Memories of the Equestrian Wolf - (A DRWolf Origin Story)

by DRWolf

Memories of Teric

It would take me some time to fulfill my end of the promise after my brush with death. And naturally Teric decided to replenish our supplies, so we remained at that oasis for some time. It was simply a pool of clear water, surrounded by green foliage and trees, nothing more, but it did save my life. Since I couldn't move very well in my recovering state, I took the time to reflect on just how different things were for me now. I still had my sensitive ears and nose, but now my eyesight had become far better. My mind was much sharper. And I was even able to apply some of the massive stores of knowledge I'd taken from the Library into practice...some of it. I knew what many of the flowers and plants were. I knew the oasis must have originated from an underground spring. I knew many other things I simply hadn't been able to fully comprehend when I'd originally traveled with Master.

It wasn't just my body and mind Master had changed profoundly. It was the very fundamentals of how I viewed the world around me. And I believe that was to my benefit. After all, if those first steps out of the Library had been the first steps into a new life, wasn't it a positive thing that I had a whole new outlook on the world to take advantage of it?...Still, that left the question of what my new life would be and where I'd live it. What I'd do. At the time I didn't even know what Equestria was, let alone that I'd soon be living there.

I admit, it must sound rather odd that I risked so much to reach a future that I could not know was truly there, but all my life the only two bonds I had were Teric and the Master. And for Master I had spent untold years searching for elusive information, all the while without a clue as to what I was looking for. So for Teric, and myself, I would put just as much effort into searching for a purpose I did not know. I suppose when you have very little, what you do have or want makes you all the more devoted to it.

Once I had recovered, we began to travel again. We were still far from any kind of civilization, deep in the uncharted areas of the world. Teric tried to find out where I'd once lived and head there to see if anything remained, but naturally the trail had been buried by time and even if my memories of that time were clear, I don't know if we even left the desert the same way Master and I had entered it. We ultimately decided that it was for the best, as even if it'd be nice to see the place I'd once lived, it might also make letting go of the past more difficult than it already was. So we simply traveled for traveled for a time across that distant land.

We saw many things. Many places. So many that to try and describe them all would fill an entire book. We saw vast canyons, distant valleys, lush forests. And as we traveled, we spoke. We spoke about the ways I could find my new place in the world, places I might be able to help. Teric was confident that there is a place for me. I use is and not was because...at the time, I needed that distinction. I knew I had a place in the world, I needed to find where I belonged now. I needed that reassurance. I truly did. Being determined did not mean I wasn’t fearful.

And as we spoke, we bonded. Teric and I grew closer and closer. I began to see him as a close companion. As you have likely heard by now, we have become so close we are brothers. He never let me stumble and fall on our journey. He never once saw me as just an animal, always as a person. And likewise, I helped him however I could. Supported him whenever he needed me. While he did help me open up, I think just having a companion helped him be more open and outgoing. Teric is somewhat introverted under normal circumstances, though surprisingly he's at his most outgoing at larger events. There's an interesting story about an event we've gone to, but I'll save that for another time. I suppose part of our bond was that we viewed one another as kindred spirits. He was not the average dragon, I was far from the average wolf. We both were searching the world for something deep and meaningful to us. Though on the other hoof, we are opposites in ways that benefit the other. I'm typically more grounded while he's more of a joker when we interact, and I think that makes us good for one another. I suppose all of these things put together is why our bond is so close.

But despite all of this...I admit, Teric alone wasn't the only companionship I longed for. Keep in mind, dragons, even one as different from his kind as Teric, are still dragons, not ponies. Having been practically raised being the loyal companion of a pony had left an impression on me. Back then, I may have moved on to a new life, but to help a pony was something I simply couldn't shake off. In fact...I suppose a part of me didn't want to. It was the one aspect of my past I felt could play a part of my new purpose. And while I had a vague idea what Master had wanted me to do, I still had no idea the specifics or reasons for why he made me. I knew the ends, but not the beginnings or meanings. So I also hoped that perhaps being around other ponies might show me a more precise reason why, or jog some long forgotten memory. As you can very well see, that was merely the start. Now I've seen everything from ponies to Hippogriffs in this office of mine. But all big things begin with little ones, and my little one was a simple desire to aid ponies as I had aided the Master.

