• Published 21st May 2012
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Twilight's Inferno: A Brony Comedy - The Young and Free Dragon



Twilight must descend into the depths of Hell to save Spike.

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Canto VI: Descent Into Distrust and the Judgement of Pinkie Pie

TWILIGHT'S INFERNO
BY THE YOUNG AND FREE DRAGON

There is no greater wealth than family

Where are they? Can I find them? Prithee tell-
I am consumed with my desire to know-
Feasting in Heaven, or poisoned here in Hell?”

He answered: “With the blacker spirits below,
Dragged to the depth by other crimes abhorred;
There shalt thou see them, if so deep thou go.

~Dante: The Divine Comedy 1: Hell, Canto 6, Lines 82-87

CANTO VI: DESCENT INTO DISTRUST AND THE JUDGEMENT OF PINKIE PIE

Twilight Sparkle burst from a pond
Choking and gasping and judged
By a voice before she could respond;

“How did you find your way here, foul soul?
“Surely you came without friends,
“For no trust enters this dark, black hole.”

She looked around here, seeing no source
But caught sight of dancing ponies
Fully naked and shamed; vacant of remorse

They drew lines around a fiery pit
Moving to an infernal bass
Forced to writhe and hoof to it

Their hides were grimy and slashed, burned and sprinkled;
With ash, soot, and glittering powders of custom
Caught in their fur and in their skin, of which was crinkled.

It became clear to Twilight, that they were baked by the fire
Around which they danced. Unable to stop partying
To the bass beat of drums and the accompanying lyre

“You have yet to answer my question,
Are you mute? Did you lose your tongue?
Or are you far too overwhelmed in depression?”

“Who speaks? Answer me that,”
Twilight replied to her surroundings.
“Then perhaps we shall chat.”

“I am the only one who would hold on to happiness here,
“How long has it been since I've seen a happy party?
“How long since I've seen my poor little Gummy, dear.”

“Pinkie Pie?” Twilight addressed the darkness.
The party not far away picked up in tempo,
Throwing Twilight Sparkle into a state of alertness.

“You didn't say anything to Celestia. You're gonna get in trouble...”
And the last sentence began echoing around the darkness.
And suddenly the smooth blackness around her began to ruckle.

The beat of the music became ever faster, and the dancing followed.
Twilight Sparkle raised the symbol of the Alicorns and it lit up
Light penetrating into the darkness of the hearts it hollowed.

As surroundings became clear, a demented set lay before her,
Strange objects materialized, and spoke to one another
Upon her death, it seemed they were to confer

A pile of three boulders, each with a large crack.
The crack produced the voice, it seemed;
“Hey look! One of dem ponies is back!”

A large leathery bag with a slit that produced white powder
Did reply, “Ze worst of ze bunch! No doubt I have of zis!”
A French accent it seemed was produced by this doubter.

A large tin pail, with turnips peering over the brim
“She's not worthy of your attention, Pinkie, but,
“What's say we give her a test, a show, a prelim?”

“Oh I quite agree, Mr. Turnip. What fun this shall be,
“Pinkie, be a dear and stop the music!”
A British ball of lint concurred with certainty and glee.

“Pinkie Pie, what's going on?” Twilight cried.
And was met by laughter from the objects,
That stopped, just as the music died.

All of the damned that danced around the fire
Came to a grinding halt and looked about
No longer chanting of their past ire

Their faces became clear in the light
Bringing more familiarity to Hell
And those who refused to do what's right

Chief Thunderhooves for not trusting new bonds
Mr. and Mrs. Cake for distrust in the leader of this circle
Braeburn for the sin above with which he corresponds

Above them, Pinkie Pie's face materialized
She spoke and commanded the damned masses
And their numbers became anything but serialized

They charged, hooves beating the hard ground
A giant wall coming towards her, screaming
Their cries becoming one, due to their numbers abound

Twilight Sparkle charged for the nearest of the foul objects
This creature being the bag of flour with an acid voice
Who cursed, desperate to place upon her death, a vex

Twilight drew Death's blade and widened the slit in the bag
Causing the creature to explode in flour
While Twilight tore away with the sack by the price tag

The charging minions were blinded by the flour
Bringing their charge to a grinding halt
While Pinkie Pie's face began to lour

Twilight pulled the empty sack across the dark world swiftly
And scrapped from existence, a certain lint ball
And showering the minions in him, who were moving anything but briskly

“You guys are ruining everything!” Pinkie Pie shouted in frustration.
“Why am I always the ruinette?!” She cried, aloud.
And called for them to move, as she continued to curse her damnation.

