As cordially as a furious alicorn can be, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Hoo boy.
At last, Fluttershy places a hand to her head, muttering quietly. "Shit."
Quite.
A pillow arcs through the air, sailing towards Applejack's head. In an instant, the mare ducks, and Rainbow takes the impact, sailing down the hall with a cry of surprise.
Headshot +50 XP
view. the
You forgot to capitalize the T in the.
"Where're your cutie marks?" Sunset asks blearily, her eyelids fluttering. Fluttershy runs a hoof along Sunset's face, smiling.
Slowly, Fluttershy takes in a deep breath. "It... It had to be done." she murmurs, her voice a breathy monotone. "I needed to do it. To every one of my friends. I needed to bring them under."
Why?
"Adagio Dazzle." she finally chokes out, before collapsing again.
I'm suddenly reminded of when Zam Wessel almost spills the beans about Jango Fett's identity in Attack of the Clones, except Fluttershy does it.
I'm not dead, I swear! Seriously, though... A three-month gap between updates, only to release a non-clop chapter? I'm sorry, guys. Don't worry, though; the next update will come sooner than three months. I promise.
Qiscord, buddy, look at me. However long it takes, it will take however long it is for you to write it, edit it, upload it, whatever, you do have other fics, and other things to do. We can wait.
That amulet totally is going to come back to bite them.
Though at this point it would seem the heroes are at the advantage; knowing who to target and free from control. I'm almost bummed that Sunset and Fluttershy were freed so easily.
6797716 Yeah... I had some qualms about that as well. But our heroines don't have every advantage... The Dazzlings have the edge in that this has been going on for months... And, not to spoil anything... But the Mane Six weren't their only targets, and even though Floots and Sunny are free... Who's to say the others are?
6798854 That's what you get for writing chapters in piecemeal... I think I fixed everything and changed it all to present-tense. Thanks for catching that.
Equestria itself just seems unassailable. But I guess the Dazzlings power is increased there as well. And it's not like the heroes can just sit back and leave the other dimension to rot; they have to go stop them.
Mindless hypnoclop without plot has never been my idea of a good story. With that said, I'm not really sure why I plowed through the other chapters.
Your interlude chapter, where Sunset and Fluttershy were hypnotizing each other, made me wonder if there was something coming. I thought it was pretty clear that Fluttershy wasn't really being straight with Sunset in that chapter.
And seeing the next Fluttershy chapter, and then the Fluttershy actions in Applejack's, and now this?
I'm not sure if you had intended for a plot from the start, or if you decided that you needed more than just clop. But you've now started to move towards something interesting.
Hoo boy.
Quite.
Headshot +50 XP
You forgot to capitalize the T in the.
Why?
I'm suddenly reminded of when Zam Wessel almost spills the beans about Jango Fett's identity in Attack of the Clones, except Fluttershy does it.
Qiscord, buddy, look at me. However long it takes, it will take however long it is for you to write it, edit it, upload it, whatever, you do have other fics, and other things to do. We can wait.
That amulet totally is going to come back to bite them.
Though at this point it would seem the heroes are at the advantage; knowing who to target and free from control. I'm almost bummed that Sunset and Fluttershy were freed so easily.
6797716 Yeah... I had some qualms about that as well. But our heroines don't have every advantage... The Dazzlings have the edge in that this has been going on for months... And, not to spoil anything... But the Mane Six weren't their only targets, and even though Floots and Sunny are free... Who's to say the others are?
Feud for thought. c;
Starting when Rainbow and AJ enter this chapter you switch to present tense in your narration, it's incredibly distracting.
6798854 That's what you get for writing chapters in piecemeal... I think I fixed everything and changed it all to present-tense. Thanks for catching that.
6797932
Equestria itself just seems unassailable. But I guess the Dazzlings power is increased there as well. And it's not like the heroes can just sit back and leave the other dimension to rot; they have to go stop them.
6799301 Uh, you made it worse. It should all be in past tense. Third person narration is always past tense. Read your previous chapter, that's correct
Well, I have to say this chapter was worth the wait. Damn...
A chapter worthy of the wait, no doubt ^^
Well ...
Mindless hypnoclop without plot has never been my idea of a good story.
With that said, I'm not really sure why I plowed through the other chapters.
Your interlude chapter, where Sunset and Fluttershy were hypnotizing each other, made me wonder if there was something coming. I thought it was pretty clear that Fluttershy wasn't really being straight with Sunset in that chapter.
And seeing the next Fluttershy chapter, and then the Fluttershy actions in Applejack's, and now this?
I'm not sure if you had intended for a plot from the start, or if you decided that you needed more than just clop. But you've now started to move towards something interesting.
I like it.