "Hey dudes!" "Why don't we just sacrifice Thomas?" One surfer pony suggested. There was a surprising number of hushed yeses and agreement. "What?" Thomas said, getting even more confused. "WHAT?!" Thomas yelled, as he realized what they were about to do. Chanting of "Throw the bear! Throw the bear!" was heard as Thomas was hurled off of Cloudsdale. However, the stallions weren't cruel and made sure that Thomas got to the ground safety. But they still left him stranded with a bunch of crazed [censored] hungry mares. "Jerks." Thomas muttered as he saw them fly away. "There he is!" Roseluck shouted as she spotted Thomas. "Oh [censored]!" Thomas yelled as he started to run away again. Why is this happening?! Thomas said as he ran. Just when Thomas thought he was done for, something saved him. However, it wasn't someone he wanted. "Discord?!" Thomas said, shocked that he was the one who saved him. "Surprise!" Discord yelled out as he grinned widely. "Why save me?" Thomas asked. "It wouldn't be fun if you would have gotten swarmed so soon." Discord said, his voice taking on a evil tone. "You were behind this?!" Thomas said, his confusion dissolving to form anger. "Ding ding ding." Discord said. "Toke you long enough." He said, heavy sarcasm outlining his voice. "But enough talk." "I want to see you fear for your life again." "That sense of fear you had was positively delightful for me." Thomas was flung directly at the mob of ravenous mares. Octavia somehow managed to grab him first and started trying to ravage him. Right when she was about to stick the landing... Thomas woke up screaming like a lunatic. "AHHH! [CENSORED]!" "What's wrong?" A feminine voice asked him. "Mom, is that you?" Thomas said as he realized he was back in his parent's house. "Yes sweetie, it was just a nightmare." Thomas's mother said. "But this doesn't make sense!" "I've already moved out!" "This isn't real!" "Oh my, are you coming down with a fever?" Thomas's mother asked as she checked his temperature. "No mom." Thomas said as he brushed his mother's hand away. "Tell me what happened then." Thomas's mother said, her face taking on a curious expression. "Okay, I was running away from mares that were sent after me by a god of chaos. And it felt so real." "Mares?" "God of chaos?" "My, what a active imagination you have son." Thomas's mother said, chuckling at her son's delusions. "This god..." Thomas's mother said. "Did he look something like this?!" Thomas's mother said as she morphed into Discord. Discord grabbed Thomas and was about to eat him when... "[Censored]!" Thomas yelled as he woke up in the Golden Oak Library. "Oh... what a nightmare." Thomas said as he wiped the sweat from his brow. "Are you sure about that?" Twilight questioned, her eyes narrowing with strange amusement. "What you do-" Thomas begun to say but was interrupted. "Did he look something like this?" She said as she literally broke herself off into tiny pieces. Suddenly, the pieces reassembled to form a giant head of Discord that roared at Thomas. "NO!" Thomas yelled as he once again woke up in his bed at the Golden Oak Library. "Put the hayseeds in my Spike please." Twilight drowsily said before falling back to sleep. Thomas let out a big sigh of relief. He was finally back in the real world. Thank Celestia, it's over. Thomas thought to himself. What Thomas didn't know was that a certain god of chaos was watching him very closely. "Heheheh Thomas. First I'll break your mind, then I'll destroy your body." Discord said, his face contorted into a unfitting goofy smile. "Perhaps I should destroy him in front of those he loves." "Nah... too cliche." Discord thought about this problem. "How should I kill a talking bear?" He racked his brain for the answer, but none came. "Well, there's always the brutal and direct method." Discord said as he prepared some bacon wrapped hotdogs. Deep down in his gut, Discord knew that this plan would fail. He recalled that a certain princess had ruined his day. HIS. "No royalty. No protection." "See you soon Thomas." Discord said as he laughed diabolically. > Chapter 8- Discord! You haven't gone far enough bud. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Discord giggled with gee to himself. Oh... this is going to be good! for me that is. He watched as Thomas went through the motions of his everyday. Blissfully unaware that something terrible was about to happen. Discord couldn't hold back his excitement and squeaked a little as Thomas sauntered closer to him. Just as Thomas got within a few feet of Discord. The god of chaos decided to pop up. Understandably, this freaked Thomas out. "AHH! Discord?!" Thomas screamed, almost having a heart attack at the god getting up in his hairy unkempt grill. "Yes! It is I Discord!" Discord said, transforming his trademark goofy smile turning into a mocking sneer. "I've come to ruin you Thomas." Discord said, rather nonchalantly. "Ruin me?" Thomas asked, his face taking on a mixture of extreme confusion. "Yes, first I'll take somepony you love... and torture them right in front of you." Discord said, grinning fiercely. "Pfff... you don't even know who I like." Thomas said, as a smug grin crossed his face. Suddenly Discord teleported and held up a struggling Twilight Sparkle. "[Censored!]" Thomas said, cursing himself for his stupidity. "H-hey now. let's not do anything rash." Thomas said, as sweat trickled down his forehead. "Oh... is this rash?" Discord asked, as he started to slam Twilight on the ground repeatedly. "What?" Twilight yelled. "Is?" Twilight said. "Going?" Twilight squeaked "On?!!" Twilight screamed out in between getting slammed. "I don't know! Stay calm!" Thomas said, trying to calm her down. "Calm down!" "Are you crazy?!" "You mother-" Twilight was cut off as her face met the ground once more, knocking her out. "Hahaha!" Discord said, laughing at her pain. "Dude, what the [Censored] Man?" Thomas said, clearly pissed that Discord would do something so brutish. "Oh... I'm sorry Thomas." Discord said with mock sympathy "You ruin my fun, I destroy yours!" Discord said, cackling like a mane-iac. "Now let's see what else I can ruin in your life." Discord said to Thomas, giving him a smirk. "Ah, how about your precious friends..." Discord said, chuckling with glee as he teleported the rest of the mane 6 to him. "What the hay?" Applejack cried out in shock. "Oh my..." Fluttershy said, blushing. "This is the WORST POSSIBLE THING." Rarity said, then resisted the urge to faint. "Okay, this is definitely... not awesome." Rainbow Dash with a frown. SURPRISE MOTHER[Censored!] "It's me! Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie yelled with joy. She gave us a big smile. "What?" "Who are you talking to." The mane 5 said, staring at Pinkie like she was crazy. "The readers! Duh!" Pinkie said, her smile growing wider. "The readers?" The mane 5 murmured with confusion. Even Discord was having a hard time comprehending "Okay sugarcube, I'm not one to curse but..." Applejack started to say. "What the [censored] are you on Pinkie?" "Hay salts?!" "Nope!" Pinkie said bouncing over to them. "I'm on crystals!" "I didn't even know crystals could be smoked." Applejack said, scratching her head in confusion. "Why do you think I made extra rock candy..." Pinkie said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "It's not for [censored]... my [censored] out." "I'll tell you that much." "I don't even..." Discord said as he strained to comprehend. "My brain..." "I'm gonna-" KA BOOM! Discord's head exploded. The mane 6 thought it was over. SUDDENLY. His body exploded too. This caused the mane 6 to be covered in blood and guts. Discord's lungs were slowly sliding off of Rainbow's- STOP! We're rated E for Everyone... REMEMBER?! Oh horseapples... you're right. The mane 6 were actually covered in... confetti! And rainbows shot out of the sky. Everypony wins. Just get back to the story. Right, sorry about that. Discord's wasn't dead though. A blinding white light emitted from his body as he brought himself back to life. "Hello again..." Discord said, as he wiped a little bit off his shoulder. "Woozie!" Pinkie exclaimed in excitement. "Now it's my turn to be shocked." "Really?" Discord said, his voice becoming hopefully. "Nope. Not a bit." Pinkie said, her voice deadpanning. "[censored] it." Discord said, facetaloning. "DISCORD!" Thomas yelled as he rushed towards the god of chaos. "Oh cheese biscuits... not this guy again..." Discord said, as he sighed with annoyance. Discord didn't even have time to say anything before Thomas bulldozed him. "I'll make you bleed confetti you [censored!]" Thomas yelled, his eyes turning green in fury. "Well, this isn't turning out how I wanted to." Discord said as he got clawed furiously by Thomas. "Ta ta for now." Discord said, disappearing in a flash of white light. "[censored]." Thomas muttered. "So, what now?" Applejack asked, twirling her beautiful blonde hair in confusion. "Now we wait darling..." Rarity said, looking bored. Discord reappeared. He grabbed Pinkie. "Thomas, surrender to me or the pink one dies!" Discord shouted, his eyes going crazy. "No! Don't hurt her!" Thomas yelled. Pinkie bit Discord. "ARGHHH!" Pinkie yelled, like a rabid dog. "Ow, what the [censored?!]" Discord shouted in pain as he rubbed his sore talon. "Fine.. be that way." Discord said as he threw Pinkie to the ground. "NO!" Thomas yelled, as he tried to catch her from falling. Too bad Thomas was slow. "Ow!" Pinkie said, as her head smacked into the ground. Discord then grabbed Rarity. "Don't her hurt either!" Thomas said. Discord then put Rarity down and grabbed Applejack. "Not her either!" Discord sighed and put