Junior Flight Camp: The Crusader and the Bullhead

by Wise Cracker

Fear of the Dark

Chapter 13: Fear of the Dark

“What do you mean?” Whimper cringed, pushing into the mare in a reflex. ”Is this going to get worse? Am I sick?”

Rainbow Dash unfurled a wing over his back and took a deep breath.

“You’re not sick, exactly. It’s complicated, and… as hard to believe as it is, it’s natural. It’s scary and it’s painful, but it’s not something that came from the outside, it’s on the inside. And it’s not a defect, either. Every pony can get it, and even gryphons. Basically everything that thinks, every civilised race, has this sort of thing happen. Sometimes even on purpose.”

“What? Ponies try to black out and lose it on purpose?”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Some of them do. You can get it by meditating a certain way, I heard. But because it involves dealing with anger and hate, it’s very hard to talk about. It’s pretty much unknown, except for the ones who stumble upon it. It’s got a lot of names, and none of them are really clear. ‘Warrior’s heart’ is just what the Royal Guard calls it, but even they don't know the whole story behind it. They know of it, they kind of know what to expect of it, but no one there knows how to deal with it.”

She bit her lip as she wanted to get the stinging part out of the way first. “And I really hate to say it, but what I’m about to tell you… you probably won’t be able to share. If you try, ponies will just think you’re crazy and they won’t understand it. There’s more to this than words, and since words are the only thing most ponies can talk with, you can’t explain it to someone who doesn’t have it. And even if they have it, it’s pretty hard. I'll probably wind up saying things that don't really seem to help, but it'll make sense eventually.”

Whimper gulped. “So what is it? Why do I black out when I get excited? And… do you?”

A deep sigh answered the colt. This is going to be awkward. “I don’t know everything about it. What I have is still kind of normal. Sometimes I’m just not completely awake while I’m doing things, but what you have is at least one step beyond me. So no, I never completely black out like you. You skipped a few things, which is pretty impressive, actually.”

“I don’t understand. There’s levels to it? Did I get cursed or something?”

The mare shook her head. She was getting off topic and it was confusing enough already. “First you should know what it is and what it isn’t. It’s not a disease, it’s not possession, it’s not something that anything puts on you. And it’s not going to kill you, at least if you don’t try to fight it. If you do try, it won't work and it can kill you. What’s happening to you, the reason you black out and all those other things, is because your body is starting to think.”

“My body is thinking?” Whimper asked. "Ho-how does that work?”

“Well, what do ponies normally think with? Lemme rephrase that, where’s your mind? Or where’s my mind? Point to it.” Rainbow sat back to let the boy guess.

“In the brain, right?” Whimper perked his ears, thinking.

“Right. And where is your brain?”

“In my head.” He tapped his head to illustrate.

Rainbow Dash gave the boy's back a slight graze with her tail. “But you just felt my tail go over your back, right?”

“Umm… yes? What does that have to do with it?”

“The reason you feel that, the way all your senses work, is because your brain is connected to your back. You have little nerve endings all over, and they all lead to some part of where you think your mind is. When you get angry, your heart starts pumping harder, your muscles tense up. All of that comes from your mind, your brain, but your body is doing things too. Your mind isn’t just in your head, it’s all over your body.”

“Okay, so how does that make me black out? Is it a heart thing?”

Dash looked sad at that. This was the hardest part to explain, even more so to a kid. “No. See, most of the time, your body is doing all sorts of things that your thinking mind, the part that’s awake, doesn’t need to worry about. Like breathing, or making your heart beat. Your body thinks, sort of, but it’s never… thinking ‘loud’ enough for your brain to hear. Normally they just don’t bother each other, so it feels like you only think with your brain. But sometimes, when your body takes a massive shock, your body wakes up and starts thinking louder. The shock could be anything: overworking yourself, getting too emotional for too long, or in your case a huge adrenalin rush and a trauma.”

“So there’s lots of ponies like me, then. I’m not the only one.” Whimper smiled hopefully at that.

