Chapter 12 - Meating the Family
I masterfully reared up my lower back half and skillfully bucked the tree with just enough force to knock all of the apples out of the tree. I heard the satisfying sound of the apples landing neatly in a pile in the baskets below the tree.
"Nice work, U-3! Looks t'ah me like you've got buckin' down!" Applejack said as she brought the apple cart over to the tree I had just bucked.
"Well, I've been practicing all day. " I said as I leaned down to pick up the baskets and put them in the cart. Applejack started counting the baskets after I finished putting them into the cart.
"Yep! That's tha' last of 'em! We've reached our quota fer today!" She swung her head around to face the sun that was lowering towards the horizon. "Right on time fer dinner, too!"
I straightened up at the concept of food. I hadn't had anything to eat in the entire time I had been in Equestria, so the concept of food sounded very appealing to me.
"Ah'll have t'ah introduce ya' to my family when we get home." Applejack said as she started walking away. I trusted that she knew where she was going, and followed her.
"Do they know about me?" I asked.
"Yeah. Princess Celestia told 'em all about you after I offered to have ya' stay here with me." Applejack stated.
"Glad that's taken care of, then." I said. I paused, thinking of something, and then asked, "What do you think they'll be having for dinner?"
"Prob'ly apple pies." Applejack said.
I sighed (it came out as more of a rough exhale)."That's what I was afraid of." I said.
"Wha'do you mean by that?" Applejack asked suspiciously.
"I have no idea what I can and can't eat. I mean, before I became this," I gestured towards myself with my human hand before continuing. " I was an omnivore. But now that I'm mixed with a bunch of carnivores, I have no idea if I can still eat fruits and vegetables."
I wonder if I have three stomachs now, or just one big one. For that matter, if I have three stomachs, does that mean I have three sets of lungs? How about hearts?
My thoughts were interrupted when Applejack spoke up. "So y'er sayin' that ya' might only be able t'ah eat meat?"
"Maybe. I don't know for sure yet. I'm planning to use this dinner as an opportunity to check and see." I replied.
"Well, whatever happens, you're always welcome at my farm. There might be some ponies out there who discriminate against meat eaters, but ah'm proud t'ah say I've never met a single one in ponyville. They need to realize that it's just ah fact of life and get over it." Applejack said.
I looked over at her in surprise. "Wait, some of you eat meat?"
Applejack shook her head. "Naw, not ponies. Griffons. An' they're omnivores, by tha' way."
"Griffons? You're kidding me, right?" I asked.
"Naw. We had a griffon in ponyville a while back, 'though she turned out to be a bit of a bad apple."
Well, looks like The Fuana of Equestria left out some things.
"Wait, you said the griffons eat meat. Aren't all of the animals here sapient?" I asked.
"There're two ways you can legally get meat in Equestria: either by buying it from traders who sell meat they got from tha' griffon homeland where there ain't enough magic to make the animals there sapient, or by huntin' the animals in equestria that ain't smart enough to be sapient even with all of tha' magic in tha' land, like fish. 'Course, you could always hunt in tha' Everfree Forest where tha' magic only penetrates enough to make only tha' most dangerous animals sapient. 'Course, that place ain't called 'dangerous' for no good reason, so everypony usually just stays away from it. " Applejack finished up.
I nodded my head, letting it all sink in. "I'm guessing there are hunting seasons for fish and the like to keep the population up?"
"You got it, partner. Most of tha' meat during tha' off-seasons comes from tha' traders." Applejack said.
"If it's the only source of meat during the off-season, and the traders have to get their supply from a far-off land, I'd imagine the prices must be pretty high." I deducted.
Applejack nodded her head. "That's why some of tha' griffons that live in Equestria turn vegetarian during tha' off-season. They get tha' nutrients they need from other foods."
I nodded my head, and looked ahead of us to find a two-story house coming into sight. I stopped and turned to Applejack. "I'll let you go warn them first." I said.
------------------------------------------------
By the time Applejack had come out to tell me it was okay to approach the house, the sun was just starting to touch the horizon.
"Okay, Ah've told everypony that you're coming. You don't have to worry about anyone freakin' out about'chya." Applejack said.
"Thanks. Let's get going." I said before approaching the house. The door was once again to small for me to enter, but it was nothing that leaning down wouldn't fix. I just hoped that the ceiling was high enough for me to stand.
Before I could reach the door, however, it was suddenly opened. Inside the door frame stood a large red stallion with a mane the color of wheat.
"Heya, Big Mac! This is our guest that I was tellin' ya' about!" Applejack said.
Big Mac stared at me straight in the face without even a flinch, and said, "He's a might too big for the house."
