A Joke Gone Too Far

by Nivarion

Breakfast

Twilight sighed and looked in the mirror again. So today was off to a bad start, at least the rest of her day couldn't get any worse. Twilight brushed her teeth, taking great care to not disturb the spot of her tongue she had bit through, combed her mane and stepped out of the bathroom.

As soon as she hit the air on the other side of the door, steam began to rise from her coat. Really, crystal was a horrible construction material. The the whole thing rang like a bell whenever Derpy delivered a package, the whole of the upper floors acted like a giant greenhouse and the floor got horribly slick when wet. Though maybe the heating problem could be solved some minor enchantments. Maybe she could harness water vapor to cool the castle?

Thoughts of a possible air conditioning device filling her mind, Twilight continued on her way downstairs to the kitchens for some much needed food. Unfortunately she was following in the steps of a very wet dragon as he walked on a staircase made of pure crystal. In her distracted state Twilight stepped in a a puddle and for the third time that day found herself in gravity's unforgiving steely grasp as she fell head over hooves down the stairs. Instinctively the Alicorn grabbed her magic and made a teleport for the safe room.

The next few seconds were strange. First was a sensation, very much like having a hammer smash into her horn, followed by a loud ringing and the smell of copper and sulfur. Following that sensation was one that felt like bouncing off of a step and ending with a sensation akin to slamming into a wall at full speed. While the three were common to magical burn out, the second two were common to falling down stairs and slamming into a wall.

"Well, at least it won't get any worse than this." she to herself, unaware of how creative the evil bastard controlling her reality could be.. Slowly and carefully Twilight stood. Beyond having banged up her flanks pretty bad, she wasn't too bad off for having fallen down the stairs. Her cutie mark might have some extra purple thrown in for few days though. Of much worse concern was the anvil chorus being actively rehearsed inside of her head that told her that she'd burned herself out... again, and would be going without magic for a couple of days while her thaumaturgic well recovered.

While that was a pain in the plot, it wasn't something Twilight would really concern herself with on an empty stomach. So onward to the kitchen! Twilight's stomach rumbled as she entered the clean new kitchen. The kitchen the Tree of Harmony had built for her was quite frankly absurd, larger even than the kitchens of Canterlot Castle. The room echoed like a cave. It was empty, due to the re-re-re-re building of Ponyville under her direction, combined with the number of experiments Twilight had been working on and the number of replacement books to hunt down.

Twilight limped her way towards the coffee pot on the far side the room and started a small one of her favorite blend. Next to the pantry for a bowl and the last little bit of her favorite cereal, bran flakes with freeze dried strawberries and a light frosty coating to add just that needed touch of sweetness. Pouring carefully Twilight managed to get the last of it out without getting any of those nasty crumbs in the that made a nasty mush in the bottom of the bowl, quite an achievement for somepony not used to using her mouth for such an activity. After that she set the bowl on the table, retrieved the milk from the icebox and put it next to the cereal as her coffee finished perk'ing. Twilight poured a mug, managing to only spill a little, and opened the cupboard above the coffee machine to get the sugar and creamer down with careful hooves before using her magic to shut the cupboard.

Coffee was a drink that not everypony enjoyed, though there were hundreds of ways to have it. Twilight had found her favorite years ago; drown the drink in sugar and cream. Yes, that was the best way to enjoy such a wonderful morning ritual. After several seconds of pouring the sugar, it looked like there finally was enough. No, Twilight did not put too much sugar in her coffee, as had been suggested last weekend by a certain pink mare. A suggestion that had appalled Twilight, when she considered who was making it.

Nearly doubling the volume of the cup with warm cream, Twilight stirred the lovely drink and took a deep whiff of it. Her favorite grind, imported from Coltlumbia, and roasted to a dark brown. Twilight, picked up the saucer in mouth and turned to walk to the table. But instead of getting to the table, Twilight instead got an eyefull of the corner of a cupboard door. The cupboard rudely reminding her that she had not shut with magic, on account of having no magic.

Hot coffee splashed up and over her face, and the burns she already had, causing the Alicorn to cry out as her senses were assaulted again with unexpected pain. "Why!" Twilight cried as she tried to wipe the burning, yet richly flavored and expensive, fluid from her face. As she did so her back hoof slipped in the coffee on the floor, depositing her on the floor with all the grace one would expect of a princess... A princess charading a tree after an appointment with a lumberjack.