Dash shook her head. “It’s true, there are more ponies who are sort of like you, but it’s not that simple. To most ponies, it doesn’t make as big an impact. Their bodies don’t really think that loudly even when it’s woken up. They just get flashes of creativity or act a little weird sometimes, and no one notices, not even them. One of the side effects, you see, is that your body gets more energy. You start to 'glow', kind of. It’s like every little fibre of your being starts breathing deeper, and your emotions and instincts, the parts of you you normally don’t notice, they get a lot stronger. That’s why you get shaky, and why you have trouble sleeping. You can’t handle that kind of emotional energy when you’re tense. But the other ones who get it don’t usually have blackouts. That’s supposed to come later, and only if they work at it. The way you are, that high level, I only know three other ponies who are like that. Two of them are princesses.”

“But you just said it can happen to anyone, that you have it. What’s so different about me?”

Dash took a deep breath to steady herself. This part of it she’d heard once before, at least, from Luna. “Getting a shock like that doesn’t automatically mean it’ll happen. No matter how you get it, your body gets the same reaction as it gets to something terrifying. You don't just face something scary, or even the scariest thing in the world, you get a look at fear itself. It takes guts to face fear itself, and to be able to let go when your body goes into overdrive. You need a certain mindset to get it. Second, most of the time, when it does happen, the body just thinks a little louder and your brain keeps working normally alongside it. The two get a different kind of balance going. But the shock you got went a lot deeper, and your thinking mind shut down completely. So now your body, your feeling mind, the part of you that doesn’t think in words? That’s trying to get more control. And every time it does, your thinking mind just switches off because it doesn’t know how to handle it otherwise. You never learned that part because you went too far into it.”

“So that’s what happens when I black out. I stop thinking and I just act on instinct. That’s why it happens when I’m angry.”

The mare nodded. “When you get like that, everything that makes you civilised just stops. It’s a deeper you that comes out, the kind that artists try to get in touch with. It’s… free, or it wants to be. It’s the part of you that was there before you learned to be anything, that’s why they call it your true self. But it’s as much you as the stuff you learned, it just feels deeper. And it’s not just about anger or hate, it deals with all your emotions. So far you’ve only noticed it with the bad ones, that’s all. That feeling part of you is in charge of a lot of things in your body that your thinking part doesn’t normally have a say in. Because of that, when it starts waking up and making you glow, some changes happen in your body, and they’re all good. Things start running a little leaner compared to other ponies. You get a few abilities that you don’t normally get.”

“Like what?” He perked up at the idea of an upside to this.

“Stronger muscles without having to bulk up, and being able to talk and listen with your whole body, without words. You can make your senses stronger if you focus, too, there's some tricks for that. Besides that, you'll get to feel out things most ponies don’t even realise is there. If you figure out how, you can learn to see the glow around other ponies. You can see through disguises, and you'd be able to tell when someone's feeling down, they'll look a little grey. And that's just while you're awake. Blacked out the way you do it, you’d be able to react to an attack instead of an intention. And that’s a big one, let me tell you.” She smiled.

“That doesn’t sound like much. Is there a difference?”

“It’s hard to explain. See, ponies do sometimes try to get this, but usually they only get halfway compared to you. In martial arts, what you have is something they want, badly, even if they don't know what they're doing. But most of the ones who do try this and make it, they never get past being able to sense the intent of an attack.” Rainbow Dash kept up her smile as she explained it, glad to see him perk up.

“So? That’s good enough, right? At least they don’t lose control.”

“Reading intent is pretty good in most situations, but in a fight that’s not always enough. Against someone who only reacts to an attack, it matters a lot. Those three other ponies? They can dance around anyone who can read only intent, but someone who can read an attack can fight them as an equal.”

“I don’t get it.” The colt narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“Mastering intent is pretty easy, it’s like acting. I did it with Scootaloo. You saw her backing down even when I missed on purpose. If you can control your anger and fake an attack, you can fool a master fighter who only reacts to intent, no matter how good they are. A changeling in disguise can fake intent and fool everyone, even strike a pony in the back without them ever knowing. But a pony who only reacts to an attack can’t be faked out, can’t be snuck up on, they can even dodge an instantly cast spell by only moving as it’s being cast.” She leaned in for that. Those were quite awesome abilities, as far as she was concerned.

“But if it’s such a good thing, why can’t I control it? Why can’t I do those things when I want to and not do them when I don’t?”

