Alan stared at the shining blades pointed at his neck. Slowly he looked up to see who was wielding the shiny weapons at him. He saw that the swords were held by twelve angry and somewhat scared unicorns wearing royal guard armour. Standing behind those unicorns was another row of unicorns. They were unarmed but their horns pointed at his head. And towering over all of them was Princess Celestia. She was wearing shining battle armour that seemed to glow with the power of the sun.
“Wow I have really shitty luck today,” Alan managed to squeak out before a spell from one of the unicorns caused electricity to flow through his body causing him to fall to the ground twitching.
One of the unicorns then came up to him. “Stay where you are criminal scum!” Shackles were shoved painfully onto his wrist and pulled behind his back.
“Hey what gives? I haven’t done anything!”
The guard didn’t answer but instead kicked him in the stomach. “Stop resisting!”
Alan doubled over winded and couldn’t say anything. He was promptly hauled to his feet and pushed to the ground in front of the Princess.
“Human… You are being arrested and will be sent to the Canterlot dungeons. This is preventing any violent acts you may commit. What do you have to say?”
“W-what have I done? I just found myself here and I haven’t committed any crimes. I would never hurt anyone.”
Celestia turned and stared into the sky. “What you say may be true. But it may also be false. In the past your kind has come here and killed many of my ponies. We cannot risk that happening again.” Celestia turned back and bent close to Alan. “I am doing what is necessary for my people. Will you come peacefully?”
Alan bent his head down in thought. “I will go peacefully. But I hope you will see that I am actually good and not evil like the humans that you had visit you before.”
Princess Celestia smiled and turned towards the large gathering of guards before her. “Prepare to move out to Canterlot.” Turning back to Fluttershy’s cottage she saw the Elements of Harmony standing in the doorway. “I will need you all to come to Canterlot as well. We need to question you all about this human.”
Twilight nodded and they all made their way towards the carriages in the yard. Two guards hauled Alan to his feet and shoved him hard in the back to get him to start moving. Alan turned to the pony responsible annoyed.
“Hey you don’t have to be so rough!”
Before he could start walking again the guard he yelled at turned and kicked him square in the side of the face. The force of the kick knocked Alan’s glasses off his face and blood started pouring out of a gash on his cheek. Alan fell to his knees but quickly got back up. Princess Celestia turned around to see Alan’s face bleeding and the guard getting ready to kick again.
“STOP! We need this human alive and uninjured. Go and wait by my personal carriage we need to discuss your actions.” The guard who kicked Alan bowed quickly and trotted over to her carriage. Princess Celestia trotted over to Alan and examined his face. Alan spit out a tooth along with a large amount of blood onto the ground. Celestia frowned and stood up tall.
“There is nothing we can do right now about it. When we get to Canterlot we will get my personal doctor to fix you up.”
Alan just nodded. He was in too much pain to answer properly. The other guard lightly pushed him in the direction of the waiting carriage and Alan got in. As Alan got in, Twilight picked up his fallen glasses. She looked over at him and felt her heart sink with sadness.
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As soon as the carriages stopped on the Canterlot airstrip, Alan was rushed inside the castle and down into the dungeon. The further down into the dungeon they went the colder and darker it got. In the cells along the hall were ponies that had done horrible crimes. Every pony in the cells backed into the corner when they saw Alan pass. This made Alan feel worse. Eventually they came to a cell separated from the others. Alan was pushed inside and he fell to the ground.
“You will stay in here until we need to examine you,” Princess Celestia said. No sign of emotion showed on her face. “I will send my doctor down to fix you wounds….” Celestia suddenly looked sad. “I am sorry for what the guard did. He was scared of you and his emotions got the better of him. Are you feeling alright?”
Alan looked up at the Princess standing in front of him and he sighed. “I guess I’m fine. I think I’m just a little upset that this was how you all reacted to me. I mean I’ve never hurt anybody! I can see being scared of something you’ve never seen before but … not throwing me in a dungeon and locking me away. What will it take to get all of you to believe I’m not a bad person? That is all I have to say your highness.”
Celestia looked at Alan for a few more seconds before turning around. “They act this way because of the stories told about your kind. The ponies think they are fairy tales, but that is nowhere near the truth… Long ago almost one thousand years ago a human came to this land. It was a something nopony had ever seen before… Without mercy and without prejudice it attacked. It killed the old, the young and anypony else that came in its way… I sent my guardponies after it, but it took three divisions to take it down.” Celestia turned and looked Alan in the face. “After that I put tales about the human in books. It was my way of making sure my ponies would be afraid of humans, and avoid them if they were seen. Now if you will excuse me I need to go.” Celestia turned to go but was stopped by Alan saying something.
“I’m sorry for what my kind did to your ponies. But I assure you… I am not like that.” Princess Celestia smiled. “I know you are not like that. I can tell by looking at you.” With that Celestia walked off down the hallway. The guardponies shut the barred door and took up positions next to it. Alan sighed and leaned up against the wall before falling asleep.