A new pain made itself known to Equestria's newest ruler as shards of a once favorite 'Most Faithful Student' mug were introduced to space below said ruler's skin. "GAH!" Twilight cried out, rolling off of the offending mess. She'd clean that latter. First, she had to stand and get at least one shard of invading material from her backside. Standing to make use of the sunlight shining through the kitchen window, Twilight looked over her shoulder to begin removing the bits and pieces. She had no sooner finished removing the last piece of white porcelain when the muscles of her neck cramped hard. Puling her neck hard to get said cramps out, Twilight's face and the cupboard had a joyful and heartfelt reunion before her face remembered why it had left the abusive cabinet in the first place.

Twilight yelped, holding a hoof over the other eye. "Wow, one of those days huh?" she asked herself, carefully pouring and preparing another mug of morning fixer. "Well, I'll show this day! I'm going to enjoy my coffee, and have a good rest of the day!" she said to no one in particular.
Twilight made it to the table with the other half of her joe safely this time, settled down with her food and poured in the milk. She'd probably be able to finish that, get upstairs and have a nice shower before Spike came back with Rarity. With an excited smile, she took the first bite. Then the smile went flat, followed by a scrunch.
She had been expecting a wonderfully crunchy experience with a light hint of strawberries set in against the mild flavor of whole milk. What she got instead was wonderfully crunchy with a hint of Strawberries and the powerful kick to the teeth of curdling milk. "Bleh!" Twilight spat the spoon of ruined food back into it's bowl and looked at the gallon. The expiration was for nearly a week out.

Shaking her head, Twilight grabbed her cup of coffee and took a nice sip of it. Though for the second time that morning, coffee proved to itself to be an enemy of the state as it betrayed the purple pony princess. Pain flooded her mouth, radiating out from the spot where she had but her tongue earlier. In an instinctive action that would make Rarity faint, Twilight did a full spit take all over the floor. Breakfast ruined forever, Twilight ran at full tilt to the sink to get a sip of something to cool the terrible burning sensation, when again Twilight lost her footing, flipped head over heels and slit across the floor till she came to a rest against the wall of the kitchen.

"I'm sensing a theme." Twilight said dryly.

"Yes indeed, Twilight Sparkle! You seem to be having a really exciting day!" Twlight groaned as Discord flew over her in a jetpack. "My oh my! This could be really fun to watch! Too bad I can't though."

"Discord!" Twilight shouted from her weak position on the floor. "You're behind this? How could you! I thought you learned your lesson about this type of thing!" Twilight shouted, as the Draconequus landed, though some of her thunder was stolen by her belly up position.

"Twilight, I'm absolutely hurt!" Discord said, clutching his mismatched hands to his chest. "Why how could you just rip my poor heart like that?" As he said it, Discord pulled his heart from his chest. The heard was dressed in ragged clothes with an overgrown beard and a "Will beat for friendship" sign in it's little heart arms. "Oh the agony!" Discord said throwing his hobo heart over his shoulder. "But in reality, I just want to deliver a message to good friend of mine, from a good friend of mine. It shoul-"

"I"m not in the mood for your games today Discord! GET OUT!" Twilight would have hit him a magic bolt, but she couldn't . "JUst leave me aLONE!"

Discord blinked and his mouth hung open. "But... But I did-"

"OUT!" Twilight shouted and with a snap and a loud raspberry Discord vanished, leaving Twilight staring at the ceiling.

Author's Note:

Is this funny? I can't tell, it's 5:30, and I can't sleep. Ponies plague my mind, dancing a horrible dance with my OC characters of bugging me every time I try to sleep. I was going somewhere with this, but right now, I can't remember where. Sadly, most of this chapter is based on personal experience(s)

Ah well. I'm gonna post it anyways, because I'm insane.

Comments

[PonyJosiah13]

at least she'd be able to get the rest of her day couldn't get any worse

Sentences like these need to be reformatted.

thaumaturgic well

What??

Aside from the forgivable mistakes in formatting, this is an enjoyable story, filled with good slapstick humor and showing excellent promise. I will look forward to the next chapters.

[Nivarion]

5811503 haha and thats why i shouldn't edit a piece while stupid tired.

This is an alternate universe setting of my own creation. I'll be fleshing it out as i release things but, a thurmaturgic well (as far as these stories go) is what a magic user draws from. The fuller it is, the quicker it fills. Going empty like Twi just did is a burn out and she'll have no magic for a couple of days.