Interesting. There are some grammatical problems - clauses shouldn't be sentences, and maybe you should just use regular paragraphs, but it looks okay so far. I'll follow this.
Hence why I said "nearly". I would much prefer that over blatant misspellings and downright clunky-sounding writing (not that there aren't a couple of places in there).
Let me correct all of that. After reading your comment, I went over the first chapter again, followed by the second. Maybe I was more tired than I'd thought or something, because a lot of errors started to stand out to me all of the sudden. You were right about what you said, as well as what LittleKahn said. The whole oddly structured paragraphs were a bit grating, as well as the lack of commas and other things.
As for the author I have this to say:
That house has lights on. Therefore the ponies inside are eating food. That house's light just turned off. So those ponies just finished eating food and are now digesting it. While sleeping with food in their stomach. The lights in that house just turned on. Those ponies are probably cooking their food.
I'll use this as a prime example to help you correct some other errors in this chapter and the previous. To start off, instead of making each of those points a separate two sentences, you could very well use a colon in their place at the first period. Additionally, I don't know if it's a formatting error, but just make this all one paragraph without any extra lines. Also the part about sleeping with food in their stomachs is a little clunky and overall unnecessary. I would either remove it, or rework it to better fit the sentence. So corrected I think (unless Stone Mason says otherwise) it would look something like this:
That house has lights turned on: therefore the ponies inside are eating food. That house's light just turned off: so those ponies just finished eating food and are now digesting it; slumbering off their meal. The light in that house turned on: those ponies are probably cooking their meal.
6047301 That. Is not wrong. I'll go through the chapters and make some changes. 6047704 You have pointed out my errors sir. When I sat down to write this I decided to do something a little different in my writing. The result was short sentences, lots of short sentences. [Insert response from above.] 6048194 Ah yes, I may have gone too far with my mature tagging and ignoring the gore tag. I am planning to include some quote 'Gory' stuff. But until I actually write it and put it in the story, it shall remain as just mature.
Interesting. There are some grammatical problems - clauses shouldn't be sentences, and maybe you should just use regular paragraphs, but it looks okay so far. I'll follow this.
6047301
Hence why I said "nearly". I would much prefer that over blatant misspellings and downright clunky-sounding writing (not that there aren't a couple of places in there).Let me correct all of that. After reading your comment, I went over the first chapter again, followed by the second. Maybe I was more tired than I'd thought or something, because a lot of errors started to stand out to me all of the sudden. You were right about what you said, as well as what LittleKahn said. The whole oddly structured paragraphs were a bit grating, as well as the lack of commas and other things.
As for the author I have this to say:
I'll use this as a prime example to help you correct some other errors in this chapter and the previous. To start off, instead of making each of those points a separate two sentences, you could very well use a colon in their place at the first period. Additionally, I don't know if it's a formatting error, but just make this all one paragraph without any extra lines. Also the part about sleeping with food in their stomachs is a little clunky and overall unnecessary. I would either remove it, or rework it to better fit the sentence. So corrected I think (unless Stone Mason says otherwise) it would look something like this:
6047301 That. Is not wrong. I'll go through the chapters and make some changes.
6047704 You have pointed out my errors sir. When I sat down to write this I decided to do something a little different in my writing. The result was short sentences, lots of short sentences. [Insert response from above.]
6048194 Ah yes, I may have gone too far with my mature tagging and ignoring the gore tag. I am planning to include some quote 'Gory' stuff. But until I actually write it and put it in the story, it shall remain as just mature.