Teric asked me if that was sincerely what I wanted, and when I agreed, he promised to take me to a place where ponies lived so we could perhaps find answers, to a kingdom called Equestria. It was a long journey, across several lands. I grew more and more excited...and nervous the closer we got to our destination. The Master often talked to me, not me to him, and then I'd spent countless years without any interaction at all. I simply never had a chance to develop very good necessary social skills, and I worried that this shortcoming would be my downfall and ruin my new, still fragile dreams.

But, as he had done since he met me, Teric took it upon himself to help me open up and be able to express myself more. And as it would ultimately turn out, being so used to listening wasn't just a weakness, but a strength.

Eventually, we reached Equestria's borders, and I'm thankful it is such an accepting place. After all, I am the only creature of my kind, and while I was treated as a curiosity for it, I had little trouble being accepted as a sapient creature. This was a nation where dragons, ponies, griffins, minotaurs, and countless other species lived and were seen as equals, so a sapient wolf, while unusual, was simply another unique flavor in a melting pot. Still, that didn't change the fact that, as an immigrant who intended to potentially stay, I had to fill out a good bit of paperwork, most difficult of which were citizenship papers. Which I will say, isn't very easy when you're a one of a kind species and don't even know how old you are.

Interacting with ponies for the first time in so long was a tad strange admittedly. They were nothing like Master, but most were intelligent, kind, and civil. I got many odd looks, but I can thankfully say prejudice is not something Equestria has in large amounts. Though I did end up having to have my medical exam from a vet and not a doctor, since my biology was still that of a canine, if heavily altered. Still, she was a nice pony, if a bit lonely. When I noticed that and questioned it, she explained that her job was to check out any pets that were coming from foreign lands through this specific checkpoint. But this meant she spent most of her days in the middle of nowhere with only guards and other workers for company. She missed her family and friends back home, even if she still traded letters with them. I still was getting used to being social, but I did explain that I sympathized with her after my many years in isolation. I made a comparison to Teric and I, and how having one person as a close companion had greatly helped me. She listened and decided that maybe getting to be closer friends with those around her to help make the long time on the job more bearable. I never got her name, as I was still getting used to the importance ponies placed on them, and we left with little fanfare, but looking back on that moment, I think I owe that mare a great deal for helping plant a seed in me that would grow into something wonderful.

After all the paperwork and technicalities were settled, we began heading towards the nearest town. In this case we'd entered Equestria from the south, and Appleloosa had not yet been built, so the nearest town was Dodge Junction. Do remember that the only civilization I'd really ever seen before was Master's den, so the sight of a cowpony town was very new and unusual to me. The locals were so enthusiastic and had an energy to them that did frighten me at first, but quickly became contagious. It was difficult not to get caught up in it; there was just such a love of life. Teric encouraged me to exploit that feeling to perhaps get started on my journey of self discovery.

Conveniently, there was a cherry orchard in Dodge Junction owned by a mare by the name of Cherry Jubilee. At the time, they were a few hooves short, and in my desire to be helpful, I volunteered my aid in harvesting the crop.

A cherry orchard is not a place a wolf forgets easily, the sights and smells were so vibrant and new. Keep in mind, the color red was in and of itself something I'd once never been able to see, so the sight of an orchard of bright pink cherry trees was stunning. I was quite hopeful this would be a place I could be at home and finally begin helping ponies as I planned.

Sadly, that wasn't the case, as fate would have it. I may have been far smarter and more dexterous, but I was still a little wolf. I didn't even come close to reaching even the lowest hanging branches of the cherry trees. The best I could do was collect the ones that had fallen but were still good enough to be used. Even the sorting process was difficult, as I was too short to reach the table and standing on a conveyor belt wasn't something anyone was comfortable with me trying. So while I was capable of helping some...I couldn't help nearly as much as I wanted to.

However, while I was staying in Dodge Junction, something very interesting happened. I came across Cheery Jubilee alone in the orchard one morning while giving the situation thought. I don't believe she noticed me, either because of my size or simply because ponies weren't quite used to expecting canines of being capable of knowing what's going on. Regardless, I sensed she was distressed. Very distressed.

I can't exactly explain what caused me to approach her, but I just felt like it was the right thing to do, like I'd regret it if I didn't. So I spoke with Miss Jubilee and, while she was hesitant to talk about it at first, I simply suggested there couldn't be any harm in it. She revealed that her job had become very stressful as of late. Without enough hooves to properly manage their crop, she was reaching her wits end trying to make it all work. Trying to keep her business running smoothly despite the fear of failing and losing it at all. The orchard had remained in her family for quite some time, losing it was inconceivable to her.

