Fluttershy was running towards the castle gates breathing heavily, still thinking about that creature. How did it know her name? Where did it come from? Fluttershy was beginning to get frustrated, she had read every book in the castle library but no clues of that. Thing, came to mind. fluttershy suddenly started to hear his voice in her ear calling her.
"Fluttershy... Fluttershy... Fluttershy-"
"Fluttershy!!!"
Fluttershy skidded to a halt as she heard somepony call her name, she knew who it was.
"Mother, father?" Fluttershy called out.
She heard her parents voice's again.
"Where are you?"
"I'm over here!" Fluttershy replied
Fluttershy started to hear hoof steps running towards her until she saw her mother and farther emerge from a bush breathing heavily. Fluttershy started to cry, she ran to her parents and pulled them into a tight hug, they did as well.
"Oh Fluttershy, my dearest where did you go we were so worried! " Celestia exclaimed.
" We thought someone foalnapped you!" Sombra said
Fluttershy looked down in shame and started sobbing.
"I, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to run away. I just got so, so frightened. There was this animal thing and it chased me!" Fluttershy cried
Sombra looked at Celestia and Celestia looked at Sombra worriedly. Sombra darted his eyes at Fluttershy and back, Celestia looked at Fluttershy and sighed. Then they both nodded and looked back at Fluttershy.
"Flutter- "
Suddenly there was an earthquake and a tree burst into flames almost burning Celestia, but Sombra used his magic to lift the tree and move it away. As Celestia ran over to her husband and her daughter the tree started to stand up and grow, taking a form of that creature Fluttershy saw. Fluttershy became terrified.
"It’s back!" Fluttershy screamed
Sombra and Celestia stood in front of Fluttershy protectively and started their magic.
“Discord! What are you doing here!” Shouted Celestia angrily.
Fluttershy gasped she recognized that name from a book she read.
Discord chuckled.
“Oh Celestia still so serious after about what, seventeen years?
“Sixteen years!” Sombra corrected
“Oh right whatever.”
Celestia ignored him, but she still wanted to know why he was here.
“Discord you didn't answer my question!”
Discord rolled his eyes “Alright your highness. I came here to make a deal with-”
“ Make a deal? Haha as if!" Sombra snickered
Discord scowled, but then grinned wickedly. He snapped his fingers making a mouse click appear removing Sombra’s mouth and horn. Celestia and Fluttershy gasped.
“You didn’t let me finish." discord remarked. "I was saying I want to make a deal with Fluttershy.”
They all gasped. (except Sombra)
Celestia gasped and looked at fluttershy worriedly, she knew what Discord wanted, and Celestia wasn't about to loose her.
Celestia looked at Discord angrily and started her magic again shooting a beam at him.
Discord quickly flew away from the blast and shot a lightning bolt at Celestia, which Celestia dodged.
Discord was beginning to get aggravated. He looked at Celestia then glared at Fluttershy. Then he had an idea, Discord snapped his talons and a large cage appeared trapping Celestia and Sombra inside. (Also taking Celesia's horn.)
“Let them go!” Fluttershy cried “I, I’ll do, anything.”
Discord hovered over to Fluttershy and stared at her questioningly.
"Alright then, answer me this.. Who will you choose?"
I haven't read the story yet, But.. Why was Fluttershy born from Sombra and Celestia?
I will add this to my list for stories, i'll read later.
I have to say I know its your first story , but It needs some work.
Your grammar's okay, except you might want to have fragmented sentences. Your spelling, however, needs work. It's an interesting storyline, but you could stand to put a little more detail into it to add suspense and evoke emotion in your readers.
6183873 yeah its not great i know, but i'm going to edit it today. thax for pointing those out! And... OMG UR READING IT AHHHHHH!!!!
1st: Like the story so far.
2nd: My reaction & how I felt when the chapter was finished.
"Not a cliffhanger." "Right when it was getting good."
3rd: I can't wait to read more.
6182535 Iv'e edited it an d re-posted it. Hopefully it's better. stupid me!
6185110 re-read it again I see some mistakes that are the same and some were correct.
no need to worry. I know its your first story writing. Maybe if you want I could help you with your story, if you don't mind?
6185431 Thanks for the offer but I think i'll be ok. (Not trying to be offensive) But I hope you enjoy anyway!
This reminds me of "Bride of Discord".
This is pretty good, it reminds me of Bride Of Discord. However, there are a lot of spelling mistakes and I'm starting to loose interest. I know that this is your first story, and we all have to start somewhere. I actually removed my first story because of how bad it was. This has a lot of potential, and I'll still be reading it. Good luck.
You can do it!
Maybe instead of having the period and parentheses, you could put ", while taking Celestia's horn away." It would make it flow better