“You skipped some steps. The middle ground to what you have is body and mind listening to each other. Normally, the worst thing that can happen is that you slip a little out of consciousness and start acting… well, like a foal, I guess. You’re still awake then, just acting more freely. Your brain can still think like that. But when that thing attacked you, I guess you went deeper. And as a result, your body is trying to call all the shots. You should be getting these abilities one at a time, but you wound up getting a lot of them all at once, and that’s hard to handle. Not only that, but they come up without your thinking part wanting it. With that kind of pressure overloading you like that you can only… lash out, really.” She shrugged, keeping her wing on the boy for comfort.

He pondered it for a moment. “So all that anger and aggression is in my body, not my mind. My body’s evil?”

“Not evil, uncivilised. Back when we didn’t have cities, every pony was like that. Being able to tell a feint from a real attack would save your life against a predator. But back then, we didn’t have a lot of the things we have now. We started hiding our darker sides, our instincts and especially our anger, because we didn’t need them to protect us anymore. Our thinking minds had to be stronger to build up civilisation, so that part started taking charge and instinct got pushed aside.”

She paused as that history lesson brought her to the next big point. “Your body doesn’t think in words, that’s why it’s gotten harder to read. That’ll get better in time, though, if you take it easy. You just need to understand that what you’re feeling is a very old part of you, and not a bad one. Everyone has it, we just have it switched on.”

He groaned. “Easy for you to say. You didn’t jump at anyone’s throat without knowing it. You don’t have to worry about hurting a baby.”

She brought his chin up with a hoof and forced him to look her in the eye. The light of the moon played over her rainbow mane, making her look almost like one of the Princesses as a wind kicked up and made that rainbow flow. “Look at me, Whimper. You are not going to hurt a baby, ever. That angry, dark part of you is still you, and it only reacts to a real threat. All you’ve been doing is overreacting, not reacting to the wrong thing.”

The look in his eyes and his drooping ears seemed to indicate that the message sunk in. “What am I supposed to do about it, then?”

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes to avoid the look of shock she knew she’d be getting from him. “I know it’s hard, but if I were you I’d learn how to fight properly.”

He tensed up under her wing. “What? No, no, no, you can’t make me, I don’t want to. I can barely stop myself from hurting anypony as it is. I don’t want to get even more dangerous, I’m sorry I bulked up already. And besides, I can’t join a class with my breathing problem. What good would it do for me get into martial arts if I don’t want to hurt anyone?”

“I never said you had to hurt anyone. No one’s asking you to join the Royal Guard. Trust me, you’d hate every second on the job. And not every martial art is taught just by masters. You could get a book and study the moves on your own. You wouldn’t have to run. As for the good it’ll do? Try to understand that this is both in your head and in your body. The best way to get control over it is to practise natural movement, letting go without blacking out. For you, fighting’s your best choice. Fighting will let you face that anger you’re so scared of and get used to it. Loosen up a little, and learn to use your right side and your left. It’ll get that energy flowing better and make you glow brighter. It has some perks. You wanna see the coolest trick I ever learned? Even better than the Sonic Rainboom?”

“Umm… okay?” He shrugged.

Just like that, Rainbow Dash placed a hoof on the colt’s back.

And just like that, he was lost.

His eyes watered up, his head hung, his whole body went heavy and limp as his already dropped wings seemed to melt under him He could almost feel his pupils widening, too. “Wuwha….”

“This is a very old technique, one I almost never use. It’s just taking a feeling, putting it into your hooves, and then touching somepony with it. What you’re feeling right now is ‘calm’. You like that?” She smiled a little as a little pop came out of his left shoulder, some tension he was holding just evaporating.

“Yeah,” he muzzily replied.

Rainbow Dash withdrew her hoof, not wanting to mentally scar the boy. He found himself drying tears he barely realised he’d shed.

“It takes a lot of concentration to keep up. I can’t do it in combat, but being able to think with your body makes it come a little more natural. You’d be pretty good with it if you practised. Of course, you need to have control of your emotions, too, which is kinda tricky.” She rubbed the back of her head nervously.

Whimper’s breathing had turned slow, like he was half asleep. “That was weird. I felt like a little foal again.”

