It was a warm sunny day at Wumpa Island. Coco Bandicoot was riding on her rocket sled at the beach while I was holding on to a handrail behind her.
"Come on, Crash!" Coco cheered. "Yeah, Crash. You're doing great!"
At the beach, Pura was making a sandcastle while Aku Aku sat on a chair to relax. It was going well until a portal opened. Out came the children of harmony. Aku Aku and Pura looked at each other as they took a step forward the kids. This caused Toby to whimper sadly.
"P-p-please d-d-don't hurt us," he cried.
"Yea-a-h, we don't taste ve-e-ery well," Joshua said.
Again Aku Aku and Pura looked at each other again and back to each other.
"It's OK. We won't hurt you at all, young ones," the mask replied.
The kids calmed down and became calm after not being injured by them. But then an explosion was heard.
"What's happening?" Aku Aku asked.
Everyone took a look at the volcano that was burning.
"No," Aku Aku exclaimed. "This cannot be."
Then the gang took a look at the stormy clouds going on their way.
"Oh, no." the mask said.
The dark clouds covered the sun as they turned the sky dark. Coco eventually took notice of this.
"What's going on?" the female bandicoot cried. "Oh, no. Crash, look out!"
But it was too late as the wave knocked out me and my sister out of the ocean. Luckily everyone survived it as Aku Aku pulled himself out of the sand.
"Is everyone all right?" he asked everyone.
"Yep," everyone but me and Pura replied.
Suddenly another portal emerged and out came the Mane 6, the fillies, adult parents, and the CMC.
"TOBY!" Ashley cried out.
"MOMMY!" Toby replied happily.
The children of harmony hugged their parents, their friends, and their Equestria family.
"What is that?" Rainbow Dash shouted, pointing at the erupting volcano and the stormy clouds.
"A disaster," Aku Aku answered. "It seems that my evil twin brother, Uka Uka, is up to his no good tricks again. I must find out what's he up to." He turned to the humans and ponies. "All of you must follow Crash Bandicoot and Coco here into his house for safety. I'll meet up with all of you later." He explained as he warped somewhere else.
"Come on, everybody," Coco called out. "Follow me and Crash to our house." She then ran to the house along with me.
"OK." the heroes replied as they went to the house with us. However, no one noticed that an evil spirit picked up a locket and disappeared.
Right off the bat I can tell that having chapters under a thousand words has hindered you in getting your story to be good. Another is that you have too many characters in one place. Your grammar is fine but it's not perfect. You also have no cover art to get people's attention and no followers that would view this. Fix those things and you're getting on the right track to having a successful Fimfic.
1. Collin Fraser was created by MetalBrony823.
2. The part that mentioned about " turning us into your own kind" refrences your story "Night of the antrho ponies". The human kids are still human.
3. I'll edit it right now.
By the way, can you follow me?
Ok. I'll do that in the sixth chapter. It will be before Crash, Aku Aku, Toby Mason, and Joshua go to Artic Antics in Wumpa Island while Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Nathan will go to a similar level in Equestria at Chapter 7.
6202529 Oh, well, never mind that 2 and as for following you, I will, and like and favorite this story. I see great potential in it. Also, you really need to hit the reply button when you're talking to someone, it gets confusing
6202592 Anyway, are you excited for A New Home IV?
6202599 On a scale of 1-10, my excitement is at 80