What? No "Ahhh, it's a scary monster"? Not even a flinch? Just acceptance? I'm liking this guy already.
I was about to speak up and tell them they could just bring the food out to me when Applejack spoke up first. "Well if U-3 can't get inside, then I guess we'll all just have t'ah bring dinner outside."
"Eeyup." Big Mac said with a smile.
-----------------------------------------
In only a couple of minutes, a picnic blanket was spread across the front lawn. An elderly mare joined us, along with a filly with a ridiculously large bow in her mane. I had expected both of them to at least flinch at the sight of me, but neither did, to my surprise. The elder mare had apparently confused me with one of Applejack's uncles ("I'll explain later." Applejack had said.). The younger one, however, looked on at me with more curiosity than anything. I have to admit: having someone who didn't scream and run at the first sight of me or grimace like I was some kind of abomination that shouldn't exist felt good.
And they had gone out of their way to accommodate me, too. They could have just brought my food out and been done with it, but instead they decide to move everything outside so I wouldn't be left out. It kind of made me nostalgic of my own home. Mom would never let anyone eat dinner until everyone was at the table.
My musings were knocked aside as a voice sounded off in front of me. "Hi there! M'ah name's Applebloom! What's yours?"
I looked around for the mysterious voice only to come up empty handed. I even looked behind me for good measures.
"Down here!"
I looked down to see the small filly from before looking back up at me with the cutest smile I had ever seen. "Tha' princess told me all about'chya! Did you really save her from ah manticore?" The filly said with adoring eyes.
I straightened up. "Yep, I sure did!"
Although I still don't know where that memory came from. I've never worked in law enforcement in my life!
"Woah! Can you teach me what ya' did t'ah that manticore?" Applebloom asked me.
Now that's just asking for trouble.
I shook my head. "Sorry, maybe when you're older." I said.
"Awww." She said.
"Applebloom, stop pesterin' y'er uncle." The elderly mare said.
Applebloom turned to face the mare."But he's not--"
"No 'but's!" The elderly mare interrupted.
Applebloom sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine." She said before walking over to an empty spot on the blanket. Big Mac chose that moment to walk out of the house carrying several apple pies on his back.
That's some impressive balance.
Big Mac walked over to my and gave me a whole apple pie and a fork. "Here ya' go."
"Thanks." I said taking the pie from him. I wrapped my tentacle arm loosely around the pie and grabbed my fork before realizing something I should have realized a long time ago.
How am I going to eat with my mouth like this?
I looked at the long, gigantic tongue sticking out from between the mandibles that used to be my jaw.
Maybe it's some kind of proboscis?
I raised my tongue and struck it into the pie. I attempted to suck through my tongue like a straw, but it wasn't working. I looked up to see all of the Apple family (barring the elderly one, who had fallen asleep) staring at me.
"Sorry." I said before taking my tongue out of the pie and wiping off any pie that stuck to it with a napkin. The feeling of the cloth rubbing up against the sensitive yet unfamiliar organ was extremely strange. "I don't exactly know how to eat with this body."
Applejack nodded. " 's okay. Take y'er time."
I thought long and hard about how i could ingest the pie.
Maybe what's left of my mouth can stretch open like a snake's mouth?
I tried to open my mouth as wide a possible, but nothing happened other than my mandibles moving a couple of inches.
Nope. That didn't work. Okay, let's think.
I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to think of any way to eat the food. Slowly, my mind turned towards the memory that I had watched with Celestia. I had seen myself mindlessly fighting that man, but the plaga had been coming out of a giant slice in my back. It didn't look like your ordinary, two-inch plaga, though. This one had been mutated by the expirements. It seemed to take the shape of a giant fleshy tentacle ending in two razor sharp mandibles twice the size of my human arm. They could snap together like a giant pair of scissors with lethal results.
However, It was only when I realized what was inbetween the two mandibles did I figure out how to eat. Inbetween the two giant razor sharp mandibles was a mouth the size of my head, and lined with teeth.
I opened my eyes. I could feel the presence of the plaga inside of my back. "I think I've figured out how to eat." I announced.
Applejack spoke up."Ya' did? Great job! So how exactly do ya' eat? 'Cause I ain't seein' a way."
"I think it'd be faster to just show you. Be warned: I'm about to do something freaky." I said before backing up away from the picnic just in case the plaga decided to go hostile.
I started exploring the muscles in my body to try and find one that might control the plaga. I started with my middle back when suddenly the feeling of a hundred knives stabbing into me tore through my body. It only lasted just a moment before mysteriously dissappearing completely, but it was more than enough time for a short scream of pain.
"AAAAGH!"
