• Published 27th Jul 2015
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To Cure Insanity Please Insert Ponies - No One and Nobody

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Chapter 2: The First Night

Chapter 2: The First Night

It was night and Arkham Asylum was unusually silent as the dark shadow moved through the hallways.

Several of the inmates paid no attention as the dark figure moved towards one particular cell. However a few such as Bane and Poison Ivy glared daggers as he passed by.

At last he stopped in front of one cell in particular.

“Can I help you?”

Batman turned to see Edward Nygma staring at him from his cell.

“I’m not here to see you Nygma,” said Batman, tapping the other cell door, “Croc.”

There was a muffled grunt from the other side of the door, “What do you want Bats?”

“Someone sent you a gift.”

There was silence from the other side of the door.

“No one ever sends me nuthin’. You got the wrong guy.”

“They left instruction for me to give it to you personally. Called themselves No One. Ring any bells?”

“Never heard of ‘em.”

Batman placed the plastic yellow pony on the small opening in the metal door through which he could see Killer Croc laying on his cot.

“You’re kidding. Right?”

“Someone sent it to you. If you don’t know who then I guess I’ll just have to find out,” said Batman, letting the toy sit there on the edge.

“Forget it,” said Croc, rolling over.

As Batman left he gave a quick look at Nygma as if to say, I’ve got my eye on you.

Batman had just left and Croc lay there thinking.

No one ever gets me stuff. They all just run away from me. Well good riddance. I don’t need anyone just me and a whole lotta money.

There was a click as something dropped to the floor and looking up his eyes caught the tiny toy lying there by the door. Something about it made him nervous.

“Hey,” he yelled, picking it up and walking to the door, “I told you to forget this stupid-”

“Excuse me,” said a quiet voice, “Could you please put me down?”

Croc looked down to see the toy staring up at him with a set of big aquamarine eyes.

“Aagghhh!” yelled Croc, dropping the toy, which spread its wings and landed softly on the ground.

“What’s going on here?” said Croc, backing up to the wall, “What do you want?”

The toy cocked its head adorably to one side and said gently, “To be friends?”

Croc stared at if for a second.



“Because I don’t make friends. I usually just separate their arms from their bodies. BATMAN! Come get this stupid thing out of here.”

Croc tried to see out the small port in his door, but all he could see was the Riddler in the next cell. Turning around he saw the small yellow thing sitting on the ground crying.

Croc could feel something bubbling up inside of him. He didn’t know what it was and he didn’t like it. Angrily he pointed at the toy and growled, “Listen you. Shut up!”

This just made it wipe its eyes and stare mournfully up at him.

Croc had had enough. Taking two steps towards the toy he reached out and…


It was staring at him. Those eyes commanded that he stand still. He couldn’t disobey those eyes; they were overpowering.

Croc slowly withdrew his hands, his gaze still frozen by that stare.

He lost his balance and fell over backward bumping his head against the wall.

As he lay there rubbing his head and moaning slightly he heard a voice say, “Are you o.k.?”

He opened his eyes to see the pink-haired thing standing on his chest looking hopefully at him.

“Yeah, ya, I’m… fine,” said Croc, rolling over and standing up, still rubbing his head.

He walked over to his cot and sat down. He knew when he was beaten.

“What are you anyway?” asked Croc, trying not to look directly into those eyes again.

“Oh, I’m a pegasus pony and my name’s umm… Fluttershy.”

Croc shook his head and looked carefully at the pony, positive that he had misheard her.

“What did you say?”

“I said my name is… Fluttershy,” she said again hiding behind her hair.

Croc stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it around a few time before pulling it out and inspecting it. Then looking back at the pony.

“You’re not... scared of me, are you?” asked Croc, standing up slowly.

“No I’m just… Shy,” she said, looking at him with one eye.

Even one eye was enough to make Croc sit back down again on his cot. Crossing his arms and grumbling, he glowered at the pony.

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

“I don’t think so,” she said, looking carefully around the room.

“Whatever. I’m calling you Shy.”

The pony laughed softly and said, “My friend Rainbow sometimes calls me Flutters. You can call me that if you want to.”