Twilight was not finished however
She charged for the remaining objects
Meaning to banish them forever

The turnips took care of itself, rocking the bucket so much
That they tumbled out on to the ground and becoming obstacles
For the minions, praised by Twilight Sparkle who hadn't planned as such

The rocks were last, and the hardest to destroy
She hurled them at the image of Pinkie Pie
Who stopped short, calling her troops to deploy

“Ow! It's all fun and games until somepony hits you in the rock with an eye!”
Pinkie Pie cried, then added; “I mean; rock in the eye- eye with a rock-
“Oh forget it! For this Twilight, everypony must die!”

And Twilight looked on in horror as the masses were set afire
Once again, burning and screaming in torment
And it seemed these screams would never expire

But finally, silence fell, and they disappeared from view
Leaving Twilight to wonder what had just happened.
Why had Pinkie Pie destroyed the power she had accrued?

She then appeared before Twilight, a sight for sore eyes
Her coat was ragged, her mane matted and straight
Her left eye was covered by an eye patch disguise

“You killed my friends! How could you?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
“They were the only ones who really liked my parties!”
She frowned in anger, and her straight hair puffed out, untamed.

“You think those were your friends?” Twilight asked, taking a step forward
“You think those things could ever replace me, and your other friends?”
Pinkie Pie shrunk back from her words, as Twilight continued toward her

“Did you learn nothing about trusting your friends?” Twilight accused.
“I think not, considering you control the circle of Distrust,
“And yet you feel no remorse for every single pony that your distrust has abused?”

Pinkie Pie burst into tears, and they evaporated away as they were shed
“Oh, Twilight! I'm sorry! I know I falsely attacked you!
“But lying is the only thing I can hold on to among these dead!”

“I question whether you belong in distrust or dishonesty,
“But I suppose it's your sins during life. So tell me:
“What are you known to be guilty of commonly?”

Pinkie Pie lowered her head, “I found out Applejack lied,
“And so I refused to trust any pony again,
“And in the end it was not my friends, whom I stood beside.”

“I failed Equestria, I failed my friends, and oh, worst of all
“I distrusted Celestia, and everything she stood for,
“And so, I was dropped to Hell, wrapped in distrust as my pall.”

“Judge me,” She murmured, as Twilight wrapped her hooves about her neck.
She had forgotten her loyalty and everything her friends had done for her,
And had it not been for the last circle in Twilight's desperate trek;

She would have damned her, but for the simple fact she knew
She had only distrusted because of Applejack's dishonesty
And so she was not guilty, she decided on her life long review

“Find peace, Pinkie,” Twilight murmured and drew her holy symbol
It glowed with a heavenly light, and cast it upon the pink pony
And a hole opened above, as though dug by a fine wimble

“Oh, a party is above me!”
Pinkie Pie sighed and ascended.
“The best I will ever see....”

Twilight tucked away Celestia's holy object and prayed
For the soul of Pinkie Pie; a safe journey to heaven
And then desperately for Celestia's aid

When the Alicorn arrived, Twilight was nearly in tears
“Ah, what is this?” Celestia asked. “Disheartened?
“By the fate of your beloved peers?”

“Indeed, but what was her punishment. Would she not enjoy,
“A party of all things? Would Hell not be a boring nothingness for her.
“What part of her soul and her hope could it possibly destroy?”

“The party, continues forever,
“Even without her, but if she were still her,
“To join, she could never.”

“But the party looked horrifying and torturous,
“She would not want to join if she knew,
“It was upon the grave of the virtuous.”

“Deceit, is something Lucifer is known for,
“But do not worry about it again,
“It can not affect you in any way, anymore.”

She faded away and Twilight saw the exit ahead,
A statue of two ponies, fighting over a sack of bits
Their forms splashed and spattered in red.

Twilight went down the path between them, directionless
As it was. Descending a staircase
That could lead only to the next circle; selfishness.

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