“Yeah, they teach that trick in hospitals. They call it ‘therapeutic touch’ there, or something like that. Your parents probably did it when you were a baby. Basically they tell parents never to handle a baby when they’re stressed out, and try to feel their love going into their hooves. Thing is, nopony ever teaches how to train that as a skill, so it doesn’t always work. In martial arts, you can learn to train it and perfect it. That’s mastering intent, something you could use.”

Whimper didn’t seem to get her reasoning.

She encouraged him with a smile, though trepidation snuck into her voice. “Doesn’t that sound like a good thing? You could calm somepony down with a pat on the back, even if they’re hysteric. If a unicorn friend ever loses control of their magic, you can switch it off for them. Or if you ever get into cooking you could really put love into a dish.”

He pouted, making Dash break her smile.“ Please stop trying to make this sound better than it is. You’re hiding something, I can tell. What’s going to happen to me, if I can fix the blacking out?”

She sighed. Smart kid. “Okay, here’s how it is. Assuming you don’t completely black out at random any more, your body and mind are both going to do the thinking. Most ponies who do get it only get it after they’ve grown up already. They get shocks to their body and their mind as the balance shifts. Your changes started sooner, so you’ll change on top of what you’d get growing up. It'll be easier on your body, but harder on your mind. You’ll grow up like I grew up. And that means you’re in for a rough ride.”

He cringed. “How rough?”

“You’ve probably noticed that, because your body’s a little more charged up, you’re more sensitive than other ponies. That’s not going to get any better. You’ll cry easily, and you being a colt makes that even harder. You being able to feel out what other ponies think of you? That’ll get worse, but you can learn to switch it off after a while. And even if you can control the blackouts, you’ll still lose some control when you get excited, but you’ll only black out on command or when you need to, when it really counts.”

He adjusted his position against her, leaning even closer to catch her warmth only to find they were both equally chilly to the touch. “So I really can’t be in crowds?”

As much as she hated it, she shook her head. “Not at first. You’ll start acting excited, like everypony else, and then you’ll start acting weird, out of control. And then ponies will think you’re crazy or stupid. But you’ll learn to handle crowds, eventually. Stage fright, too, you get that once and then you’re clear. The thing that you really have to watch out for, though, is… different.”

Whimper shivered at that. “Different? How?”

“When your mind and body are more balanced, at some point you’re going to notice that you’re a little more perceptive than everypony else. Stronger, too, you’ll have a plastic phase where you can’t hold glass anymore, it just explodes in your hooves. And... basically you’ll feel better than everyone else. Once you’re more in tune with your body and your emotions, once you start glowing, everypony else will seem like they’re not really awake instead of the other way around. The sad part is that you’ll be right, and you’re going to want to be acknowledged for it.”

Whimper’s ears lowered as Rainbow’s tone hardened.

“You won’t notice it, but you’ll start acting arrogant. You’re going to do some stupid things, and make a complete fool of yourself trying to prove how good you really are. You’ll start trying to do things you know you really can’t, even with your strength, but that won’t stop you. And you won’t realise you’re acting like a high and mighty jerk, not for one second. And because of how you are, that feeling, that callousness, will be contagious and it’ll spread to the ponies around you. Eventually your friends will step in, only after you’ve taken it one step too far. You'll be so busy praising yourself your abilities won't even let you see them coming. Everything shuts down when you get like that, your mind just turns rigid thinking about how good you are. You'll be a sitting duck for whatever they decide to do.”

The colt cringed, like he knew what was coming next.

“Your friends will notice you’ve been acting a little off, and they’ll do something to snap you out of it. They’ll make you humble again, bring you back down. And when they do bring you down, it’ll feel horrible. You'll kick yourself for being so stupid that you not only let things go to your head, you didn't see the humiliation coming. Once that hits, everything that makes you special will feel like a curse, and everything you’ve been through will feel pointless.”

Dash rubbed her eyes as she recalled those sensations. “Your friends won’t apologise for making you feel that bad, either. You are going to get stabbed in the back, and you’ll have no one to blame, not even yourself. You’ll find yourself hating your friends, for a little while. No one will think that they’ve hurt your feelings, because you’re just a tough guy… even if you cry more than anypony else. But you’ll just have to forgive them, like they forgive you for doing what comes natural.” Dash swallowed hard to stop any tears from flowing out. At least Twilight had understood eventually, but she couldn’t be sure Whimper would have the same luxury.