She had come out from behind her hair now and he could still see those two eyes like twin-sheathed swords. Croc glared at the wall as he realized that that pony’s two eyes were more powerful than the Batman’s two fists.

“What are you looking at?”

“The wall. What’s it look like I’m lookin’ at?”

“Ohh… o.k.”

Croc sat there staring at the wall, growing more and more uncomfortable. Usually he didn’t mind the quiet but for some reason with this pony sitting there it seemed too quiet.

He chanced a quick glance at the pony and saw her sitting quietly there with her cheeks puffed out slightly as though she was holding her breath.

Croc sat there growing more and more uncomfortable by the minute until finally unable to take it any longer he growled, “Rainbow’s a stupid name.”


“I said Rainbow’s a stupid name. What does she do for a living poop butterflies or something?”

Shy tilted her head to one side and raised an eyebrow, “No, she manages Ponyville’s weather.”

Croc grunted and said, “Ponyville, Huh? That’s where you’re from?”

“Yes, me and my friends live there. Rainbow would probably say we’re the guardians of Ponyville or something.”

She chuckled at this.

“Let me guess you protect it from rampaging bunny hordes and such.”

Shy smiled and said, “Oh that wasn’t so bad. Now the parasprites those were a problem.”

Croc gave Shy a sideways look and said, “The what’a’thingy’s?”

“Parasprites they’re little insect-like creatures which, even though they’re really cute, can be a big problem.”

“Too many heart attacks?”

“No, they’ll eat anything in sight, and once they’re full they magically divide into more of themselves. Before too long there was a huge swarm eating anything edible in their path.”

Croc turned around to face the pony and said, “Well why didn’t you just, I don’t know rainbow-flower-magic them away?”

“Twilight tried that.”


“Twilight, she’s Princess Celestia’s personal student. Anyway she tried to make it so that the parasprites would stop eating all the food and making more of themselves. But the spell didn’t work exactly how she wanted it to. The parasprites started eating everything but the food. They started eating anything that wasn’t nailed down, from houses to carts to signs.”

Without realizing it Croc had leaned forwards and was listening intently to what the pony was saying.

“What did you do?”

“Well that’s when Pinkie Pie… She’s the resident party planner and new-pony-welcomer. She can be a little strange at times, but she’s always looking out for everypony.”


“Yes, well that’s when she showed up with a tuba.”

“A tuba?”

“Yes, and a harmonica and drums and all sorts of instruments. Well she played some music and led those parasprites right out of Ponyville and back into the Everfree Forest.”

“The Everfree Forest?”

“Oh it’s a very scary place filled with all sorts of terrifying monsters like timberwolves-”

“Huh, they’re not that scary.”

“Yes they are. Especially when they’re huge, smelly and reform when you knock them to pieces.”


“They’re made out of wood.”

Croc gave her a blank stare, “Wooden wolves… What’s next evil chickens?”

“Nope, just cockatrices and dragons.”

Croc stared at her and then opened his mouth.

“A cockatrice is a creature with the body of a chicken, the tail of a snake, and eyes which can turn you to stone. A dragon on the other hoof-”

“I know what a dragon is. You didn’t meet all these creatures, did you?”

“Only once or twice. The cockatrice was an accident but me and my friends had to stop the dragon from completely smothering Ponyville in smoke.”

“Which one of your friends took on the dragon?”

“Oh, um that was… Me.”


“Yes, I looked him right in the eye and told him to stop being a such a big bully.”

“And the cocka-thingy?”

“I looked him straight in the eye too and told him to turn my friend back to normal or I’d tell his mother on him.”

Croc didn’t know what to say to that. On one hand he didn’t have a mother, on the other if this pony could look a cocka-thingy in the eye without being turned to stone maybe he should play it on the safe side.

He sat there thinking as the pony stared politely at him. He really should stop talking to this dumb pony and go to sleep but for some reason his mouth wasn’t listening to his head.

“How big was this dragon?”

“Bigger than a house, with razor-sharp spines, and a long tail with spikes in it, and a massive head with huge fangs, fiery breath and giant, golden slitted eyes…”

Croc sat there his hands on his knees looking at the pony and listening to her telling her story.

This was going to be a long night.

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