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Alan was woken up by the sound of hoof steps coming down the hall. Alan could see a brown unicorn colt with a jet black mane coming towards the cell. He was wearing a white lab coat and a pair of glasses. When he reached the cell he showed the guards something and was let into the cell. He stood at the other end of the cell staring at Alan and Alan stared back. After a few minutes the colt coughed and stepped forward. For some reason he started talking very slow and loudly while making lots of motions with his hooves.
“HELLO THERE. MY NAME IS DR.HOOFSTADTER. I WILL FIX YOUR WOUNDS.”
Alan stared at the doctor and shook his head. “I know what you’re saying you dolt.”
Dr.Hoofstadter’s face dropped as he realized how much of a foal he must have looked like. “Oh. Well is it alright if I look at your wounds? The Princess informed me that you are not dangerous but I will still ask that you stay over there. I can do it from here.” Dr.Hoofstadter’s horn glowed red and he closed his eyes. Using his magic he pulled out a pad and quill and began writing. At the same time Alan could feel the gash on his face healing and his tooth that was knocked out start to grow back in. After a few minutes the healing was done.
“That was amazing how did you do that?!?! Wow! I wish I could do something like that!” Alan looked at the doctor who was already out the door and going fast down the hall. Alan realized that the ponies were still afraid of him and he looked at the ground. The sound of more hoof steps made him look up again. Coming down the hall was Princess Celestia and all of the Elements of Harmony. All of them entered the cell and stood in a semi-circle around him.
Celestia stepped forward and smiled at Alan. “We have questioned Twilight and her friends and we have found out from what they have seen you are not evil. I will now examine your soul to see if that is the truth or you were just putting on an act. Are you alright with this?”
Alan nodded and tried to stand. Falling several times he suddenly was encased in a purple glow and brought to his feet by Twilights magic. “Thank you. If you need to I will let you.”
Celestia stepped forward and put her horn to Alan’s head. A bright yellow glow surrounded Alan and it looked as if he was being hit with a gust of wind. Several minutes later it stopped. And Celestia stepped back.
Alan looked around and saw Princess Celestia had a look of shock on her face. “What happened? Did you find evil in my soul or something?”
Celestia shock her head. “No… I saw…Magic!”
Its a little short but I've been sick the last couple days and it was all I could get done. Got a new picture made for the story drawn by my sister Coloursfall. Anyway I will continue writing and the next one will be longer because it explains a lot about Alan's life and his magic. I look forward to the comments.
Now I have to wait another couple of days for the next chapter, Great job though.
Eeeeee! *fangirl squee*
Can you give us an estimate of when the next chapter will be up?
43150 2-3 days. Maybe shorter. Im getting excited writing these
*sigh* tia, why u always screwin with humans?
y u no be nice????
M
O
A
R
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SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
lol, if i was in alans position with the doctor i would have been
HELLO, MY NAME IS ALAN, YOU ARE HERE TO FIX MY WOUNDS.
43138 Eh, (Shrugs)Don't worry about it too much. It's good enough for me. I just didn't want to go back to school with this story on an abrupt Cliffhanger moment. That's the only thing I hate about fics...Well, THAT, and when People Make FlutterShy
abso-F()in-Lutely jerkish Sweet chapter nonetheless, despite my obvious biased opinion on it being awesome just for not being a cliffhanger...
All in all, 7.75 out of 10
lol Amazing!
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
yes... so much yes...
Alan seems a little too accepting of his terrible treatment at their hooves, and Celestia seems a little too... dickish. More so than her typical Trollestia depiction. She knows he's innocent and yet she throws him in a dungeon? Basically, the ponies seem a little too racist and a little too harsh, and their justice system sucks. If we have "innocent until proven guilty" (in theory), then why don't the supposedly nicer ponies? On the "racist ponies" topic, it seems rather unfair that they would take the behaviour of one member of a species as indicative of the behaviour of the species as a whole, even when another member of that species can obviously and immediately be seen to behave completely differently (the willing surrender should have tipped them off).
One last question: How could one human kill so many ponies, as the human in the past was said to have? The old and the young I can see, but all the guardsponies? Humans are not exactly the most physically intimidating of creatures even on our world, and Equestria has Manticores and Hydras and Dragons. If the human was armed with modern weaponry, it might be different, but it was stated that the conflict happened a long time ago. It seems unlikely a primitive human could have inflicted as many casualties as Celestia has indicated.
Please don't take these comments to mean I disliked your story. I enjoyed the story so far, and merely wished to comment on certain parts that I found confusing or otherwise odd.
And Celestia goes: .
Rasist ponies. Overly accepting and forgiving human. That's bad, very bad, and unrealistic.
I don't want Alan to forgive guards, manecast (except fluttershy, who actually cared about him) or Celestia. He MUST hold a grudge, he MUST dislike them and remind them VERY often about their unfair threatment. Otherwise, sorry, it'll be unrealistic, and not interesting. I can understand he do not resisted because he's one human in wolrd of ponies, but when you constantly kicked and punched, you tend to dislike your bullies. And by dislike i mean, HATE them.
Agreed with "The Question". Celestia is dickish and not 'wise old goddess' here.