“Can’t I stop that from happening?” the boy whimpered.

Dash brought to mind all the times she’d gone awry, and the stupidly obvious solutions that had eluded her then. “Your personality changing? No, that’s going to happen whether you like it or not. But if you want to change into the kind of pony you are now, a couple of things would help. If you get into a competition, never try to just be the best, try to beat your old record. If things get heated in the competition, try your best to ignore it. And if you ever get caught in the middle of an argument? Leave, just leave. The way we are, we only make things worse when we don’t have anything to do with the problem. Lastly, and this is the big one, if ponies start praising you for anything, if they start hyping you up, turn your back and walk away.”

“So I shouldn’t take the medal, then? It’ll go to my head no matter what I do?”

“Oh no, build up a reputation first, take the medal when you feel like it and nothing bad will happen. I mean if you start getting things like a fan club, or when smaller crowds are cheering you on. Don’t let that get to you, and get away when it does. Your head will know that you should be humble, but your body doesn’t. And because of how things work in your body, your head won't be able to step in to take control again. As soon as that sort of thing starts, don’t let it get out of control or it will sneak up on you, your friends will step in, and it will the worst experience in your whole life.”

“Umm… you said we can’t handle crowds. How do you plan on being a Wonderbolt if that’s true?” He cringed again as he asked it.

“Well, I don’t have it as bad as you, I grew more slowly so I could get used to it. I've got more experience, and more control. And I’m learning to get past the crowd thing now, it just took me some time before I learned how. You could, too, if you just got the blackouts under control. That’s all you need to do.”

“How?”

“Send a letter to Princess Luna, like you should have in the first place.” She rubbed his back more roughly now, and sounded insistent. ”She knows about this sort of thing, she can explain it better than I can. She explained it to me when I was in Canterlot for the royal wedding and I got a lot out of just one talk with her. She knows about anger, about all those dark sides that everyone has but you actually brought out, but she can't help you if you hide it. I didn't even know she knew that much, or I'd have asked her sooner. And that test Shining Armour wrote about? The main reason no one ever passes it is because they can’t let go like you can. If you can completely black out on command just once, that’s enough. Your body sent a signal to your head and it keeps doing that, but your head can send the same signal to your body if you order it to. That’ll get you balanced again, it won’t happen at random anymore.”

His back tensed under her touch. She moved up to his neck, trying to ease out the hardness of his tendons and keep him feeling okay. “Trust me, being able to do that is a big deal. She’ll give you an official seal and no one will think twice about how good you are. Write that letter, and talk to her. It’s her job, and she’ll understand even better than I do. This is something that gets pushed down into the dark, right where she's at home. You’re not going to get labelled as a freak or a monster, I promise. If you accept that medal and anyone asks, that seal would be enough to explain yourself.”

“What’s the catch?” He narrowed his eyes. "Or what's the test?"

“It’s not so bad, really. She just stands behind you, swings a stick at you, and you have to dodge it. But the test is supposed to scare you, and if she doesn’t feel you being scared enough, you fail even if you dodge. You’d have to go as deep as you went in that fight and let go completely, let your dark side out just once. It’s not enough to react to the intent of the attack, lots of ponies can do that, for that test you have to react to an actual attack. And that means letting go and trusting your deeper self, by getting scared on command. Then she’ll give you the seal, and you’ll be a real bigshot. It’s one of the rarest and highest honours in any martial art. I can't even try something like that, but you can do it.”

“And then I’d be like you, right? Everything else you said would go wrong, that won’t happen, will it?”

Dash bit her lip at that. “No, all that will still happen, but you’ll feel better when it does. No matter what you do, you’ll always be a little weird. The way you are now, the pony you think you are? That pony won’t the same pony you’ll be in a few years. You’ll be awesome, you’ll earn respect, but no one will understand you, not even your friends. You’ll always look and feel a little off compared to others, and you won’t think or feel things the way they do. There can still be a few times you get out of line that you can’t really help, and your friends will still… stab you in the back if things get really out of hoof. That’s not even mentioning what’ll happen when you get a little older. You’ll notice some popular kids seem to get all the attention, and you’ll wonder why all the colts or all the fillies fall for them. But you? You won’t go for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, and when you feel this energy going through you, your heart will know who you should be with. It can tell the difference between wanting someone and loving someone. It’ll save you the trouble of guessing who the right one for you is, that’s a plus. But because of that energy, you start glowing, and some ponies will like you and want to be with you without knowing why. And that’ll be really painful, because you’ll know right from the start that they can’t.” Dash sighed.