Once again, I found myself sympathizing with her. After so many years of doing my work for the Master, the fear of failure was one I knew very well. The feeling that if you do one thing wrong, you're letting yourself and everyone depending on you down. And that little voice always asking you if you've done enough. So I told her more or less exactly that. That I knew how it felt to be in that situation, and that, while in my case I needed to leave my work for my own good, while I had Teric there to talk with and understand me, I felt much better than I had in a very long time. In the end, she decided that perhaps it'd be a good idea to share her own troubles with somepony else she knew.

However, despite being able to help some, I still felt dejected at how little I had perceived myself as having accomplished. Teric told me that it simply wasn't my thing, and we could try elsewhere. If I didn't belong in Dodge Junction, logically there must be somewhere else I belong. So we moved on.

Our next stop was Manehatten, thanks to the train system. I have to laugh, thinking back at how jumpy I was on that first ride. I was a bundle of nerves, and while I wasn't hiding under the seat, I found myself startled at every jolt. I did calm down by the time I arrived, but it was my first real taste of modern technology, and it did take some time to get used to it. Though there was a funny moment were a filly on the train mistook me for Teric's pet and wanted to pet me and wanted to scratch behind my ears. Such is the life when you're a sapient wolf.

When we finally arrived at our destination, I tried my paws at helping a local newspaper office in need of 'papercolts,' but I was too small to effectively carry much for long distances, and the ink from the presses dyed me black for a week (something that was rather problematic when Teric took me to a showing of a film with a rather frightening black wolf seen during that time). But I did give the editor some advice about dealing with his daughter during a very large argument that happened in the middle of the office. I remembered my Master's argument with his Master and how afterward they never saw one another again, parting with obvious distress. I admit that I have no idea if that was what happened with the Master, but suggesting that perhaps it was better to forgive and work through the source of the problem than let it potentially destroy their relationship did feel like a good idea. It was something I'd recalled whenever Teric and I had arguments, rare as they were and something I sincerely feared. I think they honestly just needed a calm head to remind them that they did love one another. But while that did seem to help resolve the problem, as with Dodge Junction, I left the job and Manehatten with disappointment in my heart and on my mind.

As with when we were on our adventures before, I could fill a novel with our misadventures and my numerous attempts at fitting in. I suppose you could say I was much like young Applebloom and her friends here in Ponyville: not knowing what my place or destiny was, but desperately searching for it. Every location and town was much the same: I tried to assist ponies in some small way, but ultimately the limitations of what I am foiled my attempts. But while I didn't notice it at the time, most of the places I visited had a common theme. Ponies, despite my unusual status, still seemed to be more willing to let their guard down around me for reasons I'd discover more later on. And when they did, I had trouble seeing them suffering, and tried to do something to comfort them. Still, I kept becoming more upset and frustrated as time went on, as I imagine anyone would. I just wasn't able to help as much as I hoped to, or that I felt that I should have been able to. I suppose I almost became depressed with my situation. I can't imagine what I'd have done if I was alone and didn't have someone by my side.

Teric decided perhaps a change of scenery might be for the best, and we should go to a very different town; namely, Equestria's capital city of Canterlot. This was admittedly the first time I'd ever really gotten dressed like you see me now. At the time Teric's preferences to it had rubbed off on me to a degree, but I hadn't really gotten into the suit and tie look. However, walking around naked in Canterlot wasn't something that would be accepted by most citizens, no matter what species you were. As you can tell, the experience grew on me and became something I enjoyed taking part in.

Canterlot was actually rather intimidating to me. Not quite because of the size, but because of the overall demeanor of the city. Manehatten had been busy and big, but ponies there didn't act superior. In Canterlot, I felt like even what I was didn't attract much attention. Teric suggested that the city probably saw ambassadors of all types there to see the Princess and was likely desensitized to the strangeness, but it still felt painful. I know not all Canterlot ponies are like that, but those that are stood out quite a bit. And it made my desires a little bit more difficult to try and reach. Do remember, I was looking for opportunities to help ponies, and if I was ignored, finding an opportunity to do that was not going to be an easy task.

