It's not bad, but every time a new speaker starts, you need to start a new paragraph. It's super important and a lot of people will not bother reading it due to it being annoying.

6128578
Your right. It's just the last time I wrote something like this was when I was about 15 or 16 years old.

Thankfully, life has given us the edit button!

You're*

6128601 I haven't read this yet but can you tell me why doses this have a human tag?

6128601 You saying that gives me a lot of optimism for your writing. I hate it when someone points something like this out to an author and they just flat out refuse to think that they could possibly have done something wrong.

I prefer the term 'mare's mare' over lesbian in MLP fanfic I write. You don't have to do the same, but it's fun to pony it up.

6128909

All the characters will be humanized. I forgot to mention it in the authors note, but it should be there now.

Please update

You desperately need an editor. I would say that there are at least twenty errors, many of them being the same type. For example, you didn't start a new paragraph for each speaker. That's a major problem that can confuse the reader. Next, you're missing quite a few commas. You misspelled "definitely," which I see a lot. (You spelt it as "defiantly," which isn't even remotely a synonym.) Finally, you're title is messed up because you're showing the possessive form of "you," which is "your." What you need to say is "you are," or "you're."

Other than that, it's a great story! Just get an editor, and you'll be fine!

6137881 You mean... 'your' title?