Whimper winced at the thought. “But I don’t wanna be mean to fillies who like me.”

“You’ll have to learn to tone it down, then, and not show that energy. I managed to cheat my way out of that by burning off energy with stunt flying at first, but I doubt you can do that with your breathing problem. You can learn to control it, but it’s not foolproof. Even if you stay relaxed and just keep yourself feeling neutral, you’ll still feel stronger, and others will see that you're strong on the inside. But with a little practice, you can make it so nopony really pays too much attention to you, it's kinda like turning invisible by making everyone look the other way. It’s a neat trick to stay hidden and play pranks, too.” She grinned. Nightmare Night was the best time for testing how stealthy she could be.

He blinked as the facts sunk in. “So… wait, if I relax, I’ll get that energy flowing through my body better. Does that mean I’ll be healthier than everyone else, too?”

“Oh yeah. If you think you’re strong now, give it a few years. Your nerves will work on a higher voltage. You’ll be even stronger than you look, and you won’t get sick easily. You won't have to grow any more muscle, either, it's pure voltage. Your bones will get heavier too, if you know the training for that. You’ll be able to arm-wrestle Earth ponies, but don’t try stopping a runaway bus, that won’t work.” She groaned, having tried the latter and failed.

Whimper bit his lip as that train of thought reached its logical conclusion. Might as well ask. “What about my breathing problem, then? Is that going to get fixed, at least?”

An awkward silence fell. She gave him a careful smile. “It might. I don’t know how this sort of thing works, exactly, but I know it’s at least as deep as your problem. If it does clear up completely, it won’t be for about four more years, when your body gets some other changes. You’ll know when to expect it, trust me. But I doubt it would make a lot of difference, you're not the type to rush into things, and that's okay. If you just watch yourself, you can make it so the breathing thing doesn't matter.”

“But… the control thing… I’ll still be a risk, right? I can’t be sure everything will be all right?”

“No. Your personality’s going to change, that’s why it feels like you’re dying. That’s just the price you pay for being awesome. But it’ll get easier to make new friends, and they’ll look out for you. Scootaloo didn't know you before that fight, and she still made friends with you the way you are now. I don't know what you were like before that fight, but I can tell what you are now. You’re a good kid, Whimper, that won’t change if you don’t want it to. If you stay yourself, your friends will forgive you, no matter what you do.”

“How can you be so sure of that?”

“That's what friends do. They forgive each other. Especially the loyal ones.” She smirked.

He lowered his head as he got the facts lined up. “So all I have to do is black out on command once, go as deep as I did against Kludde, and then I’ll be more or less in control again? And I won’t hurt anyone if I’m really careful, if I keep all that in mind?”

“That’s right. There’s just one more thing you need to watch out for.” Dash gulped. She really didn’t want to have this talk at his early age, but she couldn’t risk it.

He shivered. “What’s that?”

“Part of what we have gives us more energy, more life. It’ll flow more easily if you relax, to the point where it shows, like a glow. Ponies will notice it, but they can’t put on a hoof on what it is, exactly. Even if you keep your emotions neutral, they’ll know you have a strong spirit.” Rainbow wriggled her wing over Whimper’s back again to keep him comfy.

“Okay, you said that already. So I need to try and not get other ponies hyped up around me. Or just learn to stay calm and then I won’t affect them.” He kept nodding as he got things straight.

Rainbow Dash braced herself. “Not just that. When you hang around someone for a long time, like all day for a few months or years, just being around them can give their bodies the same sort of shock to wake them up. It‘s slower, but it happens eventually. And that’s something that’s a bit harder to control. I never got that far, I just make sure I can get away in time.“

“You mean just being around ponies means I’ll be hurting them like I got hurt? My parents are going to get it too?”