However, after several empty hours of searching high and low for somewhere I could help, Teric came up with the idea of going to the Canterlot Archives to see if there was any answers about my origins or the Library. While it'd taken a back seat to my primary goals, I still did want to figure out those things. The Archives were home to Equestria's largest stores of knowledge, and largely open to the public, so it seemed like a good idea. I ironically found Canterlot Castle itself far less intimidating than the city proper. It reminded me of the vague memories I had of being brought home by the Master that night, the comfort I'd felt when I experienced true warmth for the first time in my life. And the Archives themselves did have a certain sense of comfort to them, though that might have been as much because they differed from the Library in all the right ways than being similar to it in all the wrong ones. It was a place of learning and knowledge, but lacked the sense of being otherworldly that made the Library frightening. Perhaps that's why I spent a good deal of time at Twilight's library after coming to Ponyville until...recent events.

Sadly, we found nothing relating to me or the Master or the Library, and certain branches of the Archives were only accessible by royals or those with special access, and we were neither. We were right back at square one, and I left the Archives feeling frustrated and angry. Months of tension finally began to boil over. I even gave Teric a bit of a cold shoulder for a short time, lost in my own emotions. It was painful to have all of my efforts up until that point fail, then to not only have no opportunities to even try to help, but fail at a secondary goal. That doesn't make trying to disregard Teric's attempts to help any more justified, but I just felt like I was at wit's end. Canterlot was beginning to feel like the straw that would break the camel's back. I was upset and in pain, and Teric simply had the misfortune of being present for my bad mood.

But as fate would have it when we prepared to leave, I noticed some symbols inscribed in the castle. They were symbols I'd seen in the Library or in one of the countless books that were located there. Their meaning had long since faded from my memory, but there was no mistaking how familiar they felt. As I stood examining the symbols, the Princess herself happened by and noticed. I explained the situation, and she said the symbols were very old, very ancient, and that few could know of them.

Admittedly, I was at first afraid I'd somehow gotten myself in trouble. I'd never met Princess Celestia before, and only knew of her from second hand accounts, and that ponies did fear disappointing her. I had no idea who she was, and just like any Omega Wolf, I was afraid of angering the Alpha by instinct. Instead, I was politely asked to come talk to her in private. And it was quite the opposite of what I expected. Princess Celestia was quick to show me sympathy in regards to my one of a kind existence when I revealed it, being one of two Alicorns presently in Equestria herself. She also gave me her condolences about the Master...and told me something I'm sure all of Equestria is now well aware of: that she knew what those feelings of loss felt like. What it was like to see a loved one drift away and finally disappear into the darkness.

I admit...after being treated with such coldness by the majority of Canterlot, it felt very surreal for the highest authority in the land to be so compassionate and kind. A friend of mine is of the opinion that any who think of Princess Celestia as a tyrant have never met the kind and motherly pony she actually is. That is a good description of the impression Princess Celestia left on me. When she looked on me, she didn't see a strange creature, an abomination, or even one too low for her to notice. She saw a living being that was deserving of her attention and kindness.

I did open up a bit to her and explain my current problems. The pain I was in. The turmoil I'd been dealing with for all this time. And I still remember what she told me: a pony's Cutie Mark only appears when the moment is right, it cannot be forced. While it is normal for blank flanks to try, it is ultimately a futile effort. Likewise no more can any other creature's true special talent and destiny be uncovered before its time, and trying to force them is just as futile. The best thing to do is to pursue what makes you happy, continue to try and do good and noble things for the right reasons, and the door will open in time. And most importantly, don't go at it alone, having friends can make the long wait feel that much shorter.

I suppose this does sound similar to some of my interactions with my patients. That same variety of kind wisdom Princess Celestia showed me is what I try to present to others, because it's a wisdom that they're likely to feel has their best interests at heart. My goal is to comfort others, and I suppose in a way, I did learn it from Princess Celestia's kindness towards me. I believe an old saying is adequate for this situation: kindness begins like ripples in water. One act of kindness ripples outwards and spreads. I honestly believe that ponies having that attitude in general is part of why Equestria is such a wonderful place to live.

As the time to go came, Princess Celestia met Teric, and we explained that we were brothers in all but blood...Princess Celestia told us in a surprisingly somber tone that we were lucky to have one another, and we should never let our brother slip away. Needless to say, after that I apologized to Teric for allowing my stress to get the better of me. I felt so awful about taking out some of my stress on my brother, on the one who least deserved it. Thankfully, Teric forgave me and was understanding, as I had been with the close call escaping the desert. I wasn't perfect, we all have moments of weakness and anger, but that doesn't make us bad creatures.

However, Canterlot was not the end of my journey. No, the final leg of my quest would lead me to a most unexpected place. Not the big city of Manehatten or the bustling capital city of Canterlot...but to somewhere far more quiet and off the beaten track.