Applejack down. Then he grabbed Fluttershy. "Meh, I guess you can hurt her." Thomas said. "Really?" Discord asked as he begun to use her as a jump rope. "Sure." Thomas said nonchalantly. Applejack came over and nudged Thomas in the ribs hard. "I think I heard a rib crack." Thomas squeaked out as he hear a cracking noise. "I... I mean LET HER GO DISCORD!" Thomas yelled weakly. "Wow... way to be a buzzkill..." Discord said as he dumped Fluttershy on the ground. "Are you okay?" Thomas asked, as he went over to Fluttershy. "T-t-thanks." Fluttershy said as she held back tears. "I'll be fine." Fluttershy claimed as she curled up in the fetal position. "Righhht..." Thomas said, then looked at Discord. "Discord." "I will end you." So onto the next section. Aww... but Octo I wanted to find out what happens now. Shut up Pinkie, you're lucky to be alive. Ah boo... you're no fun! Fun?! How would dying be fun? You don't know my fetishes. I really don't Pinkie... I'm going to go now. That would be best. WARNING THE FOLLOWING EPISODE OF THOMAS KUN NO BAKAMONOGATARI CONTAINS: ANIME CLICHES WEEB CRINGE THAT IS OVER 9000. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK Y-YOU BAKA. "Discord!" Thomas screamed as he lunged towards him. "I'm serious this time!" Thomas threw everything he had into that lunge. The force of the claw swipe hit Discord like a train. "AHHH!" Thomas continued to yell in typical anime fashion as he pummeled Discord with his hairy fists. Im- impossible! Discord thought as he barely blocked Thomas's blows. How can he be so strong? "BEAR OVERKILL PUNCH!" Thomas yelled in fury as his fist burned a hole through Discord's heart area. This punch was so overpowered it caused the screen to turn white. "What the [censored]?!" Discord thought in a panic as his chest blooded in a showered of confetti. "Nya! Thomas kun is so sugoi!" Pinkie Pie shouted with joy. "Shut up you genki harem genre cliche!" Thomas yelled. "Pffttt.... y-you're such a idiot for not paying attention during a fight. IDIOT!" Rainbow Dash yelled, blushing fiercely for no reason. "[Censored], you're right overused tsundere cliche!" Thomas said, laughing loudly. SUDDENLY Discord took this opportunity to backhand Thomas hard. "THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE SATIRE!" Discord yelled with the fury of one thousand suns. Thomas flew into a wall due to the impact. Thomas got up like it was nothing. Now he was even more determined to bring Discord down. "What's with that look in your eyes?" Discord taunted like a little [censored]. Thomas just started growling and slowly stomped towards Discord. *Cue overly dramatic anime music* "Oh, C'mon you [censored] [censored]!" Rainbow Dash yelled in impatience. "Just kill him already!" "THE ONE PUNCH THAT DESTROYS EVIL!" Thomas shouted as he very slowly punched Discord. "ARGHHHH!" Discord screamed in pain as a bright light consumed him. "I see now." "You're a brave and noble bear." "You've defeated me so lets be friends!" Discord said smiling. "Yoshi!" Thomas yelled, getting excited. "Now we enter a filler!" "Nani?!" Everyone else yelled with confusion. *Cue anime transition screen* Thomas found himself back home. "AUGHHH!" Thomas said, yawning loudly bumping into something. *Squish* "Wha?" Thomas said as he opened his eyes. "HOLY CELESTIA! DEM TITTIES THOUGH!" Thomas said as he stared at the mane six's funbags. "Wait, why are all of you naked and on top of me?" "It's cause we're now one-dimensional harem female protagonists." The mane 6 replied. "No... that's not possible." Thomas said, shaking his head in disbelief. "No Thomas kun, we'll show you!" Pinkie Pie said excitedly. "Stop calling me that!" Thomas said, brimming with annoyance. "I'm a Tsundere." Rainbow Dash said. "I don't believe you." Thomas said. "Sh-sh-shut the [censored] up, I'm not doing this for your benefit!" Rainbow Dash said loudly, then blushed. "I'm the cool big sis." Applejack said, smiling at Thomas. "No way... you're not-" But he was interrupted as Applejack ruffled his fur playfully. "Feel my... my oppai Thomas." Applejack said as she shoved Thomas's face into her oppai. "Okay I believe you." Thomas said, as he sweatdropped. "What about you?" Thomas said, as he pointed to Fluttershy. "O-oh... I'm the dandere." Fluttershy managed to squeak out. But Spike held up a hand to stop her. "Said no more. I believe you." Thomas said as he observed the remaining two heroines. "So, what about you?" Thomas said, gesturing to Rarity. "You really can't figure it out?" Rarity said, her eyebrows slanting with annoyance. "No..." Thomas said. Rarity sighed loudly then told him. "I'm the one girl that you've known for all your childhood." "But spoilers.... I won't [censored] you." "Darn..." Thomas muttered. "I really wanted your cat." "So now we get to you." Thomas said as he slid over to