The pain cleared in an instant, and I realized that I had clenched my eyes shut. I took a moment to collect myself before opening them. All of the Apple family (once again barring the elderly mare) were standing upright with their eyes wide open.
Two giant blades entered the side of my vision, followed by a mouth the size of my head. I felt a twinge of triumph at being able to summon the plaga, but that quickly turned to panic when I realized the plaga still had a mind of it's own. I waited for a couple of second, before realizing that the plaga hadn't actually done anything yet, and I still hadn't come under its control.
It must still be docile.
"Everybody, meet the thing that ruined my life. This is the plaga." I announced. I panicked when I realized that I had just exposed the only thing keeping me alive to potential danger, but I calmed down when I remembered just how many bullets it had taken before dying.
Even my weak point is built like a tank.
Applejack spoke up. "U-3, I don't mean to be rude 'er nothin', but--"
"Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!" Applebloom spouted while stomping her hooves on the ground with her eyes closed.
"Eeyup." Big Mac said with a neutral expression. I could see he was eyeing the razor sharp mandibles.
Meanwhile the old mare was still sleeping. She could probably sleep through a hurricane.
"Don't worry guys, I think he's harmless." I said. "But just in case, I think you all should back up a little."
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Dinner had gone fairly well. I had thought the giant mandibles would have gotten in the way, but it turns out that they can turn in a complete 90 degree angle away from the mouth. The others had stayed a few feet away and had been fairly apprehensive of it until they saw me start spoon feeding it. Applebloom had started giggling at that, which was soon followed by Applejack. Even Big Mac eventually cracked a smile.
Applejack had asked if she could come closer ("Ah trust you." She had said), and I had told her she could, but to do so slowly so I could gauge the plaga's reaction to see if it was dangerous. Thankfully, it confirmed my suspicions that it was, in fact, completely docile.
After that, things had calmed down. Everybody came back to the blanket, and we had a (relatively) normal dinner. After I had finished my share of pie, I had asked Applejack if she knew somewhere I could sleep. She had offered to let me sleep in the barn, since the house was too small.
So now, here I am, laying down on top of this pile of hay. The plaga had somehow found a way to place itself back inside of me, and even close up the tear it had burst out of.
This has possibly been the craziest day of my life. I thought as I closed my eyes. Or at least a close second.
And then I fell asleep.
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WNI! It's so much win I canyty speel rightt.
Loved this soooooo much .... plaga burstin out of yo back eatin up yo pies :D
I HAve two words for this chapter "Too Awesome"
this chapter was worth the wait
I go out and see the new resident evil movie, and come back to find this updated. Coincidence? I THINK NOT
This is a really good story.
While it is a little strange to have there be two different first-person perspectives, it's not too much of a problem, as you don't switch it mid-chapter and you do a good job at establishing whose perspective it's from.
LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!
Spoon-feeding apple pie to the parasitic monster that popped out of your back?
This story just got 20% more Crazy Awesome.
You'd think AB would be more shocked all things considering.
Then agean... We have no idea wether of not AB encountered the blanks...
Im inside your back, eatin' yer pies.
*sniffs the air* I smell epic misunderstandings and awkward moments next chapter... I f not next chapter, in the near future.
1275783 fltr pls
1275833 1278639 hide yo kids and hide yo wives
1275871 Two words? That's more than double what I usually get!
1276134 1278103 om nom nom nom
1276332 it's a conspiracy, man.
1277496 and I love you for reading it!
1276635 Well, thank you!
And don't worry, it's only going to get stranger from here on out.
1278124 fun fact: while I was creating the plot for this story, I briefly considered using the blanks as one of the antagonists. I threw the idea away because ultimately they would not fit in with the way I wanted the story to go (not because they're too "Dark and gory" or anything like that, but because they honestly wouldn't be able to fill the role.)
1278833 what do those even smell like?
1279787 fried chicken with chocolate and rice.
1279821
Smells epic. Let's do this.
1282132
static.fjcdn.com/large/pictures/e4/ed/e4ed91_1449991.jpg
1283884
Can't see pic.
1284235
Maybe it's the browser? I can see it fine.
1284245
Repost it in another format or something? Pm It to me? Tell me what to search on google?
1284245
There it is. LEEEEEROOOOOOYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
Im'a LOL so hard if he eats something that doesn't agree with him, and he coughs up the rocket that I fired at U-3 and (for some reason) disappeared into his mouth.
1284704 Wesker probably ate the rocket. He seems to be in a habit of doing that lately. He was probably just going so fast that you didn't see him.
1059581 Yay For glitches!
Ewewewewewewew indeedy Apple Bloom, jeebus XD
hahaha.
Man, Big Mac ain't got no fear eh?
Good job man!