I don't understand who initially rated your story 0 stars. That was uncalled for. Your story takes an interesting twist other than the other side-stories. Where instead of a Zebra in Equestria, you're featuring the exact opposite. I'll be sure to be a frequent visitor to your story.
30687 Thanks! I'm glad you find it interesting. I choose the zebra home land for bunch of different reasons one of which is that there just isn't that much information about it. This gives me more freedom to work with and a chance for us to see how the war affected the zebras. And other reasons as well but more on that in upcoming chapters.
Pace seems a bit off right now, but that should resolve itself as you expand side characters and locations. Much of your dialogue is information dumping, which isn't a BAD thing, just makes it a bit slow for those of us who already read Fallout Equestria 24-7. The transition from 'i saved you' to 'student for the next few years' was surprising. I guess there just wasn't so obvious an emotional connection that i was ready for it.
an example of unnecessary info dumping would be the section on Poison joke, which is used to flesh out the single paragraph on Zaeryl's teaching. while a nice reference, it is placed right after "Gathering plants and learning which were safe and which were poisonous." suggesting you were gathering poisonous plants too. If so, why describe one in so much detail if it isn't important (even if it will be important later, describe it then so that people can remember).
Don't let my, or anypony's criticism, stop you from writing. You've put out quite a bit of content over the last few days and it shows promise. Keep it up.
I don't understand who initially rated your story 0 stars. That was uncalled for.
Your story takes an interesting twist other than the other side-stories. Where instead of a Zebra in Equestria, you're featuring the exact opposite. I'll be sure to be a frequent visitor to your story.
30687
Thanks! I'm glad you find it interesting. I choose the zebra home land for bunch of different reasons one of which is that there just isn't that much information about it. This gives me more freedom to work with and a chance for us to see how the war affected the zebras. And other reasons as well but more on that in upcoming chapters.
I love the story so far.
Pace seems a bit off right now, but that should resolve itself as you expand side characters and locations.
Much of your dialogue is information dumping, which isn't a BAD thing, just makes it a bit slow for those of us who already read Fallout Equestria 24-7.
The transition from 'i saved you' to 'student for the next few years' was surprising. I guess there just wasn't so obvious an emotional connection that i was ready for it.
an example of unnecessary info dumping would be the section on Poison joke, which is used to flesh out the single paragraph on Zaeryl's teaching. while a nice reference, it is placed right after "Gathering plants and learning which were safe and which were poisonous." suggesting you were gathering poisonous plants too. If so, why describe one in so much detail if it isn't important (even if it will be important later, describe it then so that people can remember).
Don't let my, or anypony's criticism, stop you from writing. You've put out quite a bit of content over the last few days and it shows promise. Keep it up.
Woha soo much disrupted flow.
Also im revoking your right to capslock and exclamation marks.
I do have one little thing; Shouldn't 'feet' be replaced with 'hooves'
97963 There! All better!