A cyan pegasus walked through the halls of the Crystal Palace. Instead of a bright sky blue and prismatic mane, her coat was unusually dull and her eyes were snake-like and crimson. Her hoof-steps were unusually silent as she went down the dark hallways. Guards didn't even notice her as she passed them. 'I forgot how weird it is to use my shadow walking around other ponies,' was her only thought as she turned a corner and exited the castle through an open window. Out in the moonlight her colors returned and she flew into town before landing in an alley.
Rainbow Dash looked at all the buildings as she passed and remembered her days as a foal. She used to play in town with the other children when her and her father got into a fight. Her memories were interrupted by a Crystal Guard, "Hey! What are you doing out here?" Dash turned around and took him in. He was a fairly large pegasus, he had a gray coat and a cropped brown mane.
"Sorry, just for a midnight stroll. Felt a little cramped in the castle."
"Due to the threat nopony is allowed outside after 10 'o clock. If you will please follow me-" The guard was cut off by Dash, well, dashing away. She chuckled to herself as she flew low against the buildings, blending in with the shadows. She felt kinda bad about just ditching him, but she wanted to explore her old home.
"This place hasn't changed much," Then she thought about it, "Well okay, I guess it has." Rainbow was currently walking around the back of the castle, her eyes a pale crimson as she used her magic to blend in with the darkness. She found a crack in the castle wall. It was just barely big enough to fit a filly maybe Scootaloo's size in it. But Dash knew what was inside. She forgot about her magic being detected as she focused and her form became completely shadows. She slipped through the crack, it carried on as tunnel that went underground before opening into a small cavern.
Dash let go of her magic and her hooves touched the stone floor. Inside the cave there was a small stream with rare crystals growing form the wall her it entered. There were also a few toys that had decayed in the millennium they endured without a caring touch. A breeze blew in from the tunnel, ruffling her feathers as she looked around her old safe haven. She would go down there as a filly to get away from everything, it was one of the few places her father's guard didn't know about. Her ear twitched and she realized the shadow's position were changing, meaning that the sun was rising. With barely a thought, shadows consumed the mare and she was back in her room in the castle.
make chapters longer, like 5 or more times what you have here + let her have shadow wings (#google that)
YEESSSSS A NEW CHAPTER! Please make them a little longer though.
I agree, we are waiting too long for chapters that are too short.
I really enjoyed this story. Slight grammar issues, nothing major. The length of the chapters, if this is your prefered writing style, then ignore me. The chapters just seem rushed and unorganized if this is the first story you've made; CONGRATULATIONS! You are an amazing up and coming author, this is an original idea and you pulled it off exceptionally well. Sorry, got off topic there, try making the chapters a little longer I'm not forcing you to change, but that is the main thing holding this story back from greatness. Other than that, all I can really say is keep up the good work and I hope to see a new chapter soon.
I like this story
I WILL CLAIM IT FOR THE MOTHERLAND
Stabs flag though the computer.
cdn.flaggenplatz.de/media/catalog/product/detail/udssr-sowjetunion-flagge-2059.jpg
Fuck. Do you know how BADLY I want to copy that idea!
...
That's it. After I publish my Twivine story, I'm gonna start writing a story about Fluttershy being his daughter.
Twilight? We already had.
Applejack? My first idea, but nah. I like the apple family, even though I'm sooo against traditions in general.
Rarity? We already have Nightmare Rarity.
Pinkie Pie? Alicorn story. I'm working with a friend on it.
Rainbow Dash? Again, stolen idea.
Fluttershy? Why the fuck not?
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Hey! Sorry it takes forever for me to reply and post, but thanks! No, this is not my first story, and I don't usually write such short chapters. This was just an expirement that I didn't expect to go anywhere. I promise I'm going to try make bigger chapter!
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Haha, I didn't think anybody would like this idea. But thanks for thinking it was good! I will definitely check out your stories (that Fluttershy one sounds pretty good ).
6254129 Still a work in progress. I'll inform you, when it's out.
I like the story idea, keep going! I also have a little idea you can maybe use later in the story, what if Sombra tries to attack the mane six and Dash protects them with her dark magic and that they then discover everything about her origin. Of course we have the fact that Sombra exploded or something, but it is only brainstorming feel free to do with it what you want.
I'm really loving your story so far! I like the. Idea of Rainbow being Sombra's daughter!
Also, if you don't mind my asking, will the next chapter be out soon?
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I have an idea like that, but I don't know how to get from where I am at to there just yet.
If you have any other ideas that you think might make the story better please let me know!
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I am currently working on the next chapter. I had a brain fart so I couldn't remember what I wanted to do with it, but I'm fixing it up!
6295486 Okay.
Continue it
This is too awesome ;-;
Well, the idea is very interesting and unique; the only thing I have to whine about is how the chapters are so short. So far, so good.
Keep Writing!
I request that you follow the correct response when writing a story such as this. construct more chapters...failure to do so will result in your destruction. please have a nice day.
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Pfft...snerk...HA HA HA HA HA!