“No, not your parents. It’s more of a transfer thing. It happens when you…’glow’ for someone, like a friend you pay a lot of attention to, a sick friend you're taking care of, or a girlfriend that you really love. Like that trick with the hoof on your back, that can trigger it if you’re not careful. What I'm trying to say is, the attention you give them will light them up if you’re not careful. That’s how it started for me.”

Silence hung over them for a moment. Whimper didn’t dare ask for more of an explanation.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip. No, he deserves to know this. “A pony I grew up with had the same thing as you, only he got it by trying. He didn’t even know what he was doing, really, but by meditating for a long time and by practising he got to where you are now. Don’t ask me how he managed it.” She rolled her eyes at the thought, half occluded in the moonlight.

She took another deep breath. I just have to weigh my words carefully here, that’s all. “He was a good friend, and we spent a lot of time together. We were thick as thieves. And by being that close to him for as long as I was, things got set off. I had an accident when I was your age that really jump started the thing, and a little while later I did the first Sonic Rainboom in a hundred years. I was your age when I did that for the first time, you know. I went pretty deep then, with sheer joy, but even then I’ve never gone as deep as you. And I’ve never had it happen too badly with anger.”

Dash looked pensive. She’d never shared this much with any pony. No one knew, not even her friends, and she didn’t know how long she could or should keep the secret. “Thing is, that was when I realised I’d changed, that my body and mind weren’t normal anymore. But I got my cutie mark from that, even if the Rainboom was never officially registered. I knew, right then, that whatever happened to me was something awesome, and I still do.” She smiled at the fond memory.

“And what happened to the guy who gave you that… thing?”

“Nothing bad.” She shrugged. ”We don’t talk much now, but he’s happily married. His wife tries to kill him from time to time, though. She’s about as far into it as I am, also because of exposure. It’s okay if you can learn to tone it down, but it still changes ponies, and if somepony changes because of you, you’ll need to know how to handle that. It won't happen with your parents, probably not even for a sibling, but... if you get married and have kids of your own, they won't be normal. Eventually, once you get that inner strength going, whoever you spend time with is exposed to your spirit, and you’ll notice they start acting a little like you do. Whether they get the same thing you have will just depend on how intensely you feel about them.”

“So am I really going to be alright? And my friends --”

“You don’t have to worry anymore, Whimper. If you really want to fix yourself, now you know how. But this isn’t going to go away, and it can’t be taken away without killing you.” Her heart sank as she said it.

“How am I supposed to deal with this? Even if I get it under control, I’m still going to die. I won’t be me anymore. And my friends will get it too?” He was nearly crying at everything he’d been told. The idea that he'd find someone to love, a true love, and wreck their lives by being with them, that was hard to swallow.

Rainbow nudged him out of his rant. “Have fun.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You’ve only been looking at the downsides, but there are a lot of upsides to it. You feel things more intensely, that includes happiness and love. When you learn to relax into it, when you feel that glow, food will start tasting better, music will really move you, and if you get into art, being in touch with your deeper self gives you a big edge on the rest. As bad as it looks, this is a good thing. You’re still going to be alive, Whimper, even more than you were before. It’s just your thinking mind that’s scared of letting go. If you can embrace this, it won’t change the way you are, just the way you feel. And normality's overrated anyway. I'm not normal, none of my friends are, and we're doing fine."

She let silence fall as the boy suppressed a sob. She leaned in and whispered. "I won't lie. It's scary and it can get lonely. There's a hundred things I wish I could tell you about and a thousand things I wish I could warn you about. But when it comes right down to it, you just have to trust me when I say that you can be happy if you give it a shot. So what’ll it be?” She rubbed his back again with that unfurled wing.

Whimper let his head hang. This was a lot of information to take in.

Life as he knew it was over, basically.

It had been over for a long time.

What am I supposed to do?

---

Scootaloo looked around the campfire as her friend finally came flying in. “You okay?”

“Just had a little talk with Rainbow Dash, is all.” He lay down next to his friend.

The colts and fillies stared at the two as Rainbow Dash sat next to him. Apparently that fake kiss had worked quite well, and everyone just assumed that was what Dash had talked to the colt about.

“Okay, song time, everypony!” Lyra called out.

Scootaloo nudged the boy, then rubbed his neck. “Are you sure you’re fine? You look a little out of it.”