Twilight. "Ah yes Thomas kun." Twilight said smiling widely at him. "I'm the hot nerdy girl that likes to read." "And I have glasses!" Twilight promptly put on her glasses and struck a pose for Thomas. "I... I... HNNNGH!" Was all Thomas could said before he felt the blood rush to a certain part of his body. "I'm going to do naughty things to you later." Thomas whispered in Twilight's ear. Twilight blushed even more fiercely than Rainbow. "I look forward to it Thomas kun." Twilight said, as she stroked his fur. "STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Thomas yelled angrily. "B-but I thought you liked that." Twilight said, looking confused. "I don't even know what that means!" Thomas said, his eyebrows scrunching in annoyance. "I'm gonna go outside now." Thomas said, as he sauntered outside his house. "Wait!" "What about us?" Twilight asked, gesturing to the rest of the mane 6. "Oh... well you ladies can join me if you want." Then Thomas had a unintentional harem following him around. *Cue upbeat anime background music* "Ohayo Thomas-" "Whoa, you didn't tell me about all those hotties you got!" Spike said. "I didn't?" Thomas said as he stared at his entourage. "Huh..." "Well, meet Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Pinkie." Spike leaped into the air and tried to grope Applejack's oppai. Applejack dodged his groping claws and punched him in the face. Spike got knocked to the ground. "OW! I'm never doing that to you again." Spike said as he started trying to grope the other girls. "KYAAA!" Twilight screamed as she tried to fend off Spike. "Whoa..." Was all Thomas could see as he watched it unfold. "STOP!" Discord yelled as he teleported onto the scene. "Aren't we suppose to be fighting now!" Discord said, pointing a talon at Thomas. "Right..." Thomas said. "Let's dance Discord!" "Wow, way to be cliche hero." "Shut up!" Thomas said as he started punching Discord. "[Censored]! At least give me a moment to get ready!" Discord said in between blows. "AUGHHH!" Thomas said as his clumsiness caused him to trip and fall flat on his face. "HAHAHA!" Thomas's harem laughed at him. "You suck at standing up Thomas!" Applejack said. "Booo!" Rarity jeered. "Go back to crawling like a baby!" Twilight cried out. Discord took this golden opportunity to get serious. He swiped his talon at Thomas's exposed back. The laughter suddenly stopped. "Thomas..?" His harem called out, worried. Confetti trickled out of Thomas's wound. "Thomas, we're sorry about all the [censored] we said about you!" "Just please... get up." Twilight said, barely containing tears. "I'll make you food." Pinkie Pie said, sniffling. "I won't tease you anymore." Applejack said, baring a sullen look. "I'll sleep with you for real." Rarity said. "In a non sexual way Darling..." "I'll... finally admit my feelings for you." Rainbow Dash said, in between sobs. "I'll stop being..." Fluttershy was about to say but couldn't. She's too shy unfortunately. "ORAAAAAAH!" Thomas yelled as he quickly got back up. "How is that possible?!' "I hit you with my most powerful attack!" "Discord, you're forgetting one thing!" "I have the power of friendship on my side!" "My friends, their hearts, their feelings." "THAT'S WHAT GIVES ME STRENGTH!" Thomas had done it. He had broken his limits! "Really now?" "That is so cliche!" "SHUT UP!" Thomas said as he freaking teleported in front of Discord and smacked him. "AUGGGH!" Discord yelled as he flew into a concrete wall. "THAT WON'T STOP ME!" Discord yelled from the rubble as he stepped out in his true form. Thomas tried not to vomit. Discord was now a disgusting combination of giant crab, octopus, and Minotaur. He had two giant crab claws that were bloodied for no particular reason. Lots of tentacles that spewed out of his back. And a hairy chest area. Combine all that with his face and you got something that would scare the likes of H.P Lovecraft. "Whoa, you ugly." Thomas said as he faced his now upgraded opponent. "A*$@%#0>!" Discord cried out as he lunged towards Thomas. Luckily Thomas had the power of friendship and delivered a blindingly fast and overpowered kick to the thing that was Discord. Discord promptly exploded in a shower of confetti and streamers. Then he regenerated to his former self. "I-" Discord was about to say. Then he exploded again. Rainbows shot out of the sky. Bits rained from the clouds. The mane 6 then glomped Thomas immediately after. It was a good thing Thomas wasn't covered in confetti and streamers... "We lied." The mane 6 said. "What?!" Thomas said, confused. "We all love you!" "And we've decided to sleep with you too!" "All at once?" Thomas asked. "Of course!" The mane 6 replied all of them giving Thomas big smiles. *Ending theme song plays* TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE NOT SEQUEL OF THOMAS KUN NO BAKAMONOGATARI.