43216
This and,
43245
This :D
43216 I guess I never thought this chapter through. I wrote it when sick and after work so I was a bit out of it. Alan is accepting because I based Alan off me. I have been taught to be forgiving even in violence. I'm not saying that he won't hold a grudge though. And about Celestia being dickish, The last human in Equestria killed ponies. She's going to be cautious about Alan so as to prevent any more deaths. But if she can tell he is innocent she can't let him out right away. That is because the general public would be angry she let a human loose. If the government caught a boogeyman but they could tell it was nice and let it out, the same would happen here. The Guards were just scared too. And the human killing so many ponies: Maybe he was a really badass warrior. That or Celestia was lying. 43245 See above for the response to yours. Thanks for the input
Short but very good. Hope you get better Deep Six.
Excited for the next chapter but i think i can wait 2-3 days for it
ok seriously, there is a time for being nice and than there is a time for ass kicking and the moment someone tries to imprison you merially for your exsistance is the time where you need to start getting violent, if I was in this situtation I'd still a sword and start slatering any pony who gets in my way before excapeing into the everfree forest, but of corse I would make it vary clear that the only reason I'm doing what I'm doing is because they attacked me first and if they had just left me alone than none of this would ever have happened, this of course would lead the other ponies to began questioning there rulers judgment and may cause many of her guard to quit. there is one particular sentance in this fic that pissed me off big time “I will go peacefully. But I hope you will see that I am actually good and not evil like the humans that you had visit you before.”
that sentance alone made me want to punch this guy in the face, you don't bend to the will of others just because they tell you to, they have to show that there willing to here you out first which she apparently had not.
Good Fic, bill be waiting patiently for the other chapter
allso, the comments have some good points
like>>43362
and>>43245
and>>43216
Just sayan'
number of face palms through this chapter.
5
43274 Or it was Hitler on Steroids or somethng.
43245 Don't take this the wrong way, but you have TRIXIE as your avatar.,and,no offense, but you're starting to sound like she would. But seriously, I meant no offense by this.
previous coments have already said everything I could say so...
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
I really want to know who this "Human who took down 3 divisions of guards" was.
Ancient Roman?
Barbarian from neolithic times?
Celtic warrior?
You should really have Celestia describe who that human was. It could prove to be quite interesting.
i741.photobucket.com/albums/xx54/44udonge/Mine/This_pleases_Applejack.png
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
GAAAAAAAAAAAH TOO SHORT. So good though.......keep going
@the end of chapter
She so saw that he watches them from his universe.
43362 this is bad idea
Round house kicked to the face!!!
Really? Magic within him? This is getting generic real fast. You better make up a really good reason why he's suddenly magical.
Hey guys sorry but the next update won't be up for a few more days. Hopefully I can get it up tomorrow but I can't predict the future. I will have it up by friday at the latest.
43245 I have to agree. I'm a soldier, and in this situation, I would be so F****** PISSED that I would just tell Celestia off (that and technically attacking a soldier [during the "resisting arrest" portion], the attacking of a Prisoner [Alan get his face rearranged by a guard], and then throwing him in a cell would all be considered international crimes, and could [can't stress enough] be construed as an act of war [Look at Panama and the US for a historical reference, but in that there were deaths of American military personnel]) even if she did have a good reason, and I would answer any and all questions with name, rank, SSN, and date of birth (why, because I personally believe that giving ANY information to an enemy would be a violation of the US Code of Conduct, but I would only hold myself to that level)... or maybe curse her out in German, because talking in German always makes you sound pissed (lol).
43362 Agreed with Foxybrown. This is a very bad idea. I would attempt to escape, without engaging them if possible and only using nonlethal strikes if I had to, but only if I could get that door between me and the guards' swords. Attacking them would only make it so they are actively trying to kill you. Hauling *** and hiding in the woods would be the best option if it was achievable. There is no dishonor in being captured, only in willing surrender. I do agree with the fact that it is stupid to try and "preach tolerance" when those you are talking to are "intolerant".
Overall, I like the story. I can't wait to see what comes next, but please try and keep this from being a cliche.
i would love to see more of this
YOU OBEY FLUTTERSHY
Magic
Snort snort
xD
Great story, but I find that this OC is kinda pussy footing it. A university student training to be a teacher?
Bleh, other than that, loving it. And an oblivion reference?
STOP! YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW!
Oh dear, another one of these.I'm just gonna have to quote the Nostalgia Critic on this one.
Fear humans!
I think Alan REALLY needs to either have some realistic negative emotion or another human character altogether just for said normal reactions. I mean, seriously, I'd be pretty pissed or at least a little depressed if my idols promptly smashed my own face in.
I guess I'm fine!!?? He got punched in the BALLS. I have been kicked in my balls and I can tell you it's no pleasant experience. He should be pissed, or at least a little sour.
I guess I'm fine!!?? He got punched in the BALLS. I have been kicked in my balls and I can tell you it's no pleasant experience. He should be pissed, or at least a little sour.
OMG so much prejudice. He needs to do SOMETHING to retaliate if only to those who hurt him.
must... suck... up... to... ponies. glorious equestria... manchild orgasm overload unf i came
I'm not even going to justify myself for writing this comment, I'm just openly ridiculing this because it's awful and I stand to that.