He looked at the filly. Somehow, he knew what she was thinking, right down to the worries. He wasn’t shaking anymore, he was pretty relaxed. He could almost see the little glow around her in the moonlight: a vague whiteish pink that told him of her concerns. Maybe getting control just means being able to let go. And if I act weird or get emotional… who doesn’t?

Everyone’s got a dark side.

Everyone cries.

Why should I be any different?

He smiled at his friend. “I’ll be okay. What are we gonna sing now?”

“I gave Lyra a little list to spice things up. You take requests, don’t you, Lyra?” The filly smiled broadly as Lyra gave a knowing nod.

Rainbow Dash and Twilight pressed their hooves to their foreheads.

What kind of music would Scootaloo bring to the campfire?

What nightmarish, outlandish rock music had she tricked Lyra into singing?

Judging by the makeup that magically appeared on her face, it would be something dark. Judging by the fact that every other campfire had fallen silent, this was going to be dramatic. And loud.

It was just then that Rainbow Dash realised just what sort of ‘intense experiences’ Lyra had meant when she’d asked why the unicorn was up here. She just wanted to play in front of a crowd of excited pegasi. As the minty green unicorn opened her mouth, both Rainbow’s and Twilight’s ears flattened.

"A light...in the black...or just a fear...of the dark?"

She was going to sing that song? At a campfire?

Lyra got her animated gloves ready and started a riff that had some notoriety among rock fans. Whimper’s ears perked at the familiar tune. “You like Iron Filly?”

“You know Iron Filly?” Scootaloo hardly believed her ears. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom had only gotten their taste of that music when Scoot had introduced it to them.

“Well, sure. Bogsdown’s not that far from a concert hall, I can hear them from my bedroom when they play. Plus, my dad loves that kind music, and he leaves the volume low when I'm around, so this is pretty much just a loud lullaby for me.” He blushed in embarrassment.

Scootaloo raised her eyebrow.

Whimper blushed even more, lowering his head. “What?”

“I guess you’re more hard core than I gave you credit for.” She grinned as the foals hollered along with the lyrics, ”But isn’t this a little loud for you?”

“I think I’ll manage.” He smiled warmly.

“And do you know what you wanna do tomorrow? You can pick.” She nudged his shoulder again.

Whimper put his hoof to his chin as he thought. “How about tomorrow I do something a little different from what I do every day?”

She nodded. “What do you have in mind?”

“Try to get you your cutie mark.” He smiled. ”You know my moves now, so I’m thinking…”

Scootaloo looked confused.

Whimper grinned sheepishly. “Eheh, maybe you could, um, teach me how to dance?”

Comments

[nemryn]

So, who's the third pony? Is it Pinkie?

[Wise Cracker]

1080292
Hmm...maybe... Dash actually gave it away if you pay close attention, but neither Whimper nor the reader is supposed to realise it, since it doesn't matter in this current story. Don't pay too much attention to it. The main thing is: the whole reason Rainbow Dash opens up to Whimper like that is because she knows the difference between her and him. Pinkie Pie does have that weird Pinkie Sense going, but we've never seen her master intent to, say...put the Cake twins to sleep, nor do we ever get any indication she can tell the difference between the intent of an act and the act itself. Fluttershy, on the other hooves...

In any event, if you really want to know: in the sequel you will get to see the pony Rainbow grew up with and got her the way she is (note that Dash implies this guy got as deep as Whimper, but never mastered it), as well as the Ashen Blizzard. His supercharged daughter will also show up, everything will make sense and hilarity will ensue, trust me.

This story is actually finished now: the final chapter and the epilogue are online, I'll publish them on Wednesday, maybe as soon as tomorrow, actually, get it over and done with. This story took a lot of my attention, and a lot of emotional investment went into it. I'm happy how it turned out, and that people who like it seem to really like it. Next I'll do that collab for the sequel to Quorum Sensing, then there's the sequel to this, and I really want to use this idea I've had for an alicorn romance story, and a Dash/Shy oneshot...

Seriously, though: I have summer exams coming up, and I'll need to study

Thanks for the comment, as always!

[Fancies himself a lurker]

Interesting way to think about how the mind works.

[Axel van Daeren]

Wow, that was quite a giant blob of mysticism. Was not expecting that.

And now Doldrum Whimper is the Chosen One. I'm kind of disappointed.