• Published 27th Jul 2015
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To Cure Insanity Please Insert Ponies - No One and Nobody

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Chapter 6: A Dark Knight and a Bright Day

Chapter 6: A Dark Knight and a Bright Day

“I can’t believe it sir,” said Alfred, watching some of the footage that Bruce had brought back to the Batcave, “And here I thought these people were hardened criminals.”

“Maybe we should send a couple to old flyboy,” said Robin, nudging Bruce, “If you know what I mean?”

“Not until I’m sure they can do what they say,” said Bruce.

“Certainly sir,” said Alfred, “By the way I took the liberty of dusting off the new addition to your dashboard sir, and I left an extra piece of cake on the hood of the Batmobile just like you asked.”

“Thanks Alfred,” said Bruce, “Let’s hope that keeps her occupied long enough for me to change my password.”

Alfred took a look at the Batmobile to see a half-eaten piece of cake on the hood with the white toy standing there, frosting coating her muzzle.

“Perhaps I should get more cake,” said Alfred, leaving.

“So how are things going with the new addition to the cave?” asked Robin.

“She takes the cake… All of it. She’s overly bright and cheerful, has broken into every one of my files (somehow), and never shuts up about the ‘magic of friendship’.”

Robin heard the sound of glassware and stepped around Batman to see the toy sitting on the console. As new layer of frosting was on her muzzle and Batman’s cake was half eaten already.

“Well, I think I’ll go turn in for the night,” said Dick, taking off his costume and stretching as he starting up the passageway to Wayne Manor.

There was a flash of white light and Batman looked up, saying, “Too late. She got your cake too.”

Dick groaned and continued up the stairs.

With another flash of light Celestia returned, licking frosting off her lower lip, “Delicious. Simply delicious.”

“That’s my cake you know,” said Bruce, taking off his mask and closing the computer down.

“Well you would be a pretty lousy host if you denied one of your friends a little something to eat every now and then, wouldn’t you? After all we are friends, right?”

“I’m beginning to wonder…”

“Goodnight,” said Celestia, chuckling.

Bruce removed his costume and went upstairs.

As he lay in bed thinking about the night he wondered just how much of an impact these ponies could have on the inmates at Arkham.

He closed his eyes and rolled over.

Meanwhile at Arkham, Joker screamed as the butterflies carried him over a meadow of singing daisies.


Bruce awoke to a bright light shining in his eyes. At first he thought that Alfred must have opened the blinds but then he saw the white form atop the light.

“Come on, time to get up,” she said as the light bobbed up and down in front of him.

He grunted and rolled over. No stupid pony was going to be telling him what to do.

The covers were whisked off him and he found himself hanging by one foot, upside-down over his bed.

“Telekinesis?” he said, with his arms crossed, glaring at the upside-down pony.

“Magic,” she retorted, and dropped him back onto the bed.

“I can take care of myself, you know,” he said, coming out of the bathroom holding his toothbrush in one hand a few minutes later.

“When you’re tied up and dangling over a vat of acid, or when you’ve got twenty guns pointed at your face. But when it comes to making friends, you need serious help,” said Celestia as her horn glowed slightly.

Bruce felt his hair comb itself into shape.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now go out there and make some friends.”

Bruce left the room rolling his eyes.

As he walked into the kitchen he could hear Cello music. He looked around the corner to see Alfred cooking while a small grey pony played a cello on the counter.

As her song ended Alfred dusted some flour off his hands and clapped.

"Beautify Ms. Octavia, simply beautiful."

The pony nodded to Alfred, quietly accepting the praise, then she placed the bow on the strings once more and the kitchen was filled with the enchanting melody.


Joker awoke with his face against cold, hard stone and upon realizing he was home in Arkham he kissed the floor.

Spitting and wiping his mouth he stood up and looked around at his cell.

Who knew what that creature would do to him tonight? He had to think of something and fast! Night was becoming a nightmare at Arkham. What would be next flying cats leaving rainbow trails?


Croc opened his eyes and stretched. He had never felt this good in the morning.

“Thanks Shy,” he said, looking down at where she had been lying last night.

She was still there, fast asleep!

Croc froze in terror as he could hear the door opening down the hallway. Pretty soon the doctors would be here. He couldn’t let them take his Shy away. He looked around for a hiding place and then, when he couldn’t find one, picked her up carefully in his hand and hid her behind his back.

The doctors came and asked him questions like normal.

“How have you been doing?”

“Fine.”

“How do you feel? Anything you want to get off your chest?”

Croc cradled Shy in his hands behind his back and gulped.

“Nope, nothing. Everything’s the same as usual. But thanks fer askin’.”

The doctors looked at each other, wrote something on their clipboards and moved on to the next cell.

When they left, Croc sighed with relief and tried to wake Shy up.


After the doctors had left, Poison Ivy sat there thinking about that strange pony from last night.

Checking to make sure nobody was looking she crossed her legs, closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to connect with her ‘inner self’ as the pony had called it.


The doctors could barely hear Bane.

“What did you say?” one asked.

“A little louder please,” said another.

“YEAH! YOU ROCK-” yelled Bane, and then clamped his hand over his mouth, “Sorry I’m a little hors- I mean, I’ve got a sore throat today.”

The doctors looked at each other again and moved on to the next cell.


Joker sat in the chair staring around the room at the other inmates. Many of them didn’t seem to know what to do with themselves.

Croc for one seemed to be scared of something and just stood by the window staring out at the sky.

Poison Ivy was sitting cross-legged on the couch, her eyes closed, with a potted plant in her lap, and Two-face was spinning his coin absentmindedly on the table. No one seemed to be interested in anything.

They’re waiting for night to come, said Joker to himself. The saps have all caved.

Harley was the worst of all, she had been avoiding him ever since they were let out of their cells.

I’ve heard her and that stupid pony of hers. Well good riddance, I never needed her anyway.

Penguin was nodding politely at Scarecrow who was measuring his muscles in the glass which separated the prisoners from the doctors.

What ever happened to their spirit? he wondered. What has become of Arkham? It’s been turned into a breeding ground for lunatics. One minute their healthy sociopaths well on their way to infamy, and the next they’re all moping about waiting for their precious ponies to come and talk to them. The idiots! Well I’ll show them, I’ll-

Joker froze. His eyes had just spotted something across the room, and with it had come the makings of a plan.

Grabbing a paper cup of water and some dirt from one of Ivy’s plants he began to work. Forming something carefully in his hands.
It didn’t need to be perfect, just good enough to fool the fool. Pretty soon he would have the upper hoof on those dumb ponies.

After he had finished weaving his makeshift supplies into something. He concealed his creation in his right hand and waited for the doctors to send them back to their cells. As he walked out of the free-time area he bumped into Croc.

“Watch it!” he said, glaring at Joker.

“I beg your pardon,” said Joker, smiling, “I knew I should have made that left turn at Albuquerque.”

As the doctors locked up the two Joker opened his right hand and grinned. His plan had gone off without a hitch. Pretty soon the doctors would come back to administer a tranquilizer to calm Croc down and then all he had to do was wait for the fun to start. 

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